The Guardian by Diana Knightley

Thirty-six - Kaitlyn

Just after breakfast I went downstairs. The courtyard was full, lots of people working, bringing supplies and wares, delivering for the kitchens and store rooms. A woman pulling a cart said quietly, startling me, “Ma’am Campbell, I hae a message for ye.”

“Oh, um, for me?”

“Aye, I be told tae give it tae ye directly. Tae make sure ye dinna shew it tae anyone.” She passed me a sealed letter. I looked at the back, there was a wax seal, with M, pressed into it.

I gave her a coin, glancing around to make sure I wasn’t seen.

It was easy to be unseen. It was one of my biggest complaints about the castle. I missed a wide open house in Florida. Coming downstairs and seeing most of my family in the main room, adjoining the kitchen, or through the glass doors out on the back deck. How I missed seeing my loved ones through the rooms, out on the deck, with the ocean breeze in their hair.

It washed over me suddenly how homesick I was, standing in a crowded, smelly, courtyard, being jostled as I made my way toward a corner nook to read my message.

I broke open the seal and read:

Dear Kaitlyn,

I ken tis irregular tae receive a missive from myself, I am unaccustomed to asking for help, but in this instance I fear I must. I hae come tae a determination — there is a point in my timeline, when I was returning the Trailblazer tae Sir Padraig after having used it tae rescue ye, where I made a mistake. Tis a moment I can now see has spread confusion.

I believe I hae looped upon myself, more than once, without memory of it, and within that error I hae lost control of the timeline.

Since Magnus has gathered all the vessels, the timeline has become stationary, but still Sir Padraig has control of the future. I wish tae relieve him of his upper hand, but I canna, as I was there already.

Thus I need your help.

I have considered all aspects and canna figure out who else but ye would be able tae help me.

I need ye tae meet me in the kirkyard at Glenorchy. It should take ye a couple of hours travel, ye must come alone. Daena tell anyone that ye are going. Magnus canna come, as he will only be a hindrance tae it.

Please bring yer weapons. We may need them.

I ken ye winna want tae be without yer bairns, I do not intend tae see ye separated from them again. I will see tae it ye are returned within a couple of days.

Sincerely yours,

Lady Mairead

I turned the letter twice trying to see if there was more on either side. What the...? I was supposed to meet her in a secret place without telling anyone where I was going? I would literally be the biggest dumbass in the world to even consider it.

But there was something about her tone.

She needed me. She had never ‘needed’ me before. Plus this was about Sir Paddy — she had an idea. She was trying to figure this out. While we were living in Scotland, she was still working the problem...

She had created the problem, but still.

Ugh, why was I considering it?

But what if I could solve this with Lady Mairead? What if we could go back to Florida? What if Magnus’s kingdom were restored to him?

What if I could solve this and make Magnus safe?

I had just been wishing for something to do.

What if I could solve this whole thing?

I folded the letter up small. Then stood looking down at my hands, considering.

How had no one noticed Lady Mairead was nearby? Why hadn’t our monitor picked her up?

We were on fucking high alert. My husband was constantly on guard and his bitch mother just sent me a letter.

Wasn’t that as good a sign as any that we were exposed, and not protected well enough at all?

“Mama!” Across the way, Isla was holding onto her swing, the saddest sight in the world, a little girl too short to get onto a swing by herself.

I walked over and she demanded, “Swing! Swing!”

“Where’s your da?”

“He too tiwed. He said nae.”

I pulled her up and pushed her on the swing. “Oh he did did he? Where did you see him? I thought he was going up to the walls.”

“He sit down.” My heart dropped, that too-common-these-days worried feeling dragging me down.

“Where? His office?”

“Aye.”

“Oh.”

I pushed her for a few moments, then she said, “I go find Ben.”

I held the swing still while she slid down. Then I hugged her and held her little pudgy face in my hands. “Do you know how much I love you?”

“So fweaky much.”

“Exactly.”

“Go see Archie and Ben.” I let go of her and she took off toward the stairs to climb to the nursery.

I stood still, watching where she had gone, considering: Archie was playing. Isla would be with him. Beaty would watch over them. Emma and Hayley could run the house. The men would guard over Magnus while he guarded the vessels.

He wasn’t even on the walls right now, he was in his office, too tired. He wouldn’t see me go. I could leave, I could meet with Lady Mairead and as she said, I could be back in a day or two, probably.

I took a deep breath.

I remembered that I was never, ever, ever supposed to talk to Lady Mairead without Magnus nearby.

I also remembered her expression when she saw Isla.

I crossed the courtyard to the stair and climbed it for my room. I kept saying to myself, if someone stops me, I will stay. If no one notices me, I will go.

I grabbed a leather satchel, and pulled the wooden heart that Magnus had carved for me off the wall, put it in the bag, and slung the bag over my shoulder.

Then I returned downstairs to the rooms, repeating: if I see someone I won’t go. I got to the room where the armaments were kept and asked for, “Two guns, modern, please.”

The guard peered at me. “Who’s it for?”

“I was sent to get them,” I said and he took that to mean, of course, ‘I was just a woman and not ever planning to use the guns myself.’ He passed them to me along with bullets and a holster.

I placed it all inside the satchel and strode toward the gate.

* * *

Near it I saw Beaty, with three baby chicks on her arm, and Mookie at her feet.

“Where ye goin’, Queen Kaitlyn?”

“I have to run an errand, Beaty. I will be gone for a time, can I ask you to please keep a secret for me? It’s a very important secret?”

“Ye ken I would do anything for ye, except I canna lie, twould be against God. I canna do it.”

“Well this is going to be a conundrum for you then, and I understand, Beaty, I truly do. But I need you to keep this quiet, that you saw me. I need you to wait until after the midday meal before you tell anyone that you saw me leave. Then, if Magnus asks where I am you tell him that I went to go see Lady Mairead. Say that I am fine and I will be back soon. Tell him not to be worried.”

“I daena think ye are supposed tae see Lady Mairead without an escort or protection of some kind.”

“This is true, but this time it’s to protect Isla, so I’m making an exception.”

“What if she sends ye back in time again?”

“She won’t, she has no need to, because she knows my importance,” I lied. “She knows I’m necessary.”

I rummaged through my pocket for the letter.

“After the midday meal, you give this letter to Magnus, so he knows. Okay?”

She nodded and put the letter in her pocket. “If something happens tae ye, Queen Kaitlyn, twill be my fault for nae stopping ye. They will blame me for it and I winna be able tae forgive myself.”

I gulped, and drew in a deep breath. “Well, I will have to make sure nothing happens to me, because I love you and I would hate for that to happen. You tell them you tried to stop me.” I faltered. “But I still went anyway because this is our only last shot to save us.”

I turned to go then added, “Remember how when Magnus went to the past-past to get all the vessels and we didn’t know if it was going to work. It was dangerous, and I was mad at him for going, but he went anyway? This is like that, dangerous, and necessary. I have to go. Lady Mairead needs my help.”

I left through the gate and mixed in with the tradespeople coming and going along the causeway to the shore of Loch Awe where I would walk the few miles to the small village chapel and my meeting with the worst fucking person in the world.