The Boyfriend Rivalry by Milana Spencer

24

Liam: Don't Bother

"My arms better be hella toned after this," Bonnie says, hauling two bags of groceries onto the kitchen bench.

Erin and I place our grocery bags on the bench, too. Erin insisted on buying heaps of food for our last few days at the house, so we don't have to go shopping again.

"That was only half an hour of carrying them," Erin says with a chuckle. "Besides, they're not that heavy."

"Speak for yourself. I had a 3-litre container of milk in here, and a whole bag of oranges. And we were walking around for more than half an hour. You dragged us to the post office —"

"They had a great deal on postcards."

As they talk, seemingly back to normal after the party debacle, I unload the groceries.

Bonnie checks her phone and blinks. "Oh."

"What is it?" Erin asks, also taking out her phone. "Oh."

I pull out my phone, which has been untouched since we left the grocery store in my back pocket. I turn on my screen but the only notifications I've got is that one of the uncompleted fan fictions I'm reading has updated and my favourite band has posted on Instagram.

"Did something bad happen?" I ask, laughing nervously.

They glance at each other before Bonnie marches out, calling Kennedy's name.

Erin watches Bonnie leave before looking at me. "It's from Curtis," she says, showing me her phone.

I read the message on the screen. I'm leaving, but thank you for having me. It was so much fun.

My stomach folds into itself as if someone has punched me. Or as if I'm about to throw up. "What… what?"

Bonnie and Kennedy enter the kitchen, Bonnie looking almost angry and Kennedy looking tired, her eyes puffy and red.

"It's true," Bonnie says. "Curtis just… left."

"But why?" Erin asks. "How's he going to get home?"

"Bus," Kennedy answers. She's keeping her head lowered to stop us from seeing her eyes, but everyone can see them. "He had to go while you were gone, to catch the bus in time. He tried to wait for you. He left… for personal reasons."

"The breakup?" Erin asks.

Kennedy nods.

"Why now, and not before?" Bonnie asks.

"It must have been different when we were in Melbourne," Erin explains. "They had space. It's harder when they're sharing a house again."

"Yeah, that," Kennedy says. "But also… I think the guilt just got to him." She runs a hand through her limp hair, and her eyes meet mine.

I look away, then regret it. If that's not a bright red sign of guilt, then I don't know what is.

"It's a pity we couldn't say goodbye," Erin says. "Though it'll be better for you two. I hope you're feeling okay, Kennedy."

That's what I should be asking Kennedy, as her best friend. Instead, I can barely meet her eye.

"I will, thanks. I'm just… yeah. I'm going to go back to my room." With that, she leaves.

Bonnie and Erin talk amongst themselves as they put groceries in the fridge and pantry. I help them finish before leaping up the staircase and into the attic bedroom.

Curtis's half of the room is empty. He's stripped his bed of blankets and sheets and likely thrown them into the washing machine. Because I'm insane, I look under his bed and in his bedside table drawers, and even in the bathroom. Nothing.

Of course. Curtis is nothing but thorough.

I don't know what I'm looking for. A note, so I don't feel like he left without saying anything to me? No, that's stupid. Curtis would never handwrite a note. Maybe I'm hoping he left something behind so I can message him about it. So back in Easton, I'll have an excuse to see him again and give it back to him.

I return to my bed and sit on the edge. My phone is out, my fingers tapping across the screen before I can think about it.

Liam: You left.

It doesn't take him long to respond — I guess there's not much to do on a bus. He'll either be on his phone, or reading his book, or thinking about how much he regrets having anything to do with me.

Curtis: Yeah. I tried to wait for you.

I try to think of something to say — I'm going to tell Kennedy, or I'm sorry, or I wish you stayed or I understand, but nothing is right. Curtis doesn't write anything either. I stop watching my screen and turn it off.

*

The rest of the day passes, both extremely quickly and excruciatingly slowly. Kennedy stays in the master bedroom, only emerging for meals and water. Bonnie and Erin give each other looks and speak gently to Kennedy. I can tell it annoys Kennedy that they're coddling her, but she doesn't say anything. She knows they love her. I speak a little to Kennedy, but I know she wants to be left alone.

She already feels so terrible. Imagine how much worse I'm going to make it when I tell her.

That night, in bed, I decide to tell her the next day. She'll be pissed I held off from telling her, but I couldn't bear to admit everything after Curtis left and everyone was feeling miserable. And also, I was just afraid of admitting it to her, period. I've never been very good at doing the right, mature thing. But if Curtis can do it, then I will. I have to. I owe it to both of them.

I take a while to fall asleep, and the next morning, instead of sleeping in, I wake up earlier than usual at eight o'clock. I check my phone and feel disappointed at my lack of notifications. I don't know what I was hoping for.

As I get changed and brush my teeth, I attempt to rehearse what I'll say to Kennedy, but soon give up. I'd rather avoid thinking about the conversation I'll have, and witness it be an incoherent disaster later.

As I walk downstairs, I hear movements in the kitchen. I expect it to be Bonnie and Erin, preparing for their daily run, but it's Kennedy.

She looks up when I enter. The bags under her eyes are grey. "Hey, Liam."

"Morning," I say. "Did you sleep well?" That's a dumb question.

Kennedy shrugs, then gestures at the machine. "Want me to make you one?"

"Thanks," I say, standing there and watching her make me a coffee, shifting on my feet. "So."

"So," Kennedy echoes as she finishes with my coffee. She passes the light-brown drink to me. I take a sip. The perfect ratio of milk and sugar.

"Are the cousins already up?" I ask.

Kennedy leans on the kitchen counter. "Yeah, they've gone on their run," she says. "I don't know how they do it."

A quick smile flies on my lips before disappearing. "How are you?"

She brings her coffee mug down, holding it with two hands. "As well as you can expect. I didn't expect the holidays to turn out like this."

I nod.

"You know what he told me?" Kennedy asks.

My heart jumps.

"He said that he liked someone." She puts her cup on the counter so she can gesture with her hands. "And something happened between them. He didn't go into detail. Not that I wanted to know what it was, anyway. I bet it was a girl from his Accounting class. I bet they sent him a nude or something —"

Her voice cuts off when she catches sight of my face. "Liam?" Her face shutters. "You already knew this."

I put my cup on the counter too. "I… I need to talk to you."

She lets out a low breath. "I've heard that phrase way too many times in the past few days. What is it? Did Curtis confide in you? Did you know he wanted to break up with me?"

I shake my head. "No, not that." I rub the back of my neck. How the hell am I meant to begin?

"Well, then what?" Kennedy demands when I haven't spoken. "I'm so sick of being the last to know."

"To preface, you're going to hate me. And I deserve that."

Kennedy blinks, surprised to hear I've done something wrong. As if she wasn't serious about the suggestions she gave before. "Curtis?"

"Should we sit down?" I say. "I think we should."

Kennedy doesn't answer for half a minute, her eyes appraising me as if trying to tease the secret out of my appearance alone. "Okay."

We walk to the living room, and she sits on one end of the couch and I sit on the other. We sit up with our legs crossed, facing each other, the way we have for ages. I want to pull Kennedy into a hug. Instead, I keep my space.

"It's a long story," I say, once we're both in our positions and I can't put it off anymore. "Well, not that long. It only started on this holiday. More specifically, like a week ago…" I'm babbling and I don't know how to stop. I take a deep breath. "Um. But at some point, I realised I kind of — that I liked Curtis. In not a friend way," I say.

Kennedy pales.

"And, um, I didn't tell you because… well, of course, I didn't want to tell you because he was your boyfriend, but also I thought it would go away. That it was just a tiny crush. And then, um… you two broke up. And then you and Bonnie and Erin went to Melbourne, and we were alone."

Kennedy shakes her head, eyes frozen on me.

I bite down on my lip and force myself to continue. "And on the second night, we… it was my fault, a hundred percent all my fault."

"What happened?" she forces the words out.

"I kissed him."

I can't bear to see Kennedy's reaction, so I look around the room as if trying to find inspiration for something to make this conversation better. But there's nothing.

When I look at Kennedy, she's got a throw pillow in her lap and she picks at a thread. Her voice is toneless, and she doesn't look at me. "What else happened?"

"Nothing. We stopped. Except… he slept in the bed. With me. That night."

Kennedy shakes her head.

"I'm so, so sorry," I say.

"You should have told me earlier. So I wouldn't have slept in that bed."

I feel my eyes burn, but I'd feel stupid for crying, especially if Kennedy isn't. I don't get to cry, because I'm the one who ruined everything. "I'm sorry," I whisper.

Kennedy stands up, leaving the throw pillow on the couch, and begins to leave the room.

"Should I… should I take the bus back home?"

She stops in the doorway but doesn't turn around. Her shoulders are stiff.

"You can do anything you want," I say. "I deserve it. I'll go. I can go now. I'll pack my bags and…" I trail off when I see her body shift as she inhales.

"Don't bother," she says, and her voice wobbles with the first hint of emotion.