A Ruthless Christmas by K.L. Savage

 

“What do you mean, cancer? I don’t understand,” I say to the vet, stroking Lady’s side as she pants. My heart is hammering in my chest. “She’s only been tired, maybe a little lethargic. I got her new food; maybe it’s that?”

“James, she’s extremely sick. It isn’t the food. It’s bone cancer.”

“No,” I frown, shaking my head. “It isn’t bone cancer. She’s fine. I only changed her food.”

“Have you noticed that she isn’t moving around as much? Not eating as much?”

“She’s older; that’s all,” I whisper, my vision blurring with sudden heat. “She’s old,” I repeat, then envelope my best friend in my arms. I bury my nose in her fluffy fur and squeeze my eyes shut.

Melissa’s hand lands on top of mine, sliding through Lady’s fur to bring me comfort. I don’t think anything could ever bring me comfort.

“I know this is a hard decision and not the right time, but I suggest putting her to sleep. The longer you wait, the more pain she will be in. Her cancer has spread to her kidneys and lungs.”

“I’m not putting her to sleep. I can’t. No!” I yell at Dr. Adamson, the woman who has been Lady’s vet since she was just a pup. “I can’t. Not right now.” A tear falls from my eye. I don’t even care who sees me in my cut, crying over my dog.

She isn’t just my dog. She’s my family.

“This cannot be real. She had puppies late in life. Was that the reason she’s sick?”

“No, that’s not the reason, James. She’s old. That’s all. Her health is declining. This is the day we have both feared ever since you got her as a puppy.”

“But I didn’t think the end would come so fast,” I say, and Lady lifts her head up, giving me kisses along my palm. “Not before Christmas.”

“We can wait until after Christmas, but, James, if you wait any longer, you’ll be prolonging a massive amount of pain. I’ll make sure to send home pain killers too.”

“I should have brought her in earlier.” I wipe my cheek on my sleeve. “When she started getting so tired. I should have known, but I didn’t. I just thought she was getting old, and it was normal. I could have saved her.”

“No, you can’t think like that,” Dr. Adamson tells me softly. “Even if you had brought her in sooner, her age wouldn’t have given her a good chance.”

“Such a good girl, Lady.” I scratch the place behind her ear that she likes so much. “You have been my best friend for so long, and I promise, I’m going to give you the best Christmas of your life.” Since she has issues walking, I slide my hands under her and pick her up, cradling her to my chest. Melissa lifts her phone and takes a picture of us and I lean forward, placing a kiss on her lips. She knows I’m going to want all the pictures of me and Lady before she passes away.

I can’t even think about it. I’m a strong man. I’m not afraid to admit that I’ve done awful fucking things that will drag me to Hell. Animals are so much better than people in my opinion. People are assholes, but animals are loyal no matter what. The human race is vile, and we sure as hell don’t deserve something as pure as an animal’s love.

“Dad?” Ellie, my daughter, whispers my name outside the door as I walk through it. Ellie didn’t want to be in the exam room because she said all she’d do is cry, but looking at her face, it seems that’s all she’s been doing anyway. “What did the vet say?”

“I’ll tell you in the truck,” I say, burying Lady’s head in my shoulder as we stroll down the beige hallway toward the front door. The walls are lined with Christmas crap, red bows, cotton to mimic snow, and then wish-lists from other animal owners lined throughout.

When I get to the door, I turn around and push it open with my back. The winter air bursts over my heated face. I feel like I’m about to fall over. I hold Lady tighter and lean my weight against the truck, taking a minute to myself.

Melissa and Ellie are about to come outside, and I need to be strong for them, even if I’m falling apart on the inside. “Lady, I love you. I need you to know that, okay?”

She whines and licks my cheek. I know she can understand me. We’ve spent too much time together over the years. She knows what love feels like, and that makes me so happy that I gave her a good life. I want more. I expected her to live forever, which is ridiculous, but it’s the truth.

“Dad, what did the vet say?” Ellie asks as soon as she opens the door. God, every time I look at her, my heart hurts just a little because I see the shadow of her mother.

Do I lie to her? I can’t. I need to prepare her too. It wouldn’t be fair. “She has cancer, Ellie. After Christmas we have to say goodbye.”

“What! No,” Ellie cries. “It’s Lady. Lady can’t… No! The vet is wrong.”

Ah, she might look like her mother, but her denial is all me, isn’t it?

“I wish she was, baby, but Lady is old, and it’s showing.”

Melissa comes through the door last, and the mascara under her eyes is smudged from crying too. It feels like I’m losing a child. Lady is everything to me. Especially before Melissa and Ellie came into my life. What the hell am I going to do?

“Um…” Melissa wipes under her eyes. “Reaper messaged and said everyone is going to get a Christmas tree. Do you want to meet them or go home? I’m sure he’ll understand if we don’t meet them there.”

“No, we should go. It’s Lady’s last Christmas. She deserves to see everything.” It breaks my heart that this will be the last time she experiences it. I open the door to the truck and gently place Lady in her dog seat and buckle her in. Another tear falls as her cold nose presses against my cheek, and a whimper escapes her when she senses my sadness. I reach up and scratch her neck, then kiss her snout. “Best fucking dog in the world, Lady. Best fucking dog.” I shut her door, and I’m immediately engulfed in a hug from Ellie.

I wrap my arms tight around Ellie. She hasn’t been in my life long because I thought she died when she was a baby. I don’t know what I’d do without her. My life is rich with her and Melissa in it. I’m a wealthy man, and it isn’t because of money.

It’s because of love.

The one thing my old self never would have thought I’d have.

“Are you okay?” Melissa asks me as Ellie lets go of me and climbs in the passenger seat.

“No,” I answer honestly. I grab the passenger door and close it behind Ellie. I need to get out of this parking lot. “I know Lady is just a dog—”

Melissa places her finger over my mouth, and the waves of her dark hair flow over her shoulders. She recently got bangs, which was an accident because she got bored one night, but I fucking love them. They frame her face and make her emerald eyes seem brighter. She stands on her tiptoes and places a soft kiss against on my lips. “She isn’t just a dog. She’s never been just a dog. You don’t have to explain your heartache because I feel it too. She’s our family, James. She was there for me during the worst time of my life and brought me comfort. She helped find Dawn; she has saved so many of us. She deserves peace.”

My forehead falls on Melissa’s, her skin surprisingly warm with how cold it is outside. Even in winter, she smells like a summer’s day. “Let’s go get that tree. I’m sure Reaper is ready to chop a cactus down at this point because we’ve waited so long.” I want to change the subject. I don’t want to talk about Lady anymore. I don’t want to dwell on the fact that in five days, I’m going to lose my oldest friend.

It’s Christmas time.

We deserve to feel happiness, and so does Lady. She isn’t dead yet, and we aren’t going to act like she is. I take Melissa’s chin in my hand and place another kiss against her lips before we walk hand-in-hand around the truck. I open the back door for her, and she slides next to Lady, buckling herself in, then petting our loyal guardian.

Nope, can’t do it. I won’t fucking cry.

I’ll let go when she closes her eyes one last time.

Telling myself that, my eyes dry up, and I compartmentalize my emotions so I can make it through the next week. I click the seatbelt over my chest, check to make sure everyone I love is safe and secure too, and check the mirrors. My eyes meet Melissa’s, the love of my damn life, and I put the truck in reverse.

The further away I get from the vet’s office, the better. We get on Loneliest Road, and drive past the exit we would take to go to the strip. About ten minutes later, we’re in front of a pop-up Christmas tree sale.

And it doesn’t look promising.

A line of bikes is parked along with a few trucks to hold the bigger families of the club, like Reaper and Sarah who have Maizey.

“Oh, no,” I say when I see Tongue standing there with his gator in a baby sling on his chest. It’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen. I pound my forehead against the wheel and Melissa starts to giggle, along with Ellie when they see Tongue. “Well, I guess I can’t get too close to Tongue or Happy will attack Lady, and we can’t have that.”

Lady barks twice in agreement.

“I know, right?” I tell her, opening the truck door and jumping out into the cold desert night.

“What the fuck do you mean you don’t have any eight-foot trees? Give me a ten-foot tree then,” Reaper bellows, and the baritone of his voice bounces off the mountain.

“Someone is going to die tonight,” Ellie singsongs.

“Ellie!” Melissa scolds.

“She isn’t wrong, Sunflower,” I snort, opening the back door to get Lady. I gather her in my arms and then hold her like I would Melissa. I wrap her back legs around my waist and put her front paws on my shoulder. “Good girl.”

Lady lays her chin on my shoulder, her energy drained. She’s exhausted.

My baby.

Melissa, Ellie, Lady, and I walk toward our big, weird, crazy family. Dawn is next to Skirt, cuddled against him with her hair in some sort of knot on top of her head while Skirt rocks the stroller back and forth. Aidan is hooked to Dawn’s leg, who is actually Skirt’s nephew; that was a shocker. They make a beautiful family too. I’m happy for the fighter.

There is Tool and Juliette, who are completely night and day. As far as I know, kids aren’t in the plan yet just like with Patrick and Sunnie; they aren’t ready yet.

Then there is Tongue and Daphne.

There are no words to explain how they work. Tongue is as dark as the horror stories people warn their kids about, and Daphne is the innocent book nerd who wears glasses. Yet, I’m watching them, and she has her head leaned against his shoulder, and she pecks the tip of Happy’s snout.

Who. Kisses. A. Gator?

A crazy person.

“I don’t give a fuck if your men have to go out and chop down my tree. You’re going to do it.”

Hearing Reaper get heated yanks me from my judgy thoughts, and I watch the scene unfold. There is one tree left, and it’s dead. It’s nothing but twigs. One good gust of wind and that thing is going to blow to pathetic pieces.

“How much are you willing to pay?” The salesmen smirks.

Oh, he has no idea who the hell he’s talking to.

Right before Reaper can say anything, Maizey stands in front of her dad and pushes the salesman. “Listen, I have an uncle who will cut your tongue out and feed it to his kitty, so you better pay up!”

Her childish, high-pitched voice is adorable when she tries to sound threatening. She’s so little, but she’s sassy. I feel bad for Reaper when she becomes a teenager. She’s going to be impossible to argue with.

“Is that right?” The salesman leers as he grins his nasty yellow teeth at her, then scratches his crotch. Reaper reaches behind him and pulls out the knife he always keeps on him, but Tongue beats him to it.

“Oh, the princess is spot on.” Tongue’s ghoulish tone matches the evil intent shining against the black tungsten of his knife as he holds it against the man’s neck. He tilts his head, and Happy tilts his too, then opens his mouth and lets out a hiss. “The kitty she talks about is a gator, and he loves a good tongue. I should cut yours out for how you just talked to Maizey.”

Tongue’s arm has finally regained some motion again after being shot, but he isn’t listening to Doc. It isn’t going to heal, and he might not ever get full motion if he doesn’t stop pushing himself. Only time will tell, but it doesn’t look too promising.

“Let him have it, Tongue!”

“Maizey,” Sarah says her name in a way that tells her to hush and be quiet. Sarah steps in front of Maizey to protect her from the man.

The man starts to sweat, and I glance down at his nametag and roll my eyes when I see that his name is Frank. I feel like all assholes are named Frank for some reason.

“Let’s go for a walk. I want a tree for my princess. I want it now. If you’re lucky I won’t filet you like a fish and feed you to Happy.”

The smell of piss fills the air, and Tongue smirks while the stench wakes the baby, causing Joey to cry.

“I love the smell of fear.” Tongue buries his nose in the back of the man’s head and trembles, as if he’s turned on.

Curious, I glance toward Daphne, who’s biting her lips as she checks Tongue out while he sniffs the tree salesman.

How did men like us end up with perfect partners?

Christmas miracle.

If only that applied to my Lady.