Good Boy by Megan Lowe

Chapter 37

Cav is waiting for me inside the school doors on Monday morning.

“Have a nice weekend?” he asks.

“Yeah, we did. Thanks for asking.”

He scoffs. “We.”

“Yeah, me and Thomas. You know, my boyfriend, your former best friend.”

“He’s still my best friend.”

“Is he?” I ask. “Have you checked with him lately?”

“I don’t need to check.”

“If you say so. I’ve been told you guys weren’t getting along on Friday night, but maybe I heard wrong.”

He drags me to an empty classroom, locking the door behind us and slamming me up against the wall.

“You know what he said to me and your brother on Friday night and you still went home with him?”

“It doesn’t matter what he said, it matters what he did. He’s not afraid to show me he wants to be with me. He’s not afraid to be with me period. That’s what matters to me.”

He shakes his head. “So it doesn’t matter what he believes or why he’s with you. As long as he keeps showing you he wants to be with you, you don’t care about the rest?”

I shrug. “I want someone who wants to be with me. I’m not going to apologize for being with someone who also wants that.”

“What if I want to be with you?” he asks, crowding me, resting his arm next to my head. “What then, huh?”

I’ve waited so long to hear these words from Cav’s mouth, but why is he saying them now? Is it because of what he thinks Thomas and I got up to on the weekend? Or is it because he genuinely wants to be with me? Because he’s ready?

“Do you really want me?” I ask. “Or do you only want me because you can’t have me? Because Thomas has me?” This is what I’ve hoped for, but it’s not enough. Jealousy is not going to be enough. It has to come from the heart and right now Cav isn’t thinking with his heart.

“Thomas doesn’t want you, not like I do.” He cups my face.

“He’s with me now, and not because someone else has me.”

“Is he really? Do you even know why he’s with you? Did Jase tell you exactly what he was saying?”

“I don’t want to know, and I don’t care. I told you before, Cav, his actions speak louder than your words.”

“They’re not mine, they’re his.”

I sigh. “It doesn’t matter. He was there for me, is here with me. He stayed after as well.”

“After?” he asks. “Oh.” He steps back when he figures it out. Not that Thomas and I ended up having sex on Saturday, but Cav doesn’t need to know that.

“Thomas and I have a good thing going, a really good thing. Why should I ruin that for someone who isn’t even sure they want to be with me?”

“I do want to be with you.” I have waited so long for Cav to tell me these words, but can I trust them? Can I trust him?

“Will you hold my hand as we walk down the hall?” I ask. “Kiss me in public? Sit with me at lunch? Make one of those cute couple TikToks? I get it, your family sucks and you’re not out, but I am. And yeah, my parents were understanding, so I don’t get what it’s like for you, but….” I shake my head. I look up into his beautiful blue-gray eyes. “I like you, more than I should. And I do like you, I do want to be with you, not just in private, but in public as well. I want to hold your hand in the hall and kiss you in public. I want to show you off and show everyone how fucking lucky I am that you’re with me, that you chose me. I also…. I also want you to be proud to be with me, to be seen with me, to kiss me, to love me.” I close the distance between us. “This, what we have between us, it isn’t wrong, Cav. It’s not a sin or unnatural or whatever the fuck you’ve been told it is. It’s just love, baby.”

It’s his turn to shake his head.

“Yes, it is,” I insist. “When I kiss you, does it feel wrong?” I brush my lips against his. He moans and chases me when I pull away.

He grabs the back of my neck, holding me in place and resting his forehead on mine. “No, it doesn’t feel wrong.”

“When we were together the other week, did it feel wrong?”

A tear slips down his cheek. “No, it didn’t.”

“How did it feel?” I ask.

Another tear falls. “It felt right,” he says. “It felt like I was home, that the piece I’ve been looking for finally slotted into place. I felt… at peace.”

I nod. “Imagine how it would feel to be like that all the time.”

He sighs.

“You can do this. We can do this. We can be together.”

“My mom—”

“We’ll deal with her. But baby, you need to do something. You can’t keep living your life in the dark. It’s not fair to you or healthy. You can’t keep this bottled up.”

“You’re with Thomas,” he says.

“Say the word, and I’ll end it,” I tell him. “Tell me you want to be with me, you want us to be together, to be a real couple, out and proud, and I swear I’ll end it this very second.” I pull my phone out of my pocket. “In fact, I’ll call him right now.” I scroll through my contacts until I get to his name, pulling up his information. I don’t want to call his bluff, but I have to know if he’s in it for real.

“Wait,” Cav says, covering my hand.

I sigh and put away my phone. “I can’t go back into the closet, Cav. I won’t be someone’s dirty little secret.”

He runs his hands through his hair. “Why not?” he asks. “You were fine with it when we were just talking. Why can’t we go back to that?”

“Because I fell in love with you,” I say. “Or as close to it as I could. I didn’t mean to, and I know you warned me, but then you turned out to be you and I couldn’t help it. All the games we’ve been playing? The blatant jealousy oozing out of you? There’s a reason for that. Feeling what I do? That shouldn’t be hidden, and you shouldn’t ask me to.”

“Fuck!” he yells, grabbing a desk and flipping it over. “Why are you doing this to me?” he asks, his eyes wide, mouth tight. “I was fine before I met you. I had what I needed, and everything was simple and easy.”

“It was easy because it didn’t mean anything. The important stuff, the stuff that’s going to mean the most? You have to fight for it so you can appreciate what it took to get it.”

“I didn’t ask for any of this.”

“If that was true, you never would’ve swiped on my profile.”

“Maybe that was a mistake.”

“Was it?” I ask.

He shakes his head. “No, it wasn’t.”

Once again, I close the distance between us and cup his face. I love the feel of his stubble on my palms. I will never touch him enough, every time wondering if it’s the last time. “You can say you want easy, but it can be. Baby, all of this can be ours if you just say the word.” I lean up to his lips. “Say the word, Cav.”

He pulls away, storming to the door and tearing it open, people scattering as he walks away from me yet again.