The Destruction You Desire by Tracy Lorraine

6

Peyton

The air in the car as Leon pulls away from the house he shares with Luca and some of the team is thick.

I know he has a million and one questions for me, and I know that I need to start answering them but the thought of letting Kayden's existence be known by someone else connected with their father terrifies me.

I know it shouldn't. It's Leon. I trust him as much as I used to Luca.

Leon's loyalties have never been with his father. With every day that passed when we were kids, it became more and more obvious that Luca was Brett's favorite because of his chosen football position and I watched as Leon became more and more detached from his father. And even sadder, I was forced to watch his father not even care.

That's just one of the many reasons why I understand why Mom did what she did when she dragged Libby and me away from Rosewood.

She didn't want Libby, or her grandchild connected to that pathetic pig of a man.

I get it, I do. It just terrifies me that he could have repeated what he did with Libby over and over again and no one is any the wiser, other than those it directly affected.

I've prayed that Libby was the exception. That she was his one vice that he couldn't stay away from and broke all the rules for. But the fact that he didn't have any contact with her from the moment we left Rosewood forces me to believe that she could have been one of many.

He didn't care about her. He just wanted to get his rocks off with a younger model than he was used to.

My chest aches once more as I think about Maddie. The sweetest, most caring woman ever. How could he do what he did while she was at home being the parent Luca, Leon and Shane deserved?

I exhale a long breath, finally lifting my eyes from my lap to find that Leon's stopped the car in the line for takeout.

"W-what are you doing?"

"Getting coffee and breakfast. I'm starving and you look like you could use it."

Right on cue, my stomach growls.

"I think I might have puked all over Luca last night."

Leon throws his head back and laughs. "I really fucking hope you did. It's the least the asshole deserves after the stunt he pulled last night."

"What happened?" I ask. "My memories are hazy." And I have no idea what was a dream and what was reality.

"Well, you already know that we were dancing and he took offense to it," he mutters, rubbing at his bruised cheek.

"Yeah," I mutter.

"You ran, he chased you, and the next thing I knew he was carrying you out of the building in his arms."

"I drank too much. I was reckless."

"I don't know whether to be glad he looked after you or not."

"That makes two of us. I… I think he did look after me last night. But then this morning…" I trail off, my cheeks burning.

"No point trying to cover it up. I'm in the room right next door. I have a very good idea of what happened."

"Jesus, Lee. Not necessary."

He shrugs. "Sounded like my kind of punishment," he admits dryly.

A weird noise rumbles up my throat at his admission as he chuckles beside me.

"Don't worry, I've got no reason to punish you," he says with a smile, clearly sensing my unease.

"Christ," I mutter, dragging my hair away from my face as a thought hits me. "Have you two both been with Letty?"

"Uh… She tell you that?"

"N-no, Luc did."

"Huh." He scrubs his jaw as he thinks.

"What? Isn't it true?"

A smile curls at his lips. "Yeah, it's true. We've done a lot of stupid shit over the years. Most of it probably would never have happened if you never left."

"Is that a good or bad thing?" I ask despite the guilt already tugging at my insides.

"Who knows? Some of it's been fun. Other stuff not so much." Our conversation is cut off as he places our order. "He was never the same once you left, you know. You took a part of him with you. No one else saw it, or if they did, they didn't appreciate just how bad it was. Pretty sure there's not a day that's gone by where he hasn't wished you were still beside him."

"I don't know about that. It's not like he wants me here now."

"He does," Leon says confidently. "He's just working through whatever shit happened. Last night should be proof enough that he still cares."

I mutter some kind of agreement as he moves toward the window to pick up our order.

"It was too late for breakfast," he says handing the bag over as if he's only just realized that he ordered for me only minutes ago.

"It's fine."

Without wasting a second, I dig into the bag and stuff a handful of fries into my mouth.

He laughs at me as he pulls into a space in the parking lot and takes the bag from my lap, pulling out his own food.

"Time to start talking, Peyton."

I bite down the fry in my hand as I fight my internal battle about whether to confess or not. In the end, my mouth decides for me when the words just start pouring out.

"A few weeks before we left town, I told Luca something that I'd overheard my mom and sister talking about."

"Right," he says lightly, taking a huge bite of his burger as if I'm not about to turn his world upside down.

"She told Mom that she was pregnant."

"Holy shit," he splutters, damn near choking on his food.

I wait for him to swallow before I land the final blow.

"Libby told her that the father was…" Leon looks me dead in the eyes, I can almost see the wheels turning in his head trying to work it out.

"Luc?" he breathes.

A smile pulls at my lips because even now, I trust Luca to never have gone after Libby, not in a million years.

"No. Your dad."

All the air escapes from Leon's lungs as his face morphs into one of utter disbelief and shock.

He's silent for long seconds. He's still looking at me but his eyes have glazed over as if he’s not really seeing anything as he tries to process those three words I’ve just said to him.

"M-my d-dad?" he finally stutters.

"I'm so sorry, Lee."

"My dad slept with your sister and… and got her pregnant?"

No longer hungry, I push the bag of food onto the dash and curl myself into a ball on Leon's passenger seat.

"I'm so sorry."

"Fuck." He scrubs his hand down his face, leaning his head back against the headrest as he stares out of the windshield.

I want to reach out and comfort him in some way, but his body is locked up tight with tension and I'm not sure if he'd accept it right now.

Leon is a totally different person to Luca, and what I know might work with Luc could be an entirely different story with Lee.

His chest heaves as his fingers curl into fists, and I just sit there awkwardly not knowing what to do for the best.

If I were wearing my own clothes, I might have offered to leave by now sensing that what he really needs is to be alone but selfishly, I continue to sit there in the hope he comes back to me.

"H-how old was she, Peyton?"

"Seventeen. She was a few weeks off—"

"Motherfucker," he booms out of nowhere making a startled little scream rip from my lips. Slamming his palms down on the wheel so hard it makes the entire car shake. "Fucking, motherfucking. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck."

His face turns red with anger as he takes it out on his car, spittle flying from his lips with every word that rips from his throat.

"Leon," I whisper, needing to break him out of the trance he seems to have lost himself in.

Resting his forearms on the wheel he drops his head to them and sucks in a deep, calming breath.

"I'm sorry." When he finally looks at me, the pain in his eyes makes me gasp. Unable to stop myself, I reach out and plant my hand on his exposed forearm in the hope the contact helps even a little bit.

"Hey, it's okay. I get it, trust me."

"Fuck, Peyton. That's what you told him?"

I nod, the lump in my throat from the look on his face too huge to talk around.

"And he called you a liar. All this time he's been walking around thinking you lied about… about that."

Again, all I do is nod.

"Fucking asshole. What happ— He could—" He sucks in a breath and looks away once more. "Fuck, Peyton. I don't even know where to start."

"I-it’s okay. How about I just talk and hopefully it'll answer some of your questions."

He nods, sitting back in his seat and fixing his eyes on something in the distance.

I tell him about Mom making us leave, about getting us away from both Brett and the drama it would ultimately cause when she started showing and people began asking questions.

"Libby's pregnancy was awful," I confess. "You know what she was like. She was wild, always doing the opposite of what anyone said. Add some hormones into that mix and it was just horrendous. She wanted to be back in Rosewood. She was naïve enough to think that Brett would want to see her, would want to know about the baby. I have no idea if she ever managed to slip out of Mom's grip and get back to see him. As far as I'm aware, they had no contact since the moment we left, but this is Libby we're talking about."

Some kind of snort comes from the back of his throat telling me that he remembers all too well.

"Anyway, she had a little boy."

He gasps as if hearing that really makes it true.

"Kayden." He scrubs his hand down his face, his eyes closed for the longest time. "He's the most perfect thing, Lee. He was the best baby. Which was a good thing really seeing as Libby bailed a few months after he was born."

"She what?" he barks.

I shrug. "She was a mess. Her mental health was bad, really bad. She was already drinking and smoking weed then one day I found her with a line of coke. Two weeks after that, she was gone. No note, no goodbye, no anything. She just disappeared leaving me and Mom with Kayden."

"Jesus, Peyton."

"Where is she now?"

"Your guess is as good as mine. I don't even know if she's aware Mom died," I admit with a heavy heart. "I tried to find her. I did everything I could but… nothing. I don't even know if she's still alive. I can only assume she is."

"I'm so fucking sorry, Peyton."

"It is what it is. Too late to change any of it now.

"Mom brought Kayden up as if he was hers and between us, we just managed. When I was at school she'd look after him and when I was home, she would work. We figured it out."

"Why did she run? My dad's worth… a lot. I don't even know. She could have taken him for a fortune."

"She could. But if she did that, if she put it through the courts then it would drag it all back up for Libby, it would put all of us in the spotlight. Her priority was us and making sure Kayden was okay."

"I get that. But what if—"

"He did it to other girls? I know, Lee. I've battled with this for years. Mom and I argued over it regularly. I understand her need to protect me, Libby, Kayden, you three even, your Mom. But I never totally understood how she could walk away knowing that it could happen again."

"I didn't think it was possible for me to hate him anymore," Leon mutters quietly.

"I'm sorry."

"I can't believe Luc didn't trust you."

"He didn't want to. I understand that. He didn't want to believe that your dad could do that. It was easier for him to call me a liar and to think it was all fake."

"Does he know it's true yet?"

Leon's immediate acceptance of my words, his trust in me, doesn't go unnoticed. It's exactly what I wished Luca did all those years ago.

"He invited himself to my birthday party yesterday and came face to face with Kayden."

"Fuuuck."

"Yeah. It was a disaster."

Silence settles between us, but while it's full of tension and anger, it's not uncomfortable.

"You want to meet him?" I ask eventually.

He turns to me, sheer panic written all over his face.

"You can say no. I just thought you might want to…" I trail off.

"Does he know… about us? About who his dad is?"

"Yeah, well… to a point. We never lied to him. He knows he has three brothers but he doesn't know who your dad is. He loves that he's got older brothers and is desperate to meet you. Apparently, I'm only so much fun because I'm a girl."

Leon laughs. Seeing a smile on his face melts my heart a little. "Well, yeah. I can understand that."

"Hey," I complain.

"I… I think I need to meet him," he confesses nervously.

"Okay."

"I need…" He blows out a long pained breath. So many things go unspoken in those few seconds as he tries to find his words. The pain that's oozing from him is palpable and I have to fight not to just pull him into my arms and hold him, to tell him that everything is going to be okay. But also, I think doing just that might freak him out even more.

He's clearly fighting some internal battle and I can't help but worry that my confession has triggered him somehow.

The Leon I'm looking at right now is different from the one who caught me before I hit the floor outside of Luca's room only an hour ago.

"I think I need to see that something good came out of all of this."

I nod, totally understanding that.

After giving him the directions to Aunt Fee's house, we both buckle back up and head that way, our breakfast—or lunch—long forgotten. Not that I'd be able to even eat it now with the way my stomach is churning.

"Before we go in there, I need to tell you something else," I confess.

"Fucking hell, Peyton," he groans, sounding like he's at his wit's end when it comes to secrets and shocking announcements.

"Kayden was in the car crash that killed my mom."

He turns to me so fast that I'm surprised he doesn't pull something. The speed of his reaction warms me from the inside out. He's not even met Kayden yet and he's already protective.

He's already proving what I've always known. The Dunn boys are going to be incredible big brothers to that little boy in there.

"Is he… Is he okay?"

"He will be. He's on the way to making a full recovery. But he's in a wheelchair right now."

"Fuck," Leon breathes.

"He broke both his legs, his pelvis. He's had a couple of surgeries to pin everything into place. Everything is looking as it should but it takes time, you know. He might never make the NFL like his big brothers, but it shouldn't limit him too much."

"Jesus fucking Christ."

"He's strong, Lee. So fucking strong. Brett doesn't deserve him."

"That cunt doesn't deserve anything fucking good in his life."

Knowing the only thing I can say to that is to agree, I push the car door open and climb out.

Nervous energy radiates from Leon as I pull my key from my purse and slide it into the lock. The second I push the door open, footsteps race toward us.

"There you are. Do you know where my son— Oh, Leon? Hi," Aunt Fee squeaks, changing her tone mid-rant.

"Uh… h-hi," Leon stutters, his brows pulling together as he tries to figure out how this woman knows him when he has no idea who she is, no doubt.

"Leon, this is my aunt Fee, she was my mom's best friend and she agreed to take us in after the accident. She's seen enough photos over the years to know who you are," I add lightly.

"Okay. Nice to meet you," he says politely, turning his megawatt smile on her.

Embarrassingly, Aunt Fee blushes.

"I have no idea where Elijah is," I say as she opens the door wider for us both to enter. "Last time I saw him he was…. You probably don't want the details," I say, thinking about him with his tongue down Ella's throat.

"Like father like son that one. Maybe one day he'll find a woman to nail his ass down. What happened to you? No offense, sweetie, but you look like hell."

"Luca happened."

"Ah, so my son wasn't the only one up to no good last night."

"Something like that. Anyway, Leon agreed to bring me home. I've told him everything Luca's failed to and he'd like to meet Kayden."

"Of course. He's watching TV, why don't you go on through and I'll put the coffee maker on."

She smiles at both of us, her gaze lingering on Leon a little longer than necessary as if she's trying to work out what his intentions are here but she obviously likes what she finds because she lets us move through to the living room.

"Hey, baby boy," I say when I find Kayden watching cartoons with his beloved stuffed lamb tightly in his grip.

"Hey." His eyes widen when he looks at me. Christ, I must really look a mess if I'm being judged by a five-year-old. "I've brought someone to meet you."

I stand aside and allow Kayden to see Leon standing behind me.

Kayden's eyes light up, although I can see a little hesitation there. After all, he thought he was getting his chance with Luca yesterday and I made him leave.

"H-hi," he says nervously, his eyes flicking from Leon to me, probably worried that I'm going to freak out again.

"Kayden, this is Leon. Your—"

"Brother," Kayden finishes for me.

"Hey, lil' man. What are you watching?" Leon asks, walking farther into the room as if they've met a million times before.

I stand leaning against the doorway as Kayden begins an in-depth rundown about the PJ Masks episode he's watching and who everyone is.

"That's a fine sight right there," Aunt Fee says as she stands beside me.

"Kayden deserves this."

"Girl, they all deserve this."

I nod, a lump clogging my throat and tears burning the back of my eyes as I watch the two of them together.

I did the right thing today. Getting this time with Leon will mean everything to Kayden.

I stand there for the longest time cradling the mug Aunt Fee passes me in my hands just watching them.

I have no idea how much time passes but after a while, my skin begins to tingle with awareness. It's a reaction I only get when one person is close.

Glancing away from Kayden and Leon, I look out the window, my breath catching as my eyes lock onto a very angry green pair standing out in front of the house.