Breaking Free by Isabel Lucero

2

Jaydenand I ended up staying the night at the apartment of the girl he hooked up with. After my somewhat embarrassing moment in the bathroom, where I came all over the hand of a man whose name I don’t know after he only stroked me a handful of times, I didn’t see him again.

I awkwardly and swiftly cleaned myself up and fastened my jeans as he casually stood there, naked and confident, and almost smug.

I muttered a goodbye before rushing down the hall and back downstairs, searching for Jay so we could leave.

Now it’s ten past ten and I’m dressed and ready to go after having an uncomfortable night of sleep on a couch that was way too small for my frame.

“It was nice seeing you,” Jayden drawls, his muscular arm draped around Erin’s shoulders.

“You too. I might be down there in a month or so. Let’s meet up,” she replies with a grin, stretching up on her tiptoes to kiss him.

“You know how to get in touch.” He spanks her ass, making her squeal before finding my gaze. “You ready?”

“Yep.”

“Bye, Trent,” Erin says with a wave, making Jayden snort.

“Bye, Erin.”

“Oh. It’s Evelyn.”

“Ah.”

Jayden grabs my shoulder and spins me around, laughing as we make our way outside. “Guess I didn’t properly introduce you two.”

“You probably don’t need to.”

He chuckles deeply. “You’re probably right.”

“How far away is the frat house?”

“We only have to walk a block,” he answers, pulling his phone out of his pocket to read a text. “So what did you get up to last night?”

Memories flash in my mind. Naked man stepping out of the shower. Said man checking me out as I washed my hands. Towel-clad man asking me to spend some time in his room, and then all but forcing me to my knees to suck him off before making me come in a matter of seconds.

Heat travels up my neck, reaching my face as I think about it. I turn away so Jayden won’t notice.

“Not much. Got drunk.”

He’s quiet for several seconds before he jumps in front of me, walking backwards as he studies my face. “You’re lying.” His laugh is loud and full of joy. “You hooked up. Who was it with?”

I meet his stare. “I didn’t hook up with anyone.”

His megawatt smile widens, showing off his pearly white teeth. “You know I know everything, right? And if I don’t know it now, I will find out.”

I roll my eyes. “There’s nothing to find out.”

“Bro, it’s not like I’m gonna judge you for hooking up with someone you don’t know. We’re in fucking college. It’s like a right of passage or something.”

I chuckle and shake my head. “Believe me, I’ve already experienced that right of passage. Remember those chicks from the party at my house several months ago?”

His brows furrow. “Which ones?”

“Exactly. I don’t know. The following morning Dex told me I was making out with three girls. I don’t know who they were. I was shit-faced.”

Jayden laughs, unlocking his car with the key FOB, and the subject is dropped. After he starts the car, he sends a text to someone and then drops his phone in the cup holder.

“Men.”

I turn to look at him. “What?”

“Just this guy,” he says, pulling away from the road. “We messed around a few times a while back and he’s wanting to meet up, but I’m not into it. I’ve told him a few times, but he’s not taking the hint.”

“You don’t like him anymore?”

“I like him well enough, I guess, but he’s in the closet. It’s not really what I go for.”

My pulse spikes. “Why’s that?”

He glances at me before turning his attention to the road. “Look, don’t get me wrong, I get being in the closet. I was until two years ago, but now that I’m free to be me, I don’t want to hide again. Kind of like how Renzo felt. You remember what he went through before.”

“Right.” I stare out the window, thinking about how I may never have a chance with anyone if I’m still in the closet. “So this guy just wants to hook up in secret?”

“Yeah, which is fine if it’s just a hookup. I can do that one time and not think about it again, but we had several hookups, and I started to like him, which in itself is crazy, so I cut it off.”

“You don’t think he’ll come out?”

“Mm.” He rubs his chin. “His family is from the middle east. All he’s told me is that they’d never allow him to marry or love a man openly. I don’t think he’ll come out, and that makes me sad for him, but it’s also why I won’t tie myself to him either.”

“I get it.” I’m silent for a little while, but then I ask, “Were you afraid to come out?”

He laughs. “Are you kidding? I was terrified! Did you not sense my fear when I told you guys?”

I grin. “No, actually. You seemed so confident.”

“Fake it till you make it, I guess,” he says with another laugh. “I was definitely nervous, but I knew I was attracted to both guys and girls when I was like eleven, and I kept it a secret until I was eighteen. I couldn’t hide it any longer. My parents took it pretty decently, I guess. They were both shocked and questioned me several times on whether I was sure or not. But I was eighteen when I came out, and on my way to college, so what were they gonna do? Ground me?” He laughs. “Once they knew, I had a little more confidence telling my friends.”

I chew on my lip, wanting to ask more questions but knowing it would likely out me, because why would I care so much about how it feels to come out?

“Well, are you looking to settle down anytime soon, anyway? You seem pretty happy just doing your thing.”

“Ah,” he chuckles, his smile bright. “Eventually. I am pretty content not having to worry about committing.”

The conversation eventually shifts to football, as it usually does with us. “So, we’re getting a new guy,” I say.

He laughs. “Don’t let Watts get to you, man. I doubt this guy is gonna take your spot.”

“I’m not worried,” I tell him, though I’m not a hundred percent sure about that. “I mean, I know we have to have four on roster, but me and Deshawn have been the starters, and Travis and Dan are pretty good for backups.”

“Well, Dan’s gone,” Jayden says.

“Right, but what if this new guy is even better than me or Deshawn and he gets put out on the field as a starter?”

Jay laughs. “Sounds like you are a little worried.”

“I’m just not trying to get benched for some new kid who doesn’t even know this team.”

“You’ll be fine,” he says with all the confidence in the world. “So, tell me who you hooked up with. Was she a brunette? You like brunettes, don’t you?”

I spend the rest of our time in the car avoiding telling him about my bathroom hookup. I don’t even know why I don’t tell him. He’s not gonna judge me for liking guys, but every time I open my mouth with the thought to just say, I’m gay, I freeze up and panic and can’t bring myself to spit the words out.