Blue 42 by C.A. Rene

Chapter twenty-nine

Sebastian

It’s been a week since I watched Dani stalking out of Dixon’s house and looking murderous. She hasn’t been back and they’ve been avoiding each other at the stadium. I should let my plan go now since it clearly looks like they’ve broken up, but I know how Dani operates, and she always wants what she can’t have. She’s been giving him longing looks in the past two days, telling me her anger is dissipating, and she’s going to try to make up with him.

Not going to happen.

We also have a game tomorrow night and I know Dixon has asked Jameson for the Toradol. He won’t be playing this game but he told Coach he’d be back next week and I know he’s not ready. He’s still limping after long runs and he can’t stay on during a practice for too long. If he wants to try Toradol, there’s nothing I can do about that, and he’s a big boy. I’ve used it a few times but I never had an injury like his. Sometimes getting sacked will make a shoulder swell or you hit onto your hip hard. In those instances, Toradol can numb the pain to continue the game, but sprains and dislocations are different. That shit needs time to heal.

Coach tells us to cool down after practice and hit the weight room, specifically telling Dixon to strengthen his leg. Then he leaves, saying he has a meeting with the sponsors, and that translates to happy hour at the local bar. I walk by his office and Dani is sitting inside, reading a book by his desk.

“Hey,” I say as I lean against the door.

“Hi,” her voice is husky as she watches the sweat drip down my chest.

“You’re looking single lately,” I say to her with a grin.

“I don’t know,” she shrugs and rolls her eyes.

“What if I want a taste?”

Her eyes darken and she stands from the chair, “of what, Sebastian?”

“Your sweet pussy.” Straight up.

“Here?” she looks around.

“Why not? Haven’t you always wanted to be fucked on top of your father’s desk?”

She bites her bottom lip and then her mouth spreads into a smile, “okay. I need to freshen up first.”

She slips by me and runs her hand along my chest. I pretend to shudder with want as she snickers and hurries off to probably wash her stank pussy. I see her purse chilling on top of Coach’s desk and grab it, searching for her phone inside. I already know that Dani doesn’t have a password set up because she hates remembering anything, dumb ass hoe. I scroll through her contacts and find Dixon, pulling up the text box to write him a message. When I hear the click of her heels on the concrete, I stuff the phone back in her purse, and lean against the desk.

She comes inside and closes the door, giving me a slow smirk.

“You remember how I like it, don’t you Dani?” I watch as she visibly swallows and nods.

I push off the desk and round to the other side, kicking Coach’s chair out of the way. I motion for her to come stand in front of me and she hurries over, knowing she needs to be compliant. I grab her shoulder and turn her roughly, pressing her down to bend over her father’s desk. With my hand on the back of her head, keeping her face planted against the wood, I work her skirt up with the other. Dani never wears underwear unless she has to and I’m thankful for it right now, knowing I don’t have much time.

My shorts and boxers are next, pushed down around my thighs. I line myself up and slam into her, her cry of pain so fucking sweet. I pull out and thrust in again, grunting with the impact. She whimpers loudly and on my third thrust, the door opens.

“Dani?” Dixon says as he peers around the door.

I don’t stop and when she struggles to get up, I push her head even harder into the surface of the desk.

“Sebastian,” Dixon breathes, watching me pound my cock into his girlfriend, “what the fuck are you doing?”

I raise my brow and ignore Dani’s protests, the sound of our slapping flesh echoing inside the office. I don’t bother to answer because that’s rhetorical, right? I curl my fingers into her hair and lift her head, making her face Dixon.

“Tell him you want this.”

“Dixon,” she sobs his name.

I pull on her hair, feeling some strands give away under my harsh grip, and she whimpers. “Tell him.”

“I wanted it.” She whispers and Dixon’s eyes widen.

“Your girlfriend is a whore.” I tell him as I slam her head back down.

“Whoa,” his brows crash together, “you’re hurting her.”

“I know,” I pick up my speed, my thrusts becoming harder, and her hip bones are banging off the edge of the desk. She’ll have bruising tomorrow. “This is the way I fuck, Dixon. Ain’t that right?” I slam inside her and curl my body over hers. “I asked you a question.”

“Yes,” her voice shakes.

“Why am I here?” Dixon asks her but she can’t tell he’s asking her, so I answer.

“I sent you that message.”

His jaw clenches and his hands tighten into fists, “for?”

“So, you could see who she really wants.”

“And what do you want, Seb?” he takes a step forward. Seb. “How about you pull out of her or I’ll show her exactly what it is you want.”

I pull out of her, my cock wet with the evidence of how much she enjoyed it, regardless of her crying, and step back. She stands and pulls her skirt down, looking over her shoulder at me with accusation in her eyes. I raise my brow, my dick still out, and give her a wink.

“Get out.” Dixon demands and she grins at me. “Dani.” He clarifies and she gasps.

“Dixon, wait.” She tries and he raises his hand, shutting her up.

“This wasn’t working anyway, get out. I need to talk to Sebastian.” Back to Sebastian.

Dani grabs her purse and shoves past Dixon, his eyes never leaving mine. When the door shuts behind her, he takes a few steps forward, and stops on the other side of the desk.

“I’m here, now what?” he asks.

“My dick is covered in her pussy juice,” I taunt him, running a finger along its length, and popping it in my mouth. “Mm.”

“I know what her pussy tastes like,” he snorts.

“Oh yeah?” I tip my head to the side, “so, I guess you wouldn’t mind cleaning it off of me.”

He looks thoughtful for a few moments but then comes around the desk and looks down at my cock. He licks his lips, “I could. Tell me that’s what you want.”

He wants me to hand him the control, making me admit this is what I want, and taking the reins. My natural reaction is to refuse him and force him to do what I want, but Dixon won’t let that happen again, and I really want his mouth around me. I swallow down my pride and give him a nod.

“Tell me.” He leans forward, his mouth close to mine, “use your fucking words.”

I bare my teeth and growl, “I want you to suck my cock, now.” That’s as good as it’s going to get and he beams, knowing how hard that was for me.

He drops to his damn knees and I groan, almost shooting cum all over his face. I’ve wanted this for so long and now to finally have it, I don’t know how to make it last. I want it to be ingrained in my memory perfectly because I don’t know what will happen afterward.

His hands land on my hips and he leans forward, his tongue licking along my head. We both moan and my cock jerks against his chin. I want to tell him to stop because once this is done, I’m afraid it’ll be over between us, and I can’t imagine that. Before I can even protest, he opens his mouth wide, and swallows me down in one shot. My cock hits his throat and he gags, the constriction forcing me to grit against the sensation to come. He pulls back and I watch as a string of his salvia stretches from my head to his lip, making me almost lose my footing. I grip the desk and pant as he sucks on the tip, paying close attention to the ridged underside.

“How is my cleaning?” he grins up at me and I shut my eyes. It’s all too much, him on his knees, and his eyes looking up through his thick lashes.

He once again sucks my length into his mouth, his hand working what his mouth isn’t, and I can’t control the sensations that swim up my cock.

“Dixon,” I pant, “I’m going to come.”

He moans around my cock and I grab his head with both of my hands, shoving myself deeper into his throat. He moans and it sets off fireworks behind my eyelids as I come, forcing him to take all of me. My cum shoots down his throat and like a good boy, he swallows it without complaint.

I pull back and watch as he sucks in a lungful of air, my cock now glistening with his saliva. I instantly miss him and I know it sounds insane, but I feel like he’s already gone. I pull up my shorts and he stands up, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. It’s done and I feel deserted, my heart crashing in my chest. I haven’t felt this way before and it scares me.

He turns on his heel and heads for the door, opening it without a backward glance. He’s gone, just like I figured he would be, and I lean both hands on the desk in front of me. I have never felt such a feeling of loss, not even when my mother died, and not when a few of my boys were killed. This is something new entirely and the heartbreak is confusing.

The heartbreak is so fucking painful.

Dixon

I can’t believe that just happened.

I rush through the locker room, grabbing up my things, and bypassing the shower. I was in the middle of my weight training when Dani texted me and I can’t finish it now, I need to leave. I just sucked Sebastian’s dick. I just sucked a man’s dick and I enjoyed it. I’m still hard, fucking solid, and I know it’s not going anywhere until I take care of it. This is nothing like sex with Dani, my erection is going nowhere, and I am once again propelled into immense confusion.

I thought I had this sorted out, that Sebastian was a weird phase, and my lack of proper friendships was the problem. I don’t think that’s true, not after today, and not after swallowing his cum like it was my last meal. There’s nothing about what I did that’s confusing, it was gay, and it was unforgettable. I am gay for Sebastian Avando and no one else. He’s ruined me for women and yet, he’s ruined me for himself. He’s married and he has a child. I’m just a distraction and that breaks my damn heart. I have never had a broken heart and thought I was above it, that loving someone was something I had no time for.

I rush to my car and get in, starting it up. I rest my forehead on the wheel, mentally berating myself for letting shit get this tangled, and knowing I’m at fault. He raped me and yet I got on my knees for him. What the fuck is wrong with me? I look up to put the car in drive when I see him. He’s standing at the stadium’s entrance, still in his shorts, and his bare chest moving rapidly. His breath coming out in puffs of white in the cold December air. We lock eyes and stare at each other, something huge transpired between us. There’s no going back and I don’t know what that means for me.

I break the stare down and slam my car into drive, burning tires as I leave the parking lot. Thankfully, there’s no traffic and getting home takes minimal concentration. As I pull into my driveway, large fluffy snowflakes start hitting my windshield, and it’s the first snow of the season. As the flakes hit the window, they instantly melt, and the water runs down in tiny rivulets, transporting me into a memory.

“Dixon!” Danny yells as he runs into our one room apartment, “it’s snowing!”

I jump up from our mattress on the floor and run to stand beside him at the window, watching as the large puffs fall slowly from the sky.

“Did you know that every snowflake is different?” I ask him and he looks at me with confusion.

“They look the same to me.”

“I know,” I shake my head at him, “but close up they have their very own designs. No two snowflakes are alike.”

“That’s impossible,” he waves me off. “Everything has its pair, like soulmates.”

“You don’t know anything,” I roll my eyes and step away from him.

“And you don’t know everything,” he retorts.

“Are you hungry?” I pull out a pack of ramen noodles, the last one.

“Can we go out and play instead?”

He’s so small and I know he’s not eating enough, but I don’t want him to be sad either.

“Okay, but then we come in and you eat.” I grab my jacket while he jumps up and down.

The snow falls harder and thicker, pulling the memory away from me, and leaving me bereft. I miss my brother and I’ve been missing him long before he was murdered. I blink heavily and exhale, I’m still fucked up about Danny. I feel alone in my grief and maybe Sebastian helped me forget for a short time. That must be why I did what I did in Coach’s office. I need someone and I’m tired of being alone. Sebastian proved to me that Dani’s not that person, even though I already knew that, and maybe he was the next best thing.

I get out of the car and head inside, the smell of fried chicken hitting me. I groan out loud, dropping my bag in the mud room, and heading into the kitchen. Ma is there in front of the eight-burner, industrial stove, and I feel hope that she’ll be okay, until she turns around. Her face has aged in the last few weeks and her hair is greyer. Her presence is constantly shrouded in sadness and her shoulders are slumped forward.

“Hello son,” she tries to smile and fails, “I made your favorite.”

It’s not my favorite, it was Danny’s, but I don’t dare tell her that. I don’t want to tip the delicate balance and shove her back into a depressive funk.

“Thanks Ma.”

“How was practice and your knee?” she looks at me worriedly.

“It’s feeling great,” I lie. It doesn’t feel like it’s getting any better but I can’t put her through any more stress.

“That’s good,” she nods and pulls me out a plate.

Silence falls heavily around us in the backdrop of this gourmet kitchen I always wanted to give to her, and I begin to realize, I never knew my family well. The second I could, I left and pursued a dream, and even though it was filled with good intentions, I lost my family along the way. Ma and I used to talk about Danny, where he was, what he did at school, and the shit he was getting himself into on the regular. Now, we have nothing to chat about. She knows nothing about football and I know nothing about the church.

After she serves me, she heads out of the kitchen without looking back, and my heart breaks some more. I don’t know how much of it is left to break. I look down at my plate just as a sob works its way up my throat, how can I eat this? I like fried chicken but Danny loved it and the longer I stare down at it, the guiltier I feel. I’m so filled with guilt and it’s threatening to consume me completely. I take the plate and put it in the oven, then head up to my room.

I open the door and the first thing I remember is Dani laying on her back in my bed. I squeeze my eyes shut and try to shove it aside but again, the guilt works its way in. I don’t blame her for turning to Sebastian, especially if he was showing her attention because I didn’t give that to her, and I feel so terrible. She’s better off without me anyway, I don’t have feelings for her, and I don’t even know my sexuality anymore.

I don’t know who I am anymore.