Fragile Longing by Cora Reilly
Guilt was a feeling I was intimately familiar with, a constant presence shadowing my life ever since Emma’s accident that had been affirmed after Serafina’s kidnapping.
Yet, the strength of my guilt after what I’d just done hit me by surprise.
Occasionally, I’d felt a flicker of guilt toward Sofia, but now the flicker was a roaring flame burning my insides.
Sofia lay on the bed before me, her eyes distant. I didn’t even want to imagine what images were flitting through her mind.
How I’d talked to her like she was a whore?
How I’d pushed her against the tree and tried to shove myself into her?
What was she doing here? At my lodge? At a party she had absolutely no business being? And how had she gotten in? The need to interrogate her rose in me, and with it anger, but now wasn’t the time. She was still naked and most likely in shock. I needed to get her away from here before someone found out about this.
“Sofia, you need to get dressed,” I urged her again.
She grabbed the panties and inched them up her legs, her movements slow and distracted. She had trouble getting her tight leather pants in place, so I helped her. Sitting up, she closed the zipper over her butt before she leaned back against the headboard as if the movement had already drained her of all energy.
Laughter carried through the hallway. I’d made it clear that the upstairs rooms were off limits, but obviously a few drunkards had other things on their mind. Most of the rooms were locked, except the one we were in.
I shoved to my feet and stalked to the door, ripping it open. Scowling down the hallway, I discovered Samuel with an arm around a chick. Of course, he’d be the one ignoring my order. He was dressed as a goddamn cowboy and it fit his blond sunny boy look perfectly. The girls were going crazy about him. I was enraged over his obvious disrespect for my sister before the stark realization of what I had done set in. I wasn’t any better. I was also fucking girls, and I hadn’t even realized that my latest conquest was my fiancée. I was a fucking asshole.
Samuel looked my way, but his gaze was unfocused, and he was leaning heavily on the girl at his side. I doubted he’d be able to fuck her, much less remember a single thing of tonight in the morning. “Keys?” he slurred.
Gritting my teeth, I closed the door behind me and unlocked the door to the guest bedroom. Samuel gave me a drunken grin before he stumbled inside with the girl. He’d either be busy for a while or pass out.
I returned to my bedroom where Sofia was still exactly how I’d left her. I was really starting to worry about her, but calling a doctor, even if it was my most trusted man, didn’t sit well with me—and it was against Sofia’s explicit wish.
I had to find out what had happened. “Are you alone?” I asked in a low voice.
For a moment, she looked at me blankly.
“At the party,” I added. It was highly unlikely that she was alone. Carlo had mentioned that Sofia would be spending the weekend at the Mione lake lodge nearby, but I had been busy with work and party planning and hadn’t paid much attention.
She bit her lip, obviously weighing her words, her fingers fumbling with the covers.
Someone had gotten her here. She avoided my eyes. Sinking down beside her, I nudged her chin up but quickly pulled back when she tensed. Fuck. I was such a goddamn asshole.
“Where are your bodyguards? And how did you get here?”
“I can’t tell you.”
“Then I’ll have to call your father.” It was the last thing I wanted to do, but honor dictated it. Sofia was his daughter and had run away from her bodyguards and found me at this party. I didn’t ask her why she’d sought me out, why she’d worn that blonde wig and used her sister’s perfume. I knew, and it made my guilt burn all the fiercer. Sofia wasn’t stupid. She wasn’t as naïve as I’d thought—had wished she was—but I’d have preferred it didn’t take this to make me realize it. My anger had overshadowed everything else, had made me act without considering what my actions might do to my young fiancée. I’d been lost in my need to get revenge, to fuck the anger out of my system.
Sofia’s head shot up, her eyes widening in shock. She pushed up, wincing, then clutched my arm. “Please don’t. They can’t find out.”
Her hand trembled. She was my responsibility. It was my duty to protect her, and I’d failed. How many more people would I fail? “Then tell me how you got here. Tell me who helped you.”
She swallowed. “You have to swear not to tell on them.”
I might just kill whoever was responsible. “You know that’s not something I can promise.”
I could see her walls coming up. She wanted to protect the person. So, it had to be someone who was close to her. Samuel was out of the question. He was extremely protective of her and would have never allowed her out of sight. No one else from her family, either. That left one of her friends. I stood and pulled out my phone, calling Carlo. He took the call after the second ring. “Who guarded Sofia today?”
“We did in the afternoon but in the evening, Santino took over.”
“Don’t leave Sofia out of your sight ever again, understood?”
“Yes, boss.” I ended the call and turned back to Sofia. She perched on the edge of the bed, one arm wrapped around her middle. She looked small and lost, and my guilt slashed me deeply over and over and over again.
Anna Cavallaro and her goddamn bodyguard. It made sense. Anna had always seemed like such a good girl, but it was all probably just for show. If she had her father’s cunning, tricking people into believing whatever she wanted wouldn’t be a problem.
Sofia wrung her hands, her eyes lowered to her lap. “I’m not taking the pill yet. I’ll start in a few days . . .” She shuddered violently.
I moved closer and sank down but made sure to keep my distance. “I didn’t come,” I said. Slash. Slash. That burning whip of guilt. I hadn’t even been halfway inside of her, but of course she didn’t know that. She’d been too tight, her body not ready for the assault. She was innocent, and I’d tried to fuck her against a tree like a cheap whore. “And I used a condom.” Because I thought she was a random girl out for a fuck, a meaningless fling to relieve my anger. Not my fiancée. Pietro and Samuel would gut me if they found out, as they should.
“Thank you,” she said automatically, then her brows drew together, as if she realized how little sense those words made.
She was in shock, no doubt, and maybe in need of medical treatment, but I respected her wish. “Where are Santino and Anna now?”
Her shock came swiftly. “How . . .” She trailed off, grimacing. “Carlo.”
I nodded.
“Please don’t tell anyone. Santino would get in trouble, and Anna, too.”
“Why did Santino agree to this?” Anna and Sofia must have talked him into it. A hint of anger toward Sofia flared but I quenched it. She’d only reacted to my thoughtless actions in a childish way, but she was young. I didn’t have that excuse anymore.
Sofia shrugged and shivered again. She needed to catch some sleep and hopefully get over her shock.
I glanced at my watch. It was past midnight. “I should take you home.”
Sofia shook her head. “You can’t.”
Maybe I should have told her parents. They might have demanded I marry her right away, which I would have done if it weren’t for the rumors an early wedding might cause. People would badmouth Sofia, speculate about a pregnancy or about her sleeping around. I wouldn’t allow those kinds of rumors to spread about her. She’d suffered enough.
“Please just take me back to the lodge. Anna and I are supposed to stay another night before going back home. My parents will get suspicious if I return early, especially if you take me home.”
“I’ll take you back to the lodge, but I’ll stay the night to make sure you’re safe.” Santino obviously had a strange understanding of protecting the girls, and Carlo was an idiot for trusting him with Sofia. “Tomorrow I’ll have a long talk with Santino and Anna.” Seeing her fear, I added, “I won’t tell on them, but only because I want to protect you, not them. For all I care, Dante can cut Santino’s balls off and lock his daughter in a tower until she’s married to that politician’s kid.”
She watched me in obvious surprise then quickly looked away again.
I straightened, then held out my hand. Sofia put her hand in mine and pushed to her feet. She swayed slightly. I wrapped an arm around her, then nudged her chin up. Her eyes were a bit unfocused and her breath smelled faintly of alcohol. “How much did you drink?”
“Only a bottle of beer.”
“Not the punch?” Marco had mixed the punch himself and it mainly consisted of alcohol. Things would be even worse if Sofia was drunk.
“No, I didn’t want to be drunk.”
Relief didn’t really set in.
“Let’s get you out of here. Do you need me to carry you?”
She flushed and shook her head quickly. My arm wrapped tightly around her waist, I led her into the hallway. The sounds from the party—music and laughter—drifted up the stairs. When we passed the guest bedroom, Samuel’s girl left the bedroom half-dressed.
Sofia cringed and I tightened my hold on her.
Santino came up the stairs, one of his hands under his leather jacket, ready to pull his gun. A skull mask was shoved back on his head.
I narrowed my eyes at him. If it wouldn’t have made waves and brought attention to what had happened today—something I couldn’t allow if I wanted to protect Sofia’s honor—I would have put a bullet through his head. I’d never liked him much. He was a good fighter, cruel and ruthless, but he was also reckless and arrogant. He looked at Sofia and grimaced.
“Where’s your ward? Did you allow her to roam the party without protection as well?” I growled, close to losing my patience. I’d always prided myself on my self-control, but in recent years, I’d often reveled in losing control, had feasted on the rush of adrenaline and anger. One glance at Sofia’s still terrified and lost expression made my protectiveness trump the need for an outlet.
Santino sneered. “Anna’s perfectly safe. Don’t worry. And she isn’t your concern, Mancini.”
I smiled, but it was as much a friendly gesture as a dog baring its teeth in a snarl. “But Sofia is my concern and you had obviously no problem taking her away from her bodyguards and leaving her on her own at a party with men of our nature.”
Santino’s lips tightened. “Her bodyguards should pay better attention, or I couldn’t have gotten her out of the lodge. Sofia snuck away to get cozy with you when I was making sure Anna was safe in the restrooms.”
“I don’t care what you were doing. You shouldn’t have brought Sofia and Anna to a party, which makes me wonder what forced you to take them here.”
Sofia glanced nervously between us.
Something flickered in Santino’s eyes. I chuckled, realizing my guess had been correct. “Does Dante’s little angel hold something in her perfectly manicured hands against you?”
Santino got in my face, but I didn’t back off. “Don’t you worry about my secrets, then I won’t worry about the secret you’d like to keep.” He glanced between Sofia and me. Of course, he’d know something had happened between us. Dante wouldn’t have picked him for his daughter if the man didn’t pay attention.
“My secret won’t mean my death, yours on the other hand . . .” I shrugged. I doubted Dante would give Santino another chance, not where his daughter was concerned. He’d make an example out of him—a very painful, public example.
“And yet you don’t want it to get out, so we’re on the same level.”
Santino was taking a big risk by provoking me, but he had hit the nail on the head. Protecting Sofia made keeping this secret crucial. She was a good girl. Her reputation shouldn’t suffer because despair had made her seek me out like this.
“I’m going to take her back to the lodge now,” Santino said, reaching for her.
I got in his way, shoving his arm away. “You’ll stay away from her. Do you really think I’ll allow her to be alone with you ever again? I’ll take her to the lodge myself and stay the night. Once Samuel is sober, I’ll ask him to drive there and make sure his sister gets back to Minneapolis safely.”
Sofia’s eyes widened and she tensed.
“This might lead to questions.”
“My men know when to keep their mouths shut, don’t worry, and Samuel will think I’m only being protective as usual.”
Santino glanced at Sofia again before he turned around and left.
“Anna will be worried sick about me,” Sofia whispered.
“She should have thought of that before she brought you here.”
“It’s not her fault. She just wanted to help me.”
I gritted my teeth. I didn’t want to let my anger out on Sofia, even if she was at fault. She’d gone through enough, thanks to me.
“Come on, now. Let’s get you into bed.” She stiffened even more, and I cringed at my own choice of words, but continued as if I hadn’t noticed her reaction. I handed her the cat mask. “Can you put this on? I don’t want someone to recognize you downstairs.”
She slipped the mask on, then peered up at me with her blue eyes.
I nodded, wondering how I could have been too blind to recognize those eyes. But I’d had a couple of drinks and had been starting to feel drunk when Catwoman approached me. I hadn’t paid attention to more than her curves and her blonde hair.
I still couldn’t wrap my mind around the fact that Sofia had mesmerized me with her body like that.
I led her out of the back entrance and to my car parked down the driveway. I never parked close to the party. Drunk people had a penchant for pissing against your tires or scratching your car by accident.
I knew I shouldn’t be driving, even if the recent events and the ensuing adrenaline had sobered me up and I didn’t feel drunk anymore, but I’d read up enough on intoxication to know that my judgment was impaired. Yet, I couldn’t risk calling my men to pick me up. Calling a taxi, which meant a public appearance, was out of the question, too. Even with a mask, I didn’t want people to see me and Sofia together.
I helped her into the passenger seat of my Jaguar, then slipped behind the steering wheel. I had been to the Mione lodge once before, a long time ago, so I didn’t remember the way. After Carlo sent me directions, I set out while the party was still in full swing.
The drive took longer than usual because I didn’t drive as quickly as I normally would have. Sofia fell asleep with her forehead pressed up to the passenger window. The alcohol she’d consumed must have knocked her out, or maybe the shock of the night’s events had exhausted her.
Soon, I was driving up the narrow driveway and parking. The lights were on. Of course, Carlo would be waiting for me. I got out and took a deep breath to clear my head. A few times I’d thought I’d fall asleep during the drive, and I was glad I’d brought Sofia here safely.
I hovered in front of the passenger door. Sofia’s forehead was still pressed up against the glass, her face peaceful. I was glad she was asleep so I didn’t have to look into her sad, broken eyes, but carrying her seemed like a bad idea given what had happened. Shoving my qualms aside, I slowly opened the door. Sofia sagged forward but still didn’t wake. I picked her up, glad when her soft breathing fanned over my throat, and pressed her against my chest. She didn’t wake as I carried her into the house. Carlo awaited me in the foyer, his eyes going wide when he saw Sofia.
“Boss, I—”
“Shut the fuck up. We’ll talk later,” I growled.
I headed up the wooden staircase and carried Sofia into her bedroom, which Carlo had described to me. I lay her down on the bed. I didn’t tuck her in, and only removed her shoes. It felt too personal to undress her, as if I were invading her space without permission, even if I’d already done worse before. I only lifted her mask so the elastic strap wouldn’t cut into her skin. She’d kept it on during the drive. Sofia looked peaceful in sleep, not to mention absolutely stunning. I’d never taken the time to really look at her face. It had seemed inappropriate before our wedding, especially considering our age difference. I straightened and moved to the door.
With a last glance at her sleeping form, I extinguished the lights and closed the door. My phone vibrated in my pocket. Instantly, I wondered if someone had found out. I doubted Santino had let anything slip, but you never knew who might have noticed something at the party and immediately told Dante to better their position. I relaxed when Marco’s name flashed across the screen.
I took the call.
“Where the fuck are you?”
“I had to leave.”
“Leave? Why? What the hell, Danilo? I organized this fucking party for you so you could have one last hurrah before you’re bound to one woman forever. Don’t tell me you went off with that blonde chick. Since when do you let a pussy make you forget your best friend?”
“Careful,” I growled, out of instinctual protectiveness. Of course, that raised Marco’s alarm bells.
“What’s going on?”
“I can’t explain now. I need sleep. We can meet tomorrow afternoon.”
“All right, but you better have a good explanation.”
“And you better stop grating on your boss’s nerves.” I ended the call without another word. I dragged myself downstairs, despite the bone-deep tiredness. Carlo was waiting for me in the living room in front of a roaring fire. “Had a cozy night while my fiancée could have been kidnapped, raped, killed?”
Carlo shook his head. “Santino is Dante’s man. I thought he was trustworthy.”
“He obviously isn’t. And neither is Domingo. I don’t care if Pietro thinks he’s good enough to protect Sofia. Until the wedding, you won’t leave her side. Understood? I don’t give a fuck what kind of drugs you have to take to stay awake, but you’ll watch her wherever she goes, or I’ll cut your fucking balls off.”
Carlo nodded. I would have given Domingo a piece of my mind as well if he weren’t Pietro’s man.
A car pulled up in the driveway. Carlo’s hand immediately went to his gun, but I knew who it was. Confirming my suspicions, Anna and Santino entered the house. Santino was holding Anna’s arm in a tight grip as if she were a toddler about to storm off. She looked like one in her strange doll outfit.
“Where is she?” Anna demanded. Did she think I would answer to an order from a spoiled girl?
I turned to Santino. “Make sure your ward doesn’t wake Sofia. She needs to rest. They can chitchat tomorrow.”
“What did you do to her?” Anna hissed, trying to free herself from Santino’s grip but he didn’t release her.
“Go to bed.”
“Tell me what happened, or I’ll tell my father—”
I narrowed my eyes. “What? That you tricked him into letting you attend a party? That’ll go over well.”
“That you dragged Sofia away and did God knows what with her. He’ll punish you. He won’t stay mad at me for long.”
I smiled. “She’ll be my wife soon. Nobody will punish me. And maybe you’re right and your daddy won’t be mad at you . . .” I looked at Santino. “But he’ll be fucking furious at your bodyguard. I can already imagine the public dismemberment. So, unless you want to be responsible for your bodyguard’s very painful death, you’ll go to bed like the good girl you always pretend to be.”
Anna peered up at Santino’s face. He was stone-faced, but his eyes were burning with fury. At me, definitely at her, and probably at Dante for making him a spoiled kid’s bodyguard when he’d loved being an Enforcer so much.
“Good night,” I snapped and headed upstairs toward a vacant bedroom, glad to get some rest. It had taken considerable effort not to lose it completely in front of Anna and Santino.
I undressed, clothes but before I stepped into the shower, I caught the hint of pink on my cock. I turned on the water and let it wash away the proof of my transgression. “Fuck.”
I’d never really considered Sofia in a sexual way, not even after she’d flashed her boobs at me. I hadn’t allowed myself to think of her sexually, but her body had called to me tonight. I’d wanted her. Deep down I still wanted her. This had been a too short taste of something I wasn’t allowed to have until our wedding. After tonight, I doubted Sofia would feel the same way. A horrible experience like that wouldn’t make her eager for sex.
I closed my eyes, shoving those thoughts aside.
I’d messed up often in the past, and now I needed to figure out a way to make it up to my fiancée. Problem was my pride. It had always been and would always be a problem.
