Fragile Longing by Cora Reilly

My heart seemed to beat in my throat. I hadn’t seen Serafina in so many years. I wondered if it would be like meeting a stranger. Talking to someone on the phone just wasn’t the same as seeing someone. We’d been talking weekly in the year since I’d married Danilo, but there was always a bit of distance between us because so many topics were off limits.

Would it be awkward?

I fumbled with my purse, suddenly nervous, which was funny, considering the reason I should really be worrying was because I was meeting with the enemy. Even though Fina was my sister, she was now regarded as part of the Camorra and thus the Outfit’s—and my—enemy. Mafia politics were unforgiving and indifferent to familial bonds. Once someone was deemed a traitor, emotional bonds didn’t matter anymore.

If Danilo knew I was here, he’d be furious. He hated the Camorra and Remo Falcone with a fiery passion. His feelings toward my sister were harder to guess. He didn’t like talking about her, and I’d opted to pretend that she’d never been part of his life. From his last remarks, it seemed he hated her, too, which was why I knew he’d be against our reunion.

A car pulled up in the parking lot in the middle of nowhere in Missouri that we’d chosen as the meeting point. Danilo was on a business trip in Chicago and I’d stayed home, blaming my college workload. I’d snuck out very early in the morning and taken a rental car. It was now early in the afternoon, and I’d sent Carlo a message telling him I was sick in bed and needed time to rest.

When the car stopped, my heart started to race. The door on the driver side opened, and a tall dark-haired man got out. Fear slithered through my veins when I recognized his face as Remo Falcone. I took a step back, on the verge of running back to my car, when the passenger door opened and Fina appeared. She smiled brightly. My eyes darted from her to her husband. What if this was a trap? Falcone had no qualms when it came to kidnapping. If I got into the Camorra’s hands, my family would be destroyed once and for all, and Danilo would never forgive me.

Fina said something to Remo and he gave a short nod, scanned our surroundings again, then slid back into the car.

I didn’t relax, unable to take my eyes off Remo. Fina headed toward me, and I finally dragged my eyes away from the car. When Fina stopped in front of me, I was shocked to discover we were almost the same height. I’d always remembered her as much taller. Of course, I’d been only twelve the last time I’d seen her.

For a moment, we only stood across from each other. Then Fina bridged the distance between us and pulled me into her arms. I sank into her, feeling like a part of me had returned. Fina hugged me so tightly I could barely breathe, but I didn’t try to free myself. There wouldn’t be many more chances for us to meet.

“God, I missed you so much, ladybug.” She pulled back. “And I can’t believe how grown up you are. Whenever I thought about you, I still imagined that small twelve-year old, but you’ve become such a beautiful woman.”

She regarded my face and I did the same with hers. She was still gorgeous, but she’d changed. In the past, she’d always held herself a certain way, always with a hint of caution as if at any moment someone might be waiting to judge her actions. Now, she exuded an air of indifference, as if she couldn’t care less what anyone thought about her.

“I’d hoped you’d bring the twins,” I said quietly.

Fina sighed. “You know how it is.”

My eyes darted to the car and Remo Falcone. Of course, I knew the rules and a Made Man’s vigilance. Remo would have never allowed his children to be in danger. But I wasn’t sure if it was only his worry that led to the decision. Fina was a lioness when it came to her children. She probably would have been wary to have them here. We were sisters, but we also stood on different sides of the war.

“I know.”

Fina motioned at a bench nearby. “Why don’t we sit down for a bit and talk?”

We sat down, and for a moment silence reigned between us. It was strange being together again. I’d secretly hoped it would be the same between us, as if distance and time hadn’t touched our relationship, but that had been foolish. We had changed, so how could our relationship have remained unchanged?

“How are things between you and Danilo? You’ve been married for what? Eleven months now?”

I nodded. Our anniversary was in a week, which was perhaps why I’d felt the need for this meeting to really bring this year to an end. “Good,” I said. There was so much more to say, about our struggles in the beginning, about my occasional worries and doubts, and how much it had taken for me to overcome them. But my loyalties lay with Danilo, so sharing our former problems was out of the question. Danilo had done nothing to make me doubt myself these last few months, but the seed of doubt had been planted long ago, and it was far more difficult to burn out than I’d thought.

Fina regarded me. “That’s good to hear. I was so worried about you, and I felt terrible because you had to take my place. It felt as if I’d stolen part of your life by choosing not to marry Danilo.”

I linked our fingers, shaking my head. “Nonsense. You know I had a crush on Danilo. For me to be promised to him was the best thing that could have happened to me.”

And it was. Every day, Danilo and I became stronger as a couple. I loved him and I couldn’t imagine loving anyone else, so ultimately Fina’s decisions had given me what I wanted. If she’d stayed in the Outfit, her presence would have been a ballast for my relationship with Danilo. Now, she had a chance at happiness with her family in Vegas and I could be happy with Danilo in Indianapolis. It was the best option for both of us.

“Are you and Danilo already trying for a baby?”

I shook my head. “Not yet. We needed to get to know each other first. That wasn’t really possible before our wedding.”

“Yeah,” Fina agreed. “With all of the social rules, people are forced to enter their marriage as strangers.”

I could hear the blatant disapproval for the system in her voice. In the past, she’d been a master of the Outfit’s rules, but she’d obviously grown out of them. Living in Camorra territory probably left her no choice. “What about you? Don’t you want more kids?”

Fina’s eyes widened and she laughed. “Maybe one day. Nevio’s still keeping me on my toes. If I get another one of him . . .” She laughed again.

I giggled. “I get that.”

Another car pulled up and my stomach plummeted when I recognized a familiar face behind the steering wheel. For a moment, I was frozen, unsure of what to do.

“Oh no,” Fina whispered. “This is going to get ugly.”

I pushed to my feet when Danilo got out of the car. Remo shoved open the door of his car and exited. The men looked at each other like predators about to rip into each other. Danilo’s face flooded with rage and utter hatred as he regarded the other man. My pulse sped up, and my mouth dried up. I staggered forward, not sure how to prevent a bloodbath. Fina rushed over to her husband. When I reached Danilo, he’d already drawn his gun and was pointing it straight at Remo, who had his own gun directed at us.

Danilo dragged me behind him the moment I was within reach. Anger and disappointment flashed in his eyes. “How could you do this?” he growled.

“I needed to see her again. I missed her.”

Danilo shook his head, and his attention returned to Remo and Fina. I followed his gaze and suddenly dread took hold of me. Fina’s blonde hair whipped in the light breeze, and with her white flowy boho dress, she looked like an angel. She glowed, an apparition straight out of the past, a memory that had haunted me, my family, and Danilo for years.

In the last few months, I’d started to believe that Danilo had gotten over Fina, that he was happy in our marriage, that he loved me, but what if this set us back? What if seeing her again reminded him of what he’d lost? Of buried feelings? What if this destroyed everything? I couldn’t live through months or years of feeling like a replacement again. I was done being the consolation prize, done being second best.

I searched his face as he stared ahead but couldn’t read the look in his eyes. His face was twisted with fury. I clutched at his arm. “Let’s go. I got what I wanted. I got the chance to talk to Fina. Let’s leave now before this ends badly.”

Fina was obviously appealing to Remo to keep this peaceful, her palms pressed to his chest. His expression didn’t give me much more hope than Danilo’s did. The hatred born from hurt pride didn’t dominate his features, but bloodlust and the determination to eliminate a possible threat were unmistakable.

Danilo’s eyes flashed. “You got what you wanted, Sofia? Is that so? What about me and what I want?”

I dropped my hand, my heart shrinking to the size of a tiny ball as his words sank in. What he wanted? Did he still want Fina? Was this his chance to kill Remo and take my sister for himself?

I was being ridiculous. That would never work. But was Danilo being rational or driven by old hurt and pride?

I swallowed hard. “I’m done.” The words cut me as they moved past my aching heart and throbbing throat.

Danilo glowered at me. “What?”

“I’m done with this, with us, with you. If you still want her, I’m done. I’m not doing this again. I’m not a consolation prize.”

“What the hell are you talking about, Sofia?” he gritted out, looking honestly confused and pissed.

“Fina. You said what about what you want.”

Danilo grabbed my arm, his eyes scorching mine. “It’s not Serafina I want. It’s revenge. Revenge on Falcone for humiliating me and the Outfit, for trashing our pride.”

I blinked up at him. “So, you really don’t want Fina anymore?”

“I thought we’d agreed on that fact a long time ago when I told you I love you. I thought I’d proven it to you.”

We had agreed on that, and I had believed his words to be true, but until now he’d never been confronted with Fina, and who knew what that might change?

Danilo tore his gaze away from me and raised his gun even higher.

Fina had ripped away from Remo and stormed toward us. I squeezed past Danilo’s restraining arm, and got in front of him, touching his chest. “Don’t let this spiral out of control, Danilo. Things between the Outfit and the Camorra have been calm recently. If you start a shooting match with Remo, the war will turn bloody once more and none of us will live in peace.” I paused, pleading with my eyes. “If you love me, give up on your thirst for revenge. Whatever Remo has done, does it even matter now? If he hadn’t kidnapped Fina, we would have never married. I know it’s difficult to see past your pride, but isn’t our marriage a reason to look past your hatred?”

Fina stopped a few feet from us. Remo had followed her a few steps. His gun was still trained on us. Danilo gripped my wrist and jerked me behind his back once more. “Stay behind me.”

My heart sank.

“Danilo, please don’t let this turn into an open war,” Fina appealed to him, her voice compelling and smooth.

I glanced from her beautiful face to Danilo, dreading what I’d see.

“Do you really think I’m going to listen to you, Serafina? You are the enemy. Your words are worthless. If I negotiate with anyone, it’s with Remo, not his wife. But I have absolutely no intention of negotiating with either of you.” His words dripped with disdain and his expression only reflected contempt. There was no sign of longing, desire, or affection for Fina in his eyes.

“Danilo—”

“The only reason why I’m not ending this right here, right now, is because, unlike your husband, I listen to reason. You and he aren’t worth risking the unity of the Outfit.”

Remo gave Danilo a twisted smile. “Nice speech.”

I gripped Danilo’s bicep, worried the provocation would get to him, but he returned Remo’s smile with the same amount of condescension. His palm pressed against my belly, nudging me in the direction of the car. Fina and I looked at each other. Seeing each other had been wonderful but at the same time we’d encountered this invisible barrier between us. I glanced up at Danilo and Fina at Remo. We had both made our choice. We’d always be sisters, always try to be part of the other’s life in small ways, but what had been was lost. We had changed, our views on the world had changed, and our loyalties to our husbands trumped our sisterly bond.

I allowed Danilo to guide me toward the car as he kept his gun trained on Remo. After I’d sank down on the passenger seat, my gaze sought Fina once more. She was looking my way. She was smiling, and I couldn’t help but do the same. A hint of wistfulness filled me, but mostly I was relieved that we’d gotten the chance to see each other, albeit briefly, and make sure the other was happy. As long as we knew that, distance didn’t matter. Our lives couldn’t mesh, not without risking the happiness and safety of other people.

Danilo started the car without a word, but before we pulled away, I waved at Fina. Her smile widened, even though I could tell she was fighting tears. My own eyes stung, but I didn’t cry. A strange mix of sadness, happiness, and relief filled me.

Shortly before Fina disappeared from view, Remo wrapped his arms around her from behind and she leaned into him. Fina was truly happy. I’d occasionally worried that wasn’t the case, but now I didn’t have the slightest doubt.

Then I remembered my rental car. “The car!”

“They can charge us extra and pick it up themselves, I don’t give a fuck.”

His anger sizzled between us.

“How did you know?”

He slanted me a furious look. “Carlo got suspicious.”

I nodded. “I’m sorry for disappointing you.”

He didn’t reply. I jumped when he took my hand and linked our fingers. He wasn’t looking at me, and his brows puckered in a way that told me he was still pissed.

“I needed to see her,” I said.

“You should have talked to me before going off on your own.”

“You wouldn’t have allowed it.”

“Of course not,” he growled, giving me an exasperated look.

“Are you worried this’ll reflect badly on you?”

He muttered something under his breath that I didn’t catch, and he looked even angrier, if that was possible.

“Maybe you don’t have to tell Dante. It can be our secret.”

“No,” he clipped.

I tried to read his expression, wondering if he was worried that I’d let something slip by accident. “I can keep a secret.”

“Oh, I know, as you exhibited with your trip to meet your sister. It’s not you I’m worried about. It’s Remo. He might tell Dante about our meeting. He knows how to turn things like this to his advantage and sow seeds of disorder and discord. It’s his particular talent.”

“I didn’t even think about that.”

“That’s what I figured,” he muttered, making me feel stupid and small. “It was insanity. I know you’re young, but you need to think before you act.”

His words hit me like a whip. The anger on his face seemed to grow with every passing second, which confused me, but I wouldn’t let him treat me like one of his soldiers. I might be young, but I was his wife and deserved better.

“Don’t blame this on my youth. Fina is much older and she came all the way to see me.”

Danilo shot me a glare. “But she was clever enough not to come alone. She told her husband about her plan. She had someone to keep her safe. You went on your own.”

“Like you said, you wouldn’t have allowed me to meet her. I knew that. And there was no one else I could take. I didn’t want to risk Anna’s life.”

Danilo gave me a look. “Only your own.”

I bit my lip. I hadn’t really thought all that much about it. I hadn’t even considered that Fina would bring her husband along, but of course it was the sensible choice. The Camorra and the Outfit were at war after all.

Danilo didn’t say another word, but his disapproval rang loudly. I was torn between anger and guilt. When we finally arrived home after a grueling eight-hour drive, I was emotionally and physically exhausted. I staggered out of the car. Danilo appeared at my side at once, his hand on my lower back as if he didn’t trust me to walk inside on my own.

I glared at him, but he seemed lost in thought, or more likely his anger. The moment we stepped into our bedroom, my own frustration burst out of me. “I know you’re worried this’ll reflect badly on you and that people will think you can’t control me. You’re probably worried that Remo used me to trample on your pride again.”

Danilo grabbed my upper arms firmly, breathing harshly. “Fuck Falcone and fuck my pride. I was fucking terrified something might happen to you. Falcone is unpredictable. Even your sister couldn’t stop him if his crazy mind came up with the plan to kidnap and torture you. The idea of losing you almost killed me, and you talk about pride?”

Finally, I recognized the emotion behind the anger. It was worry. “You were scared of losing me?”

Danilo growled. “Of course. I love you. I can’t bear the thought that something might happen to you because I’m not there to protect you. Serafina and Emma got hurt when I was away, and it almost broke me, but with you . . . with you, I don’t think I could actually live with myself. You are my life, Sofia. Don’t ever risk your health or life again.”

I blinked, stunned by his words.

“Why is it so hard for you to believe that you mean the world to me?”

“Because I’m stupid.”

Danilo had showed me in so many ways that he loved me and worried about me, but I just had to cling to my own insecurities.

“Promise me to never do something like this again. Swear it. I need to be able to trust you.”

“You can,” I said. “I won’t ever keep something from you again, I swear. But I’m going to keep talking to Fina. I don’t want to lose her completely.”

“You can talk, but no meetings. It’s too dangerous. Your sister is no longer on our side.”

“I know. She’s on her husband’s side, and I’m on mine.”

Danilo kissed me firmly and his arms slung around me in a possessive hold. His previous anger and worry poured into the kiss, turning it harsher and more passionate. I clung to his jacket, standing on my tiptoes for leverage. Danilo pressed me back with his body, his hand kneading my ass-cheek, his fingers occasionally slipping lower, brushing my crotch. His erection dug into my lower belly as he guided me backwards.

My calves bumped into the bed, but Danilo didn’t let me fall. He held onto me, forcing me to surrender to the kiss. I ground my ass against his palm, wanting to feel him where I needed him, but he refused to move.

His kiss burned with angry passion, lighting my body on fire. His fingers ripped at the buttons of my pants, then he shoved them down with my panties, leaving my lower half bare and eager for his attention. I pressed into him, hooking one of my legs over his hip to grind myself against him almost frantically. Danilo pulled out of the kiss, his eyes burning into me. I wasn’t sure if he was still angry and if he was trying to punish me. I didn’t care, I just wanted him to keep going. He grabbed the hem of my shirt and shoved it over my head. A rip sounded but neither he nor I slowed. As he fumbled with the hook of my bra, I reached for his zipper and jerked it down. Reaching inside, I found him hot and hard. His answer to my touch was almost a snarl. He pulled me against his chest for another harsh kiss before he whirled me around. His cock dug into my ass as he leaned down to whisper harshly into my ear. “On your knees on the bed. Now, Sofia.”

I shuddered, desire pooling in my belly at his commanding tone. I climbed on the bed, lowering myself on my palms. Danilo stroked my butt before he slowly worked his way up my spine. He paused against my neck, then pushed gently. “Get down. I want a prime view of your pussy.”

Biting my lip to stifle an overeager moan, I lowered myself to my elbows, but Danilo kept pushing until my arms were stretched out above my head and my forehead was pressed into the pillow. My ass jutted out and cool air hit my soaked center.

“Perfect,” Danilo said in a low voice as he rubbed my ass cheeks. “You’ve got such a pretty pussy, Sofia. I could stare at it forever.”

I wanted him to do more than just stare. I needed more. I wiggled my ass in invitation. Danilo chuckled, then startled me by biting into my ass cheek. “You disobeyed me once today. Don’t make me angry again.”

If he’d stop being so damn sexy when he was angry, it would be easier. I angled my head so I could look down my body and see Danilo behind me. His pants fell to the floor and his muscular legs came into view. Would he slam into me right away? My core clenched at the idea of his cock inside of me. While his anger had scared me off in the past, it now turned me on.

I wanted his mouth on me, but I was also eager for his cock. Danilo palmed my ass and opened me up. He breathed out sharply, then got down on his knees behind me. I couldn’t see his face, but then his tongue was there between my ass cheeks, lightly teasing at first, then firmer. He seemed to awaken new nerve-endings I didn’t know existed. His tongue traced me almost lazily, and despite the initial surprise, my body went into overdrive. I tried to push closer to his mouth for more, but his strong hands kept my ass cheeks in their hold, keeping me in place as Danilo feasted on me.

Despite how good this felt, I needed friction on my clit. I wanted to come. My arms were sluggish and heavy, but I began to move one down to touch myself.

“No,” he ordered.

“I need to touch myself.”

“No,” he said again followed by a swirl of his tongue over my crack. I bit my lip, feeling wetness trickle out of me and down my inner thigh. Danilo eased back and then his face came into view, his stubbled, manly chin. His tongue darted out and he licked up the trail of my lust for him, but he stopped before he reached my pussy.

“Danilo, please touch my clit,” I whispered. It was the first time I’d uttered the word, but I wasn’t embarrassed. I was horny and needed to feel his mouth and fingers on my clit.

Danilo lazily licked my inner thigh. I watched his mouth and tongue almost mesmerized and also a bit despairing because they weren’t where I needed them.

Then finally, when I was sure I’d lose my mind, he slid his tongue between my pussy lips, stroking, tasting. I gasped into the pillow, my eyes squeezing shut briefly from the sensation of Danilo circling my clit. He nudged my thighs further apart before he pushed his tongue into me, fucking me with it slowly.

I came with a harsh cry, my nails digging into the mattress, my butt pressing against Danilo’s face. Then his mouth and tongue were gone, and his hands clamped down on my hips. He slid his tip along my slit, picking up my wetness. He groaned low in his throat. I pushed up on my elbows and threw him a teasing smile over my shoulder. “Feels good?”

He smirked. “Feels like paradise. But I know what’ll feel even better.”

“Wha—”

I cried out as Danilo slammed into me. Pleasure radiated from my core to every nerve-ending in my body.

“Feels good?” Danilo asked with a chuckle.

“Like paradise,” I got out.

“It does.” He pulled almost all the way out, only to slam back into me. I lowered my head back down on the pillow, my fingers clutching the pillow as I moaned into the pillow.

Danilo pounded into me hard and fast. One of his hands held me by the hip, the other cupped my neck. He wasn’t holding me in place, but the mere touch of his strong palm on my neck turned me on. I whimpered with every thrust.

I couldn’t hold it back any longer.

“Yes, come for me, gorgeous,” Danilo rasped. His fingers found my clit and flicked it, and I exploded with an ear-splitting cry. Danilo followed me with a groan, his movements becoming jerky and uncoordinated until he finally stopped. His fingers stroked my neck gently, then traveled over my scalp. He placed a soft kiss on my shoulder. I lifted my head, even though it felt like lead, and turned it to the side. Our lips met for a sated kiss before Danilo pulled out of me. I moaned softly again, still sensitive. I dropped to my side, exhausted and satisfied. Danilo stretched out behind me and pulled me against him, his arm wrapped tightly around my waist. “I’ll protect you till the end of my days.”

I touched his hand. “I know.”