Fail to Love by Maci Dillon

 

Never On Time

 

“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart.” ~ Helen Keller

 

 

RAVEN

 

“Paris?” Miah’s shriek echoed through the speaker.

“Raven, that’s amazing,” Kassidy added. “When do you leave?”

Three-way calls with my best friends, the wing squad, were a regular thing at all times of the day or night, especially when one of us needed reassurance.

Like I do now.

Miah and Chloe were still out enjoying girls’ night together, and Kassidy was in Prague but they picked up straight away.

“Tomorrow morning. It is a last-minute work trip,” I answered, bouncing up and down on the spot.

“And he just bought you a ticket?” Kassidy asked.

“Yep.” I rummaged through my lingerie drawer, throwing the sexiest pieces of my collection across the room and into the suitcase laid open on the bed.

“You barely sound excited, Raven. What’s the problem?” Miah questioned.

“Of course, I’m excited. It’s just…” I turned to stare at all the clothes hanging behind me in the walk-in closet.

“Just what?” Kassidy yelled.

“I don’t know what to pack.”

“I call bullshit.” It was Miah this time, always blunt as nails. “That man must buy you a new outfit every time he takes you on a date, and you already had an exceptional wardrobe. So, what’s the real fucking problem?”

Kassidy piped up, “The problem is, her bag is probably overflowing with lingerie, and there’s no room for anything else.” We all laughed, and I glanced at the bed. She was right.

“Seriously, Raven, what’s the issue here? Scared he might spoil you rotten in Paris, wine and dine you, take you shopping on that never-ending line of credit he has?”

Ugh. They’re right. What was there to worry about?

“Oh my God, what if he proposes on the Eiffel Tower?” Miah shrieked, and the others squealed.

The thought never crossed my mind.

We weren’t there yet.

“Geez, don’t be ridiculous, it’s way too soon. We’ve only been dating a few months and only met three months ago. Besides, we haven’t even said the ‘L’ word yet.”

“So what? He absolutely adores you, Raven. A blind bitch could see that.”

“Okay, I’m going now. Thanks so much for your help,” I stated sarcastically, disappeared to my room, and ended the call before they could carry on any further.

Two seconds later, my cell buzzed, and I ignored it. Seconds later, a message lit up my screen.

I closed my eyes and randomly pulled a few outfits from their hangers and tucked them neatly into my bag before checking my text.

 

Sean: Hi baby, pack lightly. Paris is a great place to shop. Itinerary is attached.

Sweet dreams. S x

 

I downloaded the attachment—hotel details and a dinner booking at the Eiffel Tower on Saturday night. My heart squeezed as I pictured us dining above the Parisian skyline. Then Miah and Kassidy’s words came flooding back to me.

I fell onto the bed and stared at the ceiling.

He wouldn’t propose. Would he?

A chuckle escaped as I thought how stupid I was being.

Despite giving myself a stern talking to, panic set in.

What if he did propose? How on earth would I respond?

My cell chimed beside me. Another message. This time from Kassidy.

 

Kassidy: If he does propose, don’t be a dumbass and ruin the best thing that’s ever happened to you. The only answer is YES!

 

“I’m not ready,” I whispered to myself and bounced to my feet.

With quick, shaky hands, I began to unpack the contents of my half-ready travel bag.

Another message pulled me from my frenzy.

 

Kassidy: You once told someone you loved—never fail to fight. Now I’m telling you—don’t fail to love.

Kassidy xx

 

I pondered the message for a few minutes and slumped on the side of the bed. What the fuck am I doing? Knowing I couldn’t bail on Sean now, I decided to ignore the ‘what ifs,’ pack my things, and get some sleep.

As I slipped between the sheets hours later, I tapped out a quick message to Kassidy and set myself three alarms.

 

Raven: I’m never telling you anything again ;-) Love you x

 

“Wake Me Up” by Avicii startled me awake. I reached for my cell and hit snooze on the alarm before I rolled over and buried my head beneath the pillow. About to doze off again, I bolted upright and ran my fingers through my wavy locks, securing my hair in a messy bun.

Paris.

I grabbed my cell, canceled all the alarms, bounced out of bed the best I could after two and a half hours of restless sleep, and turned on the shower.

Almost ready to leave, I booked an Uber, finished off another soy latte, and opened a can of food for my beloved kitty, Simba. “It’s okay, boy, it’s only for a few days, and Miah and Kassidy will be here to give you plenty of food and cuddles, I promise.”

I added more dry food and clean water to his self-feeding unit and scratched the back of his ears as he gobbled down his wet food. “Please, don’t let me ruin this,” I said out loud. Simba purred and rubbed his head against my leg. “I know, boy, I’ll try not to.”

Double-checking my travel wallet, I mentally checked off my tickets and passport. After I stuffed my iPad into my handbag, I was confident I had all I needed, dragged my luggage out into the hall of my apartment building, and locked the door behind me.

“You heading out of town, Raven?” Bruce, the elderly security guard, asked as I stepped off the elevator and headed toward the door where my Uber was due any minute. “Sure am, Bruce. Paris for a few days.” I smiled nervously at him.

He raised his eyebrows in surprise, a wicked smile lighting up his face. “With that good-looking young man of yours, I hope?”

I chuckled. “Of course, Bruce. Who else would spoil me so much?”

Bruce laughed. “You deserve it. How long are you away for?”

“I’ll be back on Wednesday. It’s just a quick trip.”

“Be safe and have fun.”

“Always.”

 

 

SEAN

 

“This is a pre-boarding announcement for first-class passengers traveling on flight QF2761 to Dubai.”

“Raven, babe, where are you?” I grumbled in a panic-stricken voice to nobody in particular. Glancing nervously between the flight departure screens, I continued leaving my message, “We’re boarding now. Please call me, Raven. I need to know you’re okay. I’ll hold the flight as long as I can.”

Pacing fiercely around the departure lounge, I ended the call after leaving my umpteenth unanswered message. Frantically, I search the crowd of people flocking toward their designated lounges, looking for her.

Where the hell is she?

My hand was clenched tightly around my cell phone, willing it to ring while my other hand was wearing tracks through my unusually messed-up hair. Overwhelmed with frustration, my concern turned to fear.

The second boarding call sounded over the speaker, and my anxiety hit an all-time high. My chest pounded in my throat, a foreign experience for a man usually so calm, patient, and in control.

“Sir, first-class is almost finished boarding, and we need to get you seated now.” In a daze, I stared wide-eyed at the smiling flight attendant, internally searching for the right words. A cloud of fear surrounded me, images of Raven in a car wreck, caught up in a hostage situation, or worse. What if?

No. I can’t go there. Of course, she’s fine.

“My girlfriend, I can’t reach her,” I explained to the flight attendant as I held up my phone for the attendant to see as if that would explain everything. “She’s supposed to be here,” I continued as I gazed past the patient woman in front of me in search of Raven. My heart shattered when it became evident she wasn’t coming.

I pushed her too hard, too fast.

“I’m sorry, sir, perhaps she’s stuck in traffic? We can seat her if she arrives before we finish boarding the rest of the passengers.”

“And if she’s not here by then?” It was a stupid question, but I wasn’t thinking clearly.

“I’m sorry, sir,” she answered, taking me by the elbow and guiding me in the direction of the boarding gate. “If she doesn’t arrive before then, we’ll have no option but to leave without her.”

This can’t be happening.

“We’re going to Paris. She wouldn’t just not show up.”

Confusion flooded my thoughts, fear of losing her settled in the pit of my stomach. I tried to calm myself enough to gauge my true gut feeling about this.

We were finally on the same page. I loved her, had loved her in my own fucked-up way since the first time I laid eyes on her. I knew she wasn’t ready to hear that yet, so I had waited, biting my tongue every time we were together. I tapped out text after text and deleted them, just so I could get the words out before they ate me up.

I hoped a trip to The City of Love would open her up to the possibility of real romance, of loving me as much as I love her. I wanted to propose on the Eiffel Tower, but I’m not willing to push her that far. It was the perfect place to declare my love for her, even if she wasn’t able to reciprocate or express her true feelings. The way her eyes danced when she looked at me, I knew she was in love with me.

Dialing her number again, I left another message. “Raven, I need you. Please tell me you’re running late, not that you’ve changed your mind. Baby, please, I want you with me in Paris.” I love you, I whispered after ending the call.

My heart pounded against my rib cage as I turned around one last time and couldn’t see her. She’ll be here. Positive affirmation, I told myself. Raven wouldn’t leave me hanging like this for no reason.

But why was she ignoring my calls, dammit?

Disappearing down the tunnel toward the aircraft, I clutched tight to the hope that Raven would arrive before we departed.