Chasing Heartbreak by Kat T. Masen

 

KATE

 

We stumble out of the ballroom and back into the gardens.

Partygoers are loitering in the area, many like us—intoxicated and barely able to walk. Some people are loud, still in party mode, while others look completely wiped out. Several choose to unwind near the fire pit, sitting in groups as dawn sets in, the promise of a new day setting in the morning sky.

A large number of people drag their tired feet along the pebble-stone path, leaving the grounds after what has been one hell of a night.

The four of us sit with the others around the fire, watching its flames burn against the fresh morning air. After Dominic’s interruption and Noah’s outburst, the night should’ve gone downhill from there.

Until Lex bought the most expensive scotch and forced us to taste it. I tasted scotch several times, not minding it so much, though it was never my first choice to drink. Charlie, on the other hand, absolutely despises it.

Nevertheless, scotch and champagne don’t mix. We’re beyond walking straight, which doesn’t matter since our time was spent on the dance floor. We laughed until our lungs hurt while tears streamed from our eyes. Our carefree nature attracted strangers to join our circle and dance with us. We became best friends, promised never to lose touch, and sung so loud our throats burned from the constant strain.

Yet it all had to come to an end, and as we sit here trying to come down from the high, my feet throb in pain. I can barely swallow, a constant parched feeling inside my mouth that I’m unable to shake even as I drink water to rehydrate.

The space around me has finally stopped spinning, with reality becoming more and more apparent.

Dominic wants to leave his wife for me.

And Noah is back in my life.

How did this happen?

“How do we move our feet to the hotel?” Charlie whines, resting her head on Lex’s shoulder, closing her eyes. “I’m so sore.”

“Ten-minute walk,” Lex reassures her, though looking weathered himself. “Our clothes and toiletries have been delivered. We can get in a few hours of sleep before the car arrives at midday.”

We make the dreaded ten-minute walk toward the hotel. To make it less painful, we reminisce about the night, making fun out of ourselves on the dance floor. The champagne and other drinks we consumed still run through our veins, making the walk difficult yet amusing at the same time. Noah trips over nothing. Charlie stops to puke into the fancy bushes aligning the path. When the hotel is finally in sight, we all sigh with relief and part ways to our rooms to catch a few hours of sleep.

 

***

 

The ride to Mr. Auvray’s winery was the complete opposite.

It’s a two-hour drive, but being utterly hungover on less than four hours’ sleep warrants complete silence. Thankfully, I organized a driver predicting the three of us would be in this state before I even knew about Noah.

Noah is dead quiet. Wearing his sunglasses, his gaze lingers outside the window as does Charlie’s. Lex is fiddling with his phone, but even he looks tired.

“Mr. Auvray’s vineyard cultures one of France’s best champagnes,” I mention, lightening the mood. “The vineyard has been passed down through the generations. His great-grandparents were the original owners.”

“I can’t think of anything worse than champagne-tasting right now,” Charlie groans, sliding in her seat.

“There’s also cheese,” I offer.

“I thought you hated cheese?”

“No, I love cheese. It doesn’t mean I need to date someone who makes love to cheese. You’re certainly grumpy when you’re hungover.”

Another groan escapes her before she pulls out her phone and types a text. Seconds later, my phone vibrates. I give it a few moments, not wanting Lex and Noah to get suspicious.

 

Charlie:Lex insisted on drunk sex. I hate him right now. I want to die. I’m so tired.

 

I hold back my laughter, not surprised one bit by her admission. With Noah quiet beside me, I send him a text to see how he’s holding up, unsure if he still uses this number.

 

Me:Are you still alive?

 

He lifts his phone to read the text, typing fast before the text appears on my screen.

 

Noah: Yes… just thinking quietly, so shut up.

 

Some things between us never change. I decide not to push him further, sliding my phone into my purse and diverting my attention back onto the scenery.

“What’s wrong?” Charlie questions, annoyed at our secret exchange. “What did Noah say?”

“I, um…” I turn to Noah to answer as we’re caught in the act. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“What’s the secret between you? We’re all friends, so spill.”

“If we’re all friends,” Lex repeats with his head still focused on his screen. “Why don’t you share what you sent Kate?”

“Fine,” she huffs with exaggeration. “I’m exhausted, no thanks to you. Drunk sex is overrated, whereas sleep is not.”

“If you think drunk sex is overrated, explain the two orgasms you had within minutes?”

Charlie’s mouth falls to open the same time Noah groans, resting his head against the glass window.

“Driver, how long until we’re there?” Noah almost shouts.

The driver smiles as we turn down another long road. “One hour, monsieur.”

And that’s the end of us talking during the car ride.

An hour later, Auvray Le Champagne is in view. There’s something to be said about the countryside, it brings with it a sense of peace and serenity. Something I didn’t realize was missing from my life of late until now.

Mr. Auvray is standing out front with his wife, Claudette, waving to us as the car pulls into the large circular driveway. With welcoming smiles, we all shake hands as I introduce everyone to him and his wife. Moments later, he motions for his staff to take our bags and offers to take us in for an introduction drink. The plan is to take a personal tour of the grounds later this afternoon, followed by a specially cooked dinner by his personal chef.

We choose to spend the few hours we have to spare exploring the town of Champagne. There’s so much to see catering to different tastes—several bars from intimate and cozy to more sophisticated establishments that draw in a diverse crowd.

The finest wines and champagne are the region’s specialties, along with the fantastic food each venue has to offer—a la carte menus and local culinary delicacies, a foodie’s dream with all the choices to suit any pallet.

Yet, looking beyond the bars and restaurants, Champagne arouses the senses and showcases the best of France. It’s easy for our eyes to feast on vines parading up the hillsides, the smell of fresh air so easy to breathe in. Everything is beautiful, and as we walk along the streets admiring our surroundings, Noah clears his throat beside me.

“Listen, about last night…”

I smile at a couple walking toward us, shuffling closer to Noah to avoid running into them. “What’s going on with you?”

Noah bows his head, keeping his hands tucked in the pockets of his jeans. He often raises his eyes to gaze ahead but will quickly revert to his closed state.

“I don’t know,” he finally admits as Lex and Charlie turn around, suggesting we stop at the small café to grab some coffee.

The intense dark coffee is exactly what my body needs to sober up before we go champagne tasting later on today. Savoring those first few sips, my lips relish in delight as the warm liquid graces them.

After another hour of walking, my feet are on the verge of being numb. The caffeine begins to wear off as we make our way back to the chateau, making me incredibly grumpy. Sleep would be the perfect solution if Mr. Auvray weren’t standing out front waiting for us to commence our tour.

The property is stunning. The architecture is exquisite, hand-built by his great-grandfather and uncle almost a century ago. Over the years, Mr. Auvray has spent some money updating the property, but it still can use some improvements to attract more guests.

We walk through the fields while Mr. Auvray explains the harvesting of the grapes to fermentation. He takes us through the production facility, showing us the remaining process all the way to corking. Finally, he then walks us through the dark cellars where bottles of champagne lay flat on their side labeled as vintage.

Lex is consumed with the entire process, asking questions as they walk slightly ahead of us. Noah walks beside me, kicking loose stones with his feet. I assume, much like me, the exhaustion has crept in explaining the uninviting mood.

“You’ve changed,” Noah mutters, his words barely audible. “You’re not the same person.”

“Well, neither are you,” I shoot back, annoyed at his judgmental tone. “Just because we were friends years ago doesn’t mean it can go back to being the same.”

“Wow, cold much?”

I stop dead in my tracks. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’ve turned into this career-driven woman, no time for men or anyone. Actually, I stand corrected. You clearly have time to fuck Dominic, am I correct?”

Crossing my arms against my chest, the thrum of my pulse is fast and rapid, my stomach hardening from the truth coming out. My stare remains fixed, eyes never leaving Noah’s judgmental stance. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Of course not, your life. I get it.”

“How dare you judge me?” My voice smolders with resentment. “I’m certain your marriage breakdown has something to do with you being an arrogant prick!”

The words echo in the cellar, but thankfully Mr. Auvray, Lex, and Charlie have stepped out.

Noah shakes his head, narrowing his eyes while curling his lip. “You’re just like her.”

“Excuse me?”

“Driven by ambition, and you’ll do anything to keep it that way.”

I point my finger at him, unsure how he managed to evoke so much emotion from me. “Firstly, don’t compare me to your wife. What I choose to do with my personal life is none of your business. In fact, I never asked you to come here. It was Charlie’s idea, not mine. I was happy without you in my life.”

With the drop of his head and hands in his pocket, Noah turns his back and walks away. My words were callous, a clear heat-of-the-moment exchange, and the further he walks away, regret finds its way to me like a gust of wind after the remnants of a storm.

Lex and Charlie are waiting at the entrance, noticing Noah missing. I quickly let them know I’m heading to my room for a rest before joining them for dinner. Back in my room, I throw myself onto my bed, willing my eyes to close. But sleep is impossible, and Noah’s words haunt me to no avail. So, I changed, big deal. And who cares if I’m ambitious, I’ve been this way since before I met him. His opinion is his opinion. I just have no idea why it matters so much to me.

Why do I even care?

My eyes close, but the weight on my mind only allows me to shut down for a few minutes. I’ve grown accustomed to power naps while I travel, a quick way to re-energize. I decide to take a long shower to ease my tense muscles, but no matter how hard I try, my mind shuffles back and forth between Noah and Dominic. Two very different men in my life wanting different things.

I hop out, frustrated at myself for overthinking and dress into a sleek slate-colored cocktail dress which sits mid-thigh, flaring at the waist with an off-the-shoulder design. Pairing the dress with black strappy Alexander McQueen heels, the necklace I wear is simple with matching hooped earrings and an oval turquoise ring to add a splash of color. Finishing off my face, my makeup is simple, and my hair is tied back into a tight ponytail.

Staring into the mirror, I take a deep breath until my phone buzzes in front of me.

Dominic’s name appears with a video file attached. My fingers move faster than my brain rationalizing and telling me don’t open it.

The video begins with Dominic lying on the bed completely naked with his cock standing upright, rock hard. He begins to stroke it, slowly, his face wincing as if every stroke brings him pleasure and pain. The hairs on my arms begin to rise, the temperature in the room increases to an uncomfortable level of heat. Shaking my head, willing to break me from his hold, I hit pause on the video and throw my phone on the bed in frustration.

 

***

 

Dinner is to be served outside on the large terrace with open views of the vineyard. The sun is yet to set as I step out, but still, the scenery takes my breath away.

Lex and Charlie are already sitting down along with Mr. Auvray and Claudette. Taking a seat on the opposite side of Charlie, she offers a smile before Noah joins us.

My eyes fall upon him, the way he looks so handsome in a pair of black trousers and a navy-blue dress shirt. The dinner isn’t overly formal, prompting him to roll up his sleeves with his shirt slightly unbuttoned, exposing his chest. The smell of his cologne lingers in the air, creating this unwanted feeling inside of me. Perhaps I’ve been too harsh on him, adding stress to his life when it’s evident he’s going through something significant.

Beneath the table, I move my hand toward his and place it on top, squeezing it tight to let him know it’ll be okay. He doesn’t flinch nor turn my way, but beneath my hand, his muscles relax.

Mr. Auvray spends most of the dinner educating us on the history of the winery.

The food is delicious—French delicacies and, of course, more cheese. The three of us verbally agree for Lexed to invest in the business, seeing its potential and the passion the Auvray’s have toward maintaining its integrity.

“I’ll organize a meeting this week and gather my team to begin working on this project,” I inform Mr. Auvray. “I’d also like my management team, who will be working closely with you, to come visit so they can experience all of this for themselves.”

Raising his glass, he welcomes us to join him. “Un toast à notre avenir!”

We toast to our future, our glasses clinking against each other until it’s Noah’s against mine. With a warm smile, Noah’s face softens as we drink more champagne.

After several courses are served, we retreat to the outside area with our glasses. There’s a beautiful stone fire pit that sits in the middle of an open space, surrounded by soft lounge chairs. It’s a beautiful night out of the city, stars twinkling with a summer breeze cooling our skin.

“I’ve fallen in love with this place,” Charlie murmurs, nestling her head against Lex’s chest. “France is beautiful.”

“Perhaps we can purchase a chateau and bring the girls here for the summer?” Lex suggests.

Charlie sits up with a grin. “How very Angelina Jolie of you. But are you serious?”

“Why not? Money’s not an object. With Kate here, she can use the place whenever she feels like, and Mom loves France. Even Adriana could come to stay if she’d like.”

“Oh my gosh, okay, there’s so much to think about.” Charlie’s excitement picks up, prompting her to place her glass down.

“Okay, calm down.” Lex smiles, stretching his arms with a yawn escaping. “I need sleep while you scour Pinterest like usual.”

The two of them call it a night, leaving Noah and me by ourselves as they walk back, holding hands with Charlie giggling. Seeing them together still brings me joy. After what they went through years ago, it’s clear that they were always destined to be together despite what life threw at them. I’m not a strong believer in the whole ‘soulmate’ thing, but I swear they’re soulmates. They complement each other yet never sacrifice their beliefs for the sake of staying together. They follow their passions, and at the end of the day, share their lives while raising a beautiful family. I’ve always admired the way Charlie makes it all work and respects Lex for his commitment toward his family.

In the air, the sound of nature is somewhat comforting, but sooner or later, we will have to talk.

“Noah, I’m sorry about earlier today. I had no right to blame you for your marriage. It was rude and uncalled for.”

He releases a sigh, taking a drink. “Me, too. I could blame the shots last night or lack of sleep, but it’s all an excuse.”

I pour him more champagne and some for myself. Resting my back against the chair, my gaze lingers toward the night sky, the blank canvas a refreshing break from the chaos we’ve both been trying to fight against.

“What happened to you and Morgan?” I whisper, keeping my stare fixed on the sky, hoping I’m not smothering him with my curiosity.

“We fell apart,” he draws out in a long breath. “She wanted our marriage to work one way, and I wanted it another way. We tried to compromise, but all we did was fight.”

“And now?”

“She handed me divorce papers, Kate. And the same night she did that, I was beyond hurt and made a mistake.”

“A mistake?”

“I slept with someone.”

“Oh.”

“Well, I sort of knew her but not really. To get to the point, she fell pregnant. I have a son, Nash.”

I almost choke on my wine, making a gurgling sound as Noah pats my back hard. Sitting up, I turn to face him. “Let me get this straight. Morgan hands you divorce papers, so you screw what’s her—”

“Olivia,” he interrupts.

“Olivia, and she gave birth to your son? But how?”

“Ask the universe. The condom must have broken. I was angry at Morgan. I don’t know, Kate. It’s done, okay?”

By just the sound of his voice, I can hear the pain from his open wound, the blood so effortlessly pouring out with every breath he takes. There’s so much to take in, and now, Charlie makes sense. Noah Mason is a broken man, tormenting himself over a mistake with dire consequences. Questions are flooding my thoughts, each one fighting for attention. But I try to control myself, asking only what’s necessary rather than get into the semantics of it all.

“How did Morgan take it? The news about Olivia?”

“How do you think?”

“Noah, I don’t understand how you and Morgan fell apart. You have a daughter, Jessa, right?”

He nods, clasping his hands. I can see his struggle, the way his emotions sting causing a pained stare into the dark night.

“She wants her career over staying with Jessa. Both our jobs are demanding, and the more we began squabbling over the small things, the bigger they became. I can’t change who she is. Her sister, Scarlett, will always be her number one priority. I just thought when we had Jessa, things would change,” his voice croaks, the vulnerability in his admission leaving a heavy feeling all over me. “Between her stepson, Michael, Jessa, and Scarlett, there isn’t time left for me. Morgan has always been the carer for many people, and I respect that, but I want a wife who will be by my side when I propose marriage. I don’t expect to have to vie for her attention.”

I nod my head, listening to him pour his heart out. With so many people involved, it’s never going to be easy, but quite possibly Noah’s biggest mistake is thinking he can change who Morgan is.

“And who initiated the separation?” I ask.

“Her. I thought it would be good given how toxic we had become, and time apart would help us see what we want, but it has driven us further apart. The papers blindsided me on Christmas Eve, out of all nights.”

“I’m sorry,” is all I can say.

“After that night, Morgan reached out to me to try to make it work, and I wanted to try for the sake of Jessa. We were together for four months. We attended marriage counseling, then Olivia texted me. I fucked up, Kate.” Noah buries his head into his hands, trying to hide the anguish.

“Hey.” I reach my hand out and touch his arm. “You didn’t fuck up. This is life. We make good decisions, and we make bad ones.”

He raises his head with bloodshot eyes, the vacant stare behind the normally bright hazel orbs worries me to no avail.

“I’m too old to be making bad decisions. I have two kids.”

“You’re never too old to make bad decisions,” I tell him. “But sometimes those bad decisions end up being the path to something right. I’m not going to pretend to understand, but you’ll get through this. You’re strong, Noah.”

“I hope you’re right.”

I lay back down on the chair. “I’m always right.”

Noah shakes his head, a smile finally escaping his lips. “Typical French, so arrogant.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.” Letting out a yawn, I decide to call it a night, noting it’s late. “I need to sleep. Will you be okay out here?”

“Mieux vaut être seul que mal accompagné,” he says with a smile.

“Better to be alone than in bad company?” I translate with a playful grin. “Since when do you speak French? Plus, I resent that. I’m only bad in the States, specifically Malibu, on the beach. In France, I’m an angel.”

Noah’s eyes dance with delight, the familiar flicker returning as his lips simper. “Sure. Good night, Kate.”

I stand—slightly dizzy from the champagne—to head back to my room but stop in my tracks. “Noah, you were right. About the whole Dominic thing. I’m not perfect, just like you. We all make mistakes, no matter how adult we think we are at times.”

I expect Noah to give me a lecture on self-worth, or better yet, a list of reasons why I shouldn’t be fucking a married guy who owns a sex club, but it never comes. Instead, he continues to lay, staring at the stars.

“Of course, I’m right. I still know you better than anyone else.”

His words resonate and hold so much truth. I never realized how much I miss conversing with an adult, and especially how much I miss Noah. And before heading to bed, I raise my eyes to meet with the stars.

Somewhere in this crazy universe of ours, someone is playing a game. The dice have been rolled, and the next move could determine everything or maybe nothing at all.

Dominic wants more, and Noah needs—I’m not sure. The uncertainty of him walking back into my life complicates everything. This time though, I vow not to let my emotions think we’re anything but long-lost friends.

Strictly platonic—the way it was always meant to be with Noah and me.

As for Dominic, I’ll soon have to face the music of exactly where that will head.