Chasing Heartbreak by Kat T. Masen

 

KATE

 

The memories are playing like an old-time movie reel.

Each scene brings on a wave of emotions, the same emotions which were buried since the moment I left the States and hopped on a plane to Paris. The familiarity and warmth rush through me like a tepid ocean wave, calming my nerves and comforting me, much to my surprise. But as Noah’s stare deepens, the momentary calm is replaced by a tight feeling in my chest and a blank expression I can’t seem to shift.

“I heard you needed a date,” he simply states.

My head tilts to look behind him as if I expected someone else to be hovering around him. Eric is my first thought, but then, I see no one besides strangers and, of course, Lex and Charlie, brows raised as they wait for my reaction.

I retract slowly, examining the man standing before me. It’s been over three years since I last saw him at the hospital. The day I decided to walk away and start a new life. The same day he told me he loved me yet, in the same breath, announced he was about to start a new journey by welcoming a child with Morgan.

That moment was the final puncture to an open wound I’d allowed to be exposed for too long. Undeniably, I miss having him as my best friend, someone I grew fond of and relied upon during our time together. But something never meshed with us. We were great as friends, but nothing more. And no matter how much I tried to ignore the said fact, Noah’s admission sealed the deal. He’d fallen in love with another woman, and they were to make a life together.

As for me, I did what I’ve always done in life, moved on to a new adventure and focused on myself, closing the final chapter on that book.

We remained friends—‘friends’ being the operative word—via social media, but I rarely logged into my account and never posted anything. Unlike Eric, I didn’t find any use in the platform. There are better things to do with my time than aimless scrolling and ‘liking’ someone’s post.

Neither one of us reached out to each other, aside from a message I passed on through Charlie to congratulate him on the birth of his daughter. And so, we drifted apart and haven’t spoken since.

Now, he’s standing before me, still looking as heartbreakingly handsome as ever.

Noah is dressed similarly to Lex in a black costume, possibly designed by Adriana if the ruffles are anything to go by. On closer inspection, he looks slightly thinner than I remember him but still appears muscular beneath the tights he’s wearing.

Though behind the black and gold mask, his face tells a different story. His eyes don’t shine as bright as I once remembered, and his cheeks have thinned out—another sign of his weight loss. His normally freshly shaven face is smothered with a thick beard yet manicured and not overgrown like I’d noticed on some men. It adds to his masculinity and somewhat suits him.

“Can a long-lost friend get a hug, or do you prefer I stand here so you can continue to stare at me in silence?” He rubs his beard, a smirk following. “I’ll tell you now that I charge a dollar a minute.”

I shuffle closer to him, wrapping my arms around his neck. His body is flush with mine as he laces his arms around my waist, bringing me in for a very tight embrace. Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath at the same time my heart begins to weigh heavily. In Noah’s embrace, his scent is even more memorable. Slowly, my memories drift to the countless nights I’d rest my head on his shoulder or the few times I would lay my head against his chest and listen to his heartbeat. There was a time when I could memorize it’s beat, almost like it played a tune whenever I was around him.

“You’re here…” my words fumble out in confusion. “I don’t understand?”

Releasing himself from me, he remains a few inches away as my hands fall back to my sides.

“The question-and-answer portion of the date is now paused.”

He motions for me to watch the fountains. The water sprays up with lighting surrounding it. The people watch in awe, and all the while, my confusion is firmly at the forefront of my mind.

Noah leans over, his breath close to a whisper. “I can hear your thoughts. Charlie said you need a date, and I need a drinking buddy.”

Just as my mouth begins to open, fireworks shoot into the sky again, the ray of colors starting the grand event in style. Everyone watches with excitement until they finish, followed by the large crowd assembling like a herd toward the main entrance.

“Are we ready to head in?” Charlie asks, biting her bottom lip.

I nod, choosing to keep my opinion on her elaborate stunt to myself. If I cause a scene about the issue, she’ll assume it’s because I have unrequited feelings toward Noah. Annoyed with her secrecy on his attendance, I opt to pick a better time to discuss this, which will most likely be soon after the champagne has flowed through my veins, giving me the courage to say what I really think.

The four of us walk toward the VIP line, which is moving quicker than the general admission. A few months ago, when Charlie told me she wanted to attend, I spoke to a few colleagues who suggested we purchase the extravagant tickets. It would give us lavish tables to sit at, buffet food, and unlimited drinks.

The selling point being the unlimited drinks.

As we enter the main ballroom after checking in, it’s like stepping into a dance party with performing acts. Everywhere you turn, there’s something to look at, which momentarily distracts me from Noah grabbing my hand and pulling me along with Lex and Charlie.

Some performers stand on podiums, moving their limbs in what I assume is interpretive dance. Another is doing a juggling act with fireball lanterns, drawing a crowd to watch their amazing skills on show.

Strobe lights dart across the large event space, neon colors against the dark walls in beat with the music which is playing. There’s so much to take in, and I begin to understand why people lose themselves for hours amongst the entertainment, which is so much more fun while dressed in a costume.

Lex finds our table and, of course, he pulls some extra strings and makes sure we have the bells and whistles. We’re positioned upstairs with the best view of the entire venue, close enough to see the main stage. The table is also near the buffet and bar, plus restrooms.

A bucket of chilled champagne sits in the middle of our table. Without delay, I pop it open and pour myself a glass, drinking it without even releasing a breath. Lex and Noah watch me in amusement, whereas Charlie cocks her head to the side, knowing she’s just about to encounter the peak of the storm.

“How about we grab more drinks?” Lex suggests to Charlie.

“You stay, Lex,” I almost push him back onto the seat. “I need to have a word with Charlie.”

I don’t give him a chance to answer, pinching her arm until we’re at the bar.

“Ow!” She scowls, yanking her arm away from me. “You’re hurting me, Kate!”

“What were you thinking, bringing Noah?” I yell, exasperated.

Still rubbing her arm, she lets out a huff. “I was thinking, wouldn’t it be fun?”

“Fun?”

The bartender serves us straight away. I order an expensive bottle of champagne and bourbons for the men. “Charlie, Noah and I are… not really friends anymore.”

“Look, Kate. To be honest, Noah needed some time to think, and I thought this would be great. You know my opinion on what happened years ago. He’s not in a good place right now, and I’m worried, okay?”

When it comes to Noah’s personal life, I told Charlie to refrain from telling me anything. As far as I’m concerned, he and Morgan are starting a family. He loves her, and marriage was imminent. The less I know, the better.

But, of course, Eric opened his big fat mouth to me a few months back during one of his drunken late-night rants. According to him, Noah and Morgan are separated, though he doesn’t know the details as to why. I don’t pry, nor question Charlie or anyone else. If Noah needs me as a so-called friend, there’s ample opportunity to reach out. Despite what happened to us, I’d never push him away if he needed me. However, I don’t want to be caught in the crossfire knowing all too well my presence in Noah’s life way back when is an issue for Morgan.

The tray of drinks is served, but I pull Charlie to stop before we take it back.

“What’s going on?” I finally cave, exhaling before continuing. “Is this serious? Is he sick?”

“It’s not my place to share his problems. Just be his friend, Kate. That’s all he needs right now.

With every step back toward the table, Charlie’s words echo inside my head. Being a ‘friend’ to Noah is more complicated than I care to admit to her and me. The last time I got attached, the flame reached me in the end and burned me, leaving a prominent scar I’d covered up until tonight.

Charlie slides into her chair, leaning closer to Lex as the two of them kiss. I shift my gaze in the opposite direction before deciding to drink some more. Noah sits in silence, staring at the main arena with a glazed expression. I’m drawn to the way he barely blinks, almost like he’s in a catatonic state. Indeed, if he were sick, Charlie would’ve told me the truth. But then again, what if he’s terminally ill? He is looking awfully thin. Jesus Christ, no, let it be something else.

“We’re going to go dance for a bit,” Charlie yells over the music. “You guys want to come?”

I shake my head. “I need to find a client. He’s supposed to be here with his wife. I’ll join you guys later.”

Charlie frowns but only momentarily before Lex pulls her away and out of sight.

I pour myself another glass, desperately wanting to ease the nerves. I have no idea why I’m nervous, but perhaps my heart getting bruised the last time we were close would be a good indication of why I’m on edge.

“So…” I mumble, running my fingers on the edge of the glass.

“So…”

I let out a sigh, unsure how to act around him. So much has changed in our lives, chances are we aren’t the same people we were years ago.

The music softens, an intermission, though less disco-like beats still played in the background.

“How’s work been?”

“Busy but the same, really,” he replies casually. “Not as challenging anymore, and I’ve found my foot in the publishing industry.”

“Good. I know you were concerned about learning the ropes.”

“That was three years ago,” Noah reminds me.

“Right.”

The awkward silence raises its ugly head again. Why did it have to be so damn hard? This is the same man you got arrested with while naked on a beach in Malibu. The two of us sat inside a jail cell waiting for Charlie to bail us out. It wasn’t our finest moment. Add to that, he’d seen me at my worst, crying over a man who had treated me like yesterday’s trash.

The reminder of Dominic and his desperate pleas come racing to the forefront of my mind. What would Noah think if he knew the truth? The idea itself is ridiculous. There’s no reason why Noah should find out. As long as I keep my mouth shut, the secret will be safe with me.

But Noah is the man I once poured my heart and soul out to. He knows me better than I knew myself.

Past tense.

Life has changed.

“And you? Lex tells me you’ve done amazing things in Europe, plus Charlie says you’ve had the opportunity to travel a fair bit. Sounds like quite some life.”

My eyes widen with surprise. I had no idea Charlie or Lex spoke about me to Noah. Did he ask about me? Or was it said in passing? Calm the fuck down, Kate. You’re overanalyzing this.

“It has been,” is all I say.

Noah diverts his eyes away from me, letting out a breath. “Kate, I’m still the same guy. Maybe a bit broken but still the same guy.”

“It’s been a while,” I remind him, desperate not to get into the semantics of our friendship. “Let’s get something to eat.”

We make our way to the buffet, which is surprisingly not overly crowded. There’s so much food, and yet suddenly, my appetite dwindles. Reminding myself that alcohol and an empty stomach don’t mix, I make the conscious decision to eat at least something.

My food pallet has adjusted with all the business meetings and dinners I’ve attended over the years. My trick is to drink as much as I can without coming across as a drunk, then eat the food served and never ask what’s on the plate. The less known, the better. It turns out snails aren’t that terrible and tasty if prepared correctly.

“So, tell me… snails. Yay or nay?” Noah purses his lips, questioning the dishes sitting on the silver platters.

“Considering you eat peppermint ice cream, which is still widely disgusting, maybe a yay for you. It’s rather enjoyable.”

“Rather enjoyable?” He raises his eyebrows with a sneer. “The slug which swooshes his mushy body against the ground?”

I motion for the waiter to place two on my plate. Scraping the escargot with my fork, I raise it toward his mouth.

“Do I have to?”

“It’s rude not to,” I state, keeping my expression straight. “The French are renowned for their excellent cooking skills.”

He takes a bite, and while his face is somewhat confused, he manages to chew without spitting it out into a napkin.

“It’s not bad.”

“Trying something new is a way to explore the world,” I offer, taking in all the food before us.

“I wouldn’t know.” Noah dips his head, staring at his empty plate. “I’ve been stuck in hell.”

And the giant elephant inside the room makes its long-awaited appearance, wearing a pink tutu and performing Swan Lake, desperate for our attention. I don’t want to invite questions because as long as I don’t know about his personal life, then he shouldn’t ask questions about mine. But then Charlie’s words about him needing friends and her worry over him comes back tenfold.

“Charlie is worried about you.”

“The whole world is worried about me,” he deadpans, filling his plate quickly, looking desperate to escape the conversation just as much as me.

We sit down with our food, but both of us are barely eating. I’ve taken a few bites, noticing Noah picking aimlessly. While sitting at the table, my purse vibrates. Sliding my phone out, a text message from Bouvier Fontaine, a client of ours, is unopened on my screen. My eyes scan quickly over the text. Bouvier apologizing for having to postpone our discussion tonight. His father has fallen ill and has been taken to the hospital. I type a response, sending him prayers, then a quick text to my assistant, Emile, to remind me to check-in tomorrow with Bouvier to ensure his father is stable.

“Shit,” I mouth loudly.

“What’s wrong?”

“Client had something come up. He won’t be here, and I’m eager to finalize a deal we’ve been working on for quite some time.”

Noah shakes his head with a smug expression. “All work, no play. Who have you become?”

“I have fun,” I answer defensively. “There’s nothing wrong with attending to business during an event like this. The European market is different from the States. It’s about cultivating relationships and investing time into making it a strong union for both sides to come out winning.”

“Wise words said,” Noah chides. “Although I think it’s unfair to judge Americans for not cultivating relationships. Sometimes, you give it your all, your best. You work damn hard, but the other person doesn’t share the same vision as you. In the end, it all just falls apart, and you question the decisions you made, which led you to this outcome.”

The resentment in his tone lingers along with his words. I’m not quite sure whether we switched to talking about something else, and judging by the bitter expression, it’s a fair call to say we have.

“Well, that’s why you need to make your position strong from the beginning. Don’t let someone else dictate the journey. The best relationships last when two parties are in agreement.”

“And sometimes you’ve done all that, but it’s still not enough,” he throws back.

“Hey!” I cross my arms with frustration while raising my voice. “I don’t know what your problem is, Noah, but it shouldn’t be me. We’ve been around each other for like, what, five minutes, and you’ve got this chip on your shoulder. I don’t have time for your mind games or whatever the hell you’re doing. I came here to have fun, so excuse me while I go do exactly that.”

I yank the skirt of my dress so as not to trip, scanning the area before deciding to hit the dance floor on my own. Noah’s hand grips on my arm, causing me to stiffen.

“I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to…” He lets go, running his hand through his hair while pinching his lips together. “You’re right. This isn’t your battle, so I shouldn’t take it out on you.”

I’m about to tell him he’s right. It’s not my battle, so don’t include me in his mess until he extends his hand and softens his expression. “Let’s go dance.”

I follow him to the dance floor but not without our drinks. We dance to music, which isn’t as comfortable in our costumes. The more we dance, the more we drink. The more we drink, the more we laugh while the room becoming a hazy sight. Noah leaves to use the restroom, leaving me with Charlie as Lex wants a break.

We dance for what feels like hours. Charlie makes sure to take selfies to send to a jealous Eric. Somewhere during another fit of laughter, Noah and Lex join us once again. We’ve become friends with a group of girls and formed a small circle. Our bodies sway to the music, champagne spilling from our glasses while trying to drink and dance simultaneously. Arms wrap around my waist, providing me with the comfort I’ve missed. I don’t push Noah away, allowing him to hold onto me as he has done so many times. It pisses off two of the women who are trying to get near him, but what do I care. The room is my oyster or whatever the saying is.

You’re drunk. You can’t even get the damn saying right.

Tonight has been just what I needed, allowing me to unleash the tension chaining me down the past week. Feeling liberated on copious amounts of champagne, my body sways in tune to “The Hills” by The Weeknd as Noah draws me close to him, our faces only inches apart. I lean in closer, about to whisper in his ear how much I missed him when the devil’s eyes find me from across the room.

Dominic.