Chasing Heartbreak by Kat T. Masen

 

KATE

 

Charlie had gone all out planning Amelia’s birthday party.

Amelia is anything but the traditional girl, repelling anything involving fairies, unicorns, or the color pink. Addison, the complete opposite of her older sister, is wearing a princess dress every day and demands everyone call her Belle. Ava, being the middle child, is a mixture of the two.

Lex and Charlie’s house is sprawled across acres with views of the canyons, an expensive piece of real estate attached to a generous price tag. I still recall the day Lex put in the offer, the staggering amount he paid because, honestly, the man can do anything.

The house is decorated with a supernatural theme and a large UFO bouncy castle in the yard. There are pretend aliens scattered across the lawn, the attention to detail meticulous as they were loaned from a movie set.

We spent hours last night preparing, from favor bags to baking cookies in the shape of UFOs. Charlie insisted on handmaking everything herself aside from the cake. During the night, I wondered if Lex summoned me here to simply assist with the party’s preparation. However, it did take my mind off Noah.

Outside on the patio is a long table with a green tablecloth covering it. We presented it as a grazing table, including a blob of Jell-O, which looks like a brain. It grossed me out last night, and this morning, I still felt the exact level of disgust.

“You really know how to pull off a fantastic kids’ party,” I praise Charlie while rearranging the platters on the table to fit more snacks for the kids. “My mother’s idea of a birthday party was store-bought cake and balloons my brothers blew up only to suck the helium out of them.”

“As you Brits so fondly say, I’m buggered,” Charlie drags, a yawn escaping her. “And it hasn’t even started.”

Guests start arriving an hour later to a very excited birthday girl. The kids run straight for the UFO bouncy castle, laughter and screams suddenly echoing in the previously quiet yard.

Julian walks into the backyard along with Adriana. He’s carrying a large gift with a navy bow on top, looking rather sexy in a pair of chino shorts, a black tee, and a pair of stark-white sneakers. Despite my resentment toward him years ago when he was trying to claim Charlie back, I’d be a fool to admit the man isn’t handsome. He’s one of those men who walk into a room, and all eyes turn to look at him. Just like Noah, Haden, and although it pains me to admit it, Lex too.

And I hate that seeing Adriana happily beside him drags to the surface my buried feelings toward Noah. I’ve always been the single one in the group, and it never bothered me until this very moment.

Andy is beside them, looking so much older and a spitting image of Elijah from memory. Luna, their daughter, is absolutely gorgeous with her bouncing curls and bright green eyes, dressed in a yellow tutu and running straight for the bouncy castle.

I kiss both Adriana and Julian hello as we linger on the patio.

“I’ve missed you,” Adriana squeals by my side, wearing a maxi dress in the same shade as Luna’s tutu. “Talk French to me?”

“Le français est une belle langue.”

Adriana clasps her hand onto her chest. “How romantic!”

“You didn’t even know what she said?” Julian teases her.

Andy appears less than amused. “Yeah, Mom, what if she said your poop smells lovely?”

Adriana rolls her eyes. “Boys… and what did you say?”

I laugh, placing my hand on her shoulder. “French is a beautiful language.”

Lex walks over with his hands in his pockets, kissing his sister and extending a handshake to Julian. When it comes to Lex and Julian, their dynamic always fascinates me, since there was a time when either one would’ve pointed a gun in each other’s temple for the love of Charlie. And though I never admitted it, a tub of popcorn was always in hand as I watched on the sideline.

Though today they appear civil as Julian asks Lex a question about a meeting he had, and Lex responds respectfully.

Rocky is also here, minus Nikki. Their son, Will, has grown so tall, a teenager now with a slight mustache and a small break of pimples scattered across his forehead. Rocky is exactly how I remember him, burly with a tight hug in tow.

“How’s my favorite British bird doing?”

“I’m the only British bird you know, so, of course, I’m your favorite,” I remind him with a knowing grin.

“Eric introduced me to his friend, Alistair,” Rocky informs me with a shudder. “So trust me, you’re not the only one.”

“Ah, yes.” I giggle, shaking my head at Eric’s friend. “Quite the little drama queen, isn’t he? So, Nikki’s not with you?”

“She’s back home. It’s been chaos lately, and I keep telling her to hire someone else.”

“Well, tell her I miss her. I haven’t spoken to her in a while.”

“I’ll pass it on.” He smiles before grabbing a plate and piling on a large amount of food.

The backyard is filled with Amelia’s friends and family. Children are running around, chaos everywhere you look. I happily sat with Adriana, scanning the area and noticing Eric isn’t here. I send him a text, but he doesn’t respond.

I’m busily chatting with Julian about the history of the French Revolution when Morgan walks in with Jessa. My eyes gravitate toward Jessa, the little girl by her side who couldn’t look any more like her daddy—mousy brown hair draping down the side of her face, identical shade to Noah’s, to the hazel-colored eyes in the same shape as his.

My eager stare wanders back toward Morgan, the woman who Noah chose to marry for life. There’s this grace about her, a woman appearing comfortable in her own skin with a bold fashion choice of all-white for a child’s birthday party. Her hair is cut into a bob, short but sleek. She’s a beautiful woman, and I hate the fact that I’m comparing myself to her. I’m not that woman. I don’t fall into this trap. I know my worth, except of late, the worth has been blurred.

The jealousy, unapologetic with its presence, has been this constant burning sensation inside my chest refusing to leave. It’s arrival, unannounced, stems from his text of sleeping at Olivia’s. Considering there are plenty of hotels, I don’t understand why he chose a sofa over a comfortable bed. Unless, of course, he was in a comfortable bed with Olivia.

And then standing only a few feet away is the woman he chose over me.

Watching Morgan furtively, my headspace becomes a negative playground, not realizing I’ve torn to shreds the napkin which has been sitting on the table in front of me.

Excusing myself from Rocky and his rambling about LA women and their breasts, I head into the kitchen to distract myself momentarily. After tidying up and loading up the dishwasher just to help Charlie out, I walk back outside, feeling slightly better.

I sit on the top step with a plate of food in hand, watching the kids play around the yard. They are having so much fun without a care in the world as their laughter filters through. It’s such a vast difference to my life back in Paris, a real sense of family as I look on.

Beside me, I hear a ruffle, and Jessa is trying to dip a wand into a tube while trying to blow bubbles to no avail. With a frustrated pout, she appears on the verge of crying.

“If you dip it in long enough and pull it out slowly, you can blow the bubbles,” I say, gently.

Her big eyes stare back at me as she does exactly that, a bubble floating in the air, much to her amusement.

“Do you know my daddy?”

“I know your daddy. He’s my good friend.”

“I have a best friend, but she’s a girl. Her name is Ella. If a boy and a girl are best friends, they have to get married and have babies.”

I didn’t know how to break it to the kid. Life isn’t that simple.

“Jessa, what are you doing?” Morgan stomps toward us, yanking Jessa away from me, her eyes blazing with anger.

“Mommy, I’m just talking to Daddy’s best friend. They’re going to get married and have babies.”

Morgan’s furious gaze shifts from Jessa to me. Her eyes are narrowed, rigid, and her usually pale skin is flushed. Beside her, Jessa is quiet but scowls as Morgan’s grip tightens around her small arm.

“Um, no, I think you understood that all wrong, Jessa,” I try to correct her with a friendly smile.

“Are you calling my child a liar?” Morgan smolders with resentment.

“Of course not,” I say, trying to remain calm. “She’s just exaggerated the whole married and kids’ thing.”

“Jessa, please go say happy birthday to Amelia. We need to go.”

“But, Mommy, I want to stay with Daddy’s best friend,” she pouts, crossing her arms.

“Now, Jessa.”

Jessa runs off while firing off some childish names to her mother.

“Listen, it wasn’t—”

“So, you’re fucking my ex-husband? Oh, wait a minute, we’re still married, so you’re fucking my husband.”

“Morgan, it’s not—”

“You’ve had your eye on him since the moment I walked into his life. How does it feel to be second best?”

My confidence is shattered, the pain rippling through me as the woman who will forever be tied to the man I crave tells me I’m nothing. I can’t let her see me broken, and so with every fiber in my being, I muster up the courage to defend myself.

“I’ve stayed out of Noah’s life for the last three years. If your marriage fell apart, it has nothing to do with me. As for now, yes, I’m friends with Noah again. I’m not going to apologize for that.”

I walk away with my head held high, escaping to the house to calm down. My nerves begin to control my movements, my trembling hands to a fast-beating heart. My emotions jump from feeling insecure to angry, and I hate that she made me feel that way.

Inside the kitchen, I scour the top cupboard for any liquor I can get my hands on. Something to take the edge of if I’m going to last another two hours surrounded by screaming children and the memory of Noah’s wife telling me I’m second best.

With the bottle in my hand, a noise behind me stops me in my tracks. I turn around as Eric is standing across the room.

“We need to talk.”

‘Not know, Eric, please,” I beg with glassed eyes. “I need a drink.”

“Are you screwing my brother?”

My head lifts to meet his stern gaze, the shock drying my mouth. “Eric…”

“How long has this being going on?”

“It’s not what you think.”

“You’ve been lying to me!” he yells, hurt riddling his face. “I had to find out over dinner when my brother said he’s leaving Allegra for you.”

“Why… why would he say that?”

“I don’t know, Kate, you tell me?”

“Eric.” I clutch my stomach, unable to ignore the sharp pains. “Dominic and I are over. You don’t understand. We were fooling around. It’s complicated and so over.”

“Over? According to him, he wants to move to Paris to be with you. That sounds far from over, don’t you think?”

“Eric, I haven’t spoken to Dominic since—”

“I don’t understand you. You’re fucking my brother, but you’re trying to chase Noah? Do you even know how that looks?”

The hurt manifests throughout me from someone who’s supposed to be my friend. My words are caught in my throat, my tough exterior crumbling into a piled heap around me.

“Don’t you dare judge me!” I sputter with frustration. “You’re just like Noah. Quick to believe everyone else but never me, right?”

“You haven’t denied it?”

“You know what, Eric? Yes, I was fucking your brother. We had an agreement, and it selfishly suited my lifestyle. Was it a mistake? I don’t know. But I never asked him to leave his wife. As for Noah, I never chase a man. I learned a long time ago that it only leads to heartbreak.”

I walk away from Eric, wanting to head back home. If that’s what I should call it, home, or a place where I can escape. But instead, I disappear into Lex’s office, a place he told me was mine to use and fall into a heap of tears.

 

***

 

I moved my flight to Monday night, desperate to leave and get back home. Without going into too much detail with Lex, he understands and doesn’t press me to stay. As for Charlie, she was furious at Morgan and also Eric. I hate that she was dragged into this mess, but it’s impossible to hide it from her since I’m staying at her place.

Early Monday morning, I drive with Lex to the office, willing my head to be buried in work. I turned off my phone last night, something I hadn’t done in forever, and distracted myself with the girls for my last night here.

It was almost lunchtime, and I isolated myself in one of the smaller boardrooms with my laptop. Lex has several meetings leaving me to work alone, which is exactly what I need. The silence and the click of my fingers against the keyboard is a like a drug so desperate to ease the pain trying to kill me. Therefore, the more I type, the more control I feel like I have over my life.

The door swings open, much to my disapproval at worker’s ignorance and their inability to knock. I’m about to abuse the rude person when I look up and see Noah standing at the door.

He closes the door behind him, appearing tired without having shaved. His beard is unkempt, and he’s still dressed in a pair of jeans and white tee with a baseball cap on his head.

“Noah, how is Nash?” I stand, worried at his disheveled appearance, thinking the worst.

“Did you tell Morgan we’re getting married?”

“What?” I shake my head in confusion. “No. It was a misunderstanding.”

“Jesus fucking Christ, Kate!” he yells, his fists curled into a ball. “She called me last night, telling me everything. She’s threatening to take Jessa away from me.”

The hurt falls like an avalanche. I don’t even know how to defend myself. I look up, and he’s staring at me with resentment. I feel the heat rising to my cheeks and pray it isn’t noticeable. I cough and then push my hair back behind my ear, even though it’s already there.

“I never said that,” I tell him, stunned by the conversation. “Jessa said those words.”

“She said you said Jessa lied.”

“You know what? How dare you, Noah, take her side without even listening to what I have to say.”

He fails to trust me or even think I’d ever do something to jeopardize his family. I’ve barely been able to keep myself together the last twenty-four hours, and now I learn he can’t even trust me? He’ll take the word of his jealous ex-wife, or should I say, wife, over his best friend who has wanted nothing but the best for him.

“I never said those words. She’s three, Noah. Did it ever occur to you that maybe she confused what I said?”

“Why were you even talking to her?”

“I have work to do. Please leave the office.”

“What do you want me to do? I get several calls from Morgan accusing me of being in a romantic relationship with you. She thinks we’re getting married and having a kid. Then she tells me you said Jessa is a liar.”

“Believe what you want to believe. This is exactly what I was afraid of.”

“She’s her mother. You can’t possibly understand what’s that like.” The second it leaves his lips, I bow my head to stop the pain from consuming me whole.

“You’re right. I’ll never understand what it’s like to be a mother. But I understand what it’s like to love someone, be honest, and treat people with respect. I’ve only wanted the best for you, Noah, always, and you can believe whoever you want to believe. I didn’t sign up for this. In fact, I’ve been avoiding exactly this. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to leave.”

I close my laptop, not even shutting it down and pulling the cord out of the wall. Walking in silence, he continues to stare at me without a word.

“So, you’re leaving to go back to Paris?”

I carry my laptop in my arms, staring at him with a pained gaze. “The crazy thing is, Noah, I was willing to wait for you. Just like you asked.”

“And now, what?” His tone is unforgiving and fueled with animosity. “You’ll run back to him?”

“I’m not going to chase heartbreak, Noah, with you or Dominic.”

I never claimed to be wise with my heart, but I do recognize it breaking into a million pieces. Swallowing the lump inside my throat, I try to escape the man who has held me hostage with just his penetrating stare.

“I’d rather be on my own.”