A Grey Wolves Howliday (The Grey Wolves #14) by Quinn Loftis

After Fane had declared a break from the Christmas preparations, Wadim had been in a lighthearted mood, thinking he and Zara would get to spend some time together. Wadim loved to play with his mate. It didn’t matter the game. He loved board games, wrestling, or a particular favorite of his—chase in the woods—even if she was in her human form. Maybe especially if she was in her human form. Wadim just loved being with her. He hadn’t been prepared for Zara to tell him what he’d been longing to hear. He’d been ready to wait years, especially after he found out everything she’d endured.

Wadim heard the door open at the top of the stairs. Her soft footsteps were slow, almost hesitant. He hated that he’d made her feel unsure. That he’d made her doubt his feelings and desire for her. “Get it together.” His wolf growled at him. And the beast was right. Wadim needed to pull himself together so he could be what his mate needed. He had to try and understand her choice, even if it made him feel inadequate. It wasn’t about him. This was about Zara.

When her form rounded the bottom of the staircase and she came into view, her beauty knocked the breath out of him, as it always did. She was a miracle. Wadim had given up on the idea of a true mate, but then there she was, crashing into him. From the moment he’d touched her, he hadn’t wanted to stop. And he rarely wasn’t touching her when they were together. They stood only fifteen feet apart, and yet it felt like there was a massive chasm between them.

Zara’s eyes were on the floor. She chewed on her bottom lip and clasped her hands tightly in front of her. But her shoulders weren’t slumped, and that gave Wadim hope that he hadn’t completely crushed her. If he had, Wadim was pretty sure his wolf would have forced his phase and ran until neither of them could stand as a punishment “I may yet.” The beast rumbled.

Wadim simply stared. After several moments passed, Zara broke the silence. “You said we needed to talk.” It had only been a couple hours since he’d seen her, but he’d missed her.

He walked toward her and watched as her shoulders tensed. When he stood directly in front of her, his breath brushed against her hair, and her scent filled his lungs, Wadim reached for her but paused. “I need to hold you.” His voice was almost gravelly. “May I?”

Zara’s eyes lifted to his, her brow drawn down deep. “Why would you ask? You’re my mate. You never have to ask.”

His heart pounded painfully in his chest. He hadn’t felt like he had the right to touch her, not after how he’d made her feel. She must have heard those thoughts through their bond.

Zara grabbed his hands and pulled him until his arms were wrapped around her. She placed her hands on his chest and ran them up to his shoulders, then around his neck. “You always have the right to touch me, unless I tell you otherwise. In fact, not touching me is the issue. I need you to trust me. Trust my judgment for what I am or am not ready for.”

Wadim heard her words and felt the passion in them. He focused on how she felt in his arms. The last week had been tense. There’d been little touching and all of it entirely too fleeting. He pulled her tighter against him and buried his face in her neck. “I’m sorry,” he said through their bond. The words were stuck in his throat, along with all of his emotions. “I’m scared.” Wadim opened the bond on his end completely so she could see everything he’d kept from her. The breath fled her lungs, and her hands tightened on his neck.

“You would never hurt me or scare me, Wadim.” The words were spoken with conviction. “The only thing that could hurt me is your rejection.”

“I wasn’t rejecting you.” He finally managed to make his voice work. Though he hated to pull back, he needed to look at her eyes. Zara tilted her head back so she could look up at him. “I would never. I was protecting you.”

She shook her head. “Sometimes you won’t know whether protection is what I really need. I know what I’ve been through, mate.” Her mouth tightened briefly. “I will continue to work through that, but I also know that I’m ready to replace those memories with beautiful ones. With you.”

“I want to give you that.” He couldn’t hide the desire in his voice. “Did it ever occur to you I wanted to kiss all the scars on your beautiful body? That I needed to show you that you are perfect to me in every way?” Wadim wanted to take the words back because he’d just made it about himself, despite the fact that he had already told himself not to do that.

“And do you really think I didn’t already know that?” Zara challenged, her eyes narrowing on him. “Wadim, I’ve seen myself through your eyes. I realize my insecurity made me jump to the conclusion that you were disgusted with me, but I know better. You’ve never given me a reason to doubt you. My own past did that.

“Even though he’s gone, I’ve still had to see what he’s left me with every time I look in the mirror. But now…” Her voice filled with wonder and her eyes lit up as she smiled. “Yes, I still have memories. That will take more time to deal with, but knowing my body is not marked by him any longer is more than I ever hoped for.” Zara tugged the ends of his hair as if she were trying to make sure she had his undivided attention. “And I can already tell you will feel guilty because you find my body attractive without the scars, as if that will make me think you weren’t attracted to me before.” She pursed her lips at him. “But I know that’s a lie. You can be attracted to me both ways. One feeling doesn’t diminish the other. I would be attracted to you whether you had a smoking hot body or not. I would still desire you even if you were pudgy and bald.”