Still Jaded by Tijan

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

When we walked into Sparky's, the conversations hushed. Movement stopped. All eyes were on us, though I wasn't sure why. The last time I'd been there, no one had cared. Everyone paid attention this time, but then I looked at Corrigan and realized it was him. He stood self-assured. He was no longer the cocky or playful Corrigan. He'd changed for some reason. Then I looked past the hostess stand and saw Dorothy start to turn our way. When she saw who stood in the doorway, her eyes widened. I almost heard her sharp intake of breath as she froze. Her body was stiff and her limbs were jerky as she walked towards us.

Corrigan looked down on her, literally. He stood at his fullest height, but Dorothy didn't mind. She seemed nervous as she smiled. "Two?"

"Booth," I said. I hated chairs and table. There was more protection in a booth.

"Oh. Okay." Her smile faded when she saw me. Then it turned bright as she nodded towards Corrigan. "Follow me."

I elbowed Corrigan and walked in front.

"Hey."

"Hey." I quickened my pace so that I stood right behind Dorothy as she turned and gestured to the booth. When she saw that I had walked behind, her smile dimmed again, but I slid in and Corrigan moved around her. As he sat, she placed both menus in front of us and stood back. I saw her finger tremble. Her knee seemed to jump too.

"We have breakfast specials right now, but we serve all meals."

I liked the new Sparky's. They might've been Italian-owned, but the place had been renovated into another Perkins.

"I'll just get coffee," I smiled so fake that Dorothy looked alarmed.

"Okay…" She frowned before she left.

"What the hell are you doing?" Corrigan flicked my wrist.

"Ouch." I flicked him back and then punched his arm.

"What'd you do that for?"

"What'd you dothatfor?"

"You're acting like a psycho. And you're eating something. None of this 'just coffee' crap."

"I'm acting crazy because she's crazy. Did you see her? She didn't even know I was here until she was almost on top of us."

"Well then she's not your stalker or she would've known right away. What's your problem? Why are you trying to intimidate her?"

"Why not?" Intimidation was fun. "She's Marcus' cousin. I'll try to scare anyone related to him."

Corrigan grew silent. That perked my interest. He studied the menu, but Corrigan never studied a menu. He always knew right away what he wanted. I slammed a hand on his and said, "Out with it. What's going on?"

He shrugged and sat back. He stuffed his hands in his hoodie front pocket. "Nothing. Why?"

"You said I was being weird, but so are you. You're usually all flirty or pissed. The only times you're just normal is when you're around me. What gives? Why are you so…not you?"

He rolled his eyes. "I don't like this place. I don't understand why you always want to come here. It gives me the creeps."

He was right. It was weird, but I came back for…I wasn't sure. "I think I feel like something's not right, something wasn't right about Marcus. Maybe this was my last connection to him, the real him before he turned crazy."

"You're right, something wasn't right with him. He was crazy," Corrigan barked out.

"No, I mean—" I gave him a dirty look. "He wasn't always crazy. He became that way because of something. It wasn't us. I mean like at his home or maybe he was picked on too much, I don't know. People aren't born crazy, right? They become crazy. I think if I can understand that, it'd help me understand why what happened did happen. You know what I mean?"

"All I know is that this place gives me the creeps. I was wrong about the waitress. She's creepy. She keeps looking over here." He hunched over the menu when Dorothy started back to us.

I leaned forward and whispered, "That's because she likes you."

"Do you know what you'd like?" Dorothy asked with a tremble in her voice.

"Man, the first time I came in here, I thought you were going to try and stab me with a fork. Now you're super nice. Are you trying to give me a complex or something?" I watched Dorothy intently. I wanted to judge her reaction to my words.

Her eyelid twitched. I caught distaste for a second before she covered it and looked at Corrigan. She kept glancing at him. Most girls with a crush would look underneath their eyelids, like they wanted to hide. The shy girls never liked a guy to know who was checking him out. The brazen girls, like Cadence, stared openly and longing. They wanted the guy to know he was wanted. This girl—she was not normal. She kept staring at Corrigan as if he wasn't a real person, like she didn't realize he could tell she was staring.

I spoke up, "Do you like Corrigan? You're staring at him like he's a tasty treat."

"Sheldon!" Corrigan hissed.

My eyes narrowed as I waited for Dorothy's reaction. She froze and grew white around the mouth. Her skin looked stretched, painfully. Then she turned on me and her eyes snapped in anger. "How dare you?"

"How dare me? I'm speaking the truth."

"I loved Marcus. I did. He wasn't normal. I know that. My entire family feels bad for what he did, but he was still my cousin. And yet, you keep coming in here. You were the onewho took him away from us before we could get him help. You killed him. You baited him. We all read the police report. I saw the tape. You were in complete control and he wasn't. You could've gotten away from him, but you didn't—"

I shot to my feet. "Wanna know why?!"

There was shocked silence around us. Dorothy seemed shaken, but she didn't look away.

I hit the table with my fist. "He stalked me. He videotaped me with my boyfriend. He killed two of my friends, good people. They were people you would've been friends with. I liked them, and I found one of them dead. He left her in the park, like he threw out the trash. Then he stabbed one of my best friends in front of me. He enjoyed it. He stabbed him multiple times and he dug that knife in until—"

"Enough!" Corrigan shot to his feet. He clamped a hand on my arm. "We're leaving." Then he turned on Dorothy. "We won't be coming here again. We won't be using your catering services either. And for the record, I did nothing to your cousin. He tried to kill me because Sheldon'smyfamily. She went after him because of me. She didn't stalk him, he stalked her. You might want to remember that."

He dragged me outside and then let go of my arm when we got to the car. As we got inside, I shook my head. My legs were trembling. "You reminded me of Bryce just now. Are you sure you're not channeling him?"

Corrigan growled. "It's because you make us do that. You made me do that. You push us so that we have to reign you in and it's annoying, Sheldon. I feel so much pressure because I have to take care of you now. You don't take care of yourself. You put that responsibility on someone else. I'm not fucking you. I'm your best friend. How did this job come to me?"

I went cold at his words.

"Sheldon." He reached for my hand.

I shrank away from his touch. "Don't touch me. Don't even think about it. You don't have to take care of me. Whatever you were worrying about in there, you don't have be a certain way. You never were before. Now what—Bryce is gone so you're trying to fill in? Don't. Please. You're right. You're not fucking me. You're supposed to be my friend. If you can't handle the job description then apparently it's too much—"

"That's not fair!" Corrigan interrupted. "I was wrong. I'm sorry. I'm not like you. I haven't wanted to deal with Marcus Donadeli. You—it's all you've been dealing with. I think that's good. You're trying to put him behind you, but I'm not like that. I try not to think about it." He glanced away. "I don't think Bryce ever wanted to deal with it either."

"Yeah. Well." I'd grown so tired in the last minute. "Maybe that's what went wrong with us."

He sighed. "I'm sorry. I was wrong—"

"You don't have to stick around. You can leave too."

His shoulders dropped and his throat jerked. He visibly swallowed. I watched how his hands clenched and then relaxed. He looked down at them, as if considering what I just said. "I'm sorry. I just—you make…I don't know how to say this."

"Say it."

"Okay." He took a breath and looked at me. I saw the appeal in his eyes. "I could hide from a lot of things before, but Bryce is gone. I mean, I don't know what I mean. It doesn't matter. I…just…I can't hide because of you. You don't hide anymore. I'm with you. I'm in the front seat right next to you because I want to be. But that also means that I can no longer hide from things because you don't. You face everything head on. Hell, any challenge you see before you and you want to squash it. I have to get used to it. It's a lot, sometimes. You're making me deal with shit that I might not have dealt with all my life…"

"What are you talking about?"

Corrigan sighed and smiled. His grin was brief and gone, but I still saw it. "Nothing. Nothing. Where else do you want breakfast?"

"I don't care. Pull over to the closest coffee place. I still want coffee."

Corrigan did as he was told.

After we went back to my place, I shot into the house, but I couldn't get farther than the kitchen. Every inch of my skin was itching to hide. In some ways, he wasn't right at all, but he was in other ways. There were times when if I saw a problem I knew I could deal with, I dealtwith it. Maybe I didn't want Marcus to screw my life up? Maybe I didn't want him to have that power over me.

When my fridge opened and Corrigan pulled out a beer, I arched my eyebrows. "Really?"

He shrugged. "I already know what kind of talk we're going to have. The time seems to fit."

"What are you talking about?"

He gestured towards me with his beer. "Just, start."

So I did. He thought he knew me so well, but he didn't. "You're telling me that I don't hide from stuff? Do you know me? Really? Do you not know me at all? I hide from everything!—"

Corrigan got in my face. His breath tickled my chin. "You don't hide from Marcus. You face it head on. That's why you go to Sparky's. That's why you stayed in Spain, even though Bryce didn't want you there. You didn't hide from what was going on with him. You stayed there because you wanted to face it head on. You've changed, Sheldon. You've changed since—not since Marcus, but before that. Hell, this thing with Bryce would've been drawn out a few years if you were the old Sheldon. You're different. You denied it for a long time, but once he came back, you couldn't deny it anymore. Barely two weeks and you already left to regroup."

My body felt numb. "What are you talking about?"

"You were falling apart because you knew Bryce was up to something. The old Sheldon would've slept with Denton right away. You didn't. You went to his home, but you did that to clear your head. You didn't screw the guy."

My mouth had gone dry, but I wasn't sure if that was good or bad. I felt my hand trembling against my leg and I sat my coffee down.

"I know you, Sheldon. Yes, I do. I know you better than you know yourself. I know you better than Bryce sometimes. And you've changed, for the better. But give me two minutes to catch up. Please. I'm not like you. I like hiding. Sometimes hiding can be good."

I narrowed my eyes and stalked closer. "You don't hide from anything. Any challenge and you're tearing at it. You're saying I don't hide, neither do you."

He rolled his eyes and finished the rest of his beer. "I like to hide. You're wrong, Sheldon. I like to hide a whole lot, but I'm not in a position where I can anymore. That's what you're talking about. This is why I don't have girlfriends. I don't like dealing with this deeper shit."

"I'm not your girlfriend! Stop treating me like I am!"

Corrigan closed his eyes for a moment and I waited. Tense.

Then he lifted his eyes and I gulped. There was the pissed off Corrigan with a different glow in his gaze. He seemed to comealive; like he'd been in black and white and now he was in color. "You want to talk truth? Fine. Why'd you lie to Bryce?"

"We never slept together. We stopped right away."

"That's not what you lied about and you know it. Don't treat me like I'm stupid. I'm the one who'shere."

I held my breath. "What are you talking about?"

"Nothing. Nothing." He turned away.

"No! What are you talking about?" I jerked forward. Corrigan stepped away, but I brought him back. My hands were on his shoulders, my face next to his. "What are you talking about?"

"Why did we go to Sparky's today? Tell me the real reason." His eyes searched mine.

"What are you talking about? Like you said, I like to face things head on." I was so confused. What were we really talking about?

"Don't bullshit me. What's the real reason? I thought that at first, but now…that's not why. You went there to rub it in their faces. One of theirs tried to kill you and you didn't die. You go there as much as possible because you like it. And you wanted to go there with me. You enjoyed that. You watched her. From the second you saw her, you watched that girl's reaction. Not only to you being there, but to me too. You liked that she's got some weird crush on me. Why? You want to feel superior to her or something? Is that what this is about?"

"Yes!" I exploded. Was I wrong? I didn't think so. "I'm sorry if I take some satisfaction in the fact that I didn't die. I didn't die!"

Corrigan's eyes narrowed, but he didn't say anything. Then he reached up and unwound my hands from his shoulders. I waited for him to push me away, but he didn't. He just held my wrists in his. My body was still pressed against him.

He breathed out, "You lied to Bryce."

Everything was held on pause. I wasn't even sure if I breathed in that moment. "Yes…"

"He knows you lied."

I whispered my admission, "I know."

"He knows why you lied."

"I know." Everything inside of me broke down. I felt the fight leave me and slumped against Corrigan. He caught me and then brushed some hair from my eyes.

"Corrigan," I murmured against his shoulder. My lips brushed against his shirt.

His arms tightened around me. "Yeah?"

"You're my best friend." Wrapping both of my hands in his shirt, I pushed back with enough strength to look him in the eyes. I saw they were full of concern and knowing. I wanted to look away. Corrigan was wrong on some stuff. I didn't like people knowing me better than I knew myself. I wanted to hide from those people and I wanted to hide from him in that moment. Corrigan was looking inside of me. He always did, always would.

Something switched in his eyes, and he nodded. "I know."