The Guardian by Diana Knightley

Thirty-five - Kaitlyn

My night was spent thinking, round and round, about our argument, and his health, and about how Madame Sophie was the daughter of a time traveler, and yet, there was a mystery, an anonymous letter, and Sir Padraig hadn’t caused any trouble in nine months. I worried about how to protect my family from all these unknowns.

Once I had thought of the Hide-and-Seek analogy it was really hard to un-think it. We were in a hiding place, and we had no way to know if the seeker was looking for us, or waiting at home base to catch us when we grew impatient. Or maybe he had even given up, was carrying on with other conquests and games, leaving us to our self-defeat.

I didn’t like self-defeat.

I didn’t at all like seeing Magnus defeated and weakened.

And I felt — he needed a doctor. I knew he hated such a thing but he still needed to go, and I needed to figure out how to solve all of this.

And I barely slept.

At all.

Until the morning, when I woke up and he was lying in bed beside me, fast asleep, exhausted by his night guarding over me.

I kissed his shoulder and looked at the door of the room as Isla was toddling in. I gestured, shhhhh, and got up, scooping her into my arms, and carried her into our sitting room.

“Da is sleeping, let me get dressed, and we’ll go to breakfast.”

* * *

Magnus met us in the Great Hall. I got up from my seat, rushed up, and threw my arms around him. “I’m sorry about our fight last night. So sorry about it.”

“I am too, mo reul-iuil. I couldna think of anything else. I ken ye are worried on me, I ken it, but ye hae tae accept that I am goin’ tae be fine. I need ye tae restore yer faith in me. I can remedy this. I am better when ye ken I am capable, please daena lose sight of it.”

I looked up at his sad smile.

“If ye daena believe I can do it, who will?”

I said, “Ah, love of my life, it’s not that I don’t believe in you. It’s that I think you need a doctor. Those two things are not the same. You have a human body, they need help sometimes.”

“I ken.” He kissed my forehead.

I said, “I just want you to be alive to see your children grow up.”

“Aye. I hae seen Archie as a grown man, but I haena seen Isla. I wouldna want tae miss it.”

My eyes traveled over to the bench where Isla was standing wiggling her hips, laughing, and making her brother roll his eyes. Ben was laughing, too.

“Promise me you won’t.”

“I promise.”

I glanced at him, standing here at the head of the room, lookin’ out over his family, he had a look about him, one of watching. I didn’t know how to put to words how it made me feel, the way he was being, but it felt like he had grown outside of us, becoming a part of the outer wall, the guard on the tower, the stone gargoyle looking down on us. While we all lived and participated in living.

I knew it wasn’t true… I thought back to our camping trip on my anniversary, and my birthday, when he made the handprint stones. But there were many many days where he was just our guard, up on the walls, watching the mountain. It felt very removed from the man he used to be.

And I wanted to save him from it, more than anything.

I had voted that we should do something, and since then it had become more imperative. I didn’t know what, but something…