The Destruction You Desire by Tracy Lorraine
Peyton
My body trembles with my uncontrollable sobs. I want to get a hold of myself but this has been a long time coming. Over the past five years I’ve let the truth totally consume me and now that I’ve finally let it out, I’m overwhelmed by my emotions.
My hands are soaked with my tears, my nose is running unattractively but still, I don't lift my head.
The pain is too much. The knowledge that I've just exposed Kayden to all of this is just more than I can handle.
All I've ever wanted is to protect him from the truth. From his reality. But it's all about to unravel in front of me and I have no idea how to hold onto any of the threads to stop it from happening.
"W-what’s his name?" Luca finally asks. His voice is rough with his own emotion and when I peek through my fingers at him, I find he looks as wrecked as I feel.
Good. He fucking should after everything.
I blow out a shaky breath, wiping at my face with my sleeves in an attempt to look less of a broken mess.
"Kayden. H-he's five." I hold Luca's eyes but it hurts to do so because I can see his pain in his dark green depths. Pain that I once would have wanted to take as my own to make it easier on him, but right now, a twisted, evil side of me wants him to feel all of it. All the hatred, betrayal, and desperation of the past five years.
"Five," he breathes.
"Is that the proof you needed to believe me?"
"Pey—"
"No." I hop up, anger once again taking precedence over the hurt. "You don't get to sit there and pull that face at me like you're innocent in all of this. That is not how this works, Luca."
"That's not—"
I march up to where he's sitting and loom over him. It's probably one of the only times in my life I've ever properly stood up to him, but that confused little boy inside gives me the strength to do what's needed.
"Six years ago, your sick cunt of a father got his hands on my sister. I have no idea what fucking game he was playing, or if he has a thing for high school seniors but he got her fucking pregnant, Luca. She was barely an adult and he fucked everything up. She was weak, you know that as well as I do, and he used it against her to get what he wanted. He's sick, Luca. And you stood there and told me that I was the one in the wrong when I told you about the conversation I'd overheard between Libby and Mom. I tried to warn you. To allow you to come to terms with it before whatever happened next. But you called me a liar. I'm not a fucking liar, Luc. I've never lied to you."
"Fuck that, P." He climbs to his feet, taking away my height advantage. "He's five years old for fuck's sake. At what point were you going to tell me that he even existed?"
"I don't know, Luc. Maybe when you weren't locking me inside people's pool houses and taking out all your anger on me."
"You should have told me."
I stare at him, my jaw working overtime as I try to keep my cool.
"That little boy in there is the only thing I care about right now. Libby is gone, Luc. She fucked off when he was a baby. My mom is dead and he—" A sob rips from my throat once more as I think about how small and vulnerable he looked in those early days after the accident. I already knew by then that Mom hadn't made it and I spent every second I could sitting by his bedside, holding his hand and praying that he wasn't going to leave me too.
"What happened?"
"Car accident," I grit out.
Silence falls between us and when I look away from his tormented eyes, I find Aunt Fee standing at the kitchen window watching us.
Straightening my spine, I swallow down my apprehension and force the words I need to say past my lips.
"I need you to leave."
A bitter laugh rips from his throat.
"You've got to be fucking kidding me. You can't drop a bomb like that and expect me just to leave."
"You weren't invited here, Luca, and you're not welcome. I need to go inside and make sure Kayden is okay. And you, you need to go and get your head straight because I can assure you that if I let you meet him properly, that you're not going to be in the state you are now."
"If you let me?" he spits, repeating my words back at me.
"Yeah, asshole. If. You lost any right to me or my family the day you called me a liar and walked away from me."
"Your family. He's mine too. Fuck."
I laugh but there's no humor in it. Just pain and anger.
"Yeah, so maybe you should think about how you want to deal with that because he deserves better than you. He's lost everything, Luc. Everything apart from me and there's no fucking way I'm letting you or anyone else hurt him any more than he already is."
Turning away from him, I storm toward the house needing to see my boy and make sure he's okay.
"Peyton, wait."
I don't want to do as he says, but the emotion cracking in his voice forces my body to stop at his demand.
"What, Luc?" I snap, looking over my shoulder, but not at him. I can't bear the agony and confusion in his eyes any longer.
"I-I'm sorry."
I scoff. "Too little too late, Luca."
Before he can reply, I yank the back door open and leave it to slam behind me.
The second our connection is severed, my knees give out and I start to fall, only what I fall into is a warm body as Aunt Fee's floral scent engulfs me as her arms wrap tightly around me.
"It's okay. I've got you," she soothes as I cry on her shoulder.
"K-Kayden, is he okay?" I finally manage to stutter once my sobs have subsided.
"He's playing with Elijah. He's fine."
Aunt Fee maneuvers me to a dining chair before pouring me a generous glass of vodka. I look up at her with my brow quirked.
"It'll take the edge off," she says, pushing it closer.
Wrapping my fingers around the glass, I decide I need more than the edge taking off and knock the whole lot back in one.
I groan as it burns down my throat but it's a welcome relief from the pain in my chest.
"I can't believe that just happened," I admit quietly.
"You knew it was going to eventually," Aunt Fee says, being the voice of reason.
"Yeah, I know but not like that."
Pushing the glass aside, I drop my head to my arm and suck in some calming breaths.
"Where's he gone?"
"No idea. I just told him to leave."
"You did?" The shock in her voice drags my head back up.
"Yeah, why?"
"N-nothing. It's nothing."
"Aunt Fee, now isn't the time to skirt around this shit. Just tell me whatever it is you want to say."
"I didn't think you'd have it in you. I know a lot has happened, but I also know that you still love him."
My chin drops as I stare at her in shock.
I already know that I'll always love Luca. The problem is that the Luca I love doesn't seem to exist anymore.
"He's not the same person anymore, Aunt Fee."
"Nor are you, sweetie. Just take it one day at a time. All of this, it's a lot to take in. What you're doing right now, it's not easy. You need to give yourself a break."
"I know but Kay—"
"Kayden is going to be okay, Peyton. He's got both of us, maybe some more family in the wings depending on how this goes. He's loved so much. You'll be surprised how far that will get him."
"I miss them," I confess.
"I know, sweetie. Me too."
"Why don't you go and clean up a little bit and then go see that sweet boy. He's been so excited for today. He wanted to make it so special for you."
The lump that's still lingering in my throat grows once more.
"I don't deserve him."
"You deserve the world, Peyton. And if Luca can't see that, then fuck him."
My eyes widen in shock at her words.
"What?" she asks innocently as she sets about making tea.
"Nothing. I'm just going to…" I point toward the door and push the chair out.
Today was meant to be about family, and damn it, that's what it's going to be.
I discover that my makeup is totally unsalvageable when I get to the bathroom and after washing my face, I completely redo it. I'm glad I do because when I walk out again, I feel stronger, more able to deal with whatever life is going to throw at me next.
I stop by my room, pulling my cell out of my purse to see if I have any messages. To my surprise, there's a group chat with Ella and Letty that's blown up in my absence about tonight's party.
My heart drops. I can't go out tonight with all this shit.
What I really need to do is man up and go and see Luca. Talk properly, but just the thought of doing that makes my stomach turn over.
There's no way we'll be able to survive through a conversation like adults.
I need to get Leon involved. Now that Luca knows the truth, Lee deserves it as well.
My hand trembles around my cell with the thought of sitting in front of both of them. I think about their mom. Maddie was always the sweetest person. God only knows how she ended up with an ass like Brett. But I know she was one of the many reasons why Mom packed up our stuff and dragged us out of Rosewood after she discovered the truth.
I wasn't meant to hear what I did that morning. They both thought I'd already gone out. I had, only I'd forgotten my cell and snuck back in.
There hasn't been a second of any day that's passed where I wished I’d never stepped foot back in that house. Ignorance is bliss, and I can't help but wonder how things would have played out if I didn't know the truth back then.
My sister was a nightmare at the best of times. She’s two years older than me but listening to the things she got up to, you could easily think she was older than her almost eighteen years when we left. She didn't look her age either which is probably one of the only good things I can think of about the situation with Luca's dad. At least she didn't look underage. Granted she was only a few weeks off her eighteenth. But still. From what I've discovered, it wasn't just a one-time thing. They'd been spending time together for a while. Libby had been seduced by his status, money and power. I'm not surprised in the slightest. I love my sister dearly, but she had stars in her eyes, always wanting bigger and better, and I can only imagine the kinds of things that Brett Dunn promised her.
The thought of what he could have said to her makes me feel sick. He knew how old she was. He knew who she was. Both of us had spent enough time at the Dunn's house for him to be well aware. It makes me wonder just how long he'd been planning something.
Disgust rolls through me once more.
I always knew Brett was a jerk. From as early as I can remember I hated him for the way he treated Luca, for the amount of pressure he put on a young boy's shoulders. But seducing a minor.
I shudder, opening the messages and tapping out something they're not going to want to read.
Peyton: I'm really sorry but I'm going to have to bail on tonight. Some family stuff has come up and I need to be here.
