Someone Exactly Like Me by Debbie Cromack

28

Nicco

I searched for her, all over Naples. I went to every hotel I could think of. It was useless. I searched for hours and couldn’t find her.

Maybe I should leave her alone. Maybe I’m no good for her. But I can’t stop thinking about her, about our time together, about how I feel about her. I can’t just let her go without fighting for her. At the very least, she deserves to know what happened with Gigi and that it wasn’t what she thinks.

My current project has me so busy, by the time I’m in my hotel room, I’m exhausted and go to sleep. I don’t want to try to talk to her when I’m tired like that. Today we travel to a different location and I have some down time. When I call her, it goes to voice mail, again. I haven’t left messages before. Why won’t she answer? I’ve hurt her, that’s why.Fuck.

“Destiny, it’s Nicco. Please let me talk to you. I need to explain things to you. I don’t want to leave a message. Please. Call me.” I hang up. My heart aches for her.

I need a fucking cigarette.Sitting out on the balcony of my hotel room, I grab my pack, staring at it in my hand. Fuck. I take out a cigarette, but don’t put it in my mouth. Instead, I rest my elbow on my knee and roll the cigarette between my thumb, index, and middle fingers. I gaze at the tobacco tip, staring down the barrel of a loaded gun. Enough. Dad’s voice echoes in my head.

Putting the cigarette back in the pack, I get out my phone and call Destiny’s friend, Heidi, to make an appointment and see if she can help me finally quit smoking. It’s time.

Destiny

There was something in Nicco’s voice when I listened to his message. I can’t decipher it. But it tugs at my heart.

I feel bad not getting back to him. We’d become friends. And now I’m letting my wounded heart make me childish and ignore him. He has plenty of friends and now he has his relationship with Giovanna. I’ll be a distant memory soon enough.

The next few weeks fly by so fast my head is spinning.

I’m called in for a second interview at Creative Artists. While the interview goes well and I can do the job, the thought of being chained to a desk for eight hours a day makes my chest tight.

I publish my book and have the highest sales I’ve ever had on a release day, even earning #1 Best Seller once again. Not a day passes where I haven’t had sales. I’m back! Though I’m riding the high of success and a burst of income, I’m still on the fence about whether or not I should take the position at Creative Artists if they offer it to me. I don’t want to be reckless.

Bev and Tom make me an offer I can’t refuse. Taking out the formalities of going through Realtors makes the transaction pretty simple. They’ve also offered owner financing because of our long-standing relationship, making the deal manageable for me.

To celebrate, Henry invites me to dinner. With Nicco haunting my thoughts day and night, going to dinner with Henry might be what I need to start getting over him.

Henry takes me to Vespertine where we enjoy a delicious meal and I do my best to pretend to be interested in whatever it is he’s talking about. He’s a nice man with a good heart and he’s very well-meaning. I’m really trying to give him a chance. Forcing myself to pay attention to him isn’t working. My mind drifts easily, to Nicco. Let him go.

When Henry brings me home, I invite him in, which I’ve never done before.

“Would you like a glass of wine?” I ask, taking off my shoes and setting my purse on the bench.

“Yeah, sure. What do you have?” he asks, leaving his shoes on and following me into the kitchen.

“Honestly, just one red and one white.”

He releases a stuffy laugh. “I’ll take your red. Did you know that the grapes for cabernet sauvignon are…”

His voice mutes as the memory of Nicco’s adorable expression when he took his first bite of s’more enters my head. I pour our wine and we go out to my back porch.

“Would you like to go down by the water as the sun sets?”

He tugs on his suit jacket and adjusts his glasses on his face. “The sun’s almost down and I’m not really dressed for that. How about we sit here?” he suggests, sitting on my swing.

Nicco would’ve taken off his shoes and socks at the door and he’d be tossing his jacket on the swing, rolling up his pant legs, and running to the edge of the water, holding my hand and bringing me with him. Stop it.

“Yeah, I suppose you’re not.”

As the sun sinks into the ocean, liquified orange merging with the horizon, Henry drones on about the intricate process of how grapes become wine.

Setting his glass on the ground, he straightens the peaked lapels on his jacket and turns his body toward me.

“Destiny, we’ve been kind of seeing each other for a while and, uh, I — I’d like to know if it’s okay for me to kiss you.”

Oh boy.“Thank you for asking, Henry. I think that would be fine.” This couldn’t be any more awkward.

Adjusting his stiff posture, he leans toward me, bumping his nose into mine.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” He takes off his glasses and tucks them into his jacket pocket.

“It’s okay.”

He tries again and my mouth is cavity-searched by his tongue. Trying to give this a chance to improve, I close my eyes. The instant I do, Nicco floods me. Drowning out Henry’s inexperienced tongue probing in and out of my mouth and slobbering all over my lips, erotic images of Nicco making love to me overtake my thoughts. I can’t do this.

I push Henry off me.

“Henry, I’m sorry,” I say, standing up, dabbing at his saliva around my lips with the side of my index finger. “I can’t do this.”

The eyes of a wounded puppy stare up at me. “Did I do something wrong?”

I pull in my lips and shake my head. “No, you didn’t do anything wrong. You’ve been so kind to me and I’ve enjoyed spending time with you.” I pause.

He stands up, hurt eyes shifting back and forth between mine. “Then what is it?”

I take his hands in mine. “The truth is, my heart belongs to someone else. And, until I can get over him, it’s not fair to you if we continue down this path.”

“Oh.” He looks down at his feet then releases my hands. “I understand.”

We go back into the house, his tail hanging between his legs. I walk him to the door and he turns to me. We stand in the spot where I’d gaze into Nicco’s eyes and he’d kiss my cheeks.

“When you’re over him, you know where to find me.” A hopeful smile strains his face.

“I do.” Though I’ll never look for you. After feeling what I felt for Nicco, our connection, our intimacy, our passion, I won’t settle ever again.

“Good night then.”

“Goodbye, Henry.”

Shutting the door behind him, I get our wine glasses from the porch and lock up. Putting his glass in the sink, I refill mine and turn on the fireplace and some music.

I go upstairs and change into my pajamas, grab my stuffed pig and journal, and go back downstairs. Taking the blanket off the corner of the sofa, I sit down and wrap it around me. Desperate to erase the last few hours, I close my eyes and try to meditate.

As I focus my breathing, Nicco’s face appears. The wind blows his hair and his smile I’ve grown so fond of warms me. I open my eyes, blowing a heavy exhale. Please go away.

Nicco

I’ve been watching Destiny’s progress from my private Instagram account and I was so happy to see her hit #1 Best Seller all on her own. I knew she could get her success back without my following. I’ve been so busy with my projects, I didn’t have time to read her book. With hours of flight time to L.A., I finally get to read it. While I know her work is fiction, the second I read the prologue, I know it’s me. And now, I’m going to fix the mess I made and tell her how I feel.

As I pull up the street toward her house, a man walks down her driveway and gets in his car. Henry? Fuck. I didn’t stop to think she might be with Henry. Is it even Henry? The thought of someone else being with her twists a knife in my soul. Maybe her book was completely made up and I’m fucking wrong. Does she feel nothing for me? Are we to be strangers now?

The man drives away and I pull into the spot in front of her house. Maybe I shouldn’t do this. Maybe I should leave her alone. Fuck that. I’m not giving up. She wants someone to fight for her? That’s exactly what I’m here to do.

I get out of the car and walk around to her back porch, taking off my shoes and socks before stepping into the sand. She’s sitting on her sofa with her eyes closed. Standing in the cool sand, listening to the distant lull of waves, I watch her. She’s so fucking beautiful.

Taking my phone out of my pocket, I call her.

Startled, she picks up her phone and stares at it, then looks up at the ceiling. Putting her phone back down, she drops her face into her hands. The call goes to voice mail.

I call again.

Lifting her face from her hands, she picks up her phone again, running her finger across her upper lip as she stares at the screen. She swipes.

“Hi, Nicco.” She stands, putting her blanket on the sofa. “I, uh, I’m sorry I missed your call. I was, upstairs.” Pointing up, she lies then puts the palm of her hand on her forehead. “How are you?”

“Thank you for answering. I’ve been trying to reach you.”

“Yeah, I — I’ve had a lot going on here.” She paces, biting her lower lip.

“Destiny, I need you to know that what you saw with me and Gigi isn’t what you thought you saw.”

She covers her eyes with her hand. “It really doesn’t matter. I’m happy for you,” she says, her words contrasting her body language.

“No,” I say sharply. “It does matter. I need you to know the truth. I didn’t kiss Gigi. She took off her dress, sat on my lap, and kissed me. It happened so fast. But it was my fault for even letting her sit on my lap. I take responsibility for that. I’m sorry. She was mad about us and jealous. I’m not with Gigi. I told you, I will never be with Gigi.”

She paces. “Is that what you’ve been wanting to tell me?” she asks, raising her voice. “That she kissed you and it wasn’t you kissing her, even though your lips were locked together?” She thrusts her hand through the air.

“Yes, but—”

“Okay.” She cuts me off. “Now I know.” She stops pacing and rubs her forehead. “I have to go.” Her voice gags.

“Destiny, wait.”

“What?”

“I read your book.”

“Why?” She sits back on the sofa, covering her eyes with her hand.

“Because I wanted to.” I pause. “Is it me?”

Tilting her head back, she takes the stuffed pig I gave her into her lap.

“Destiny, I have to know. Is it me you wrote about in your book?”

Her breath comes before her words. “What does it matter?” she asks, defeat coloring her tone.

“It matters. Was it a made-up person? Or was it me? Do you feel nothing for me?”

Standing up, she tosses the pig on the sofa. “It makes no difference what I feel for you, Nicco. You’re going to be surrounded and tempted by beautiful women like Gigi for the rest of your life. I can’t compete with that,” she says impatiently, pacing again.

“You do feel something for me. I know you do.”

“Nicco, please.” Her strangled words answer me. “I have to go.”

Blood runs hot through my body. “Tell me. Tell me you don’t want me. Tell me it’s over. Tell me I mean nothing to you.”

She drops back onto the sofa, silent, burying her face in her hand.

“Tell me.” I quiet my voice. “Tell me and I’ll walk away.”

Uneven breaths pass through the phone as I watch tears trail down her face. “I can’t.” Her faint voice tears my heart. “Goodbye Nicco.” Click.

She curls her body into itself as she clutches the pig.

No. It doesn’t end like this.I grab my shoes and run to her front door. Ringing the bell, I’m ready to crash down the door.

She opens it and stumbles back as her eyes spring open.

“Nicco. What — what are you doing here?” She wipes her fingers under her lashes.

Stepping in and flinging the door closed behind me, I toss my shoes on the floor. I gently cup her face, sweeping my thumbs across her mascara-smeared cheeks.

“I came here for you, mia dolce ragazza. I came here because I have feelings for you, Destiny. And I think you have feelings for me.” I pause, releasing her face and looking down at the locket around her neck. “You’re wearing my locket.”

She takes it in her hand and looks into my eyes. “It reminds me of you.”

Taking a breath, I think about my next words. Terrified about the risk I’m about to take, but knowing I have to. “Destiny, my heart fell in love with you before I knew how to love.”

Her brows squeeze together as her watery eyes search mine.

“You taught me how to love.” I shake my head. “You showed me what it looks like, what it feels like. You woke up a part of me I’d closed off long ago.” I pause. “These last few weeks have been torture with you not talking to me. I almost gave up, thinking it was best if I left you alone. I never saw you coming and I wasn’t prepared for you. But sometimes love finds you when you least expect it. And if you’re with Henry now —” I point to the door.

“You were here?”

“Yes. I saw a man leave here. I’m guessing it was Henry. If you’re with him and he makes you feel the way you feel when you’re with me and he makes you happy, I’ll walk out your door and never bother you again.” Closing the gap between us, I gaze into her eyes. “But I’m not leaving here without you knowing how I feel. The song I wrote for you? It’s not just a song. You are the blood coursing through my veins. You are the breath in my lungs that gives me life.” I pause, pressing my lips together. “I know this is going to sound crazy, but I think my dad sent you to me somehow. To save me.” I shake my head gently. “I don’t want to live without you. You know that saying you told me? I want you in my life for a lifetime. You are my destiny. You’ve captured my heart and I’m in love with you.”

Tears spill over her lashes as she reaches her arms around my neck, drawing my forehead to touch hers. Squeezing her eyes, more tears release.

She opens her eyes and looks into mine. “I’ve been falling in love with you since you rescued me from those jerks in the club the night of my birthday.”

I pick her up in my arms and she wraps her legs around my waist. Cradling her body in my arms, I claim her mouth with mine, overflowing with love.