Not Pretending Anymore by Vi Keeland
EPILOGUE
Molly
It was Saturday morning, and Declan had just returned to the apartment. He’d gotten up early and left while I was still sleeping, so I was seeing him for the first time.
“How was it?” I asked, greeting him at the door by wrapping my arms around his neck.
“It was good. I met a kid today who reminded me a lot of myself.”
“I’m really proud of you for doing this.”
“Honestly, it’s helped me more than it helps them. It’s taken the focus off of me, and that can be a good thing.”
I gave him a peck on the lips. “You’ve come a long way, baby.”
Declan volunteered every Saturday morning at a teen crisis center in the city. He mentored kids going through tough times—many experiencing depression, something he understood firsthand.
“I think the biggest difference between me today and the man I was a year ago is that I don’t doubt myself anymore, whether I’m worthy of certain things. Now I just choose self-compassion, even if things aren’t certain. But you have to have a solid foundation to take that risk. You’ve been my foundation—the one sure thing that allows me to believe in myself.”
I kissed him again. “Well, it’s been my pleasure, Mr. Tate. You’ve brought a lot to my life, too, you know.”
After Declan quit his job to stay in Chicago, he was unemployed for a few months. We’d made the most of that time. He’d kept the apartment sparkling clean and constantly cooked delicious food. I’d used my vacation time and we went out to California so I could meet Declan’s family. It was definitely an experience getting to meet all of his sisters and taking a day to travel to San Luis Obispo to see Catherine at the convent. I’d laughed every time one of his sisters called him “Scooter.”
Not only was it great to observe his family dynamic, but I got to know Declan’s parents as well. We slept at their house and stayed up late talking with them on their back deck. I was surprised that Declan was so open with his mother. She even talked about her experience with bipolar disorder as it related to Declan’s fears.
So between the California trip and getting Declan all to myself for a while, I’d cherished those first few months. But we were both relieved when he finally found a job at a local advertising firm.
Now, over a year later, things had settled into a routine. I had graduated to a level at work where I no longer had to work Saturdays or Sundays. I had a set schedule now of Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. And I couldn’t have been happier about that, because it had really sucked not getting to hang out with Declan on weekends.
I really appreciated lazy Saturdays like today. Now that Declan was home from his volunteer work at the teen center, I would have him all to myself.
“What’s the plan today?” I asked.
“I have a few errands to run, actually. You good to hang out here for a bit while I do them?”
“I guess so…”
“Unless you haven’t eaten yet? I can make you something for breakfast first.”
“No. I ate a bagel while you were at the center.”
“Cool. Perfect then. I shouldn’t be too long.”
“What do you have to do?”
“Just the usual Saturday stuff,” he said. “Cleaners. Get to the bank before they close at noon. Stuff like that.”
“Okay, well… Hurry back. Although, it’s not like I don’t have a ton of our laundry to keep me company while you’re gone.”
“How lucky am I that my girlfriend actually likes doing my laundry now when I used to use it as a punishment?” He winked.
“It’s the least I can do, considering you do all of the cooking around here.”
He brought me in for a kiss. “I love you. See you in a bit, okay?”
“Love you, too.”
After Declan left, I went downstairs to the laundry room in our building. I threw a load of clothes into the washer and headed back upstairs.
When I returned to the apartment, I noticed an envelope laying on the ground outside the door.
I opened it, thinking it might have been one of those solicitations from cleaning services.
Instead it was a note—in Declan’s handwriting.
Did you know it was two years ago today that I first left those cupcakes at your door? That was the same day you gave me a penis pass and let me move in. How about we mark the occasion by making this Saturday extraordinary? To celebrate, I’m sending you on a little scavenger hunt. So grab your tennis shoes and go to your first destination. Here’s a clue: Because my girl loves to eat, it’s the only place where the gnocchi has mine beat.
“Nonna’s!” I said out loud, my voice echoing in the hallway.
Oh my gosh.What is this all about? Is he there waiting for me? I rushed inside and went in search of my tennis shoes.
The weather outside was perfect for a stroll through the neighborhood. When I arrived at Nonna’s, I wasn’t sure exactly what to do, though. As I entered the front door, it looked like they were just setting up for the Saturday lunch crowd. There was no sign of Declan.
The woman at the hostess station said, “Molly?”
“Yes. That’s me.”
She gestured to a table by the window. “Come sit.”
“What’s going on?” I asked. “Am I eating here?”
“Your boyfriend asked that we set you up with a snack-sized portion of your favorite gnocchi, along with a chocolate-covered cannoli. Enjoy, and then I’ll provide you with an envelope that will lead you to your next destination, per his instructions.”
This was one of the strangest experiences of my life, but I decided to go with it and enjoy every second. I sat alone, staring out at the people passing by as I ate my gnocchi and sipped the glass of white wine the waitress had brought me. A few people trickled in for an early lunch.
I tried to take my time, but I was anxious to get that envelope. I stuffed the cannoli into my mouth and finished it in three large bites. I left a ten-dollar bill on the table and, with my mouth still full, walked over to the waitress. “Thank you so much. That was delicious. I’m ready for my envelope now.”
She handed it to me. “Have a great rest of your day, Molly.”
“Thank you.”
Outside on the sidewalk, I rushed to open it.
This is the point where you might need to go back and grab your car. Next destination is because I thank God every day that I met you. If my sister Catherine were here, this might be her favorite hangout. Hint: it rhymes with Notre Dame.
I paused. Catherine. Was there a convent nearby? A church?
Rhymes with Notre Dame.
Then it hit me: Holy Name! That was the large cathedral here in Chicago.
I speed-walked back to the apartment to get to my car, and then typed my destination into the GPS.
After a short drive downtown, I found a parking space and looked up at the grand structure with its massive bronze doors, wondering what I was supposed to do here.
Inside, the quiet space was a peaceful escape from the noise of the city. Surrounded by beautiful stained glass, I breathed in the soothing atmosphere.
“Are you Molly?” someone asked.
I turned to find a guy who looked about my age, dressed in Spandex and a hoodie. He must have been a bike messenger.
“Yes?”
“This is for you.” He smiled, handing me an envelope. “But before you open it, sit for a while in the cathedral. Take a moment to quiet your thoughts and reflect with gratitude.” He nodded and slipped away.
“Thank you. I will,” I said, though he was already halfway out the door.
As I sat in the near-empty church, I looked over at an old woman in one of the front pews. I wondered what she might have been thinking about, whom she might have lost. I reflected on how fortunate I was. Even though I’d lost my dad too soon, I had a man in my life who loved me as much as my father had.
After several minutes of silent prayer, I stood up, feeling refreshed. Before I left, I lit a candle.
Back outside, I was met once again by the noise of the city. I opened the envelope.
Because you’ll always be a daddy’s girl. Think pink.
My eyes flitted back and forth as I processed that. Think pink.
The pink room in my dad’s house! It had to be.
As I got back into my car, my heart beat faster in anticipation.
Once I got to Lincoln Park, the previously sunny weather turned drizzly as I made my way up the steps of my dad’s house. The front door opened before I even had a chance to knock. It seemed Kayla was waiting for me.
“Hey, Molly.” She smiled, looking utterly amused.
“So you’re in on this little game, huh?”
She moved aside to allow me to enter. “The envelope is waiting for you on the bed in the pink room, but before you open it, there’s a little surprise.”
“Is Siobhan home?” I asked as I headed up the stairs.
“No. Your sister is at ballet.”
“Oh. I’m sorry I missed her.”
I spotted the white envelope on the bed and chills ran through me.
“So, before he died…” Kayla said, “your father left something else for you, in addition to the cards he wrote. Last weekend at dinner, I asked Declan’s advice as to when I should give it to you, and he suggested today.”
She walked over to the desk and handed me a small, pink-velour pillow. “Squeeze it,” she said.
When I did, I heard my father’s voice. “Love you, my sweet Molly.”
I hugged it tightly as tears filled my eyes.
I squeezed it again. “Love you, my sweet Molly.”
His voice sounded frail. He must have recorded it toward the end of his life.
I turned to her. “Oh my God. When did he do this?”
“I’m not sure exactly, but he left it in the box of stuff he gave me that was designated for you.”
Wiping my eyes, I squeezed it a few more times, cherishing the sound of my dad’s voice.
“I thought receiving that birthday card was amazing, but nothing beats getting to hear his voice again.”
“I know he wanted to do a lot more toward the end—wanted to make an entire series of videos for you and your sisters—but he was just too weak and ultimately didn’t want to be remembered that way.”
“Can I take this home?”
“Of course you can. It’s yours!”
I hugged her. “Thank you, Kayla. I have no idea what’s coming next on this scavenger hunt, but I am certain nothing can beat this.”
“Declan loves you so much. You got yourself a good man there.”
“Tell Siobhan I’ll call her to take her out next week.”
“She’ll love that.”
I picked up the envelope before heading back downstairs.
As Kayla stood at the door and waved goodbye, I thought about how differently I viewed her now. I was grateful my father had gotten to spend his last days with someone who made him feel fulfilled.
In the privacy of my car, I opened the envelope to find out where I was headed next.
Because I know you need your favorite candy when you’re emotional—and not just a small amount. A lot.
A lot.The bulk candy store!
I looked up the address and made my way there.
A bell dinged when I opened the door to Poppy’s Candyland. A woman at the counter smiled at me.
“Hi…I’m Molly,” I said. “I believe you might have an envelope for me?”
“Sure do.” She handed me a plastic bag. “But first, feel free to peruse our candy selection.” She winked and pointed to the left corner of the room. “The M&Ms are that way.”
Heading over, I noticed there were two M&M compartments, one filled with primary rainbow colors, and one that contained all pink with a sign that read Molly’s.
I broke out in laughter. How the heck? The amount of effort Declan had put into this scavenger hunt was unbelievable.
Filling my bag with my favorite pink M&Ms, I took it over to the counter so she could weigh it.
“No need to pay.” She shook her head. “Your friend gave us more than enough to cover the cost of that bag.” She handed me the envelope. “And here you go.”
“Thank you so much.” I smiled.
Back out on the sidewalk, I ripped open the envelope.
Because I miss you, it’s time to go back to the place where it all started. See you soon.
As much fun as this had been, I was eager to get back to the apartment and kiss that crazy man for coming up with this idea.
Wearing a permasmile, I drove back in the direction of our apartment building.
Once back home, carrying my bag of M&Ms and my father’s pillow, I reached the top of the stairs. A familiar sight brought a feeling of nostalgia—the same Tupperware container Declan had left at my door exactly two years ago. If it hadn’t been for those cupcakes—those delicious cupcake tops I’d devoured—I might never have given in and called Declan to offer him the room.
I bent down to open the container. Six cupcakes with white frosting sat inside. And written atop them were six different words.
Will
You
Marry
Me?
Do
It!
Covering my mouth with my hand, I froze and stood up. When I turned around, Declan was behind me holding…a laundry basket. He’d apparently gone downstairs to fetch the clothes I’d abandoned upon discovering the first envelope.
His eyes widened, and he put the basket down. “Shit! How fast did you drive? You got here sooner than I thought. The clerk at the candy store texted me when you left. I was supposed to be standing behind the door on bended knee when you came inside. But I figured I’d fetch the clothes you left downstairs first.” He exhaled. “Shit. The ring is on the kitchen counter. So much for a flawless proposal. Damn it, I—”
I practically leapt forward and cut him off with a long kiss. “This was perfect. Everything was perfect.”
“Except my timing.”
“We’ve always sucked at timing. But then we finally got it right. And by the way, you doing the laundry is almost as sexy as a choreographed proposal on bended knee.” I shook my head. “I never dreamed this day was going to turn into a proposal. Oh my God, Declan.”
As he squeezed me, I could feel his heart pounding.
“Can we at least pretend I got it right? Give me two minutes to put this laundry basket away.” He lifted it off the ground. “I’ll tell you when, and then you can come in. Okay?”
I laughed. “Okay, crazy man. Just tell me when.”
He turned around. “You’re gonna say yes, right?”
I wiped my eyes. “Yes.”
“Okay, then I’ll proceed.”
He closed the door behind him. After about three minutes, I could hear him from behind the door. “You can come in now!”
When I opened, Declan wasn’t on his knee, nor was there a ring in sight.
“This whole day has been about surprises,” he said. “What’s one more?” His eyes gleamed.
The next thing I knew, a dozen different voices shouted, “Surprise!” People emerged from every corner of the apartment. There were pink balloons and people rushing toward me. My mother. Kayla. Siobhan. Emma. And oh my God! Declan’s parents. And two of his sisters!
It took me a few minutes to finish hugging everyone and wiping my tears. Then I went in search of Declan and couldn’t find him anywhere. Until I looked down and found him on his knees.
He looked up at me. “If you think today showed how much I love you, think again. There is nothing I could do to demonstrate the depth of how I feel. Molly Corrigan, I wish I could say from the moment we met I’ve been in love with you. But that wasn’t the case. You were my friend before you were ever my lover. I grew to like and respect you long before I fell deeply in love with you. But once that happened, there was no going back. Moving to Chicago was the second easiest decision I ever had to make. The easiest was deciding to propose to you today, the second anniversary of the luckiest day of my life.” He opened the box, displaying a gorgeous, round, sparkling solitaire. “Will you marry me?”
I was too overcome with emotion to enunciate yes, although technically I’d already said it out in the hallway.
He placed the ring on my finger and stood, pulling me in for a hug. I’d nearly forgotten I was still holding the pillow from my father until Dad’s voice rang out: “Love you, my sweet Molly.”
Yup, Dad was here, too. I didn’t think this day could get any better, but every moment kept showing me it could.
“Yes, Mr. Corrigan. I heard you. Don’t worry.” Declan smiled as he looked down at me. “I’ll take good care of her.”
