Lyrics of a Small Town by Abbi Glines

Thirty-Nine

When I had called Hillya to ask if I could stay with her tonight, she hadn’t even asked me why. The raspy sound of my voice from the crying probably kept her from asking. She opened her door before I could knock and her worried gaze studied me then she stood back and waved her hand. “Come inside. Make yourself comfortable in here and I’ll make a pot of tea,” she told me.

“Thank you,” I said.

“Of course. I’m always here and I’m glad you called me,” she replied. Then she hugged me. “I didn’t get to be there for your other heartbreaks in life but I am here for this one. Whatever it is.”

I sniffled then and tears stung my eyes as the lump returned to my throat. All I could do was nod. She held me a moment more then took my shoulders and looked at me. “Cry. Get it out. Don’t hold in pain.”

Tears spilled onto my cheeks and she gave me a sad smile. “With each tear more of the sorrow leaves us. Now, go sit down in the burgundy recliner. There is a box of tissues beside it. I’ll get some tea on and break out the fresh honey I bought from Barney May yesterday,” she said and patted my arm before heading toward her kitchen.

I sank down onto the recliner and folded my knees under me. Hillya’s house smelled much like Gran’s. She spent hours baking like I did. The familiar scent of vanilla and cinnamon was comforting. I reached for a tissue and blew my nose. My phone began to ring then and I pulled it from my pocket and saw Saul’s name on the screen. Pressing the side button, I waited until the phone turned off then put it down.

I didn’t want to see his phone calls or texts. Not tonight. I wasn’t ready. I needed time first to face him. I was shattered. I had no other way to describe it. In such a small amount of time I had met him, let myself fall for him, and then been destroyed by him. Was it because I was so naïve? I had such little experience with relationships. Had I taken what we had too seriously and cared too deeply?

Hillya entered the living room with a floral tea pot and matching cups. “It’s mint. The only decaf I have in the house,” she said, setting it down on the coffee table. I watched as she poured the tea into both cups then added honey to both. I took mine when she handed it to me, although I wasn’t sure I could swallow past the lump in my throat.

“Thank you,” I told her.

She took her cup and settled down in the chair across from me. “I’m old and it’s been a long time since I was in love, but I know heartbreak when I see it. The boy. The Hendrix one. He’s hurt you,” she said.

I nodded.

“It takes boys many many years to grow into men. They are reckless and build up a world of regrets often before they level out and mature. My Jim was about thirty-three when he finally got it together. Then he passed away when he was forty-four. Massive heart attack took him out so young,” she said then took a sip of her tea.

I had never asked about her husband, my grandfather. She wasn’t married and she never mentioned it, so I figured I had better leave it alone. I hadn’t known she had been a widow and for so many years.

“How old was Rebel when your husband passed away?” I asked then.

“Ten years old. I often wondered had John lived would he have been the strong hand Rebel needed. Maybe he would be alive today.” She lifted her shoulders in a small shrug. “Life doesn’t prepare you for what is to come. It just happens and we are stuck with finding a way to live through it or giving in and letting it take us down.”

I took a drink of my tea. The lump was there but talking about Hillya’s past and my father helped get my mind off of the pain that I feared would remain in my chest for a long time.

“Gran left me her house,” I told Hillya. I hadn’t told anyone, but I wanted to tell her. I guess in a way I hoped she’d have some wisdom on what I should do now. I had thought I knew but could I stay here in this small town after this?

Hillya smiled. “Was that on the list?” she asked.

“Yeah, it was the last thing. I had to take cookbooks to a lady named Betty. She had a box for me too. Gran had a letter in the box and the deed to the house.”

“Honey and Betty were friends as long as I knew them,” Hillya said. “I’m not surprised she left the last part with her. Especially since Betty’s son Roger is Honey’s estate lawyer, at least I would assume that.”

“He is,” I replied.

Hillya took another drink of her tea then tilted her head to the side as she looked at me. “So, what are you going to do?” she asked.

“I don’t know. I did. I thought I did. But now,” I trailed off and stared down into my cup.

“Well, that isn’t something you have to decide overnight. Nor should you. Decision like this take time. You take your time. Wait it out. See what happens.”

Take my time. Wait it out. I wasn’t sure I had the strength to do that. The idea of leaving Hillya, Rio and even Emily behind made me sad. I was just getting to know them. However, staying seemed almost impossible.

“Tomorrow things won’t be clearer. That my child is a crock of shit. People think things will look brighter the next day and that’s simply because they got some sleep. Life doesn’t clear up over a good night’s rest. Time is what clears it up. My dad used to tell me ‘This too shall pass, Hillya.’ And as a teen, it would make me so mad. Things would be hard at the moment and seemed like the world was over. It wasn’t until I was a mother myself and I realized how quickly it all does pass. Too quickly.”

I wanted to believe that this pain would pass but I also knew if I stayed in this town, I would be reminded every day of Saul. I had finished Gran’s list. Staying all summer had been my plan because I had thought this town would clear things up for me. Give me direction.

Instead I was going to leave more lost than when I arrived.