The Mafia and His Obsession, Part 2 by Lylah James

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 31

 

 

Viktor

 

Death had stared into my eyes many times. I had felt pain before, but never like this. Anger held me captive. Grief shackled me down.

The sound of Valerie’s cries—it made me weak.

The plane had just landed. Valerie woke up twice, both times screaming from a nightmare. I knew what she was seeing…I’d see the same thing every time I closed my eyes too.

I rubbed a hand over my face. Exhaustion weakened my bones and my body was just surviving on instinct now.

I fucked up. I knew that.

I had to make a choice, and I chose what I felt was right. She was my only choice. When it came down to who lived and who died, Valerie was my only option. The heart failed to see anything else.

Valerie was right. Irina deserved to live; she deserved a happy ending. She deserved so much more.

But…

Fate was cruel.

Time was bloodthirsty.

Death was vicious.

It needed blood. It needed a soul to take.

And I was just a mere man, who was powerless against the greater entity.

I huffed back a cold laugh. Weak.

“I have lost so much. Again and again. It never ends. It’s a continuous circle. When will it end, Viktor? Tell me. When will it end…when will I stop losing those I love?”

My chest felt like it was wrapped in barbed wire. I held her tighter in my arms as we left the plane. She was still sleeping, but once the cold morning air hit her, her eyes fluttered open. Valerie looked lost for a moment, her eyes unfocused. She blinked a few times before her gaze finally landed on mine.

“Where are we?” Her voice was small and croaky.

“Home,” I said, choking on the word.

“You can put me down.” Her little whispers were breaking my heart. Valerie slid down the length of my body as I placed her on her feet. She was unsteady for a second before finding her footing.

“Are you okay?” I asked, lacing my fingers through hers. She nodded silently. Valerie glanced at her surroundings, taking in all the security men and the waiting car.

“I don’t understand…” She paused, clearing her throat. She winced a little before speaking again. “I didn’t have a passport. How—”

“It was already taken care of,” I cut in. “I know people, Valerie.”

When you had money and contacts with wealthy people, those in higher positions, a lot of things could be done with a snap of a finger.

Valerie nodded again, her eyes void of any emotions. “I am stupid. I should have known. Considering who you are.” Her voice was calm…dead.

I gripped her hand tighter. “You are not stupid. Don’t say that.”

“This way, sir.”

Valerie looked down, avoiding everyone now. I turned to the new voice and nodded at the man in charge of security here, said my thank yous, and then got in the waiting car with Valerie.

She was eerily silent, staring out the windows as the car started rolling.

Our freedom had come with a price. The thought twisted my heart, and I fought the urge to retch. I swallowed back the bitter bile while staring down at our entwined hands. Valerie hadn’t pulled away from me. Not yet.

Rubbing my thumb over her soft knuckles, I watched her impassive face. She wasn’t crying anymore, but I almost wished she’d cry. Instead of this look full of emptiness. Emotionless. So lost. Maybe if she’d scream…hit me…hate me…

At least, she’d be feeling something. Since her break down in the plane, Valerie had been silent, less talkative. Now, she was closed off, almost unapproachable. Breathing yet not really here anymore.

I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the seat. I wished I could turn back time, return to the past. And maybe save us from this misery.

Maybe…just maybe, I could have saved them all.

Maybe…just maybe, I could have given us all a happy ending.

The feeling of helplessness bore down on my chest. This was what failure felt like. A desolated soul. A happy ending built on the wreckage of our hearts.

You promised.

Irina’s voice haunted me, whispering in my ears.

You promised, Viktor. Please. Go.

FUCK!

My eyes snapped open, and I sat forward, my chest heaving with each breath. I could see Irina’s face so vividly in my head. Her tear-stained face. Her weak body, kneeling on the floor.

I saw Erik, his face determined. Saw his back, saw him running into the estate as it exploded from all around. He had always been a savior, a man with a hidden soft heart. A weakness for any helpless woman. In his last minute to live, he was there…playing the role of savior once again. Why? Why, damn it? He ran in there, knowing full well what could happen. He invited death with open arms and now…

Fuck. I smacked the side of my head, wishing all these memories would fade away.

But they haunted me. They mocked me. My gut clenched, and I released a shaking breath. It was my burden to carry.

I turned my head to the side and saw that Valerie had fallen asleep once again. Her body was curled against the door, her legs tucked beneath her. We were still holding hands, our fingers still laced together.

The rest of the car ride, I watched her. Her brows were pulled down in a frown, her expression pained even in her sleep. I soothed out the lines and caressed her cheeks, feeling her softness under my fingertips.

“I love you, myshka,” I whispered. “If I could have protected you from this heartache, I would have. But…I couldn’t. I fucking couldn’t…”

I squeezed her hand. There was a long silence as I tried to put my thoughts together, tried to wrap my head around everything that went down. All the lives that have been lost.

Yegor, a friend I found in hell.

Irina, a lost soul who deserved heaven and all beautiful things.

Erik, a brother—the prankster, with a devil’s smirk and deadlier hands.

I didn’t believe in fate before. Men like us, we held destiny in our hands. Life and death—we owned it. But I was starting to believe that we all came on to this world with a purpose. We didn’t really realize that until we were staring into the eyes of death.

A friend died today, surrendering herself for another’s life.

A protector lost his life—a loyalty that ran deep.

A savior sacrificed himself.

My eyes found Valerie again. She was still sleeping, lost in a world where I couldn’t reach her. I wanted to…damn it all to hell…how I wanted to reach for her, hold her—tell her it’d be okay.

Except I didn’t know if even I believed those words anymore.

“I don’t know how we will move on from this. But…fuck…” I choked back my words as the emotions clogged my throat. “I just hope, one day, you can forgive me.”

Those words wouldn’t change the past, wouldn’t erase my failures.

But I’d beg for absolution for the rest of my life if I had to.

 

***

 

Valerie still hadn’t said a word, not even when we walked through the door of the Ivanshov estate. Home sweet home.

I held her hands in mine, but she still hadn’t looked at me. Fuck, she didn’t even look around. Her gaze stayed on the ground, watching our feet moving forward.

It wasn’t how I expected my return to be. A few weeks ago, I thought of how it’d be to bring Valerie to the estate. To our home. She’d meet the family, she’d be happy…smiling…bonding with the girls. She’d be excited, exploring everywhere.

This wasn’t what I imagined. Not even close. There was a dull ache in my chest as my lungs constricted my air flow. Why was this…so fucking…hard?

Her expression was still forlorn and she was avoiding my eyes. I squeezed her hand in mine, trying to get a reaction from my sweet myshka. I got nothing except silence.

“Viktor.” Ayla’s voice pulled my eyes away from Valerie. I watched as she made her way to us, still very heavily pregnant. She was due any day now.

Ayla’s attention went to Valerie, her gaze softening at the sight of my woman. I cleared my throat and her eyes snapped toward me, now frowning. She raised a questioning eyebrow, but I only shook my head.

Not now. Ask questions later.

As if she understood my unsaid words, she nodded. “I have prepared some clothes for her. Maybe you two need to take a shower. Eat. Get some rest. We can talk later,” she suggested quietly.

Ayla came closer and leaned up to place a small kiss on my cheek. “Welcome home. Both of you,” she whispered before pulling away. Her gaze quickly flitted over to a silent, frozen Valerie. I saw sympathy there as she watched her. Sympathy and warmth. She held so much love inside her, it was almost beautiful to watch.

“Thank you,” I muttered gratefully.

“She will be okay.” Her whispers gave me hope.

Ayla patted my arm and then reached forward to hug Valerie. My myshka flinched, her eyes widening slightly. She appeared confused, her brows pulling together, but Ayla was already quickly letting go.

I grasped Ayla’s arm, stopping her from walking away. “Alessio—”

Her eyes narrowed and darkened briefly. “Settle in first. Then we will talk, Viktor.”

I winced at her tone, her voice filled with authority. Shit. I didn’t know if that was good…or bad. All I knew was that the Queen had spoken and I had to do as I had been commanded.

I swallowed the lump in my throat, nodded, and pulled Valerie toward the stairs. The estate was otherwise quiet as we made our way to my room. It seemed like everyone was missing. I knew I had business to attend with the others. But for now, Valerie was my focus. After she was settled, I’d handle the disaster I left back in Russia.

For now, we were back in New York, safe.

Once we reached my room, I closed the door behind us and watched as Valerie silently looked around. She walked further inside and stopped in the middle. My room was huge, almost like a little apartment inside the estate, but it barely held anything of value.

Now though…now…it felt like home.

“This is your room?” She finally broke the silence, her voice a little hoarse.

Valerie turned to me so she could look at my face. Once I knew she could see my reply, I nodded. “It’s our room now.”

“Who was she?”

I knew that question was coming. “The woman who hugged you?”

“Yes.”

“That’s Ayla Ivanshov. Alessio’s wife,” I replied, feeling some kind of pride as I introduced my brother’s wife.

“The Bratva’s Queen,” she whispered, her eyes widening. Valerie blinked in confusion, and she cocked her head to the side. “She isn’t what I expected.”

“What did you expect?”

“Someone mean and hateful. Not a pregnant woman with an angel’s smile.”

I let out a chuckle at her words. “Mean and hateful…never. Sweet, yes. You will like her. She already loves you.”

Valerie hummed thoughtfully in response, and I knew I’d lost her again.

“Do you want to take a shower?” I asked, wanting to hear more of her voice.

When she didn’t reply, I knew she probably didn’t catch my question. Crossing the two feet between us, I wrapped an arm around her waist, while gently pushing her blonde hair away from her face. I tucked the loose strands behind her ear. Tipping her chin up, I made sure her eyes were on my lips when I spoke. “Let’s take a shower. Food will be brought to us. We can eat and then you can sleep, if you want.”

Valerie lifted her left shoulder in a shrug. Even though her silence was a dagger to my chest, I didn’t let it weigh me down. Instead, I gripped her cold hands in mine and pulled her to the bathroom.

Inside, I helped Valerie disrobe before quickly ripping my own clothes off my body. Once we were both naked, we climbed into the shower. Her body was soft against mine, and I couldn’t stop touching her. She was here, alive, and mine.

After wetting her hair, I shampooed it. I ran my fingers through the wet, heavy strands, massaging her scalp. Valerie was quiet, but she leaned into my touch with the smallest sigh.

I released a shaky breath at the small action. She wasn’t pulling away from me. It was all that mattered.

My hands moved to her body, and I gently scrubbed her flushed skin. I caressed her with my touch, watching her skin break into goosebumps even under the hot water. I fucking loved how her body reacted to my touch.

When I deemed her clean enough, I took the soap in my hand to wash myself. Valerie gripped my hand instead, and I paused. “Let me,” she whispered.

I stood stiff and silent as she washed me in return. Her hands were soft, the most gentle touch. And fuck it—my cock was now fully erect. I tried to push her wandering hands away, but Valerie was insistent, grabbing my hardened length before I could stop her.

“Wait…no,” I tried to say but then let out a hiss as she kept stroking me. My mind numbed out completely as pleasure sung through my veins. Valerie squeezed my cock, and I throbbed, blood roaring through my ears as my hips jerked forward.

My mouth fell open, and I groaned. “You…don’t have to do…that.”

Valerie looked down at where she was working me, and briefly, she lifted her head up. Her hazel eyes met mine. I saw something there…something akin to love. Her eyes weren’t an endless pit of darkness anymore. She cared, I knew that. But she was also hurting.

My thoughts halted when she gripped my balls in her other hand and started massaging the heavy sack. “Shit…Valerie…”

She worked my length faster, tightening her grip a little. Squeezing, relaxing, and then stroking me more firmly. I was getting close…and the closer I got, the faster she pumped my cock.

“Fuuuuck,” I drew the word out with a hiss as I felt the muscles of my thighs clenching. My lower stomach flexed and tightened.

Valerie’s lips parted in a silent gasp as I found my release and spilled onto her hands. It washed away with the water and my myshka looked up at me. “Why…?” I questioned hoarsely. “You didn’t have to do that, Valerie.”

“I wanted to.” Her words were simple and cold, but I quickly understood what she meant.

This had made her feel in control. After everything that had happened over the past twenty-four hours, everything had been out of her control. She had only been a bystander, watching the world crumble…watching her friend fade away. It made her feel powerless.

Jerking me off like her life depended on it—that was her way of regaining control. The only way for her to feel powerful. Every person reacted differently to the same situation. And different people had different vices. Alcohol, drugs, or sex…

I couldn’t even be mad at her for using me like that. Fuck, she could use me any day…any time…as long as she was still touching me and it made her feel even a slightly bit better.

Together we got out of the shower. Once she had wiped herself dry with one of the towels, Valerie pulled one of my shirts over her head. It was too big on her, loose, and it almost came down to her mid-thighs, but she looked so fucking beautiful, I couldn’t take my eyes off her.

I got dressed too. Black shirt and grey sweatpants. Valerie quietly left the bathroom, and I followed her, watching her closely as she got in bed.

“Are you not hungry?” she asked when I didn’t join her. I climbed in bed too, and she placed the tray between us. Valerie ate little bites here and there before pushing the plate away.

I devoured the rest before placing the empty tray back on the nightstand. Wrapping my arms around her, I pulled Valerie into my body. With my finger under her chin, I tipped her head up toward me.

“Are you tired?”

She nodded. “I want to sleep.”

I kissed her forehead. “Whatever you want, baby. Can I ask you something?”

Valerie blinked up at me, waiting for me to continue.

“Can I kiss you? Please.”

I wasn’t sure where I stood or where we stood together, and I needed some kind of confirmation.

Tears welled up in her eyes before she blinked them away quickly. Valerie gave me a small nod. “Yes,” she whispered so softly I almost missed it.

My head descended toward hers, and our lips fused together in my desperate attempt to taste her. I tasted her tears and sadness. I tasted her pain and fear.

I tasted her love.

She cupped my face and kissed me back, deeply. A desperate kiss, filled with torment. Beauty. And pain. Love. And misery. A mixture of emotions that bled from her lips into mine.

The kiss lasted until we were breathless.

“I am sorry,” I murmured between the kiss. She didn’t hear me; she didn’t catch my words. But I whispered them over and over again.

“I am sorry.” Kiss. “I am…” Kiss. “…sorry.” Kiss. “I…” Kiss. “…am…” Kiss. “…sorry.”

I am sorry.

I am sorry.

I am so fucking sorry, my sweet myshka. For breaking you. For breaking…us.

Our tongues tangled together, and I pulled Valerie to me until she was lying on top, her body practically covering mine with a blanket of softness and warmth.

“I am sorry.”

She kissed me harder, as if she could taste and hear my words.

Our panting filled the room, our chests heaving harshly. I pulled away, sucking in a deep breath. Valerie sagged against my chest, and she pushed her face into my neck. My lips felt raw as I placed a sweet kiss to her temple. Her arms clenched around me.

She didn’t let go.

Seconds turned into minutes. Minutes became hours. Valerie fell asleep on me. She didn’t let go. Hope flourished in my chest.

Maybe…maybe…she’d find it in herself to forgive me.