Knocking on Helen’s Door by Eve Langlais
13
Poor Helen.Julio had shattered her worldview by introducing her to a Nephilim. Hard to ignore visual evidence. But would Helen run with it? Start a revolution in Heaven?
Samantha had nudged her in that direction, but rather than fly into a rage and promise retribution, Helen grew quiet.
Quiet people could be frightening, as it could mean many things. Some mentally shut down, caving to pressure. Others plotted the kind of revenge that required meticulous detail—and didn’t leave a body. The latter made prosecution more difficult. He’d learned that after one of his arrests.
Helen abruptly stood and said, “This has been most enlightening.” And not entirely welcome judging by her expression.
Rather than rub Helen’s face in the lies she’d been told, Samantha gave her a piece of advice. “You seem like a nice girl. Which is probably your problem. Nice girls follow all the rules, but those who break them don’t care about hurting you. It’s not a bad thing to look after yourself.”
“Selfishness is a sin.”
She spoke by rote, which was why Julio felt a need to say, “So is blindly following.”
Helen’s lips pursed. “Angels aren’t supposed to fib.”
“And I’d wager a good chunk of them don’t.” He shrugged. “But given they’re half human, it’s not hard to imagine there are a few that don’t follow all the rules.”
Samantha uttered a disparaging snort. “I’d say more than a few.”
To that, Helen shook her head. “There are others like me who believed everything.”
He wondered if she noted her use of the past tense.
“You should look up some failed forms of government when you get a chance,” Samantha suggested. “The kind of society you’re talking about is one that’s failed many times, usually because they were conquered or their own people rose against them.”
“You’ve given me much to ponder.” Then more softly, “Thank you.”
Julio quickly rose and extended his hand. “Yes, thank you, Samantha, for meeting with us. You seem like a fine candidate for Grim Dating, and I will personally oversee your match.” A shapeshifter with a demon would create a fine minion for Lucifer.
With the good-byes spoken, Helen couldn’t leave fast enough. She climbed into his truck and didn’t say a word.
Definitely plotting someone’s death. Hopefully not his. He’d hate to have to restrain her.
With her body under his.
Hmm. Maybe he should let her attack.
He headed for his office, having no idea where else to go. As they neared the building, he slowed, having spotted a shape dressed in white up ahead.
“What is it?” she asked, roused from her silent contemplation.
“I think I see one of your buddies from Heaven.”
“Where?” She craned forward and grimaced. “I can’t see their face.”
“Might be your buddy with the sword.” It would be brazen of him to come for her in plain sight. Julio had never reaped an angel, and yet, half human meant they had to have some kind of soul.
“I don’t care who it is. I don’t want to speak to them. Not yet. Can we go somewhere without people? I need to think. Ask questions.” Her glance held trouble and angst.
It begged him for help, and he couldn’t say no.
“We can go to my place. It’s private. I also have stuff in the fridge if you’re thirsty or hungry.”
“Let’s go.” That was all she said before looking out her window. Despite saying she wanted to ask him things, she remained quiet.
He attempted to kick-start conversation. “So, I hear that chicken sandwich with no bread is coming back.”
No reply.
Wait, were angels vegan? “Do you eat meat?”
“I do now.” She wrung her hands. “I didn’t realize meat was a thing until Bambi fed me. I asked for the name of what I ate, and she told me it was chicken.” Her head dipped. “It was delicious.”
She sounded ashamed. As a carnivore, he heartily approved of her taste buds. “What kind of chicken did you try? My favorite is stuffed chicken. Smoked meat, cheese, and bacon on the inside, pan fried in seasoning and butter.” Add some browned rice with freshly chopped chive for a side dish and he had a happy mouth and belly.
“I should be on my knees praying for forgiveness at having eaten flesh.”
“But?”
“That sounds delicious,” she admitted softly. “Maybe I am a sinner like the devil said because I want to taste everything.”
“What did you eat in Heaven? Ambrosia of your god?” he asked, only semi-sarcastic.
“I wouldn’t call it ambrosia. Twice a day we consumed a thick broth with all the nutrients we require.”
He gagged. “That sounds gross.”
She took offence. “It is not disgusting.”
“Is it amazing?”
“It’s necessary. I looked forward to the meals. But…” She chewed her lip. “Since being here, I’ve discovered so many flavors and textures. Hot and cold. Crunchy or soft. So many different reasons to like what’s in my mouth.”
“Name your favorite food so far.” He’d rather chat about yummy treats and keep her engaged than remind her of what she’d discovered. It sucked he’d had to be the one to shatter her entire reality, but she deserved the truth.
She canted her head. “I am enjoying many things. Bananas are very good. Nice for gripping. and I like that I can just put it in my mouth and bite off as much as I can fit.”
The more she spoke, the more his mind fell into the gutter. He changed the subject. “I have no bananas at my place”—if he ignored the one in his pants—“but I’ve got ice cream.”
“Ooh. I love ice cream.” She clapped her hands.
“What flavor?”
“All of them. Bambi took me to a place where they had numerous large buckets. We got a scoop from each of them.”
By the time they arrived at his place, she’d waxed eloquent on three savory choices above all others. Butter pecan, cookie dough, and good old-fashioned chocolate.
His apartment was within an older building, a bit shabby around the edges, but she still stared around with avid interest then made a beeline for his couch. She sat on it and stroked the leather. “Very smooth and soft.”
He didn’t mention it was animal. “It’s cold if you sit naked.”
Her eyes widened, and her cheeks turned pink. “I’ll remember to keep my clothes on then.”
“Pity.”
He knew she caught the implication by the way her gaze dropped but her temperature rose. His cloak flicked out to touch her, and she turned to glance at him.
“Is it you making it touch me when I’m upset?”
He rolled his shoulders. “Yes and no. We are one and, at the same time, not. It is in tune to my emotions and reacts.”
“It appears to be comforting me.”
“Because it is.”
“In Heaven, we don’t comfort. Ever. We are stoic. We do not burden others with our emotions. There is no such thing as sorrow or fear. We must not get angry.”
“You’re implying angels can’t feel. I think that’s kind of an impossible rule, don’t you?”
She paused for a moment before replying. “It is. A lot of the rules are difficult and make no sense.”
“But you followed them.”
“Mostly.” She shrugged. “I got sent for contemplation more than once.”
“That’s what usually happens when you don’t toe the line in a strict regime. And now you have even more questions.”
“Yes.”
“Do you want to talk about Lector?”
Her expression turned somber, and her hands knotted in her lap. “Not really.”
“His existence answers your question about where babies come from.”
“Is it proof, though? Perhaps he’s part bird. His mother claims to be a wolf.”
That caused him to utter a snort. “I saw you recognize the fact he’s an angel baby.”
“We call them cherubs.”
“Whatever. He’s an angel. Don’t deny it.”
She slumped. “He does appear to be one, and I would know. I was one of the nannies who helped care for them until they reached a certain stage of development.”
She said it so clinically, he had to ask, “Did you like your job?”
A pensive mien overtook her features. “I don’t know. At the time I did it because caring for them was my task. Did I like it?” Her frown intensified. “We never thought of it in those terms.”
“What about your free time? What did you do for fun and relaxation?”
“In between prayers, I took care of myself.”
“Surely you did more than that. What did you do for you that you enjoyed?”
She didn’t answer.
His chest tightened. “Did you ever have fun?”
Her shoulders rolled. “Frivolity leads to sin.”
“What the fuck kind of bullshit is that?” he exclaimed. “Seriously, Curls, you can’t tell me you really believed you had to follow all that crap. I mean, what’s the point of living if you can’t be happy? I swear, hearing about Heaven makes me glad I earned a spot in Hell. It sounds horrible.”
“It’s not that…” She stopped talking and looked him dead in the eyes when she said, “It was all I ever knew.”
“And now?”
She rolled her shoulders. “Now, I’m questioning everything.”
He would help her with those questions and show her it wasn’t the end of the world. But she might need some fortification. “Want a drink?”
“Yes.”
He poured them both two fingers in a glass. She downed hers and choked.
“Your water burns,” she gasped.
“It’s whiskey. It’s supposed to burn. Guess I should have asked.” He wasn’t used to someone who’d never drank. In his lifetime, pouring one was second nature.
“It feels hot.” She put her hand to her chest.
“Yup.” He poured them both another. “It’ll spread, and you’ll relax.”
“Relax? I would like that.” She downed the glass again, barely wincing this time. He poured a third shot, but she held on to it as she leaned back on his couch. She sighed. “I love couches. In the nursery we only had hard chairs and, in our rooms, a stone slab for a bed.”
“Doesn’t sound too heavenly. I thought you guys were supposed to have the best of the best.”
“We are equal. Or so I thought. Those not in the nursery have different things than us. The Archnannies have larger rooms and more than a single gown.” Her voice rose. “And I’ve heard say they don’t have to scrub the halls or tend the paths outside.”
“You can say it, Curls. It’s not fair.”
She struggled but managed to repeat, “It’s not fair. We are supposed to all be the same.”
“That kind of thinking is communism, Curls. Doesn’t usually work as a system in the long term.”
“It would if they let everyone have the same things.”
“But some people like to have more than others.”
“It’s greedy.”
“It’s human.”
The word saw her clamping her lips shut, angry at the reminder of her partial humanity.
“What are you feeling right now?” he prodded.
“I am…” She paused. “I am wanting you to stop talking.”
“Because I’m pissing you off.”
“You are annoying.”
“Only because I’m right.”
Her turn to make a noise. “You are taking pleasure in trying to turn me against Heaven. But my faith is solid. My Father, who is watching over me from Heaven, is probably testing me.”
“You’d be wrong. But hey, you’re allowed to make mistakes. Also a human thing.” He couldn’t help but dig.
For a second, her nostrils flared, and he expected her to explode. But she calmed and with a serene smile said, “Your home is much like Bambi’s.”
He snorted. “I highly doubt my apartment and hers are anywhere close to the same.”
“You both have a big home. A couch. Table. Chair. A kitchen place.” She swept a hand.
“Ah, you mean we both have stuff. So could you. On Earth, and even in Hell, anyone can own shit, but in most cases, you gotta work for it. In my case, to fill this place with useless crap, I have a job with Grim Dating. Get a job and you could own a bunch of useless shit too.”
“A television is not useless.”
He arched a brow. “Already addicted, eh?”
“It is the best thing I’ve ever encountered. Especially when accompanied by popcorn.”
“With butter I hope.”
“The slippery kind.”
His mind fell in the gutter, and he recovered with, “You’ve experienced a lot in the three days since you arrived.”
She nodded. “It’s been very enlightening.”
“In what respect?”
“Earth and humanity are much more complex and evolved than I’d been led to believe.”
“Have you never spoken to a human soul?”
“I’ve never met one. Keep in mind, I worked inside the nursery. I saw only other nannies, guards, and the cherubs.”
“Sounds like prison.”
“We don’t have prisons, as we don’t commit crimes.”
“So how do they punish those who break the rules?” he asked, curious. Because surely it happened.
“Transgressions can result in supplementary chores and prayers or time in solitary contemplation.”
“Ouch. That sucks.”
“It’s all I ever knew. What is Hell like? We’re told fire and brimstone and agony.”
“Well, it is. For some. But most people have only committed minor sins, meaning their lives in Hell aren’t being tortured day in and out. In Hell, only the truly depraved souls suffer hard. Everyone else just kind of ekes out an existence.”
“Murdering. Torturing. Stealing.”
He snorted. “Well, yeah, it is Hell after all. But because there is free choice, there are those who work. We are allowed to laugh and even love.”
“So some sinners do repent and live righteously after their descent.”
That made him laugh. “Oh, Hell no. On the contrary, being in the rings means a slackening of the morals that kept them in check while alive.”
“It must be absolute chaos and anarchy then.”
“Not exactly because we have some rules. Basic ones. For example, if you’re going to steal, you can only steal from someone more fortunate than yourself.”
“Thieves can only steal from the rich?”
“Only the richer.”
“How does that act as a determent?”
“Because as a thief advances through their career, their fortune will grow, and their choice in targets will narrow and become better protected. They will become a possible target themselves. Not to mention, Hell allows for retaliation. Attack me and I can attack you. It’s a type of check and balance system.” Look at him with his fancy jargon. He’d been reading up on the laws of Hell, a reminder that when he’d lived, before he’d turned to dirty tricks, he was going to be a lawyer.
“Stealing isn’t allowed in Heaven,” was Helen’s observation.
“You’re telling me it never happens? How can you be sure? Did you have anything to steal?”
Her mouth worked before she shook her head, her thick curls bouncing.
“In other words, you don’t really know. What about murder? And before you say no, remember how I found you in that alley.” A minute later and he’d have been too late.
“I haven’t forgotten.” Her head ducked.
“Speaking of which, has there been any attempt to kill you since then?”
“No! But Bambi did tell me to lie low and not go out without her. Although I am not sure how lying down is supposed to help.”
“It’s an expression meaning stay out of sight, and you did the opposite of that coming to my office.”
She shrugged. “I don’t want to hide. Not when I still need answers.”
“What questions do you have left?”
Once more, she hesitated before answering. “It’s not one you can answer.”
“Try me.”
“If it is true angels make babies with humans, then how did the storks miss Lector?”
“I imagine the fact his father never knew about him played a part.”
She couldn’t help a dubious, “Maybe he just looks like a cherub.”
“We both know that kid is half angel. I think the more important question is, have angels been stealing babies this entire time?”
“It’s not stealing. They’re angels.”
“They’re also half human, and they’re being taken from their mothers.”
Her mouth rounded. “Humans are emotional beings who care for their progeny.”
“And taking a child away is devastating because humans love their children. Why do you think Samantha never tried too hard to find Theodore and tell him about his kid?”
“She wanted to make sure the storks wouldn’t come for him.” She glanced at her hands in her lap for a moment before saying softly, “The more I discover, the more I question if I want to return.”
“The fact you’re asking might help with that reply,” was his contribution.
“Heaven is where angels belong.”
“Is it? What about your human half? Ever wonder if your mother would have given you a better life?”
She blinked. “I hadn’t until now. Thanks.” Said so grumpily he knew it was sarcastic.
“It never occurred to you, did it?”
“The concept of motherhood is one I only learned of today. Give me a moment to process it.”
“Would you rather I shut up?”
“No.” Her lips quirked. “However, if I’m going to have my entire belief system shattered, then I could do with some of that food you promised.”
She looked so hopeful he laughed. It was as they worked in the kitchen—him getting out some leftovers for heating and her exploring everything—that they ended up toe to toe, face to face.
She paused. “Sorry. I am in your way.”
“Don’t be. You’re curious.” She’d been peeking in his cupboards, avid interest in everything, even texture as she ran her fingertips over items.
“I’ve only seen Bambi’s condo, and yours is different.”
“You mean smaller, I imagine.” He grinned. “Easier to keep clean.”
“I like your place better.”
“Because my décor isn’t about look but comfort. Just like my food is about filling that craving for carbs. Prepare to be wowed.” He fed her leftover lemon chicken, dipped in sauce. They shared a box of reheated fried rice. She gnawed on riblets and groaned. Licked her fingers.
It enthralled him to the point she noticed his gaze and said, “Why do you stare at me?”
“Because you’re beautiful.” The words spilled, and he could have dropped in shock.
“Everyone is beautiful,” she said, staring at him. Her chair was close enough it wouldn’t take much to lean in.
“It’s not everyone I want to kiss.”
“Kiss.” Her glance went to his lips. “It’s forbidden. Especially between our kind.”
“I know.” And that only made it hotter.
She cocked her head. “If I kiss you, I will never make it back to Heaven.”
He couldn’t help a cocky grin. “Don’t be so sure of that.” He winked.
She sucked in a breath and then decided for them. She pressed her mouth to his.
That was it. She held it there as his eyes crinkled. She stared at him then mumbled, “Am I doing it wrong?”
“Try moving your mouth like this.” He then proceeded to kiss her, showed her how to slide sensually. To nibble. Taste. He kissed her until she got the hang of it and kissed him right back.
She clung to him, and it seemed only natural for her to end up in his lap, squirming against his erection. Not that she understood what her actions did to him.
She wore pants, but that didn’t stop him from skimming his hand up her thigh and cupping her. She uttered a sound, and her hips jerked.
He kept kissing her and turned her so she straddled him, better able to control the hard pressure and grind he placed against her, gauging his effects by her gasps and how far her head fell back. She let herself roll against him, the friction enough to make her tighten and cry out.
He held her trembling body, wanting to do more, giving her a chance to recover.
She sounded amazed as she said, “What was that?”
“Your first orgasm.” Hell yeah, he swelled with pride.
“That was…” She couldn’t speak, but she did squirm. His turn to groan.
“Am I hurting you?” she asked.
“Yes, but in a good way.” He drew her in for another kiss and was ready for round two when they were interrupted by the devil.
