Till It Hurts by Cora Brent
Tori
Now
My phone alarm is a mooing cow and it’s a surprisingly soothing sound to wake up to.
Today, however, I’m in the middle of a marvelous dream and I’m intensely annoyed to be moo’d out of it so rudely. With a grunt and a stretch of my arm, I locate the phone, swipe, and then burrow back into the covers for a few more delicious minutes, trying to reclaim the wisps of my dream. I was dreaming of Jace.
Two weeks ago today I checked out of Painted Rock Recovery. I hugged Althea and all the new friends I’d made during my stay and then ran outside, straight into the waiting arms of the man I love. After five solid minutes of being kissed by Jace, Colt finally complained that he wanted a chance to greet his sister too. So I let go of Jace long enough to hug my brother. There weren’t words enough to describe my happiness. They each grabbed one of my bags and then the three of us linked arms and walked away together. At my request, we stopped at Burger Haven for hamburgers before finishing our journey to Arcana.
At home, I was surprised to find that the master bedroom had been cleaned out and redecorated in anticipation of my return. Now when I curl up in bed at night and think of Gloria, I feel content and relaxed. I know I’m exactly where she would want me to be. I think we all are. And I like to believe that somehow Gloria knows this.
Jace doesn’t sleep here. He’s still working on the new house. He was willing to leave McClane here, but I don’t want him to be alone. The fact that we haven’t had sex since I’ve been back isn’t because we want each other any less. No, we want each other more than ever. Every day we’re together. We kiss constantly. We flirt. We tease. We share steamy late night video calls. Sometimes we just take a drive and hold hands as we watch the stars, remembering the romance of our early days when just being near one another was an immense thrill. Being near him is still a thrill and always will be. Jace shows me all the care and patience in the world and I love him with all my heart. As for me, I’m content to ease back into the world slowly, savoring each day while also eagerly looking forward to sharing my life with him.
There’s also Colt to consider. He’s here for now, staying in the spare room down the hall, but I can see him growing restless. While he never complains, I can’t expect him to live in the spare bedroom forever. But as long as my brother is around, I want to take every opportunity to be where he is.
My days aren’t free of challenges. Twice a week I see a therapist. I’ll always need to stay vigilant and take care of myself. But I can do that. I know I can. I turned out to be stronger than I knew. Colt and Jace had faith in me all along.
The times I treasure the most are the ones like last night. Jace picked up takeout from Giorgio’s and the three of us stuffed our faces while watching the old sci fi thriller Aliens on the couch. Of course, Colt and Jace spent about half the movie debating back and forth about sheer nonsense but that’s nothing new. Hearing their banter and witnessing the revival of their friendship is beyond wonderful.
My phone moos again, which is just as well. I need to be up soon to get ready for work. This week I returned to Paul’s office. He welcomed me back with enthusiasm and even Nina was pleased because she’s been holding off on quitting until my return. A desk job is just not for her and she’s begun working at her boyfriend’s bar while also singing with her band. In fact, she’ll be singing tonight at the Arcana Community Center’s big bash to celebrate Chief Radcliff’s long overdue retirement.
I can hear Colt in the kitchen. He’s likely been awake for hours. He’s doing his best to be quiet and failing. He drops something in the sink and then belts out a “Fuck!” With a snort of laughter, I pull on a soft terrycloth robe before leaving the room in search of a cup of herbal tea, which I’ve gotten in the habit of drinking instead of coffee.
I find my brother standing beside the sink with a shard of white ceramic in his hand.
“What did you break?” I ask.
He turns at the sound of my voice. “A butter dish. At least that’s what I think it was.”
I laugh at him. “You shaved your beard.”
He grins. “Happy birthday, Tor.”
“Happy birthday to you too, little brother.”
Colt moves aside so that I can prepare my tea. He then generously fills two bowls with cornflakes and hands me one.
I carry my cereal and my tea to the table. “You want your present now?”
“Hold on.” He dashes down the hall and returns with a small box wrapped in silver paper. “Let’s open them together.”
I pull a small envelope out of my robe pocket and hand it over. Colt waits until I’ve begun unwrapping my gift before ripping the envelope. He finishes first and holds up the piece of paper with a chuckle.
“Thought Dave didn’t sell gift certificates.”
“Only for special customers. When I went on and on about how you’ve been devoted to his food since you were a little kid, he was willing to make an exception. Or maybe he just wanted me to shut up.”
Colt gestures to my present. “Open up yours now.”
Getting that done proves to be a chore. “What did you do, use glue?” I mutter as I try to pry the paper from the box.
He smirks. “Yup. Lots of it.”
“Very funny.” In the end I have to rip the box itself to get it open. Inside, I find a bracelet made from tiger’s eye stones.
“To match your necklace,” he says. “I saw that you still wear it. I remember when Gloria gave it to you.”
So do I. She gave me that necklace on my seventeenth birthday, only weeks before the night when I kissed her grandson in the moonlight for the very first time.
Colt helps me fasten the bracelet to my wrist and then he attacks his cornflakes.
I sip my tea and watch my brother. I know that Jace’s property renovations are close to complete and soon Colt will run out of things to do. He stays only to watch over me and I love him for that. Yet he needs to hear that I’ve come a long way. I’m comfortable with myself and I’m all right. I’m happy.
I set my cup down. “What would you be doing right now if you weren’t here in Arcana?”
He leans back in his chair. “I’d be on the Hi-Line. Montana. A buddy who has thrown a lot of seasonal work my way owns his own company now and he’s got a list of summer projects he needs help with. Beautiful country up there. I always try to get as far north as possible during this time of year. Anyway, reliable labor is tough to come by and I had planned to help him out, but he understands.”
“You should go.”
“Tori, I didn’t mean that I was looking for an out. You come first.”
“I know you weren’t looking for an out. But you should go, Colt. You should go because you kept your promise. You saw me through a terrible time and I’m forever grateful. You’re a good brother. And I want to be a good sister. So you should go. Send me pictures. Send me videos. Call me every week. Just keep me in your life and I’ll keep you in mine.”
His jaw works. “I’ll think about it.”
The doorbell rings. And then it immediately rings again.
“Gee, I wonder who that is,” Colt deadpans.
We know exactly who it is.
I jump up from the table and dash to the door. I don’t doubt that Jace is on the other side, although he usually just uses his key.
It turns out he’s got his hands full, balancing a cake on each open palm. “Happy birthday, baby.”
I laugh and reach for the nearest cake. “How the hell did you ring the doorbell?”
“Athletic prowess.”
We meet in the middle for a kiss.
Jace has baked and messily iced both cakes himself. Red velvet for me and chocolate for Colt. He remembers everything.
We’re happy to discard our cornflakes in favor of cake for breakfast. Jace pulls my chair close and shows me a photo of my birthday present.
“I’m sorry it’s not here yet,” he says. “It’s currently on a truck all the way from Massachusetts.”
His gift to me is a one hundred year old impeccably restored baby grand piano. Jace adds that he’s also arranged for unlimited piano lessons to be taken whenever I choose from Mr. Carpenter, the retired Arcana High music teacher.
“I love it.” I kiss him. “And I love you.”
Jace shovels in one last forkful of chocolate cake and then has to run out to his truck to retrieve Colt’s birthday gift.
“A good investment since we’re no longer allowed to plunder the Arcana High storage basement,” Jace explains, presenting a pair of archery bows.
Colt slides an arrow out of one of the cannisters. “Thanks, man. We should go shoot some of these later today, after we’re done working on the front porch.”
Jace nods. “Sounds good.”
With the cakes in ruins, Colt ambles off to the shower. I know I can count on his shower routine to last a solid fifteen minutes.
I wait until I hear the bathroom door close and then I nudge Jace under the table with my foot. “Want to make out?”
He immediately pushes back from the table. “My lap awaits.”
“Let’s go to the couch.”
“Even better.”
Jace lets me pull him into the living room and he enjoys when I shove him down on the sofa.
“Someone’s feisty this morning.” He props his big hands on my hips when I climb on to straddle him.
“I’ll show you feisty.” I give him my tongue and arch my back, pressing close. I’ll never get over how good he feels. My robe comes loose and I shrug out of it completely. Underneath, I’m wearing the thinnest of cotton tanks with no bra and a pair of nylon shorts. I pull his shirt up and explore the rock hard muscles of his chest, his belly, and lower. I trace the snap of his jeans, feel for his zipper.
“You’re killing me this morning,” he groans and sucks at my neck.
We’re getting aggressive fast, both of us. I feel one strap fall from my shoulder and help the other one fall too. Jace shoves the fabric down to my waist and bends his head to use his mouth on my breasts.
At this point, I’m going wild. I’m grinding on him with no shame and throwing my head back while he sucks one nipple and then the other. The urgency is building and my body insists on moving harder, faster, in search of an end to this torture.
“Let me get you there,” he begs. “Let me make you come.”
I can still hear the shower running. I nod.
His hand slips inside my shorts. His fingers easily find where I’m ready and aching.
“You’re so damn sexy,” he growls. “Fucking hell, Tor. You can’t imagine how bad I want you.”
My hips move, urging his fingers deeper. Soon, very soon, I’ll collide with the crashing wave. “You know I love to hear it, Jace.”
His thumb presses a sweet spot. “And you know I love saying it. I can’t wait to feel you tremble when my cock takes you. After that, I’m going to use my tongue to make you come again and again. Then I want you to get on your knees and demand to suck me off.”
“Yes, please, all of that.” The climax slams into me and I give in. I bear down, brazenly using his hand to get what I need.
He kisses me while I’m coming. My arms wrap around his broad shoulders and my bare breasts are crushed against his hard chest. Every tiny internal explosion is mind blowing.
“My turn,” I whisper and tug on his zipper.
But Jace freezes. He pushes the straps of my shirt up.
“The shower stopped,” he explains.
I sigh. “I guess we shouldn’t risk scarring poor Colt for life.”
Jace touches my face. “Happy birthday, Victoria.” He gently moves me from his lap. “Tell Colt to meet me at the house in an hour. I’ve got to go pick up the wood for the front porch.”
I look down pointedly and crack up. “You’ve got some wood, all right.”
He winks. “I’ll pick you up at six for the party.”
“Love you!”
“Love you more.”
He’s gone before I can argue.
After passing Jace’s message along to Colt, I have to hustle to get ready for work.
Paul has remembered it’s my birthday and a box of donuts waits on my desk. After devouring two slices of cake for breakfast, I’ve likely already consumed six times the daily recommended sugar allowance so what harm can one donut do? Nina’s last day at the office is today and she’s full of nervous energy over tonight’s performance. Eating three jelly donuts helps her relax a little.
“You’re coming to the party, right, Pop Pop?” she calls to her grandfather.
Paul emerges from his office and gives her a smile. “I wouldn’t miss it.”
He drops into a waiting room chair and wants to talk about the suggestion I made yesterday. He asks if I’m ready to get started and I am. I’m going to get my realtor’s license. Paul is pleased. He agreed that an in house realtor would add a lot of depth to his business and he added that I would be free to pursue additional opportunities on my own. One side effect to the addition of Jace to the neighborhood is a surge of outside interest in the town. Perhaps it’s fair to assume that Arcana’s renaissance is just on the horizon. I hope so. I love my hometown.
Nina loudly practices her throat exercises all afternoon, until her grandfather gently suggests that she ought to go home and rest up for tonight’s show. Shortly after Nina runs off, Paul decides to close early.
“It’s Friday,” he shrugs. “And it’s a special occasion.”
Chief Radcliff’s retirement gala at the community center is technically being paid for by Jace, via substantial donations he made to both the Arcana Town Council and the Arcana Recreational Committee. The invitation to attend is open to the whole town, although this will likely be the last event held at the old center that dates back to the 1970s. Next week ground will be broken on a new community center that spent years in the planning stages. The project has received a sizeable boost thanks to a couple of fundraising events Jace agreed to participate in.
Jace has really learned to embrace his celebrity status on the local level. He even granted an extensive interview to the Arcana Tribune, which over the years had been reduced to a skeleton staff of two former librarians and was only published four times a year. Jace gives interviews so rarely that this one received a terrific amount of attention. It was a trip to see the Arcana Tribune being quoted all over the place online. In the interview, Jace was very candid about his decision to leave football. While he will be forever grateful for the opportunities he received and to the people who supported him, his preference is to live peacefully in his hometown. When he was asked to comment about the rumor that he’d rekindled a romance with his high school sweetheart, Jace replied, quite matter-of-factly, “Victoria Malene is my forever.”
And you’re mine, Jace.
It turns out Colt has to be talked into coming to the party. My brother, king of the high school social scene, now has no patience for gatherings of more than three people. He only relents when I remind him that Rochelle and Carrie are planning to be there. Carrie will be extremely disappointed if her brother doesn’t show up.
I don’t know what, if anything, Carrie knows about our family’s complex dynamics, but she has insistently claimed Colt as her brother and he is happy to cooperate.
Jace arrives early and he looks like a dream in blue jeans and a lighter blue short sleeve button down shirt. His eyes skim approvingly over the new pink sundress I chose with my little sister in mind.
“Beautiful,” he declares and presents a lovely wrist corsage, the kind worn to proms and homecoming dances. When he helps me slip it on, I’m reminded that we never got a chance to experience this kind of tradition together. I’m sure the thought has also occurred to Jace. This is his way of making up for something we missed out on.
His hands slide around my waist and I slip my arms over his shoulders, pulling him down for a kiss. We’re still kissing when Colt thuds into the room and heaves an exasperated sigh over the sight of us all over each other for the thousandth time this week.
“Hush,” I warn him and stick my tongue out.
Colt rolls his eyes but he just likes to blow hot air. I know how happy he is for us.
On the drive over to the community center, Jace mentions that he and Colt did venture out to the wilderness to play with their new archery toys. And then they paid a visit to Coach Toledo.
“How is he?” I ask, knowing it’s a question with no good answer. The man is dying.
“He was having a good day,” Jace says. “He was very glad to see Colt.”
I nod and can’t help but flash back to that long ago furious scene on the front lawn between Coach Toledo and my brother. I shove the memory away. It’s not a pleasant one and tonight we are making new memories. Happy ones.
The party is already jumping when we arrive. There’s not nearly enough room inside the building to accommodate everyone, so a giant tent has been erected in the grassy field behind it. This is where Nina occupies a small stage with her band and sings a Taylor Swift song. I can say with honesty that she really does have an excellent voice.
Rochelle and Carrie arrive right behind us.
“I love your dress!” Carrie dances all around me and then grabs Colt’s hand. “Come on, big brother. You have to dance with me.”
Colt was never a dancer and he’s certainly not one now but he would never disappoint a little girl. He allows himself to be dragged over to the temporary dance floor and does his best to keep up.
Rochelle laughs. “She adores him.” Then she hugs me. “Happy birthday, Tori. Your present is in the car. Don’t let me forget to give it to you. Hey, Jace.”
He gives her a quick hug. “Hi, Rochelle. How are things?”
He doesn’t get much time to hear how things are with Rochelle because he’s quickly mobbed by a pack of middle school kids imploring him to pose for photos with them.
Nina finishes one Taylor Swift song and begins another.Carrie persuades Colt to remain on the dance floor and the sight of them is so cute that Rochelle pulls out her phone and snaps a photo.
“Come on.” Impulsively, I take her hand and pull her closer to the music.
“What? Where are we going?”
“I want to dance with my stepmother.”
Rochelle laughs, but plays along. We’re dancing, sort of, and she nods to where Jace is smiling for a group photo with a collection of Arcana’s youngsters. “How are you two doing?”
“Excellent. He’s wonderful.”
“I’m glad. You deserve only the best.”
“So do you, Rochelle.” I lean over to whisper in her ear. “And Dad would not want you to be alone forever.”
She shuts her eyes for a moment. I hope what I’ve said has not hurt her. I just felt like someone should say it. And I’m also sure it’s true. My father loved Rochelle. He would want her to be happy, even after he was gone.
Rochelle opens her eyes and nods. I squeeze her hand in comfort.
Carrie and Colt have now joined us and Carrie wants to dance with her mother.
“You’re dancing with me later, Tori,” she promises.
“Wouldn’t miss it,” I assure her before she drags Rochelle away.
My brother’s glance is slightly uneasy. “You’re not going to make me dance too, are you?”
“No way. That was painful to watch.”
He’s miffed. “I had some great moves out there.”
“You did not.”
“Whatever.” He snorts. “I’m going to hunt down some food. You coming?”
I look for Jace and notice that he is trying to disconnect from his admirers. “You go ahead. The buffet is set up inside.”
Nina transitions from Taylor Swift and begins singing I Hope You dance.
My eyes stay on Jace as he searches for me in the crowd. He breaks into a wide grin when he finds me watching him. He threads his way over here and my heartbeat quickens, as always. He’s mine. All mine. And I’m lucky beyond measure.
I reach for him. “May I have this dance?”
He folds me into his arms without hesitation. My cheek presses to his chest. His hand travels up my back and sifts through my long hair. We sway in time to the music without really dancing and something crosses my mind that makes me giggle.
“What’s funny?” His fingers tickle my neck.
“I was thinking about all those movies where there’s a big dance at the end. Look where we are. This is our dance.”
“It is our dance.” Jace moves his head to peer down at me. “But this isn’t the end.”
“No?”
He kisses me. “No.”
I stretch up to my toes. “Then kiss me again.”
He does.