Marked By Rejection by Avery Stone
Entry 1001: Uncertanity
Dear Kyle,
It's big sis, again. I know I've been bad at writing down my thoughts to you.
I fear you'll get bored of the constant things that rampage through my brain, but my therapist keeps encouraging me to keep this log.
I never tell her I address it to you.
It feels better that it's between us...for now.
I hope you don't believe I'm embarrassed by you.
That's not the case.
I guess I don't trust my therapist, even though they say we should.
I don't trust anyone to be fair, but that's life, right?
Life without you in it to brighten my day is getting a bit harder, but I'm working towards a solution. A way out.
Until then, I have to keep things on the down-low like I have been for four years, and that's okay.
I'm having a weird heaviness in my chest. It's that feeling I got the day you were taken.
The last time I told Travis, he laughed at me, but that was the night his car got a flat and we had to walk in the rain the rest of the way home.
If that's what is going to happen, I can handle it.
I just hope I don't lose anyone else important to me, but frankly...
I don't think there's anyone I care about anymore.
Isn't that sad?
At least I can still write to you.
You were so good at reading back then.
Can you read my letters now?
I should go.
I can't be late, but I bet it doesn't matter. I won't get any tips, like usual.
Sometimes I wish I were born different, Kyle.
Why was I born a wallflower? Why do I fear protecting myself? Fighting for myself? Why...can't I change?
Something must be wrong with me.
I best go, but I'll aim to write more often. I'll clean your urn tonight once I get home.
Grab some flowers.
It's supposed to rain.
Love you, Kyle.
Thanks for listening.
- Wren