Perfect Embrace by Kaylee Ryan
Chapter 23
Laken
It’s been four days since I’ve seen Grayson or the girls. When I’ve called to check on them, he’s sounded off. I hate that he’s doing this alone when I’m here to help him. I don’t know how else to get through to him that I’m here for all three of them. I want to be there helping him with the girls. I’ve done all that I can to keep my mind occupied, and I’ve ran more in the last four days than I have in months. Nothing I do helps alleviate this gut feeling that he’s pushing me away.
I tried calling him this morning when I knew he would have been on his way to the station, but he didn’t answer. So, drastic times and all that, I call my sister.
“Morning,” Lenora answers.
“Hey, what are your plans today?”
“Just organizing my life.” She chuckles. “Why? What’s up?”
“Would you mind coming to watch the store for me while I run to the station to see Grayson?” I ask her. Every time I go to put the Help Wanted sign up, I get distracted. I really do need to do that.
“He still acting weird?”
“I called him this morning, but he didn’t answer. I know he’s at the station. I can see his truck.”
“You know that makes you sound like a stalker, right?” she asks.
“At this point, I feel like one. He’s pushing me away, and I don’t know why.”
“I’ll be there in twenty.”
“Thank you, Leni.”
“Remember this moment. I expect your firstborn to be named after me,” she jokes.
“I’ll see what I can do.”
Her laughter fills my ears. “I’ll see you soon.”
I pace back and forth, waiting for Lenora to get here. I don’t want to think that he’s avoiding me since I know the girls have been sick, but something feels off. I feel this disconnect between us that’s never been there. I just need to see him. I want to give him a hug and tell him he’s not alone. Then I’ll come back to work, and all will be well. I just need to see him. My phone rings, startling me.
“Morning,” I greet my best friend, Justine.
“Morning. How’s your week been?”
“Meh, okay, I guess. Yours?”
“Good. That’s kind of why I’m calling. So, I called this photographer in Yellowstone County who does maternity shoots. She’s so good that she’s booked solid. I’ve tried to get in with her, and I’ve been on her waiting list. Well, one of the moms went into labor early. She’s fine, the baby’s healthy, and yes, I asked,” she rushes to say.
“That’s good,” I agree.
“Yes. Anyway, her spot is available. It’s tomorrow afternoon, and Tucker is whining about me driving the hour and a half on my own. Is there any way you can get coverage for the store and come with me? Please?”
“You know I will. I’m sure I can get Mom or even Leni to cover for me.”
“Cover for what?” my sister asks, scaring the hell out of me.
“You said twenty minutes,” I say, placing my hand over my heart.
“I was ready early.” She shrugs. “What am I helping with?”
“Justine, Leni just got here. Let me talk to her, and I’ll call you right back.”
“Thank you!” she squeals, and the line goes dead.
“What was that about?” Lenora asks with a smile.
I tell her about Justine’s call and that she was hoping that I could go with her tomorrow.
“I’ll do it. Trace can either come with me or stay with Mom. In fact, I think it will do me some good. I need to decide where I’m going with my life.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive. Call her and tell her you’re in.”
“Thanks, Leni.” I give my sister a hug before dialing Justine. “Hey, I’m covered for tomorrow. What time are we leaving?” We make plans to leave early Friday morning so that we can stop and grab breakfast. Her appointment is at noon. “I’ll be at your place at eight,” I tell Justine.
“Perfect. I’m so excited! I can’t wait.”
“Thank you for today and for tomorrow. I shouldn’t be gone long.”
“Take your time,” Lenora says, settling on the stool behind the register. She has a copy of Lacey Black’s newest romance, Kickstart My Heart, in her hands, and her eyes are already scanning the pages.
After crossing the street, I make my way to the side entrance of the firehouse. I don’t bother knocking, knowing that the guys won’t hear it. Instead, I walk inside. My eyes scan the room, and they land on Canaan and Mark sitting in the common area.
“You here to see your man?” Canaan calls out. I can’t help but offer him a sad smile. A week ago, it would have been one of pure joy. Today, I’m not so sure Grayson is still my man.
“Is he busy?”
“Nope. He’s holed up in his office.”
“He’s been surly this week. Maybe you can help us out with that,” Mark says, wagging his eyebrows.
I smile at him. “I’ll see what I can do.” Turning, I head toward Grayson’s office. It shouldn’t make me feel better that he’s been short with everyone, but it does. At the same time, it makes me hurt for him. Something is going on, and he’s not telling me. Reaching his door, I run my fingers over the nameplate. Grayson Davis, Captain. A smile tilts my lips. I’m so proud of him for all that he’s accomplished, all while raising twin daughters on his own.
Squaring my shoulders, I knock on his door.
“What?” he barks out.
Not the greeting I was expecting, then again, he doesn’t know it’s me. Plastering on a smile, I push open the door. “Hey, you,” I greet him.
“Laken,” he sighs. “What are you doing here?”
Again, not the greeting I was hoping for. “I missed you. I wanted to see how you were doing. How are the girls?”
“My daughters are fine. Feeling better.”
I can’t help but flinch at his tone and the “my daughters” comment. “How about I make us all dinner tonight?” I offer, trying to mask the hurt of his tone.
“Not tonight.”
“Oh, okay. Well, can you tell the girls I said hi and that I miss them?”
I watch as he closes his eyes, taking a deep breath. When they open, they’re staring at me, and the look on his face tells me I’m not going to like what he has to say. “Laken, I think we’ve moved a little fast with all of this.”
My heart pounds heavily in my ears. The thunderous roar making my own voice sound foreign. “What are you trying to say, Grayson? Just spit it out.” I cross my arms over my chest and will myself not to cry.
“I’m saying I need some time.”
“Are you breaking up with me?” My voice cracks as I try to maintain my composure.
“No. Yes. Maybe. Fuck, I don’t know, okay? I know that my daughters are my priority, and I know that my head is messed up. It’s been a rough few days. I just need some time to sort through it all.”
“Honesty, Grayson. That’s what we said. Honesty. Tell me what this is really about?” I fire back at him—my anger pushing its way through the sadness and pain of his words.
“You want honesty? Fine, I’ll give you honesty. My daughters already have a mother, but they’re asking me if you can be their mommy. I love you, Laken, but I’m not trying to replace her.”
“I’m not trying to replace her either,” I fire back. “I would never want them to forget about her, but, Grayson, Holly’s not here.”
“You think I don’t know that?” he screams. “You think I don’t miss her every second of every fucking day? That I don’t look at my daughters and wish she was here for them? I know she’s not here, Laken. I live with the pain of losing her.”
“Hey.” Canaan sticks his head in the door. “Everything good in here?” His eyes flash to mine and widen when he sees my tears.
“Everything is just fine,” I tell him. I then force my eyes back to Grayson. “Here’s my honesty. I love you, and I love your daughters. I would never try to replace their mother. I made a promise to you to always remind them how wonderful she was and how much she loved them. I intended to keep that promise. I don’t want to replace her, Grayson. I just want the opportunity to love the three of you.” I wipe at my eyes, but it’s no use as more tears race down my cheeks. “I know you’re hurting. I know that something has brought this to light, and I don’t know what it is. I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me.”
“What if I don’t want your help, Laken? Huh? Did you ever think of that? What if it’s you who’s bringing all this up? I think it’s best if we take a break.”
I nod, swallowing back the pain that’s lodged its way into my throat. “Goodbye, Grayson,” I whisper before turning to run out of his office. I don’t stop when Mark calls out to me. I rush out of the building and across the street.
“Laken? Oh my God, what’s going on?” Lenora asks. I collapse in her arms, and she holds me tight. “Are you hurt?” she asks.
“N-No. Just my heart.”
“Oh, Laken,” she sighs and holds me even tighter.
I don’t know how long we stand here with me crying in her arms, but eventually, I pull away and tell her what happened.
“He’s hurting, and I don’t know why. I mean, I know what he said about the girls asking for me to be their mommy, but come on, he said he loved me. Wouldn’t the fact that his daughters love me too make him happy?”
“I don’t know, Laken. I can’t imagine how hard that was for him. As a single mom, I would hope that one day a man will come along who will love Trace as much as he could if it were his blood running through his veins. However, I didn’t lose his father tragically. He left us.”
“I know.” I dab at my eyes with a tissue. “I hurt for him and those girls. I’m pissed that he let me fall in love with the three of them only to rip it away from me.”
“Give him some time. He’s upset. We all say things that we don’t mean when we’re upset.”
“I don’t know, Leni. This sounded pretty final to me.”
“I hate to hear that, but if that’s the case, then you’re going to have to figure out a way to stand, dust yourself off, and try again.”
“I don’t want to try again. I want them.”
“I know, baby sister, I know.” She hugs me tightly. “Why don’t you go upstairs and lie down? I’ll take care of things around here.”
“You’re watching the store tomorrow. I can’t ask you to do it all day today too.”
“You didn’t ask. I volunteered. I’m here, I’m home, and my sister needs me. Let me do this. Please?”
“I love you. I’ve missed you so much.” I hug her again as more tears fall.
“I love you too. Go, get some rest.”
I nod and head up to my apartment. My heart aches. The pain of losing Grayson and the girls as part of my life is worse than I could have ever imagined. I wish I knew how to help him through his pain. I wish I knew what it would take to prove to him that I don’t want to replace her in their life.
I just want a chance to be a part of it.
