The Lion Soul by Amy Sumida
Chapter Thirty-Two
We stayed out of the villages just in case word had spread about me. At least the journey to Stalana wasn't long; we were back by the next evening. I rode through the mists in a carriage this time. I hadn't shifted since the day we left Caralin; it seemed both ill-advised and pointless.
Less than an hour after exiting the mists, we arrived at the Lion Camp with just enough energy to eat before we fell into bed. It felt, oddly enough, like coming home and that seemed sad to me since Varalorre was supposed to be my new home. I never even got to see the palace the Queen had given me.
But when I woke in the morning, my sadness disappeared under the sweep of strong hands and sweet lips. Kaelen and I spent an hour celebrating our return before we grudgingly got dressed and had breakfast. The Lion Lord took a meeting with his generals and the Unsidhe General before he began planning our trip down the coast to the Wolf Camp. I took the opportunity to meditate on the beach.
The soft shushing of boots in sand warned me of Kaelen's approach, but I kept my eyes shut until he sat down beside me and said, “I'm sorry to interrupt.”
“We have to go?” I asked as I opened my eyes and looked over at him.
“I suppose we don't have to go right this second.” Kae grinned softly and took my hand.
Kaelen stared at the water, his breath evening out into a peaceful cadence, but I stared at him. It had been a little over two weeks since we had met and my life had been changed utterly. Consumed by Kaelen Brimara. The old me would have been horrified by this, but the new me was content. In fact, the more wrapped around the Lion Lord I became, the more I felt like myself. As if I had been preparing for him my whole life—preparing to become someone else. In a way, I had, but I had no idea that it would be like this. That my lion would be so wonderful.
“Do you hate me?” Kae whispered, shocking me.
“What?” I gaped at him.
“Maybe just a little?” Kaelen shifted his stare and met mine as if expecting an assault. “You can tell me; I won't be mad.”
“Kae, why would I hate you?”
“Why wouldn't you?” His jaw clenched and his eyes went tight around the edges. “I would hate me; I do a little.”
“Well, this is new,” I mused.
“What is?”
“This self-degrading lionshit.”
“It's called bullshit,” he corrected me with a grin.
“That too, but I knew what I was saying, you ass. I was making it personal since you were the one spouting the shit.”
“I'm spouting shit, eh?” Kaelen chuckled.
“There. That's better. We've talked about this; I'm the stoic one, remember? We can't have two of us or we'll never smile again.”
“I thought you said you were funny?” He lifted a brow in challenge.
“I am, but I have a dry sense of humor. Subtle.” I lifted my chin rebelliously. Then I went serious, “I will never hate you. No matter what happens, Kae. I've seen your soul, and it's too beautiful to hate.”
“I wanted so much for us,” Kae said softly, then lifted my hand to kiss the back of it. “I had all these fantasies about taking you to Varalorre and sweeping you off your feet with magic and splendor. I wanted to give you a home and a family. Instead, I've lost mine.”
“You haven't lost it forever. We'll get it back. We'll show them who we are together.” I squeezed his hand.
“We're going to learn how to make magic together,” he said softly.
“I thought we already did that.” I smirked.
“See?” He jerked his chin at me. “Your sense of humor isn't dry at all. That was rather sweet.”
“I can branch out when necessary.”
“Lion Lord?” Roga, one of Kaelen's knights, approached us. “We're ready to leave.”
“We'll be right there.” Kae waited for Roga to walk away before he looked back at me and asked, “In Varalorre, you stopped me from telling you how I felt. Why?”
“Is that why you think I hate you?”
Kaelen shrugged.
“You were upset. We had just escaped a mob that chased us out of your home. Neither of us was thinking clearly, and I didn't want you to say something that you'd regret.”
“You think I'd regret it?” He lifted his brows in surprise.
“You would if you didn't mean it.”
“Rie, I don't say things I don't mean.”
I stared at him. The words were right on the tip of my tongue, but I clenched my teeth and swallowed them. Instead, I said, “Kae, if we exchange words of love, I want it to be beautiful and pure, untouched by tragedy. If that's even possible for us. I don't want it connected to your tears unless they're tears of joy.”
Kaelen sighed deeply and stood up, then reached down to offer me a hand. I let him help me up, watching him warily.
“I want that too, Rie,” he said at last. “I suppose you're right. I shouldn't say anything until my head is clear.”
The Lion Lord started walking back to camp, and I followed. Following me was the horrible sense that I had just fucked up royally.
