Someone Exactly Like Me by Debbie Cromack

27

Destiny

Carefully unfastening the clasp on the locket, I tuck it into an inside zipper-pocket of my purse. Drained from the day, I move slowly, getting ready for bed. When I finally lie down, sleep doesn’t come. Even though I’m tired, my mind is all over the place, filled with images I don’t want to remember and emotions I don’t want to feel. This cuts so much deeper than Kevin. Tears erupt and I sob until I finally succumb to the fatigue of the day.

Waking before my alarm, I shower, pack, and go to the airport. Thankfully my flight is on time. I board and settle in, ready to write. Once we’re in the air, I pull out my laptop and open my manuscript. I have some big changes to make and lots of flight-time to make them.

The cursor blinks at me.

I stare out the window, eat a snack, and stare at the screen.

The cursor stares back. Blink. Blink, blink.

Getting my purse from under the seat in front of me, I unzip the pocket inside and take out the locket. The locket Nicco gave me. My locket. My reminder of a passion I’ve never known, a connection I’ve never experienced, and a love I’ve never felt. I open it, reading the inscription to myself. “I believe in you.”

Fastening it around my neck, I close my eyes, seeing his face. I want to be angry. I want to cry. But I know none of that will help me.

Regardless of his feelings, he believed in me, when I didn’t believe in myself.

Holding the locket between my fingers, I let the crazy range of emotions whirling inside my body fuel me.

I gather the tears raining on my soul and scoop up the broken pieces of my heart. Letting it all pour out of me and onto the page, I write and write and write.

Prologue

On my thirtieth birthday, I fell in love. I fell in love with a man who could never be mine.

No hesitation, no holding back. I’m unstoppable.

Pausing only to eat and use the restroom, I make the changes that need to be made to shift the story away from being about Nicco to being about my heroine and her journey. Her journey to love. Her journey back to herself. By the time we’re ready to land, all I have left to write is the ending. I’ll spend the next few days finishing it, editing, and then send it off to my beta readers. I’m pleased with how it turned out, and nervous.

As soon as we land, I check my emails on my phone. Candi’s in town and can come over tomorrow. Thank goodness. I text her and we finalize our plans. By the time I get home, it’s late. I dig my toiletries out of my suitcase, wash up, and pass out within minutes of my head hitting the pillow.

Candi arrives with sushi and, as we eat, I tell her everything that happened. I also reprimand her for the sneaky clothing switch to which she chuckles with glee, knowing I can’t stay mad at her.

“I think I got caught up in it all, you know? I was on this wild adventure with a hot man, just like the stories I create. Italy is so romantic and Nicco, he — well, he was…” I release an exhale. “But, it was obviously nothing. None of it meant anything to him. I mean nothing to him.” My heart weighs heavy in my chest as the truth rings in my ears.

“Des, are you absolutely sure? I mean, from everything you just told me, it really seems like there was something on his end. Opening himself up to you, the locket, the things he said. If I’m being honest, it kind of sounds like he was falling for you. I mean, my heart is yours? That’s not something you say to someone you don’t have feelings for.”

“Well, if he was, he got over it really fast. And maybe, it was all nothing. Maybe once he finally got to fuck me, he punched the notch in his belt and moved on.”

“Oh, Des. I can’t believe that’s true.”

“I thought I was going to vomit when I saw him kissing Giovanna.” A quick wave of nausea sours my stomach as the image flashes through my head.

“I just don’t see it.” She shakes her head, popping a piece of soy sauce-drenched shrimp tempura roll into her mouth. “I don’t see the two of them together.”

“I knew better. I’ve been through this before. Experience should’ve taught me this lesson.” I choke on the boulder lodged in my throat as tears sting behind my eyes. “You told me to be in the moment, open myself up to possibility. I did, Can. And here I am, my heart shattered, just like I knew it would be.” I put down the sushi I was about to eat, not feeling hungry anymore, and curl my leg up onto the sofa, my shoulders hunch. “It’s never hurt this much before. Will I always feel this way?” My lower lip trembles as I speak. I can’t stop the tears from pouring out.

Candi stops eating immediately and wraps her arms me. “No, honey, you won’t always feel this way. You’ll heal.” Letting me sob, she strokes my hair.

Once my crying subsides, we release our embrace.

“Do you want me to beat him up? I can, you know. And I will.”

I laugh and shake my head. “No, that won’t be necessary.” I sigh. “I can’t believe how badly I misinterpreted everything. After we made love and he gave me the locket, I actually thought he had feelings for me.” Blowing a puff of air, I get up from the sofa and grab two pints of ice cream out of the freezer and two spoons. “Oh, and on top of everything, Bev and Tom are selling the house.”

“What?” Her eyes open wide and her pitch raises.

“Yup,” I say, putting the mint chocolate chip pint in front her and handing her a spoon.

“What does that mean for you?” she asks, grabbing the spoon.

“I don’t know yet.” Taking the lid off my mocha chip, I scoop a spoonful into my mouth. “Bev said they’d like to negotiate something with me first since I’ve been such a good tenant for so many years.”

“Well, that’s good, right?”

“I don’t know.” I shrug. “I don’t think I can afford this place on my own as far as buying it. I certainly don’t have any kind of down payment saved up. I have no idea what I’m going to do. I emailed her back today saying I’m open to discussing it with them, but I honestly don’t think I can swing it.”

“Des. I’m so sorry. Can I help at all?”

“There’s really nothing you can do. But I love you for wanting to help. My mom told me about a few openings at Creative Artists. I called today and have an interview next week.”

“Ugh. You don’t want to do that.”

“I don’t, but what choice do I have? I can’t believe what a mess my life is right now.”

“Your life isn’t a mess,” she says finishing the last bite of her fried rice and lifting the lid off her mint chocolate chip ice cream. “You’re just in the midst of some challenges. You will get to the other side of all this. And your life will be better than you imagined. I know it. I know it in my soul.”

“I hope you’re right.” I take another scoop of ice cream. “On the plus side, I finished the book today and I’m sending it to my betas tomorrow after I make sure the formatting looks okay. I’m really happy with how it turned out.”

“Ooo, that’s amazing! When will you publish it? I wanna read it.”

“Next month. Your signed copy will be waiting for you.” I wink at her.

She squeals, drumming her feet on the floor. “I can’t wait!”

The next week passes quickly. My betas absolutely love my book and I’m thrilled. My interview at Creative Artists goes well. Though I’m not looking forward to hearing back from them, I probably need to suck it up and get some stable income coming in. While my beta readers, editor, and advanced copy readers love the book, that doesn’t mean anything about what my sales will look like. Bev and Tom are out of town so we set up time to talk when they get back.

Nicco has finally stopped trying to reach me. It’s for the best. There’s nothing to say. Still, he invades my thoughts more often than not. His tender side, his depth, his kiss, his passion.

He’s in every breath I take.