Ruthless Stranger by Maggie Cole

19

Maksim

Scalding water scorches my skin,rolling down my back. The pain it gives me does nothing to dull the sting of my heart.

She's betrayed me. I saw it on her face. She thinks I would hurt her.

I didn't try to cover up what I did to Lorenzo. Since I disclosed to her all that I am, there was nothing to hide. Yet something in her turned.

Was it the reality of what I'm capable of? Maybe it's the fact she can now put a face to one of my victims. Either way, she isn't able to see past my darkness. She is now fearful of me.

I turn the water off and wrap a towel around me. Since she was in the bathroom, and I can't be late to Dmitri and Anna's rehearsal dinner, I showered in the guest bathroom. I don't know if she's still here or not. Part of me wants her to be. The other part of me doesn't want to see her. It's a slap in the face that I can no longer have her.

I'm not sure how I ever believed someone as good as her would be able to love me. I can't deny the man I am. The darkness that resides in me isn't something I can excuse or forget. It's never going to suddenly disappear.

Every time a situation pops up that I need to call upon my demon, I'll always be able to. And I can't just ignore problems when they appear.

The war has started. Boris's baby ties the Ivanovs to the O'Malleys. The beginning of the end is here, and I'm not sure how all of this pans out. When it's over, it might be the Ivanovs and O'Malleys in body bags.

Or sliced to pieces and sunk in Lake Michigan.

This is the time to let her go. Everything is only going to get more dangerous and darker.

Don't try to convince her to stay or not be afraid of you.

I need to protect her always, including shielding her from me and my reality.

My stomach lurches over these thoughts. I convinced myself we were real. That no matter what, we were able to sustain the cruelty of my past and what's ahead. But I've lied to myself. I knew better the moment I heard her voice and laid eyes on her at the pool in Vegas.

The reflection staring at me in the mirror doesn't convince me it can be any other way. I'm the same man I was before Vegas. She hasn't changed my darkness to light, nor can she. The devil is still in my eyes. I see him. I know him. I can't escape him. And bringing her into my world was selfish.

I leave and go into my room, no longer able to avoid her, if she's even still here. I scan the room but don't see her. The light is on in the bathroom, but I avoid it, going straight to my closet and selecting a fresh suit.

I wish I could crawl in a hole and never come out. Moving forward without her seems impossible. But I'm an Ivanov. It's not in my blood to wallow in sadness. And I won't be the cause of any unhappiness or worry when it's Dmitri's special moment.

Keep moving. The situation isn't going to change if you fall into self-pity.

Jade never reciprocated my deep affection for her. It hurt. Aspen giving me all of her then fearing me cuts at me in ways I didn't know existed. I would die protecting her. But somewhere within her, she believes I could hurt her.

I may be a ruthless man, but I have lines I will never cross. Hurting women and children is one of them. But my commitment to Aspen goes beyond any general rule I live by. I thought she would never be able to fear me, knowing my truth and still staying, but I was wrong.

I put my underwear on and step into my black slacks. I pull my zipper up and reach for my belt.

"Maksim."

I freeze, closing my eyes. Her voice alone dices up my soul.

She wraps her warm arms around me and presses her cheek against my back. "I'm sorry."

Blood pounds into my skull like a hammer. It's loud and throbbing. Her heart beats into my spine, stirring the craving I always feel for her.

It will never be. She will always fear me.

I hold her hands in mine, and with every ounce of courage I have, I remove them, step forward, and put my shirt on, keeping my back to her. "There is nothing to be sorry about. I shouldn't have expected you to understand my world or me. This is all my fault. I knew better in Vegas. I'm the one who should apologize." I focus on fastening my buttons.

"Don't say that. Please." Her voice is desperate and full of agony entwined with fear. And I can't ignore that she is still scared of me. It destroys any piece of my heart that remains.

Be a man, not a coward.

I spin. Her eyes glisten, and her lip shakes.

She's so scared of me.

"I will never, ever, hurt you. Not now, not when we are no longer together. I should not have allowed this to develop between us. It was irresponsible of me."

Her eyes widen. She steps toward me. She reaches up and holds my cheeks.

I stare over her head, not able to look at her, in fear I may not be strong enough to let her go.

"Maksim—"

"I cannot be late. I will not allow my issues to stain Dmitri and Anna's happiness." I can't hold back anymore and tilt my head down.

Tears stain her cheeks. Betrayal and regret are in her eyes. It tears me to pieces to hurt her, but how can we be if she fears me?

"Tomorrow, when you wake up and are no longer in this world, you will be relieved."

"You're throwing me away? Just like that?" she chokes out.

"No, my krasotka. I'm allowing you not to live in fear. No one should have to be afraid of the man they are with."

"Is that what you think? That I am afraid of you?"

"It's not what I think. It's what I see. Even at this moment, your eyes tell me everything."

"I don't know what you think you see"—she takes a deep breath and swallows hard—"but you don't know what is in my head or heart. And I am trying to process so many things—"

"About me."

She angrily spouts, "Yes, about you, Maksim. And me. And what everything means."

She can't understand any of this. She's not meant to be anywhere near this world. No amount of analysis will lead her to honestly believe what is in me is acceptable. She will always have the same confusion about us she does now.

"I'm not sure how to let you go, my krasotka, but—"

"Then don't!"

I stare at the ceiling, dying inside, wondering how to keep her and give her everything she deserves.

But nothing appears. My ability to shower her with gifts and protection and love will never compensate for the dangerous world I live in. None of it can erase the man I am. A man whom she will never fully trust.

I kiss the top of her head. "Let's not make this harder than it already is. I need to go." I step away from her, struggling to breathe, feeling the death that's always a part of me rise from my core and strangle me.

She's better off without me.

"Maksim," she calls after me, following me through the penthouse.

I walk faster, but she grabs my bicep. In a harsh voice full of agony, she yells. "Do not treat me like I'm disposable."

I stop. My heart beats too hard in my chest.

What am I doing?

The right thing for her.

I'm hurting her.

It's now or later. The future will hurt worse.

I spin. "My krasotka—"

She slaps me so hard, my head jerks to the side. It echoes in the air and stings my cheek.

I put my hand to my face and slowly look at her.

Her tears fall so fast, they roll off her chin and onto the wood floor. She glares at me. "I see I've put my faith in the wrong man. You are no different from the one I gave twenty years of my life to. You tell me you will be mine, and I will be yours. But the first moment we have any issue, you toss me to the curb like a cheap piece of furniture you no longer want. You give me no chance to ask you any questions or try to decipher pieces of information that I don't know what to do with. And you want me to accept you, yet you don't give me the same courtesy. All you can think is that you know what is inside my head, but you know nothing."

Her words are a bullet, and they hit my artery.

Have I been wrong?

"You can't tell me you aren't scared of me."

She shakes her head in disgust, and new tears fall. "I have never been afraid of you, Maksim. Trying to understand the depths of who you need to be at times is not something I can grasp in one moment. But you expect me to never have any questions. To be blind to things and trust you, yet the things I am privy to, you don't allow me to fully decipher. The self-hatred you have for yourself, you use it to determine what I'm capable of, regarding us. And you're wrong. You're so very wrong and unfair." She turns and walks to the elevator.

I don't move, letting the words sink into my thick skull, hating myself even more for continuing to hurt her.

What am I doing?

She's right. I've made assumptions about what she is thinking and never allowed her to tell me.

I've never been more wrong in my entire life.

I can't let her leave.

"Aspen," I call after her, rushing to the elevator.

But I'm too late. The door has shut, and it's already moving down. I call her phone, but it rings in her purse, which sits on the coffee table.

By the time I get outside, she's gone.

I pick up the phone to call Adrian. Boris calls on the other line, but I ignore it.

"Boss," Adrian says.

"Tell me you're with Aspen."

"She wouldn't come with me and is in a cab. I'm following her."

"Good. Her purse is here. She has no money. Pay for the cab when she stops and don't let her out of your sight. If that jackass or anyone else comes near her, protect her at all costs."

"Got it."

I hang up, cursing myself and texting my other driver to pull the car up.

I get in, am about to follow Aspen, when Boris texts.

Boris: Where are you? Everyone is here.

Shit.

I'll talk to her after dinner.

She's never going to forgive me.

Me: Traffic jam. Be there soon.

My brother has been through too much for me to do anything to ruin his and Anna's weekend. With my chest tight, heart pounding, and regret spinning in all my cells, I go to the dinner and through the motions, wishing Aspen was with me. I avoid the questioning looks my brothers give me about her not being here. I can't text her since her phone is at my place. There is nothing I can do until the event is over.

My remorse and fear that I'll never be able to win her back and make what I've done right only grows throughout the night.

Around midnight, I'm getting ready to leave, and I text Adrian.

Me: Is she at her apartment?

Adrian: No. She went to her friend's, and they went out.

Me: Which friend?

Adrian: The blonde. But now all four of them are together.

Me: Where?

Adrian: Cat's Meow. They aren't in the best shape, either.

You have to be kidding me.

My pulse increases. I try to call Adrian, but he doesn't answer.

Adrian: Too loud to talk.

Me: What did you mean?

Adrian: They're pretty hammered. I think I'm going to need some back up to get the four of them out of this place. Aspen is pissed I'm here, and the more she drinks, the more I can't do anything right. I'm pretty sure if I have to drag her out of here, it's going to get super ugly.

Anger flares through me.

Me: Don't leave. I'm on my way.

I caused this.

I go over to Sergey. "I need you to come with me."

"Where to?"

"Cat's Meow."

He raises his eyebrows. "Seriously?"

"Yep."

"This your way of trying to get over whatever is going on with you and Aspen?"

"Not funny," I growl.

He holds up his hands. "Easy there. All right. I'm not doing anything exciting. Guess it's a night at the Cat's Meow. But do you want to tell me why we are going there?"

"To get my woman."