SEAL Daddy by Sofia T Summers
Jason
Three nights of agonizing were enough. I didn’t want to spend another night staring at my bedroom ceiling, wondering if I had a daughter.
As I drove home from the party Saturday night, I realized Nicole had no clue what I suspected, and the math still didn’t add up. Nicole’s daughter was seventeen months old. If the girl was mine, Nicole could’ve only been pregnant for about seven months. It wasn’t impossible, but not many babies were born so early.
I researched the issue one sleepless night. Nicole didn’t smoke, and I doubted she drank during her pregnancy. She appeared to take care of herself. Still, I couldn’t make any assumptions about her medical history.
Besides, I’d never known a virgin to be so uninhibited… if you could even call Nicole that. She’d said herself that it wasn’t her first time with someone. It was just the first time she had allowed a man to experience all of her.
Whatever the truth was, Nicole Davis was the only person who could confirm or deny my worries, so I hatched a plan. I called up Adrian Monday morning, and I invited him over for dinner on Tuesday. Nonchalantly, I encouraged him to bring along his daughter and grandchild.
He’d been so disappointed that he hadn’t been able to show off Charlotte before. Bull-headed as he could be, I swore he’d drag Nicole and her daughter to my house, but I was wrong. Adrian showed up at my front door with a six-pack of German beers, one apologetic smile, and no girls.
“Nicole had some meetings with her students this evening,” Adrian explained regretfully. “She was handing back their midterm projects through one-on-one meetings this week in her creative writing course. Five of those were scheduled after her three-thirty class ended. Between those, a departmental meeting, and grading work for her two online courses, Nicole just had to send her regrets… again.”
“Then, where’s Charlotte?” I wondered without thinking.
Adrian wasn’t fazed by the question. He just kept following me through the two living rooms into the large kitchen. Potatoes were warming in the oven, and the seasoned steaks were ready to go on the grill outside. Looking at the platter on the white marble countertop, I had one steak too many, and the one sweet potato I was making for the little girl was going to remain uneaten.
“She’s in a daycare program they offer at the school,” Adrian explained, putting his beer in the fridge without a second thought. “They use it like an internship for their early childhood development program. It’s heavily subsidized for employees too, which is good for Nicole. I worry about her managing her budget on her pay.”
“Do they not pay her well?” I asked innocently enough.
“Her income is fine,” he sighed. “Still, I worry.”
His mouth drawn into a hard line, Adrian opened the refrigerator and pulled out one of his beers. I wondered if this was what being a father was like. My nerves had kept me up at all hours the last few nights. I’d go back and forth over the idea of having a daughter, my mind churning like a raging sea.
If the child was mine, I’d missed so many milestones and irreplaceable moments. Money that could’ve been spent on the little girl sat idle in savings accounts instead. If Nicole had met some guy, how would I feel then? Would I be relieved? Would I hate the man I’d never known, just because he left Nicole alone?
Adrian knew where I kept my bottle opener, but his blue eyes still glanced my way with an inquiring look.
“You want one too?” He asked.
“Sure,” I agreed with a sigh.
Popping open two bottles, Adrian handed me one before taking a long swallow from the other. He followed me through the French glass doors out to the screen porch. The blip of warm weather was waning, but I had heaters installed for the coldest nights. The porch was no less comfortable than any other room in the house. With a large outdoor television and a corner sectional, I spent more time out there than in the living rooms inside.
I probably should’ve sold the house years ago after my only engagement fell apart. It was the second time I’d believed I found the one, but she was much like the first. She swore she loved me. She promised to build a life with me, but the moment things got the slightest bit difficult… she ran away into the arms of another man.
The first time, I was twenty-three and easily duped. The second was a decade later, a time when I should’ve known better than to trust a pretty girl’s cheap lies. After that, I told myself I was giving up on trying. The four other bedrooms in my house sat largely unused with two of them empty. There were so many shut doors and empty corners in my house.
It had been wasteful to keep such a big house for one man, but I never found the time or a reason to sell it. Besides that, I’d bought it for no more than a song. It had needed repair and refurbishment. Now, the house was just as I liked it, and I knew the only way I’d find another house I liked would mean building from scratch.
The idea alone gave me a headache. It was far less stressful to just stay where I was, enjoying the extra space I had. It was nice for get-togethers, and I enjoyed the concealed but spacious yard. It offered me a memory I’d never deserved. Looking out at the grass lawn, I couldn’t help but think of Nicole.
“So,” Adrian began as he settled into the red sofa’s cushions. “What’s bothering you?”
“What do you mean?” I asked over the sizzle of meat hitting my gas grill’s grates.
“You’ve never been the most extroverted guy, Jason, but you’re quiet tonight… even for you.”
“Oh,” I mumbled. “I’ve, um, just been thinking a lot about what comes next for me.”
It wasn’t a lie. My whole life felt like it was on a precipice, and I was staring into the chasm of the unknown. It was dark, deep, and filled with possibilities both good and bad.
“If you’re looking for a job, you could always come work for me,” Adrian offered. “I know selling insurance isn’t the most exciting job, but the money is good and my clients are decent.”
Smiling slightly, I shook my head. “For the sake of our friendship, I’m going to pass on that offer.”
Adrian chuckled, “Yeah, you’re probably right.”
“I know I can’t just sit around this house all day,” I remarked while joining him on the sectional. “But I just can’t decide on what to do with my time.”
My old friend shrugged. “You worked your ass off for twenty years of active duty and countless deployments. You’ve earned the right to loaf around.”
“You know that’s not who I am,” I reminded Adrian.
“I know, but just don’t stress about it too much. The right path will come along. I’m sure of it.”
Over dinner, we talked more about the hobbies I could take up or the projects I could work on. I’d liked cars when I was younger, and my father had been a mechanic. I knew the ins and outs of car repair. Adrian suggested I buy an old muscle car and fix it up, leading to a debate of the sixties Ford Mustang versus the Pontiac Firebird. As we brought the Dodge Charger into the conversation, the stars were out, and the leftover food was cold.
I thanked my friend for his company, wishing him a safe journey home. I liked the idea of working on a car, but I was still discontent. My anxiety had nothing to do with mindless hobbies. My problem had vibrant green eyes and a honeyed voice that still echoed in the secret corners of my mind.
After spending all day expecting to see her, my whole body felt on edge with unmet desires. The sensation wasn’t new. I’d spent too many nights thinking about Nicole’s hands wrapping around me or her hips rocking under my fastened grip, but the frustration was rarely so… potent.
Nicole was so close. She lived somewhere within a ten-minute radius of me, but I couldn’t see her. I wasn’t able to rediscover the feel of her skin or her kiss.
My whole body ached for some satisfaction.
Heading into my walk-in shower, I let the water run down my back, while I stared at the tan stone tile. I told myself to get over the feeling, but I couldn’t. My body demanded penance for the damning fantasies.
I wrapped my hand around myself, lamenting how it didn’t feel as good as Nicole’s. It had been two years, but that moment was still distinctly vivid. I remembered the smell of her summery perfume mingling with the wood smoke. I could still hear the sound of my name on her lips, flourishing from a murmur to a desperate plea.
If I ever had a second chance, I’d take Nicole without a single stitch of clothing. I would kiss every inch of her skin before wandering between her beautiful legs. I didn’t care if she suffocated me down there. I would die a happy man.
Getting lost in the longing. I twisted my hand around just like she had, teasing the same spots to reignite the memory. My body burned in hellfire as I shut my eyes. I could see Nicole’s heart-shaped face again, glowing in an aura of firelight. She was a breathtaking angel, but she wasn’t there.
Echoes of her sweet words were enough to satisfy my body, but they weren’t enough to ease another ache deep within my bones. I cleaned myself off. I combed my hair, realizing it was the first time in years that my hair touched my ears.
Still, the ache was there, twisting the hollow places inside me. It didn’t matter if I’d failed at my mission tonight. Even if it took a thousand tries, I would find my way back to Nicole Davis again.
