Lyrics of a Small Town by Abbi Glines

Thirty-Seven

The rest of the week Signed Sips was insanely busy from open to close. I worked late hours to help the evening rush. Hillya had said every year the week after July 4 was the craziest around The Shores. The roads were bumper-to-bumper on main street with all the tourists in town. Getting anywhere was impossible. Walking from Gran’s had become easier than driving to work.

Lily had another setback and Saul was staying with her for the most part. I wished I could do something to help, but I didn’t know what I could do. He had been with me the night Lily had taken off again, except this time drugs had been involved. He believed she had been sneaking around getting it from a guy she met at AA meetings.

I missed him, but I also understood his need to take care of his mother. My heart hurt for him and the life he lived because of her. Would he ever get to live without the pressure of keeping his mom clean and alive? I tried not to get angry with Lily about what she was doing to herself and in turn to Saul, but it was so difficult.

Rio and Drake were passed trying to accept Lily’s addiction and they both openly talked about their hate for her in front of me. Not in front of Saul. Rio said Drake had made the mistake once of calling Saul’s mother a bitch and Saul had slammed his fist into Drake’s face. Drake had woken up on the floor.

If Lily were to ever get well, what would Saul do with his life? This was something I wanted to ask him, but I was also afraid to ask. Reminding him that his entire life revolved around keeping his mom clean seemed cruel. He had accepted this role and I was sure he had thought about the long term of it.

When Saturday afternoon came and things slowed down with so many people heading back to their homes after their week of vacation, Hillya sent me home at five. I wouldn’t have to work the next two days and I was thankful for the time off. It also meant I would be free when Saul was available. I missed him.

I texted him that I would be home this evening as I walked into the house. He immediately replied he would come as soon as Lily was asleep. I took my time in the shower and made myself a sandwich for dinner.

When Saul knocked on the door, it was after nine and I was on the sofa watching season two of Downton Abbey on Netflix. I took off my blanket and left it on the sofa when I went to open the door. Saul said nothing when he stepped inside.

He grabbed my face with both hands and kissed me hard. I much preferred this greeting to words. I held onto his arms to steady myself and kissed him back just as fiercely. He had been smoking. I could taste the nicotine mixed with the mint he had used to try to cover it up. I knew he had been trying to stop or at least cut back but dealing with his mom sent him into chain smoking.

He pulled back and inhaled deeply. “God you always smell and taste so damn good,” he whispered then pressed one more kiss to my lips before dropping his hands from my face to wrap them around me and hold me against his chest.

We stood there like that for several moments. His hard chest under my cheek was warm from the summer heat. I was content just like this. If I could stay in his arms forever, I would be a happy girl.

“What the fuck are you watching?” he finally asked, and I smiled and pulled back to look up at him. He was looking at the television and frowning.

“Downton Abbey,” I replied, doubting he knew what that was.

His expression said he did not. When he looked back down at me, he smirked. “It’s British,” he said.

I nodded.

“God, I’ve missed you,” he told me.

“I’ve missed you too,” I assured him.

He released a weary sigh then and loosened his hold on me. “Do you have any food?”

“Yes, you want me to make you a grilled cheese? I also have some chocolate chip muffins,” I told him, taking his hand and walking toward the kitchen. “Or I could make some pasta.”

“Grilled cheese and a muffin sound good,” he replied.

I let go of his hand and went directly to the fridge to get out the real cheese I had bought last week just for him. He wasn’t a fan of the dairy-free stuff I kept for myself. However, he liked my homemade gluten-free bread. I took out the loaf of bread and got busy fixing him some dinner. He didn’t eat well when he was busy with Lily.

“In the morning, I am taking Lily to a rehab facility in Maine. She will stay there for a year,” he said, while I was slicing the bread.

“Oh,” I replied when so many other questions were running through my head. He had talked about her going to a rehab again but not that far away or for that long.

“She asked to go,” he added. His expression didn’t tell me much. The dark circles under his eyes, however, told me he was exhausted.

“Are you okay with this?” I asked.

He nodded his head slowly. “Yeah, I am. It’s time she does something. I can’t continue on like this. She’s out of fucking control and I am not equipped to handle it. I’m just so damn tired of it all.” As he said it, I could see the pain cross his expression.

I sat down the knife and walked around the counter. “Then why do you look like this hurts?” I asked him, reaching up to touch his face.

He closed his eyes a moment and when he opened them to look at me again, he replied, “Because she’s my mom. I shouldn’t feel like this. I shouldn’t want her to go. I shouldn’t be tired of helping her. I am all she has. But I am so goddamn tired of it. I am so fucking tired of it.”

“Any one would be tired of it, Saul. You are the best son I’ve ever known. You have done everything you can for her, including altering your life to deal with her addiction. She wants to go because she loves you and she knows what she is doing to you.”

A sad smile touched his face. “That’s what she said. Or something like it,” he told me.

I was glad Lily realized it. I just wish it hadn’t taken her so long. I pressed a kiss to his cheek then went back around the counter to make his grilled cheese. He watched but remained silent. I didn’t ask more questions, but I did want to know when he would be back.

It wasn’t until I was grilling the sandwich on the stove that he spoke again. “I should be back on Tuesday. Latest Wednesday,” he said.

I put two muffins on a plate and slid them over to him. “I’ll pour you some real milk,” I told him with a smile.

“Real milk as in whole milk from a cow?” he asked, as I took the half gallon I had bought for him out of the fridge.

I showed it to him. “Yep.”

For the first time since he arrived, a grin broke out on his beautiful face. “Damn, I feel special.”

I poured him a glass. “You should,” I said teasingly and handed it to him.

He took a long drink before setting it back down. I finished his sandwich while he ate the muffins. When I placed the grilled cheese in front of him, he was watching me.

“What?” I asked him, smiling at his serious expression.

“Nothing. I was just thinking,” he replied, picking up the grilled cheese. “Thank you,” he said before taking a bite.

“You’re welcome,” I told him then picked up a muffin and walked around to sit on the bar stool beside him.

Saul was changing. He was talking to me more. Trusting me. I realized it and I also knew he still needed time. Keeping things to himself was the way he had dealt with life. I couldn’t change it overnight. But he was doing it for me, for us…