Dirty Toe Drag by Toni Aleo

Chapter Six

Wes

I’m lyingon my stomach next to Zac as he coos and babbles while I play Call of Duty with his dad and uncle.

He’s a cute kid, Zac is. He’s got these wide eyes that I swear he looks through your soul with. But yet, he’s a potato. He just lies there, making noises, demanding food and sleep. He’s basically living the good life. I’m jealous. I am excited for when he can skate, though. I’m gonna show him the coolest moves. I’m hoping Aiden has a boy so we can teach him the same, and also, so Aiden isn’t broke. If that baby takes after her mom, God help him. Shelli is so over-the-top extra. She bought bedazzled pens so that when we sign our contracts, we feel special.

I don’t care if I’m signing with my bloody limb. Just give me a stick and pay me.

She’s insane but a good girl. Kind. Wholesome and supportive, and I appreciate her. I miss that support—not that my dad wasn’t supportive before, but through my teenage years, I solely depended on everyone else’s moms to support me. That’s hard when everyone wants their son to be the next Shea Adler or Lucas Brooks. I was a damn good scorer and always shone, and no one wanted me to.

So, I did it just to piss people off.

Not healthy, and I learned that once I was put in court-ordered therapy. But hey, I made it.

Sorta. Kinda? Maybe.

Not sure why I’m thinking of that right now. Probably because I still feel beaten up after my therapy session. My head hurts, not because of my broken nose but totally because Noelle mindfucked me. As always. I really don’t know how I am going to progress without her. I know I need to stay positive, but shit, I’m going to miss her.

I don’t know how we got put on baby duty, but Posey was quick to pass the baby off and leave. Don’t blame her, though. Babies are hard, and a day of shopping with her mom and sister is way easier. When I get shot in the game, I throw down my controller and lean toward Zac, putting his paci back in his mouth. “I’m not feeling it.”

Aiden and Boon are both deep in their games, trying not to die like their fallen comrade. “Want a beer?” Boon asks, and I shake my head.

“No, I don’t like drinking after my therapy. I don’t want to develop a habit, so I usually wait a solid few days before doing that.”

“Yeah, that’s smart, man.”

It is and something a lot of players resort to. Can’t handle feelings? Drink or fuck. It’s the common vice. Not for me, though. I learned all that real early.

“Shelli went to my aunt’s and brought some badass cupcakes here. Want one of those?”

I do love cupcakes. “Nah, I’m not in the cupcake mood.”

“I can order a hooker for tonight,” Aiden supplies next, and I grin as Boon laughs.

“I don’t pay for sex. I’m not ugly like you,” I call to him, and he chuckles loudly. I also don’t like fucking when I feel like this. I feel like I get crazed for the release and the control. Just with how I started the fight, I do that with sex when I feel a sense of control being taken from me or I’m overwhelmed. While therapy is a mindfuck, it has helped me. I know my triggers. I know who I am, and it is very hard to like myself. “I just need to process. I hate that Noelle is leaving.”

“I know, dude. That fucking blows,” Boon says, throwing his controller to the carpet when he loses. “Fuckers.”

I nod at our shared dismay of losing. Aiden is still in the game, as always. “I’m just over everything. You guys see SportsCenter this morning? Peca is out for the season.”

They both are sullen at that. “Yeah, I saw. Stella is taking him cupcakes.”

Oh, hearing her name brings tingles to my skin.

Yeah.

Just those four letters have my heart beating out of my chest. I act very unaffected by his sister’s name, and I set him with a look. “Hey, your season is over, but here are some cupcakes,” I tease, and he nods.

“Hey, cupcakes can fix anything. Especially my aunt’s cupcakes,” Aiden says, almost like a promise. “When I was a kid, I lived with her and my mom until my dad came into our lives. But anytime I was sad or really happy, Audrey would make cupcakes.”

“I mean, if there is a magic cupcake to help when you’re losing your therapist, shit, sign me up. Good thing my doctor figured out I’m not actually allergic to gluten.”

He winks back at me. “I’ll ask. But really, it was how she coped. She didn’t have it easy with guys before my uncle Tate.”

“How did it feel to be surrounded by greatness growing up?” Boon asks, and Aiden grins.

“Fantastic but then super fucking overwhelming. I had to live up to them or I was a failure.”

Boon nods then. “Ah, Posey told me that once, since Shelli’s so incredible.”

“Yeah, Posey gets it. Not that I agree, ya know,” Aiden says quickly, looking to Boon. “I think Posey is awesome.”

Boon laughs. “I know, dude. Relax.”

Aiden flashes him a grin before looking back at the TV to continue his game. When Zac starts to fuss, Boon moves to get him, but I’m closer. I slowly lift the sack of potatoes in my arms, leaning him on my chest and patting his butt. Boon seems impressed. “I thought you didn’t have siblings?”

“I don’t,” I say with a grin. “But one of the houses I was placed in growing up was a designated foster home, and there were babies galore since a lot of people were on crack and got their kids taken away.”

Boon raises a brow at me. “You were in foster care?”

I continue soothing Zac. “I’ve told you that.”

“No, you haven’t.”

Aiden agrees, “Yeah, this is the first I’m hearing this too.”

“How long were you in foster care?”

When I joined the Assassins, I told the guys my mom died giving birth to me and my dad raised me on my own because that was easier than admitting the truth. Now that I’ve been in therapy with Noelle, I’m more comfortable telling the truth.

But I’m still not ashamed of my foster care days. At the time, it was the only option for me, and I was safe. It sucked since I couldn’t play hockey, but then one of my friend’s moms offered to take me in, and that worked out great. Cathy wasn’t my mom, but she was a great second, and when I signed my first contract into the NHL, I paid off her mortgage, while my buddy, Jesse Policaki, who plays for the IceCats, paid off her cars and all her debt. It was the least I could do. She took great care of me.

“Not long. Maybe a month? It sucked at first because I couldn’t play, but then my adopted mom fought to take me since they were dragging ass on her paperwork.”

“Cathy is your adopted mom? I thought she was your stepmom.”

A chill runs down my spine. My body freezes, and I feel like I might puke. “Oh, fuck no. She’s adopted. She’s an angel.”

“Oh, my bad. Sorry,” Aiden says quickly. “And you really don’t talk to your dad?”

I can’t answer him. I think Boon knows that too because he says, “That’s why your charity is the Nashville Angels.”

“Yup, very proud to support it since the foster home I was in was so over capacity, but they kept throwing kids into homes where they weren’t getting what they needed. We had no help back home, and I know Nashville has a great support system, but I want to help more. Kids deserve it. So, yeah, I’m good with kids because that’s what I did to pass time when I was in foster care. I’d take care of the babies and teach the older kids hockey.”

Aiden glances back at me. “That’s cool, dude.”

“Yeah, not all of us have a silver spoon in our mouths,” I tease, needing to lighten the mood. Thankfully, Aiden laughs, knowing good and well he has like six in his mouth. Must be nice. I mean, don’t get me wrong, my family wasn’t poor at all, but once I was taken from my dad, I never saw a lick of my mom’s life insurance money. I also never got any of the stuff she had. When I was removed from the home, I grabbed what I could, but it wasn’t nearly enough.

“Is that why you’re in therapy? I thought maybe it was for sex addiction,” Boon asks kindly, and I shake my head.

“Sex addiction,” I laugh, and he grins. “No, asshole, and the foster shit is a part of my healing but not the real reason.”

“Oh. Not to pry, but is it dealing with the grief over your mom? I know losing someone to cancer can be traumatizing.”

“Yeah, it was,” I say, and I don’t add anything else. I love my friends, they’re my boys, but I don’t talk about what happened. Hell, it took two years for me to fully admit it to Noelle. The only reason she knew was because it came in my previous therapist’s session notes. There were times when we would just stare at each other, and she was okay with it. Fuck, I don’t want to learn a new therapist. “Maybe I should get traded to Colorado to follow Noelle?”

Boon gives me a dry look. “We’ve had enough loss on this team. You can’t leave us.”

“For sure. I’ll be your damn therapist. I’ll listen and stuff a few of my silver spoons in your mouth,” Aiden says simply, and we all laugh at that.

“You know that, though. Right? That we’re here for you? We’ll listen?” Boon asks, and he’s such a good dude. He doesn’t ignore his feelings; he feels them, and he doesn’t care who knows. Aiden feels them, but he tries to hide them behind his tough dude exterior. Me, I’m just trying to survive.

“I know, bro. Thanks.”

Zac moves in my arms, and I hold him close to me as he sighs. I lean my chin on his little head and take in that baby smell. It’s soothing, even if it reminds me of a time I’d rather never think of. While there was more pain than I care to admit, there was also joy.

I’ve always figured I’d die alone. No woman would want to put up with the demons that ride me like a bull. I get that. My name and picture are in the dictionary next to “walking disaster,” and even with the loads of therapy I’ve done, I’m still a mess. But deep inside, I want one of these squishy potatoes. I want to be what I should have had. I want to protect. I want to love. I want to spoil. For that, though, I need a wife. A female willing to take me on, and I don’t know if she exists. It’s crazy the one I would want to take me on is Stella.

Not only would Aiden take out my knees, knowing I want her so much, but it wouldn’t be fair to Stella. That’s why I only wanted to have sex with her. Get my fill of that body and move on. More and more, though, talking to her and being on the receiving end of those grins has only made it harder for me not to want more from her. A life, if you will. She’s young, though. She’s beyond talented and so damn smart. Beautiful. Fuck, incredibly beautiful.

Yeah, Stella Brooks wouldn’t want me.

She’d run.

Which would be smart.