The Fireman I Loved to Hate by Jenna Gunn

Chapter 21

I’m in my car before I can think of what I’m doing. I need to see Alex. Once I’m on the road, though, I realize I have no idea what hospital he’s at and it’s beginning to mist. I call Lynn since she knows the area better than I do. She’s out of breath and asks, “Hon, did you see-”

“The news?”

“You sound strange, like you’re down a hallway.”

“I’m driving to the hospital to see him. I have you on speakerphone.”

“So, you saw it?”

I nod pointlessly. “Yes, I saw. Do you know what hospital that was?”

“St. Francis.”

“Thank you so much, I have to go.”

“Tell him hi for us,” she giggles.

I look the hospital up on my phone for directions. It’s pretty much a straight shot there, and my mind tries to zone out like I usually do on long drives. But I can’t. All I can think of is that I need to see Alex. The image of his hospital gown is burned on my brain and I can’t think of anything else.

The hospital is just outside of Charleston. It’s nice, but busy. I circle the parking lot and the lack of parking feelings like yet another barrier between me and Alex. I give up trying to find something close and opt for a far away spot. It’s fine, as long as it doesn’t rain.

I’m thirty feet away from my car when I think, I should have brought an umbrella. The rain wasn’t too bad at first, but soon, it’s coming down in sheets. By the time I make it to the big glass doors, I am soaked. Once I’m inside the air conditioning, I’m freezing and goosebumps prickle all over my skin. I’m convinced my clothes will freeze onto my skin if I don’t keep moving.

The lobby is teeming with life, from the long line at the receptionist’s desk to the occupied benches and seats. I stand shivering at the back of the line and taking it all in. Everything is so noisy, the shiny tile surfaces and walls reflect intercom voices and visitor chatter goes straight into my addled brain.

Hospitals are not happy places for anyone, and after dealing with my parents’ illnesses, the potted plant faux-cheeriness is a lot to take. The landscape paintings and crosses on the walls are supposed to bring comfort, but it doesn’t work on me. It’s almost as though each design quirk is there to lie to you.

I have tuned out the voices of the people around me already. I have to. I can’t absorb their misery as well, worrying about their loved ones. Instead, I practice what to say to Alex. The cold seeps into my bones and water drips from my hair down my back.

Finally, I’m almost at the front of the line. The woman in front of me drops her shoulders. She’s dressed to the nines, but her face sags when she turns around. She’s angry and disappointed. I felt bad for her. I can’t imagine what terrible news she just got.

The receptionist huffs, “Yes?” She’s got twenty years on me and has a gray-streaked bun. Her nametag reads Brenda.

“Hi, there. Um, I am looking for Alex Whitmore’s room.”

“You and every other girl here.” She gestures to the room around me.

I glance around and realize that every other person in the lobby is a well-dressed woman. Some are near my age, but all of them have their hair and makeup perfect. I ask the receptionist, “Why?”

“Same as you. They saw the firefighter’s interview and fell in love. Move along, Ma’am, someone in this line might actually need legitimate help. Please step aside.”

I shake my head and look at her again, “No, I actually know Alex.”

“I’m sure you do. Next in line!” she leans around me.

“No, not next, me!” I snap at the woman behind me. She takes a surprised step back. I whip my head back around and tell Brenda, “Call him and tell him-”

“Ma’am, I-”

“You tell him Raina Groves would like to see him.”

“Honey, I have had his ‘sisters’, ‘cousins’, three of his ‘mothers’, and none of them have checked out but one.” She types onto her keyboard and says, “I have a list of approved people on his visitor list, and you are not on it.”

“But I have to see him!” I feel bad for yelling, but I am beginning to panic. A security guard sits next to her and he watches my freak out. “I’m sorry. I’m just worried for my friend. Please call him and tell him Raina Groves is here to visit him.”

She says, “Ms. Groves, if you don’t-”

“Excuse me,” a woman behind me says. I spin on her and almost snap. But there’s something about her. She’s around my height, with short-cropped brown hair and a tiny little girl on her hip. “Raina? Raina Groves?”

“Yes?”

She grins and shakes my shaking hand, but her hand retracts fast. “Oh, you’re frozen! You poor thing.”

I nod, but I’m confused. “And who are you?”

“I’m Alyssa Marks. I’m Alex’s sister.”

My heart starts to pound in my ears. Is she going to tell me to leave?

Alyssa smiles at the receptionist. “It’s okay, I’ll vouch for her.” She says to me, “Come on. I’ll take you to see Alex.”

Brenda shrugs and turns to deal with the next woman in line, as I follow behind Alyssa. My teeth chatter as I tell her, “Thank you.”

“Of course,” she says with a smile. We stop at the elevator doors and she says, “I have a change of clothes in my car, if you want it.”

“I-I’m fine,” I stammer, then tuck my hands under my arms for warmth.

“Well,” she adds, “There’s a gift shop on the second floor. And it’s even colder in Alex’s room. And, you’re dripping.” She glances down at my feet.

So, I look there too. She’s right, I’m trailing a mess. “Maybe the gift shop would be a good idea,” I agree.

“I’ll take you there,” she says with a smile.

The doors slide open and we go inside. The toddler is unconscious, her head resting on Alyssa’s shoulder and her mouth wide open. “She’s tuckered out.”

“Yeah, we’ve been here a while,” she presses the button for the second floor. “We’re going home in a couple minutes.”

“Am I holding you up?”

“Nah,” she shakes her head.

I look at her and wonder, Why is she helping me? What is happening right now?

When the door opens, there’s a long hallway with signs pointing in every direction. Alyssa, on the other hand, seems to know her way around. The gift shop doesn’t carry much in the way of clothes. There’s flowers, teddy bears, and balloons. I find my way to the tee shirts, none in my size. I grab the closest one and some brightly patterned leggings Lynn would love, along with some overpriced clogs.

Alyssa waits by the bathroom while I change into my new clothes, and I dump my wet clothes into the shopping bag. It’s nice to be dry again, but I look completely insane. But she says, “You look so much more comfortable now.”

“I look like a crazy person, but thank you.”

She giggles and says, “Well, at least you’re dry now.”

I nod. The elevator ride is longer this time. She hums and softly bounces her sleeping baby. I fidget in the strange clothes. They’re still stiff and smell like the hospital. I wonder if I’ll catch something by wearing unwashed hospital clothes.

When the elevator doors open again, my stomach throbs and I remember I haven’t had supper yet. I also haven’t thought of what to say to Alex. Alyssa takes the lead again, thankfully. She quietly says, “He might be asleep.”

“Then should I even be here?”

“It’ll be fine. I’m sure he’ll perk right up when he sees you. Don’t worry.”

I’ve been trying hard not to glance into the open rooms as we pass. The stress of being in a hospital is draining me. I can’t let myself think about my surroundings and I keep drawing a blank when think of Alex, so my mind keeps bouncing between the two topics with each step. Left, hospital. Right, Alex.

Alyssa stops and opens a door, and I freeze up. There’s a big window with white curtains. There’s a vase of daisies on the windowsill. I can only see the bottom half of the bed. But then I hear, “Lyssi!” and my feet propel me into the room behind her.

“Hey, you,” she says to him.

I gently shut the door. When I come around the curtain, he’s grinning at Alyssa and her baby. His hospital gown looks too small for his shoulders. He’s got an IV and an oxygen tube under his nose. His stubble is shading along his jawline, and he’s even sexier. His eyes light up when he sees me, and his mouth drops open in disbelief. “Raina?”

“Found her wandering around like a lost puppy in the lobby,” Alyssa says sweetly.

“Hi,” I mumble.

For a few long, awkward moments, no one speaks. The only sound is the TV in the corner.

Alyssa finally breaks the tension with, “Well, I need to get this one home.”

“Pet Cocoa for me,” Alex tells her, then yawns.

Alyssa grins at him without replying. Before she shuts the door, she gives him a smirk and a wink. And suddenly, we are alone.

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