The Embrace by Vivian Wood

28

The next morning, I am on my way out the door to meet Ella when I encounter Calum. He is wearing his running clothes and is just coming in from working out. I flush and can't quite meet his gaze.

I have this secret that's growing in my belly and every second I don't handle it gets bigger and bigger. At this point, I'm honestly not sure what I'm going to do about it.

He’s breathing hard still when he comes into the kitchen. “Hey.”

That's all he has to say, apparently.

I nod and lift a tan leather Birkin bag onto my shoulder, straightening my dark blue minidress. “Hey.”

He narrows his eyes at me, his expression growing a little concerned. “I feel like I said something last night that made things tense between us. The marriage stuff made you look kind of queasy. Should we… I don’t know, talk about it?”

I shrug a shoulder. “There isn’t anything that I really want to talk about at this moment, so…” I trail off.

“So? I feel like we should definitely have the talk about marriage. If I’m saying that I’m casually ring shopping and you’re saying that you don’t want to be completely taken by surprise during an engagement…”

Hearing him saying that, being responsive to my needs, is like a knife to my guts. I flinch and bite my lip. I meet his curious gaze.

“I do want to marry you. You have to know that. There are just a few things that I have to settle first.”

Calum’s gaze tightens on my face. “What things?”

I can’t look at him, so I drop my gaze and shrug a shoulder. “I would really rather not get into it at this precise moment.”

I know. It’s a cop out. I just can’t tell him I’m pregnant. Not yet.

“Okay.” His gaze lingers on my face. I think he’s going to challenge me like he always does, but he surprises me instead. He makes it easy for me, changing the subject. “You're going somewhere, I'm guessing.”

I nod, not meeting his gaze. “Yep. Ella has had some ankle surgery and she’s recuperating in a rehab facility. So I was just going to go check it with her and see how things are. She seems pretty down.”

“Ah.” He leans against the kitchen counter.

A thought occurs to me. “Hey, is Keir still looking for a nanny?”

Calum shrugs. “Beats me. I don't know any more than you do. I can call him if that will help.”

I sigh and shake my head. “Nah, I just wondered if you already knew. Thanks anyway. I should go.”

I turn away and Calum trots a couple of paces toward me, catching my wrist.

“Hey, how about dinner tonight? Just the two of us, anywhere you want? A couple of cocktails, a little time for us to catch up… What do you say?”

My stomach feels like it's made of lead. I lick my lips and give him a hesitant nod. “Sure. Wherever you want. I should be home in a couple of hours so we can talk about it then.”

His brow wrinkles a little bit.

“Okay.” He moves in close, tugging me against his chest. He slips his fingers underneath my jaw and raises my head, angling my lips to meet his mouth. His kiss is intense but brief, leaving goosebumps across my neck and shoulders. He looks down into my eyes, the blue of his gaze more intense than I've ever seen it.

“I love you,” he says.

In that moment, my heart fucking breaks. I look up at him, trying not to tear up or let my emotions show. “I love you too, Calum. So much that it's hard to breathe sometimes. Does that ever happen to you?”

One corner of his mouth tips up in a smile. “Only with you, beauty. It's never happened to me before I met you.”

I wrap my arms around his neck and hug him then, hard and fast. He is a little taken aback by the gesture, hugging me hesitantly back.

“Beauty…” he whispers.

I pull away, taking a deep breath and steeling myself. “It will have to wait until I get back. I promise, I won't be gone long.”

Stepping out of his embrace, I turn and practically flee out of the penthouse apartment. I make it to the elevator before the first tear falls. As I ride down, I tell myself to pull it together, to rein it in. I think that my emotions are just being amplified right now by the fluctuations in my hormones. The information I found on the Internet indicated that I would have some crazy ups and downs right about now.

I manage to get myself under control on my way out to the curb. My limo waits there for me, same as always.

God, how strange is it that I am now used to the fact that someone will drive me anywhere I want to go at any time I feel like it? A few months ago before I met Calum, the idea seemed so foreign to me.

The trip over to Ella's rehabilitation facility is relatively quick. I spend most of it trying not to think about the future, especially not my fetus’s would-be future. It's very tempting to imagine myself pregnant and shopping for baby clothes. Or even to imagine myself holding a little newborn, bouncing it on my hip and staring into it’s eyes.

But every time I catch myself daydreaming like that, I put a stop to it as soon as I can. I tell myself that I haven’t made up my mind yet.

And the feeling of cold dread grows in the pit of my stomach.

I get to the hospital that Ella is staying at and head up to the floor that she gave me when I talked to her on the phone earlier. The ward seems light and airy, opening with a big room filled with six or seven patients and their therapists who are coaching them to walk up and down the stairs or helping them with their balance as they move unsteadily along the floor.

Spotting a nurses desk, I head over and ask for Ella by name.

A minute later, I follow the very friendly nurse down a hospital hallway. She stops at Ella's room, knocking on her door for me.

“Come in!” Ella shouts.

The nurse backs away and waves me on. I smile and thank her, opening the door.

Ella is there in a hospital bed, propped up with her leg in a splint. She flips off the TV and gives me a watery smile. “Hey.”

I enter the room, my gaze sweeping the bland beige walls and plain white linens of her bed. “So this is the famous Walker Rehabilitation Institute.”

Ella wrinkles her nose. “Yeah. I had to have another surgery on my ankle so I figured now was as good a time as any to start physical therapy.”

I nod and pull up a chair to her bedside, taking a seat. “How’s the food?”

She pulls a face. “Gross.”

I arch an eyebrow. “Well, your fairy godmother has arrived. I have a limo and I will get you absolutely anything you want. You want magazines? You want Greek food? You want every shade of nail polish?”

Ella purses her lips. “Pizza?”

I grin at her. “You know it. You want Bellagio’s?”

“Yep. Veggie supreme, extra thin crust.”

I whip out my phone and place the order with the limo driver. “Got it. It should be here in about half an hour.”

She heaves a sigh. “Is the ballet company doing an interesting ballet for fall?”

I scrunch up my face. “We are doing Romeo and Juliet, remember? You were practicing it with us. It’s interesting, but heavier than what we usually do around this time of year. It's a spring ballet, if anything.”

“Oh yeah? Any word on what role you'll get?”

I rock back in my chair, giving her a long look. “I don't think that I should really be worried about what role I'm going to get.”

Ella narrows her gaze on my face. “No?”

I shake my head and look down at my hands in my lap. “No. A lot of things are happening, personal things. For one, my mother left my father. And I cut him off. That means that he will probably take his story about me and Calum to the papers any day now.”

Her eyes widened. She sits up a little and grabs my wrist. “Wait, really?”

I scrunch my face up again. “Yeah. It doesn't really matter though… Because I just found out that I am pregnant with Calum's child and he's almost definitely going to dump me if I keep the baby.”

She blinks, so shocked that it takes her a quarter of a minute to even speak. “What!? Wait, go back. You're pregnant?”

I nod, unable to meet her gaze. “I went to the doctor and everything. I am definitely knocked up.”

“Oh my God,” she says, clutching at her chest. “You're not going to… I mean, are you considering termination?”

I look up at her, my eyes filling with tears.

“I don't know,” I answer softly. “I don't think… I don't think I want to. But Calum definitely wants nothing to do with a kid. And being pregnant would end my career before it even starts.”

She exhales a shaky breath. She grips my hand. “If you want it, you should have it. I am of the opinion that if you will love that baby, then that baby ought to be born. I mean, I know that it will sidetrack your career…”

“More like end it,” I say bitterly.

She raises her hands above her shoulders in a perplexed motion. “So what?”

“Did I already tell you about how Calum feels about having a kid? This baby would not be wanted by him.”

She looks at me dead in the eyes. “If you want this baby, then you should have it. And I can't imagine Calum letting you or his child go hungry, either.”

I wipe away a tear that breaks free and sniffle. “He's made it pretty clear that his life doesn't have any room for a baby. He is going to leave me the second I tell him.”

“You don't know that.”

My heart welled up with hurt. “I do,” I whisper. “I know him. I know exactly how he will react. He will pick a fight and create distance between us. And then he will be out the door before I can say anything else.”

Ella is quiet for a moment. “So what will you do? Will you just terminate the pregnancy, then? That doesn't seem right.”

Wrapping my arms around myself, I shrug. “No, it doesn't seem right. But it doesn't sit any better with me than breaking up what could potentially be the love of my life. I mean… I really, really love him, Ella.”

Ella opens her arms a little and beckons to me. “Come here. I may not be able to give you the answer you're looking for, but I can definitely give you a hug. And I think that you need it even more than the answer at just this moment.”

Rising out of the chair, I hug Ella. She pulls me down onto the bed and I bury my face against her neck. I cry for a few minutes, my tears wetting her thin white T-shirt. But when I finally compose myself and look up again, she smiles.

“It's going to be okay. You know?”

I give her a watery smile. “You think so?”

“I know so. Trust me.”

I laugh. “Actually, I meant to tell you earlier… One of Calum's friends is looking for a live in nanny. You have to go to Scotland, of course… But after this tense emotional moment, I'm pretty sure that you would rock at taking care of any kid.”

Ella shrugs a shoulder. “Maybe. We can talk about that later. For now, let's just hatch a plan and eat some pizza. Does that sound good?”

I give her a small smile. “That sounds amazing, Ella. I'm so glad I came to visit you.”

She throws her arm around my shoulders and I sit beside her, talking through all of my options for how I'm going to deal with my pregnancy.