Disorder by J.L. Weil

Chapter Eighteen

The wind howled like a wounded animal alone in the woods. Plumes of rain poured down over my head, but I barely noticed. It was difficult to focus on anything else when my life was such a mess. I don’t know what I thought would happen when I confronted Angie. Had a part of me actually believed she could discredit the proof I’d seen? That she would have a rational explanation?

And yet, I was also relieved she wasn’t my mother.

Mikayla. My name was Mikayla Edwards.

What a strange thought. I’d only ever been Josie James.

Grayson. Kenna. And Mikayla.

What would the three of us become if we’d been together?

I continued to walk mindlessly in the rain, my hair being tossed around my face by the wind. Why the fuck couldn’t it have been sunny and cheery on the day my world imploded? It was as if the universe felt my deep-rooted sadness and mourned with me.

Time to say goodbye to this life. Metaphorically and literally.

And I did just that, never once looking back.

I didn’t know what my future held, but the storm would not last forever. At some point, the sun would come out, a new day would be born, and hope would rise on the horizon.

It just really sucked at the moment.

Flipping up the hood on my sweatshirt, I ducked under a tree and pulled out my phone. I stared at the screen as it lit up, gnawing on my lower lip. What do I do now?Who do I call?

I was essentially homeless. Again.

I couldn’t go back to the Pattersons’. Not now. Not ever.

Brock was the first name that popped in my head, not surprising and my finger hovered over his name, but then I remembered. His parents were home.

There were several other friends I could call, including Ainsley or Mads. I also could always call Easton. Now might be a good time to tell him the truth, but I didn’t have the energy to have that conversation. I was fucking exhausted after dealing with Angie and Carter.

I knew where I wanted to go. I didn’t want my friends. Or even Brock. Not today.

Today, I needed someone who would understand. I needed my brother.

With my mind made up, I sat on the curb and dialed his number. It rang and rang, before going to voicemail. Shit. I had nowhere to go and couldn’t stay out in here in the rain, so I requested an Uber through the app on my phone.

Twenty minutes later, I stood outside the Edwardses’ home. Even the somber storm couldn’t dim the beauty of this house. The windows warm glow reflected like a lighthouse in the dark, guiding me home.

Except… this wasn’t my home, no matter how much I might want it to be.

A crash of thunder vibrated at my back as I pulled the white hood from my sweatshirt closer around my face, not that it helped all that much. Soaked to the bone, I stood on the porch, wondering if I’d made a mistake in coming here. Before I could change my mind, I pressed the doorbell, my fingers shaking from both the cold and from the residual effects of my fight with Angie.

I wrapped my arms around myself as I waited, my hood shielding most of my face. It wasn’t long until I heard shuffling from the other side of the door. The lock flipped, and a woman’s laugh filtered over the rolling storm.

Did Grayson have a girl over?

I wouldn’t doubt it.

Shit. I should have called first.

The door swung open, and my heart dropped at the sight of the tall woman with sleek dark hair. Sparkling deep gray eyes fell upon me, and the smile on her lips slipped just a notch. Her familiar face glowed in the light of the foyer.

I couldn’t help but gape. I had thought about this moment for weeks. What I would say. What she would look like. I could see myself in her features. The same skin coloring. The same dark, glossy hair. And the same slim nose.

Whereas Angie had a natural sex appeal, Mrs. Edwards was stylish in a classic way born from wealth and an upbringing you couldn’t fake.

She was beautiful.

And I wanted to hug her.

The air in my lungs halted. I hadn’t expected his parents to be home, let alone to come face-to-face with my birth mother.

Suddenly tongue-tied, I stood in the rain looking homeless, like a stray kitten that had wandered up to the front porch.

“Can I help you?” she asked, her tone gentle and a bit confused. When I didn’t answer right away, the smile faded completely from her lips, and her eyes grew concerned. “Are you alright? Do you need help?”

My throat clogged with emotion, and feelings surged out of nowhere, catching me off guard. Shit. I am going to cry. Quickly, before I made a fool of myself, I blurted out, “Is Grayson here?” My voice trembling. The rain blended with my tears, hiding them, but then again, perhaps I wasn’t fooling anyone.

Mrs. Edwards’s grey eyes softened. I must have looked pathetic. “Grayson!” she hollered, angling her body slightly to the side so her voice projected through the house. “Come in, please. You must be freezing.” She ushered me inside with a wave of her hand.

Some of my brain returned. “I’m a mess. I wouldn’t want to ruin your floors.”

“Nonsense. Come in,” she insisted.

Crap.Perhaps I should turn and run? This wasn’t how I pictured meeting my birth mom for the first time.

But my feet had a different idea as they stepped over the threshold into the warm and cozy foyer. Something about her presence changed the vibe of the house. It was cheerier and homier.

Flipping down my hood, I attempted to fix my wet hair and knew the second Mrs. Edwards got her first real look at me. An audible gasp rang over the room, and I watched a flare of recognition washed over her. A manicured hand flew to her heart, eyes brimming in confusion. “Kenna?” She blinked and realized that she must have made a mistake. “Sorry, you just look so much like my—”

“Josie?” a deep voice interrupted.

My gaze went to Grayson as he descended the stairs.

His eyes swept over me, his mouth turning down into a serious frown. “Josie, are you okay? What happened?” He came to stand beside his shocked mother, whose gaze still raked over every inch of my face.

My shoulders heaved, a sob bubbling out of my lips. I was a fucking mess. This was all too much. I didn’t know what to do. Without saying a word, I walked right into his arms, which came instinctually around me. I buried my face into the familiar scent of his shirt.

“Did he hurt you?” Grayson demanded, the muscles in his arms tightening.

I shook my head, still unable to form words. I wanted to hide in Grayson’s arms, never lift my head again, not until I felt strong.

But then I remembered we weren’t alone.

“Grayson, what is going on?” Mrs. Edwards asked.

He kept an arm around me, probably because he thought I would crumble to the ground if he left me go. He wasn’t far off. “Mom, this is Josie.”

I sniffled, lifting my tear-streaked face. Was he going to tell her who I was? I didn’t know if my heart could take it. I’d dreamed of this moment, but as it stared me in the face, I wasn’t prepared.

“She’s a friend from school,” he explained.

My chest exhaled, even as a ribbon of disappointment curled within me. I wanted to be done with the lies, but I needed a day to collect myself and Grayson somehow sensed that. He gave my arm a gentle squeeze.

She shook her head as if to clear the confusion. “Forgive me. I don’t meant to stare. It’s just you look so much like my daughter. The resemblance is uncanny. You took me by surprise.”

I am your daughter, a voice inside me said, but I kept that voice quiet for the time being.

“We’re going to go upstairs,” Grayson told his mom, a look passing between them.

“That might be a good idea. I’ll get you a towel.” She offered me a comforting smile as she went down the hall. She glanced over her shoulder, and our eyes met again.

Grayson rubbed a hand over my back, bringing my attention back to him. “What is going on?” he asked.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know where else to go. I didn’t know they were home,” I rushed out quickly when we were alone, wiping off my face with the end of my sleeves.

“It’s okay. Really,” he assured. “Do you want to talk about what happened?”

“No,” I answered honestly. “But you deserve to know.”

His brows drew together. “Is that why you came here?” The front of his shirt was imprinted with wet spots.

“You mean instead of running to Brock?” I concluded.

His lips twitched. “That’s not what I said.”

“No, but you were thinking it.”

“Yeah, I was. It’s just I know how close you’ve become.”

I snorted. “Except he’s with Ava now.”

“This has more to do with you just being jealous over a bitch like Ava,” he said seriously. When had Grayson begun to understand me so well? “Especially when you know it is all bullshit.”

Mrs. Edwards came back with a fresh white towel in her hand. “Here you go. Grayson, why don’t you see if there is anything dry she can borrow from your sister,” she offered.

Chilled, I replied, “Thank you. I’m sorry to just show up like this,” I apologized, finally able to find my voice in front of her.

“Nonsense. Don’t you worry about that.” It was obvious she could see the hurt and bruises on my face, that I’d been through an ordeal and needed a friend.

Not just a friend—my brother.

I was embarrassed to have her see me like this, but the damage was already done.

Slipping off my drenched shoes and hoodie, I wrapped the towel around my shoulders as Grayson said, “Come on, let’s get you into something dry. Then we can talk.”

Mrs. Edwards’s gaze followed me as I trailed Grayson up the stairs as if she couldn’t take her eyes off me. But I understood the feeling well. I also wanted to just stare at her, soak up every detail of the woman who should have been my mom.

Inside Grayson’s bedroom, I toweled off my face and hair, waiting for him to return with some dry clothes for me to wear. What had I done? Was it right to come here, to bring my problems with me? The last thing I wanted to do was implode their lives.

Grayson came back holding a pile of clothes. He kicked the door shut behind him. “I didn’t know what you wanted.”

I could care less about making a fashion statement. I just wanted out of these heavy, wet clothes. “Are you mad?” I asked, unable to read Grayson’s face. Or perhaps it was his lack of attitude that threw me off.

Grayson rubbed at his jaw. “At you? No, why would I be mad?”

I could think of a dozen reasons. “For showing up here.”

“It’s not like you planned it. Besides, it’s time the truth comes out, don’t you think?”

Once again, he surprised me. “I’m not sure of anything,” I mumbled.

“How about we get you dry first,” he suggested, nodding his head toward the door behind me. “The bathroom is in there. Take your time; I need to make a call.”

“Brock?” I assumed.

His phone was already in his hand as he nodded. “Yeah, he needs to know where you are.”

“Because he said so, or because he gives a damn?” I couldn’t stop the snappy retort. I would have thought after last night, things between Brock and me would be clearer to me, but everything was so fucking muddled in my head.

Grayson grinned. “Both.”

I took the clothes from him and walked my soggy ass into the bathroom. Alone, I gave myself a moment to just breathe, to allow myself to feel safe. I didn’t know how long I’d be able to stay here or where I’d go for the night, but for now, I wouldn’t think about it. I’d deal with it when the time came.

Peeling off the wet clothes plastered to my body, I picked through the few pieces of clothes. They smelled of laundry soap with a hint of vanilla. I held up a pair of purple jogging pants and a white knitted top with a floral print in the logo. These were Kenna’s. Her style was different than mine, cute and super girly. I didn’t mind purple, but floral… not my thing.

Slipping into the cozy joggers, I opted for a plain V-neck T-shirt in cream instead of the white floral. They fit perfectly. But as my triplet, it shouldn’t have come as a surprise that we were similar in stature. It was a weird feeling, wearing something that belonged to a sister I’d never met. In a way, it made me feel close to her.

Grayson just ended his call to Brock as I came out of the bathroom. He sat on the edge of his bed and glanced up at my approach. “Let me guess, he demanded to come get me,” I said.

The look on his face told me I was right before he even spoke. “More or less. I convinced him it wasn’t a good idea. You’ll stay here for the night.”

I sat on the bed beside him, leaving plenty of space between us. I would have thought being alone in Grayson’s room would be awkward. It wasn’t. Just the opposite. Being at his house felt right. For the first time since I’d left my old house on the other side of town, I felt as if I belonged. “What about your parents?”

He shrugged. “They’ll be cool with it.”

I let him see my gratitude. “Thank you.”

Setting his phone aside on the nightstand, he replied, “I figured you came here for a reason.”

I tugged on the end of a damp strand of my hair. “I got into a fight with Angie. Carter was there.”

“Did they hurt you?” His brandy-colored eyes darkened as he scanned over my face looking for new marks.

Here went nothing. “No, but I told her I knew what she had done. I couldn’t pretend anymore. I couldn’t let her or Carter control me further.”

Grayson ran his fingers through his hair. “You didn’t have a choice, Josie. It’s okay.”

“Mikayla.”

Grayson’s dark eyes flickered. “What?”

I frowned slightly. “She told me my name was Mikayla.”

Grayson's voice dropped. “Yeah.” Silence followed for a moment, as we were both absorbed in the past and the deception that brought us here. “We need to tell my parents before Angie tries to pull the harboring a runaway bullshit. It’s the only way to keep you safe.”

I agreed, but the idea of telling them filled me with trepidation. It was stupid to think they would reject me, but the fear was there, like a little thorn stuck in my heart. They didn’t know me, and I didn’t know them, but that bead doubt wondered if they would even want to know me. Nearly eighteen years later. Perhaps they were happy with the two children they had.

I picked at my nails, needing something to do with my hands. “Carter was there when it all came out.”

“All the more reason that you and I take control of the situation. We don’t need your… hell, I don’t know what to call her, your kidnapper?” he tested, and then shook his head. “Whatever, what is important is that we have a legal leg to stand on if she tries to pull the cops into this again. She tried that shit with your, uh, dad because she knows he doesn’t have the financial means to fight. That isn’t true here. My parents will fight her.”

I chewed on the inside of my cheek. “How can you be so sure?”

“I don’t think my mom ever really let you go. Call it motherly instinct or whatever, but she’s never forgotten you. Then of course there is the fact that you look so much like Kenna. It won’t be hard for them to believe you’re their daughter.”

“Is your dad here?”

“Our dad,” he corrected, a concept my mind still was learning to accept. “And he won’t be back until late tonight. We’ll tell them tomorrow. Together. Tonight just try and get some sleep.”

I flung back on the bed, staring up at his ceiling. “I can’t believe this is happening. I’m not sure I’m ready now.”

He nudged one of my legs hanging over the bed with his foot. “Everything will work out. You’re back where you belong, with us.”

I wasn’t sure if he was talking about his family or the Elite. It didn’t matter. I wanted both. Turning on my side, I propped my head upon my hand, looking up at Grayson. “How did you feel when you found out me?”

The question hung there. Then he exhaled. “Like I’d been kicked in the gut. It was difficult to believe what I saw, reading over the files the PI sent. Even though the truth stared me in the face, I didn’t want to believe it. My first thought was how this would affect my family. My parents had been through so much, Kenna too. And believe it or not, I thought about you.”

My nose wrinkled. “Me?”

“You’d been taken. I wondered what kind of life you had. If you were happy. But it didn’t take long after reading the rest of the information to draw conclusions. Then I saw you—saw the woman who took you.” His voice turned cold.

“It wasn’t always bad, you know,” I told him softly. “There were happy times. I had Ainsley and my dad.”

“I’m sure there were. But I also think you don’t know anything different than the life you’ve had. God, I was such a prick to you.”

I snorted. “That’s putting it mildly.”

A half-smile played at his lips. “I’d like the chance to show you what a family can be like.”

My heart stuttered. “A part of me thinks this is a dream or a game.”

“No games. Not anymore,” he assured.

I rested my hands over my stomach. “I don’t want to put any of you in danger. Angie won’t give up. And Carter…he hasn’t forgotten about the flash drive. If he can’t use me, he will find another means to obtain it. And now that he knows the truth about Angie…there is no telling what he will do with the information.”

“We’ll deal with Carter. Together. The five of us. And as for Angie, she won’t dare come here or send the cops. You’re safe.”

For now.But I couldn’t shake the feeling something bad was about to go down. Lies and deception had a way of untangling themselves when you least expected it. I had to be prepared for whatever happened next.

I had to stay strong.

I had to survive the disorder that was my life.

“I’m sure it’s been a long night. Come on,” Grayson hopped off the bed. “I’ll show you where you can stay.” He waited for me at the doorway and led me down the hall to the room next door. Reaching his hand just inside, he flipped on the wall switch, flooding the bedroom in light.

My eyes took a quick pan of the very girly space. “Is this…?”

He nodded. “It’s Kenna’s room. I hope that is okay for tonight. I’ll have one of guest rooms made up tomorrow.”

Wearing her clothes, sleeping in her bed… I was almost starting to feel like the sister who left, but looking into Grayson’s face, I could see that was not his intention. “Thank you, Grayson.” I smiled.

His hands shoved into his back pockets. “Stop thanking me. Seriously. It makes me feel all saint-like, and I’m definitely not.”

I chuckled. “That you are not.”

He lingered, an awkward silence falling between us. Grayson and I didn’t spend loads of time alone. It was obvious we still had to work on being at ease with each other. “If you need anything, I’m in the next room.”

I opened my mouth.

“Don’t you dare thank me,” he warned before I could form the words, knowing exactly what I’d been about to say.

I playfully shoved at his shoulder. “I wouldn’t dream of it, asshole.”

“Better.” He leaned against the wall. “You ready for tomorrow?”

Fuck. I’d all but forgotten about school on Monday. “There are some things you just can’t prepare for.”

“Like finding out your sister’s not dead.”

“Or that you were kidnapped.”

His lips morphed into a smirk. “Precisely. You got this, Josie. Or should I start calling you Mikayla?”

I made a face. “I’m not sure I can handle a name change. I’m still in the middle of an identity crisis.”

“You know who you are. You’re still you. You’re one of us.” His words were sincere and washed over me like a warm blanket. Secure and soft. He had no idea what that meant to me.

Because my throat clogged with emotion and the urge to thank him yet again rose, I said nothing and only nodded.

“Get some sleep,” he said, before he left, shutting the door quietly behind him.

Alone, I stood near the door, uncertain about everything, including what to do next. My arms folded around myself in a hug as I waited for the surge of panic to grip me, but it never came. After a moment of just breathing, I realized it was because I felt secure here, just as I did with Brock.

Curious, I wandered through my sister’s room, trying to get a sense of the virtual stranger who was a part of me. Fairy lights framed the white headboard of the queen-sized bed. In the corner near a window hung an egg-shaped chair, a fuzzy lavender blanket draped over the cushioned seat, the same color as the walls. I ran a finger along the dresser, reading the labels on the perfume bottles. Unable to help myself, I picked up one and sniffed the cap. Pictures of Kenna and her friends framed the vanity mirror. Mads was in almost every one. I recognized a few of the girls from school, including one with Ava. Apparently, Kenna had been on the cheerleading squad.

So much personality lived in this room.

It allowed me to learn a little more about Kenna.

Hesitantly, I padded over to the bed and sank down. I should probably text Mads and Ainsley, let them know where I was, but as I stared at my phone, I didn’t have the energy to make those calls or send the texts.

Tomorrow. I’d tell them tomorrow.

I had just settled into bed when a soft knock came at the door. “Come in,” I called.

Mrs. Edwards’s reassuring smile greeted me as the door gently opened. She carried a tray with a small plate and a white cup. “I thought you might like some tea before bed. It might help warm you up after being out in the rain.”

I tried to recall if Angie had ever brought me tea in bed. “Thank you, that sounds wonderful, but you didn’t have to go to the trouble.”

“No trouble at all. It helps me, reminds me of times when my children needed me.” She set the tray on the nightstand, and I saw the plate had cookies on it.

“You miss that,” I said.

Her gaze swept over the room before landing back on me. “Very much. The only time they allow me to dote on them now is if they’re sick, and even then it’s not the same.”

“Well, you’ve done a remarkable job raising them. I wouldn’t have gotten through the last few weeks without Grayson.”

“You have no idea how nice it is to hear. It hasn’t always been easy for him. I hope you don’t think it too forward, but I want you to know that you are safe here. If there is one thing we don’t tolerate in this house, it’s bullying.” She’d already had one daughter subjected to something traumatic and lost a son.

My heart ached for both of us. Tears misted in my eyes. I hadn’t been or felt safe in a long time, not like I did right then.

“Well, I’ll let you get to bed. It’s very nice to meet you, Josie.”