A Vow Of Hate by Lylah James

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

 

THE PAST

 

Julianna

 

“Stay calm,” he rasped, grasping my hand in his and bringing it up to Coal’s muzzle. “He can smell you on me.”

The stallion snorted, but otherwise stayed still. His black coat was soft and smooth under my fingertips. “Do horses remember our scent?”

He kept his hand curled around mine, his thumb brushing over my knuckles. His gentle caress sent a shiver down my body and my toes tingled. The slight callouses on his finger pads felt rough against my skin, but I liked it. I liked how warm he was.

And his manly scent – a unique spicy and earthy smell, with a mix of his aftershave and expensive cologne.

The fact that I have never been in the presence of a man, except my father – let alone, this close to another man, sent a thrill of excitement down my spine.

It was wrong.

But the idea of indulging in something so forbidden was quite exhilarating.

And especially with a man like him.

Killian Spencer.

His chest pressed into my back, his deep voice sliding over my skin like a soft caress. “Horses have a much better sense of smell than us humans. They aren’t as good at scent recognition as a dog, but they are able to identify predators, other horses and their owners by their voices and smell.”

He dragged my hand over to the stallion’s shoulder, making sure our touch was gentle and slow, so not to frighten the horse. “Coal has been spending a lot of time with me for the last two weeks. I’m his only human interaction. He’s practically used to my appearance, voice and smell now. And because he’s such a wild horse, he doesn’t play nice with other humans. But Coal can smell me on you, so let’s see if he’ll be more accepting today.”

My body tensed. “Am I an experiment for him to practice being nice with other humans?”

Killian chuckled, the deep timbre of his laugh vibrating through my body. My stomach fluttered. His laugh was smooth and warm. Decadent and addictive. There was something about the way it made me feel. “Basically.”

“So, there’s a possibility of him kicking me in the stomach or stomping on me?”

“I would say so,” he said.

Fear slithered through me and I stumbled back. “Oh, no. Nope. Get it away from me. Now!”

Killian released my hand, only to grasp me by the waist, holding me against him. “Shh, slow down.” His fingers curled around my hips and he stopped my frantic struggling with a firm hold.

His warm breath whispered along the back of my neck. “I got you and I won’t let Coal hurt you.”

“You just said–”

“I was joking.”

I hissed through my clenched teeth. “That wasn’t a nice joke!”

His thumb brushed over the curve of my hips, moving in circles, as if to soothe me. And it did. Shockingly. His touch had such an effect on me that it left me more confused than ever. “I can see that now. My apologies,” Killian said, his voice softening to a low resonance. “I got you.”

His lips brushed against my ear. “I would have never allowed you this close to Coal if I thought he was dangerous. I won’t let him hurt you. Trust me.”

I blinked, trying to focus on his words and not the way my body seemed to react to his maddening touch. Spinning around, I wrenched myself from his grasp and stumbled away. “I don’t trust people easily and you’re practically a stranger.”

Killian arched a perfect eyebrow at me and the side of his lips curled up in a half-smile. “I won’t bite, you know.”

My heart stuttered. “Why do you say that?”

“Because you keep running away from me.” He advanced toward me, stealthily, and I took a step back. He paused and gave me a look as if to prove his point.

I met Killian three days ago, after he found me hiding behind a stack of hay, spying on him and the black stallion.

I had watched him for two weeks before that. From my window. How fortunate it was that my room overlooked the stables. I waited for him each morning, right at tsunrise. I’d watch as he wrestled with the black stallion while I drank my tea and munched on freshly baked cookies. Sometimes, I expected him to give up on the wild horse, but Killian always came back the next day. More determined than he was the day before.

Before Killian, I never realized the beauty of the sunrise, but now I had a newfound appreciation for it. He would take Coal for a walk as the sun rose over the horizon – the warmest hues of a rainbow turning the sky into a canvas of colors. It was breathtaking.

But what was more exhilarating was watching Killian ride the black stallion, like a dark knight on his horse.

When he wasn’t there in the morning, I waited all day and watched the window until late into the evening. Just to catch a glimpse of him as he worked with Coal. His strength and determination. How controlled he was and how easily he dominated the black stallion. There was something regal about him.

Killian intrigued me.

And that was exactly why I had escaped the confines of my room and found myself in the stables. Not once. But three times now.

If my father found out…

“Do I scare you? I didn’t know I could be so frightening.”

The first day we met, I thought he was a simple stableman – someone without a title, a nobody. But that was a mere fantasy.

Until I found out he was theKillian Spencer.

The former President’s son.

A man with power and exemplary wealth.

A billionaire.

And a man useful to my father – his lucky chess piece, as he’d say.

Killian and I were never supposed to cross paths. But it was my one mistake that led me here. And like an invisible string, something intangible kept pulling mecloser to him. Wanting to be in his presence. Needing to talk to him. Craving the sound of his voice.

I should had never come back after the first day. Should have stayed away, but here I was.

“You don’t scare me.” My gaze roved his handsome face and solid build. He was tall – taller than my father and with broader shoulders. “You’re just… intimidating.”

“That’s a compliment, Princess” he drawled, all confident and nonchalant.

I swallowed. “I have to go.”

I spun around, ready to leave and never come back, but his voice stopped me. “You still haven’t told me your name.”

Panic rose in my chest and a familiar, paranoid fear crashed through me. My muscles tensed and my stomach churned with nausea. If my father found out I had been seeing Killian, secretly…

Oh God.

That was the moment that ruined the rest of our story.

My first mistake was coming to the stables.

My second mistake was…

“My name is Gracelynn,” I whispered, before taking off into a sprint.

Away from him.

And my lies.

One week later

Killian removed his black blazer and threw it my way, smacking me right in the face with it. I sputtered and glared, but he only gave me a crooked grin in response. He unbuttoned his cuff links and hiked his sleeves up his muscled forearms.

I practically drooled, but I was a respectable and proper lady, so I didn’t.

I climbed over a stack of hay, perching atop and draping Killian’s blazer over my knees.

“A white dress in the stables? I’m questioning your choices,” Killian said.

I nudged my chin high. “Why? You don’t like it?”

He flashed me a crooked grin. “White is very…pure. It doesn’t suit my liking, although, you look exceptional in white.”

“What is your favorite color then?”

He led Coal by his bridle, pulling the stallion from his stall. “Red,” Killian deadpanned.

“Why red?” I questioned.

“Red is the color of extremes, Princess. It’s many things. Violence. Passion. Wrath.” He paused; his eyes lingered over my lips and his voice softened, to almost a tantalizing low undertone. “Longing. Seduction. Lust.”

My belly pooled with warmth and there was a fluttering in the pit of my stomach. My thighs tightened, involuntarily.

Coal let out a neigh and I exhaled a shuddering breath. I looked away first, but not before I saw the flash of mischief on Killian’s face.

The black stallion strutted toward me with a snort, but it was more playful than grumpy.

“Coal and I are starting to get along,” I observed, swinging my legs back and forth.

Killian brushed the horse’s black coat with exquisite tenderness and I wondered how it’d feel to have his hands on me like that. The moment that thought came to me, I shook my head.

Nope. This was very wrong.

“Why are you so scared of horses?” Killian asked, looking both thoughtful and interested in what my response would be.

I gave him a half-shrug, even when I fought a shiver at the memories – they were still so vivid, though it had been almost eight years.

“I had a little accident when I was ten,” I explained. “Fell off my horse while I was learning to ride and sustained a brain injury. I haven’t been allowed near a horse since then.”

In fact, I haven’t been allowed out of my father’s estate since then.

When I was eleven, he put me in an all-girls boarding school. But when my seizures became ‘troublesome’ and my father worried that the public would come to know about my epilepsy – and what he perceived as a weakness – he pulled me out. Then, both my sister and I were home schooled.

While I rarely left the Romano’s Estate, my sister traveled to France when she became nineteen and studied fashion design for three years before recently coming back to America, a month ago.

My sister who was the real Gracelynn Romano.

And I was just… Julianna. Forgotten daughter, a shadow and a nobody.

My sister – who was to be betrothed to Killian Spencer. Our father was expecting an alliance between the Romanos and Spencers, soon enough. It was a chase for power and more wealth for him.

I knew my lie would catch up to me.

I knew Killian would soon find out that I wasn’t the real Gracelynn. I should have told him the truth by now… but I wanted to buy more time with him.

Before he became my sister’s.

So, I lied. Over and over again.

Killian clucked his tongue. “Fear can be both adaptive and maladaptive. It can be deceiving, once it holds you captive. You just have to learn how to break free.”

He strode over to me and my heart stuttered once he was close enough that I could feel his warmth. Killian braced his hands on either side of me, beside my thighs. With me sitting atop the stack of hay, it put us eye-leveled with each other. Face to face and chest to chest.

He leaned forward, so close I could smell his minty breath, could taste it on my own lips. “Do you trust me?”

My lips quivered with the tiniest smile. “Not yet.”

He nodded, once, and took a step back. “We’ll work on that,” he crooned.

I inhaled sharply and thrust the paper bag I was holding toward him. “Cookies.”

He quirked up an eyebrow in question and I chewed on my lips, suddenly feeling shy and nervous. He took the paper bag from me and peered inside.

“I made them,” I said, quickly. “Without raisins. Because last time… you said, I mean… you didn’t like the raisins. So, I made these. For you. The way you like it. Oh my God, I’m just going to shut up now.”

“Are you flustered, Princess?” Killian drawled.

“I’m not,” I snapped, but secretly swooned at him calling me Princess. He didn’t mock me, but it was almost like he enjoyed teasing me.

He brought one of the cookies to his mouth and took a small bite. His gaze roved my body, leisurely and blatant. Killian didn’t even hide the fact that he was staring. Our eyes locked and he licked his lips, deliberately slow and enticing. “Hmm, soft and sweet. The way I like it.”

Goosebumps peppered my skin and my nipples tightened. “What?” I breathed.

“The cookies, Princess.”

Oh. Right. The cookies.

“Did you think I meant something else?” he inquired, taking another bite of the cookie. Killian was so calm and composed and I was so… not calm.

“No,” I denied too quickly, and he gave me that signature crooked grin of his.

Was Killian Spencer being flirtatious?

And why did I like it?

After eating two cookies, he handed me the paper bag again. “Thank you, Grace. That was very thoughtful of you.”

Grace.

It was almost on the tip of my tongue – to tell him the truth. That I wasn’t Gracelynn. I wanted to scream that I was Julianna.

But in the end, I only nodded and smiled.

My lies tasted bitter on my tongue but I swallowed them.

For the first time in my life, I felt seen and wanted. Desired. I felt… important.

And I wanted more.

Not knowing that it would be the reason I would later lose everything.