Lyrics of a Small Town by Abbi Glines

Thirty-Eight

During my days off, Saul was gone to Maine. I tried some new recipe ideas and when they worked, I was sure to write them down for Hillya. Emily came over Sunday evening and we had a Grey’s Anatomy season three marathon while eating cupcakes and popcorn.

Saul called me twice and texted me updates, but he never mentioned what day he would be home. I didn’t ask him because I knew he was dealing with having to leave his mom there. Although he was relieved she had decided to do this, he had so much guilt about not being able to help her himself.

Monday night I was going through the kitchen and organizing Gran’s kitchen cabinets to work for me since I intended to stay. That was something else I had decided in Saul’s absence. I was going to tell him when he returned. Gran was right about me needing to start over in a new place. To find my town and build a life. I couldn’t imagine doing that anywhere but here. In this house, where I had so many wonderful memories and in this town, where I had found family and where I had found Saul.

The knock on the door had me jumping up and rushing to open it, thinking it was Saul and he was home. However, when I turned the corner, it was Rio I saw on the other side of the door. Slowing my pace, I walked the rest of the way and unlocked the dead bolt then opened it.

Surprised that he was here, the only thing I said was “Hey.” It wasn’t that I didn’t see Rio often; it was just that he normally texted before he came over.

“I need to talk to you,” he said, walking past me and into the house. I didn’t miss the tone of his voice. It was strained and upset. I couldn’t tell if he was angry or something else.

I closed the door and turned to look at him. “What is it?” I asked, my mind already running through all that it could be.

He ran a hand through his short hair and locked his gaze on me. “Do you remember when I told you to be careful with Saul?” he asked. “I warned you and you, you didn’t listen to me. I know him. I’ve known him since we were sixteen.”

“What is this about, Rio?” I asked, feeling panic building inside me. Of all the things I thought he had barged inside upset about, Saul and I hadn’t been one of them.

“Saul is a loyal friend. He’s a fucking saint of a son. God knows I would have walked out on his mom years ago if I were him. But he’s not perfect, Henley. He’s so fucked up from the shit he’s lived through.” Rio sighed loudly and stared at me hard. “Are you in love with him?”

I was. I had accepted it and even embraced it. I hadn’t told Saul yet, at least when he was awake. Telling Rio before I told Saul seemed unfair, but then the way Rio was acting right now I wasn’t sure I could lie about it.

I finally nodded my head yes.

“Dammit!” he growled. “I was afraid of this and I fucking let it happen. He was different with you,” he said, pointing at me and then beginning to pace back and forth in front of me. “I thought, I thought because he was with you all the time and he was so damn possessive of you, I thought it was over. If I had known it wasn’t then I would have told you sooner.” He stopped pacing and looked at me again. “I wouldn’t have lied to you and let you get hurt. Know that. You’re… well, you’re my sister. And I’ve not known you long but what I do know I’m proud of the fact I’m related to you. If you’d known my mom, you’d get it. She was… she wasn’t something to be proud of. But you, well, you are. It doesn’t matter that Saul is my best friend. I would have told you. I wouldn’t have just warned you to be careful.”

“Rio, what are you talking about!” I interrupted his anxiety ridden ranting. He had my stomach in knots and he wasn’t getting to the point. He was making it worse with all his talk about protecting me.

Rio took a deep breath. “There’s this woman. She’s older, married… and well, Saul and her. He sees her. He has never brought her around but I’ve seen him with her sneaking around. So has Drake. It’s been going on for three years, I guess. I’ve ignored it and pretended like I didn’t know. There were always other girls. Fleur was the latest until you came along. I hadn’t seen Saul with the woman in a while and I thought he’d stopped that shit. Hell, she’s even got a kid,” Rio stopped and looked at me.

I wasn’t sure I was breathing. My chest hurt and my knees were weak. I needed to sit down. “How do you know it’s still going on?” I asked, but my voice was barely a whisper. Images of Saul and Isla at the Hendrix were playing over in my head. That gut instinct that told me something wasn’t casual about that meeting. I ignored it. I wanted to believe it wasn’t anything.

“When I came home from work, Saul’s duffle was at the foot of the steps and there was an empty beer, his beer, on the counter in the kitchen. Drake hates Saul’s beer. I assumed he’d come in and then come over here. I didn’t think anything more until I was on my way to get some takeout and drove past this street. His truck wasn’t here either but your car was and your lights were on inside.”

Rio sighed and shook his head. “I wondered where he was but I didn’t think about it too hard. It wasn’t until I pulled into the Crab Shack and saw his truck pulling out of the Hendrix parking lot and not headed toward your house or ours that… I got suspicious. I just knew. I followed him. He went to some fancy ass neighborhood and pulled into the driveway of one of the houses. When the door opened, it was her. Whoever the fuck she is. He went inside and she closed the door. I… I didn’t know what to do. I just knew I had to come tell you now. Before he came back here. You need to know the truth. He may fucking hate me for the rest of his life, but I can’t overlook this shit because his life has been hard. He has demons. A lot of them but hell so do I. My mom was fucked up too and I don’t go around having affairs with married women.”

I walked over to the nearest chair and sank down into it. My hands trembled as I laid then flat on my knees. Deep down had I known? Had I truly ignored this and let myself continue falling in love with him? Had Gran known about this? Was that what she sent me to that house for? How could she not have known if she kept Keerly? Why wouldn’t she just have told me? If she had known I was going to meet Saul and fall for him, why wouldn’t she have done more than send me to that house? How was I supposed to figure that out on my own? She couldn’t have known. Gran wouldn’t have been okay with it. I knew her and this would not have been okay with her. She would have called him out on it. I know that.

No, Gran hadn’t sent me there because of Isla and Saul. This was something she had missed. This small town had more secrets that even Gran had known.

“Isla Evans,” I said aloud and lifted my head to see Rio sitting on the sofa. His elbows on his knees and his concerned gaze on me. “Her name is Isla Evans. Her daughter’s name is Keerly.”

“You knew about it?” he asked me.

I shook my head. “No, of course not. They were on my list of things to do. I had to take Keerly my Gran’s scarves. Gran used to babysit her on occasion. They go to Gran’s church. She was such a nice lady. When I saw her with Saul, I told myself it was innocent. How could it not be?” I asked and a sob rose in my throat.

“Damn him,” Rio cursed and stood up to walk over to put his hand on my back. “I am so sorry, Henley. I should have told you sooner. I just didn’t think it was still going on and I didn’t see a reason to throw Saul’s past in his face. I have enough shit in my past I want to leave there. I was respecting it. I didn’t know this.”

I sniffled and wiped at my tears. “It’s not your fault. You did tell me to be careful. You weren’t the only one. I chose to love him or maybe I couldn’t stop myself from loving him.”

“Do you want me to stay here with you in case he comes over?” Rio asked gently.

I shook my head. “This isn’t between you and Saul. He’s your best friend. I won’t be the reason that ends. I think, I think I’ll call Hillya. Go stay there for the night. Just to give myself some time before I face him.”

“Henley, this is going to come between us and you can’t stop that. I can’t look at that motherfucker after this. He had a chance to change things and he didn’t do it. I can’t forgive him. Not for this. Not this time.” Rio’s voice was hard and the anger was back.

“Please don’t do this. You don’t have to tell him you told me anything. Act like you don’t know. Just continue like you were. I will handle the rest. This is between Saul and me.”

Rio shook his head. “No. I’m sorry, but I can’t.”

“Rio, I’ve been your sister for a little over a month. He’s been your best friend for six or seven years,” I argued.

“It’s not just that we are related. You were good for him. You were better than he deserved. He was happy with you. He fucking smiled. Saul doesn’t smile. He is rarely happy. You changed it for him. He had a chance at something more. Then he does this shit? It’s like he’s punishing himself for something. He won’t let himself be happy. He’s as messed up as his mother.”

I thought about that. Was he refusing to be happy? Had he gone to Isla to ruin us because he didn’t feel like he deserved it? I stood up and looked at Rio. “Maybe that’s it. Maybe he is punishing himself. I don’t know and I will never know. I thought I could be the one to fix him but instead he broke me.”