Curvy Girls Can’t Date Soldiers by Kelsie Stelting
Forty-Two
Nadira
I texted my friends,asking them to come, and sat against the bumper of my car, pulling my knees to my chest and hugging them tightly like somehow that could keep me from falling apart.
Within minutes, they hurried to me through the parking lot, concern on their faces.
Des dropped to her knees beside me. “Dir, what happened?”
“Tatiana tricked us both. She brought him to the meet, waited for Headmaster Bradford to announce my name. My parents were there. They saw it all.” A fresh flood of tears gushed from my eyes as I said, “Apollo hates me. He found out the truth, and he hates me.”
My shoulders shook with a fresh wave of tears, and I folded over my knees, wishing this day could be over. Wishing that I’d never agreed to Mom’s research study or put my heart on the line.
This was my last semester of high school, and I should have been enjoying my friends and Mathletes, but instead I’d gotten caught up in a guy and let everything fall by the wayside.
On the opposite side of me, Faith rubbed my back. “Are you sure he wasn’t just hurt? Maybe he’ll come around.”
I shook my head. “You should have seen the way he looked at me. What he said...” My throat tightened, and I choked over the lump forming there along with the moisture dripping down my nose and the back of my throat. I repeated the words that sliced me to ribbons. “’I think you’re the ugliest person in the world. Not because of the way you look, but because of the way you lied.’”
Cori let out a quiet gasp. “He said that to you?”
I nodded, crying so hard now I could barely get any air.
“Breathe,” Des said firmly.
But I couldn’t. It felt like I was deeper and underwater, and no matter how much I gasped or choked, nothing could bring me closer to air.
“Nadira, breathe!” Des ordered again, her voice rising higher.
As if through the depths of water, I heard Adriel said, “She’s having a panic attack.”
Faith said, “Bend her over. Get her arms behind her head.”
They moved my body until my legs were butterflied out and my head folded toward my feet. They held my hands behind my head, rubbing my back, saying soft words I couldn’t quite discern.
Slowly, my breath came.
Slowly, the tears stalled.
Slowly, my heartbeat leveled.
But what was left in the aftermath was a shell. I didn’t feel happy or sad or regret.
I felt numb.
My friends helped me into the car, and I sat in the back seat, curled into Faith’s lap while she stroked my hair and Des drove. When we got to my house, we sat in the driveway for a moment.
The only light was from the few streetlamps panning a golden orange glow into the vehicle.
Des unbuckled and turned to face me, sadness in her dark and stormy eyes. “I’m so sorry, babe.”
My lips twitched. “It was my fault.” Even my voice sounded flat to my ears.
She frowned, not denying what I’d said. “Everyone makes mistakes, Dir. It’s doesn’t make us ugly. It makes us human.”
“I never wanted to be human,” I said, tears leaking from my eyes. “I wanted to be his.”
