The Mafia and His Obsession, Part 2 by Lylah James

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 30

 

 

Valerie

 

Maybe I was in shock. I wasn’t exactly sure. My eyes could still see, yet the world seemed to close around me. Darkness settled over us and everything seemed so far away. Blurry and so out of reach. My mind began to shut down, unwilling to process what just happened.

Viktor had wrapped his arms around me. He put me in the waiting car. He held me. He never let go. Not once. My body had seemed to give way, so weak. The world around me went on, blurry, and I watched it all in a daze, surrounded by a black void. I fell into a pit of nothingness.

I remembered the fire.

I remembered watching the estate crumbling down.

I remembered screaming…screaming until it felt as if my throat were bleeding from inside.

A lot happened afterward, but I couldn’t seem to focus on anything.

The end.

It was everything I had wanted.

Yet…

I wanted to escape, I wanted freedom—but not at the cost of my friend.

Oh God.

Irina.

I could hear her voice, her sweet voice. I could feel her. I saw her smile, heard her laughter. She reached out to me.

I ran faster, trying to hold on to her. She was so close…yet so far.

Irina, I screamed. Please don’t go.

My heart seized in agony. Our fingers touched, just the tips. It was a whisper of a touch, so light…and then I lost it. She faded into the darkness. I could hear my own screams. Raw. Loud. Agonized.

She was getting closer to the edge, and I ran toward her.

Don’t fall. Please.

“Irina!”

She smiled.

She reached out to me.

My hand lashed out, to try and hold her.

She fell.

NO!

My body went cold and my eyes snapped open. Shivering, I wrapped my arms around myself. Someone touched my cheek, and my gaze found him.

Viktor.

His lips touched the corner of my mouth, so sweetly. I was on his lap, wrapped in his embrace. Yet I couldn’t feel warm. I was still so cold. Deep inside, there was a hollow pit. Endless and dark.

I looked up at his face, bruised and…sad. His dark eyes, they held anguish. I cupped his face with my hands, and he leaned into my touch.

“I am sorry,” he said, once again.

He had said those words so many times already. Countless times. “I am so fucking sorry.”

“Will it bring back Irina?” I whispered through my dry, cracked lips.

Viktor flinched. I knew it hurt…like it hurt me. Our wounds were still new, still fresh…so deep, I wondered if we’d ever heal.

His lips moved and his words shattered me again. “No.”

“Then don’t say you are sorry. Please. Just stop…saying…that. Stop.”

He nodded, a small heartbreaking nod. “Valerie, I did what I—”

I choked back a sob. “Don’t. Don’t say it,” I whimpered. My chest squeezed and my ribcage seemed to close in around my lungs. It felt suffocating. I inhaled and then released a shuddering breath.

My hands were trembling to the point I couldn’t hold them up any longer. I let go of Viktor’s face, my arms falling helplessly to my lap.

His grip tightened on my lips. Viktor pulled me closer into him, so close there was no room for air between our bodies. His hold on me was a band of steel, trapping me in his embrace. As if he were scared to let go…and I’d disappear.

The cold bars of the cage surrounded me once again.

Trapped.

Broken.

A torment so deep, it ate away at my flesh. It carved into my skin, shredding me apart so I was left bleeding…while still breathing. Still surviving, but not really living. Just there, but not really present. It crawled inside me, forcing its way into my fragile heart. The damage had been done.

Happiness was just on the other side…but I found myself slipping away.

Every single bone in my body shuddered with grief, with the need to sink into the ground. The tears spilled down my cheeks, a silent suffering for a friend I loved…and I lost.

Viktor and I stayed like this for a long time. He didn’t say a word. Only the sound of me sniffling could be heard. After some time, I eventually noticed my surroundings. It was not familiar. Everything had been a daze since I saw the estate explode. A lot of things happened, but it was all a blurred mess. My mind had refused to work, and I was only able to focus on one thing. Irina.

“We are in a private plane,” Viktor said when I gave him a questioning look. He swallowed and his gaze slithered to the small window. It was dark outside. “I am bringing you home.”

My body shook. The world trembled. I am bringing you home. His home. Our home. Freedom. Happiness.

The knife dug deeper into my chest, twisting, and I bled more. My gut churned and I closed my eyes, feeling my warm tears slide down my cold cheeks. Would I ever be warm again?

“She wanted to be free too, you know.” I broke the silence. “She wanted a happily ever after too. She wanted to find love too. She…just…wanted…to be happy…too.”

I felt Viktor breathe, his chest moving and then shuddering when he released a shaky breath. His hands shook at my sides as he held me. “Irina just…wanted…she…deserved…a happy…ending.”

I choked back another wounded cry before sucking in another breath. I was alive…she wasn’t breathing.

“I had her for a moment…I was able to hold her. Happy…and then…I lost her. You…left her there…to die.”

Each word cut me deeper.

Each breath hurt more.

Each heart beat I felt in my chest…It was filled with devastating sorrow.

My fist pounded at his hard chest. “Why?”

Maybe I was screaming…maybe I was crying…maybe I was still dreaming…still lost…still there, in my room.

Viktor’s silence made me angrier. “Say something, damn it!”

His jaw ticked, his lips parted, his eyes darkened. He looked lost, he looked just as broken as me.

“I am…sorry.”

A tear slid down his cheek. A lone tear. “I had to make a choice, Valerie.”

Our foreheads touched.

“I want to hate you,” I said, the words tasting bitter on my lips.

“Please…” Viktor begged. I didn’t know for what. Absolution? Redemption?

“I want to…but I can’t. I can’t because I still love you. But it hurts…it hurts to look at you. Your face is a cruel reminder. It hurts to breathe. It hurts so much.”

Viktor clenched his eyes closed. He gritted his teeth, pain masking his features. “I had to make a choice. You or her? I couldn’t save both. You. Know. That. You fucking saw that death was staring back at us, Valerie. Time ran out. I had no choice.”

Pushing away from his lap, I stood up. His eyes snapped open. He reached for me again, but I shook my head. There was nobody else in the private plane. Just us. Before Viktor’s eyes, I hastily ripped at my dress until I was standing there with only my panties and bra.

Viktor’s fist clenched on his thighs, but he stayed still and quiet. I palmed my lower stomach and rubbed the faint lines there. “Do you know how I got these?”

Viktor frowned in confusion. The stretch marks were very faint. I only had a few but they were there. But just an inch above my pelvis, there was a faint line. A cut that had faded over time but the sorrow it brought me, it still laid heavy over my heart.

Pain choked my throat, threatening to close it up completely. My stomach churned, agony twisting my insides. “I was pregnant once,” I said, looking at my flat stomach. “Valentin wanted an heir and he was successful. He was happy.”

I looked back at Viktor and saw the transformation in his expression. He looked in shock and then horrified.

“I gave birth to a son,” I whispered, rubbing my fingers over the stretch marks, thinking back to that day.

Our eyes met. Mine unfocused, his—full of pain.

“He never let out his first cry…” My voice cracked. “I sat there, waiting for my baby to cry. To hear his little sound. He never took his first breath…”

Viktor leaned forward, his face dropping into his hands. His shoulders shook, almost violently. I didn’t hear it, but I knew—he was crying. His silent cries knocked at my already withered heart. My breath slammed to my throat and I choked on it.

Everything hurt. My legs trembled as I forced myself to keep standing, to keep talking. To relive my past in the most harrowing way. It plagued me, taunted me. The past whispered in my ears. The memories held onto my body, pulling me down from its excruciating weight.

“I gave birth to a stillborn. I begged them to…let me…hold him. Just once. I just…wanted to hold…my son.”

My stomach clenched, thinking about the past I had tried so hard to bury. “Valentin was so angry. He ordered them to take him away. No matter how loud I cried, no matter how much I begged…they didn’t let me hold him. I tried to reach for him. I was bleeding and weak, but they took him away. I never had…a chance to even look at my son.”

I moved forward and gripped Viktor’s hand. Cupping his cheeks, I made him look at me. “Do you see, Viktor? I have lost so much.”

His dark eyes were filled with tears, and I fell to my knees. “My family…dancing…my baby…my friend.”

His lips parted and he said my name. “Valerie.”

“I have lost so much,” I cried, deep and raw. My chest heaved, choked sobs hurting my lungs. “Again and again. It never ends. It’s a continuous circle. When will it end, Viktor? Tell me. When will it end…when will I stop losing those I love?”

I crumpled to the ground, my arms wrapped around my stomach, and I sank lower, curling into myself.

Darkness enveloped me. I felt Viktor holding me. I felt his warmth seeping into my pores, but it wasn’t enough.

I was still so cold.

I never thought it’d be warm again.