Dungeon Master by Golden Angel
Chapter Twenty-Two
Leah
When her phone went off again, Leah turned it to silent and tucked it under the pillow on her sofa, so they wouldn’t be able to hear the vibrations. She wasn’t taking texts or calls from Gavin right now. She was sure it wouldn’t go over well. She was still too pissed, and she had probably royally ticked him off as well.
Oh, well. Shouldn’t have tried to boss me around when it comes to my friends. Chicks before dicks! Hoes before bros! Clits before twits!
Yeah, she might be a little drunk, but the sentiment was on point.
“Gavin again?” Esther asked, her voice hollow. Oliver was on her lap, purring like a miniature motorboat while she stroked him, seeming to realize she needed comforting.
“Yup. Pretty sure he’s ticked at me for telling you when he told me it wasn’t our business.”
“I’m glad you did.” Esther didn’t sound glad, and it hurt Leah’s heart to see her like this. She knew she’d done the right thing, but she hated being the messenger of bad news. “I thought I was going crazy, that I was irrational or overly suspicious about all his extra hours at work, and now I feel… I don’t know, vindicated? Like, if he’s lying about the gym on Sundays, he’s probably lying about his late evenings, too, right?”
“Maybe… I don’t know.” Leah scooted closer, slinging her arm around her friend. “Are you sure you don’t want me to call Cyana? She could probably look into this for you.”
“Not yet.” Esther dropped her head, staring where she was petting Oliver rather than meeting Leah’s eyes. “I love Cyana, but… she’s going to go on the warpath, and I can’t handle that right now. Maybe tomorrow.” Leah had invited Esther to sleep over, putting particular emphasis on the ‘sleeping over’ part, and Esther had come immediately, likely thinking Leah had needed someone to vent to about Gavin. Well, that wasn’t wrong, but it definitely hadn’t been the focus.
Personally, Leah thought Cyana would be a little calmer and cooler rather than warpath-y, but it was true she was likely to be more action-oriented, and right now, Esther seemed to want to think. As hurt and angry as Leah was at Gavin, she knew it was so much worse for Esther right now.
Stupid Jax.
Leah wished she had him there in front of her so she could vent her anger on him. Even if he wasn’t cheating, whatever his reason for lying, it wasn’t worth making Esther feel like she was paranoid or finding out she wasn’t. Both were hurtful.
Gavin didn’t want them to get involved. Right, because Leah was supposed to walk around knowing Jax was lying, that Esther was already unhappy with how things were in their relationship, and pretend as if nothing was wrong. Maybe Gavin could do that. Hell, being oblivious to anything being wrong had basically been his M.O. during their relationship—but Leah couldn’t.
Was he cheating? It was hard to imagine, but she couldn’t think of any other reason for how long he’d been sneaking around and lying to Esther. She might have trouble picturing him cheating on Esther, but even if he wasn’t, he’d still been lying to her. Neglecting her. Pretending he was somewhere, he wasn’t. Hurting her by his absence.
Unacceptable.
If their anniversary was coming up or something, Leah might have worried she’d jumped the gun and he was planning something for Esther, but that had been several months ago. What else could he be doing?
“I don’t know what to do,” Esther admitted. “Is it wrong that part of me wants to go home and pretend like nothing is happening?”
“I don’t think that’s wrong at all.” Leah gave Esther’s shoulders a squeeze, her own heart aching in sympathy. “And if that’s the choice you make, I will accept that. I just wanted you to have that choice.”
Granted, she would think Esther was making the wrong choice, but it was Esther’s to make. She didn’t think her friend would be able to live like that for very long, especially if Jax kept up his late nights and going who-knows-where on Sundays.
“I’m glad I do… I just wish I knew what to do.” Esther rubbed her forehead, and Leah pulled her into her arms as she started to cry. Tears sparked in Leah’s eyes. She didn’t have any easy answers for her friend. The only one who truly had answers was Jax, but at least now Esther knew she wasn’t imagining things.
* * *
Gavin
It was a restless night after he got home. He’d wanted to leave the club and going to Leah’s, but he’d ultimately decided against it. She wasn’t picking up her phone, so he didn’t think showing up at her house would make things better, especially when they were both still angry.
Dammit. He’d thought they’d agreed to talk more about what to do before taking any action. Leah certainly hadn’t said differently when he’d said they’d talk later, but then she’d gone behind his back and contacted Esther.
Spending most of the night tossing and turning hadn’t helped matters.
There was a sick feeling in the pit of his gut that had nothing to do with their friends and everything to do with him and Leah. Not only were they not on the same page, but he didn’t even know what she was thinking and had a feeling that was a bad thing.
Why hadn’t she waited until they’d had more time to talk things through?
He sort of understood. She was protective of her friends, and it wasn’t like he wasn’t, but he was willing to extend more grace to Jax than she was apparently, which surprised him.
Maybe that was his real issue. Not only that the situation was now entirely out of control, with no hope of figuring out what was going on before someone got hurt, but he didn’t understand where Leah was coming from. He wanted to, but it didn’t make sense.
Before he tried calling her again, he made himself drink two cups of coffee, eat breakfast, and take a shower, all of which had the salutary effect of waking him up and improving his mood. At the very least, he felt refreshed and alert. To his surprise and relief, she picked up the phone, although her tone was fairly hostile.
“Hello.”
“Leah.” Her name came out as a sigh, tinged with resignation but also relief. Gavin really hadn’t been sure she’d pick up. Some of his temper faded hearing her voice. “How is Esther?”
“She’s okay.” Her tone was softer, less defensive, a little sad. “She slept over last night, and she left to go home about ten minutes ago. That’s why I answered the phone—I was going to call you, anyway. She’s asked us not to say anything to Jax while she figures out how to confront him… or if she even wants to.”
Gavin rubbed at a spot in the middle of his forehead, which suddenly felt sore, like a precursor to a headache.
“Ah, so what I wanted to do, but for both of them?” Crap, he knew that wasn’t helpful the moment he said it, but seriously? They could have done that last night, then they’d be keeping things from both of their friends instead of just one of them. Now, when Jax found out, he’d feel like they were taking Esther’s side since he hadn’t been given a heads up.
He could picture Leah sitting with her arms crossed defensively, anticipating his reaction. Unfortunately, knowing she was expecting him to be angry didn’t do anything to cool him down. It felt as if she was goading him.
“Maybe you could spend the rest of our lives pretending like you didn’t know Jax was lying to Esther, but I couldn’t,” Leah snapped, and even over the phone, he could feel her bristling.
He let his head hang back, then rolled it forward, trying to loosen the suddenly tight muscles. While he didn’t do the whole ‘count to ten’ thing, he did take a moment before responding, gathering himself and trying to keep his cool.
“That’s not what I asked you to do. I asked you to wait, so we could talk about it later and come to a decision together.”
“You didn’t ask anything. You ordered me not to say anything to Jax. You ordered me to wait and talk to you later. You don’t get to order me around when it comes to my friends, and you don’t get to make unilateral decisions for both of us.”
“Oh, but you do? Maybe I ordered you to wait and talk to me later, but you didn’t, did you? Instead, you made the unilateral decision to talk to Esther. You made the irrevocable, unilateral decision, and you didn’t even have the courtesy to tell me you were going to. You couldn’t wait one day, so we could talk more about what to do?”
The sudden silence on her end meant she was in a raging temper or his words had hit home. Since they were on the phone, he couldn’t tell which. He rubbed his forehead again. He should have had more coffee.
* * *
Leah
As angry as she was, a spurt of guilt popped up, realizing Gavin was right. No, she hadn’t liked the way he’d told her not to confront Jax nor liked the way he’d told her they’d talk later, but he wasn’t entirely wrong either. Even though she hadn’t liked the way he’d told her, she could have sucked that up and waited until they had more time to talk. Until they’d both had more time to think. She’d been running high on indignation and anger at both him and Jax.
Yes, she’d told Esther because she thought Esther deserved to know, but she couldn’t deny there had been a bit of self-righteousness as well. How dare Gavin order her around when it came to her friendships?
She wasn’t entirely wrong either.
“Esther deserved to know.”
“I don’t disagree, but I also think we could have waited. Last night, I came to the decision I would talk to Jax because it seemed important to you. I don’t believe he’s cheating on Esther, but I would have told him his lie was out, and whatever he’s doing, he needs to come clean with her, or we would talk to her.”
Chewing her lower lip, Leah leaned back against the couch where she was sitting. Oliver was on her lap, tiny claws incessantly kneading her thigh while she stroked his soft fur. He’d been pretty attached to Esther until she left as if he’d sensed she needed his comfort, but when Leah had answered the phone, he’d jumped up onto her lap.
She didn’t want to admit it, but what Gavin was saying made sense. Some of what he said still irked her.
“So, you eventually came to the same decision I had. But I wasn’t allowed to do anything until you agreed with me.”
The frustrated noise Gavin made wasn’t quite a growl.
“It would have been nice if you’d waited as I wanted you to. I’m sorry about the way I phrased it, that it came out as an order. I wanted time to think. I didn’t think that was unreasonable.”
“It wasn’t.” Oliver purred, and she took some comfort in that. “But ordering me around was. It made me feel as if you were making decisions for both of us again, and I didn’t get an equal say—or any say at all. I can’t live like that again.”
“I wish you had said something. You let me go off, thinking we were going to talk about it later, and instead, you went behind my back and told Esther.” His voice was quiet but firm, and Leah squirmed uncomfortably, knowing he was right. She was, too, but she could have waited to talk to him until deciding whether to talk to Esther or Jax. “I didn’t get any say in that.”
It might have been better to do things Gavin’s way, something she hadn’t even considered. Yeah, his approach to Jax sounded far more sympathetic than hers would be, but on the other hand, that might not be a bad thing. She wanted to smack Jax upside the head for hurting Esther, but that wouldn’t actually solve anything, even though it would feel good.
This was annoying. They were both right and both wrong. Leah wasn’t sure how she felt about that. It was hard to keep up righteous self-indignation in the face of the points Gavin was making.
“I don’t want to make you feel as if you can’t have a say, and I didn’t mean to order you around. I was upset and pressed for time. That’s not an excuse. I know I reverted back to some of my old habits, but you did as well. Rather than talking to me or even waiting to talk to me, you made a decision and went and did it. I can’t help but as though you’ve been waiting for me to fail, waiting for an excuse to shove me back out of your life.”
Ouch. Her chest physically ached with the accuracy of that shot. Yeah, she’d been upset and angry at him last night, but there had also been a bit of underlying relief—the other shoe had finally dropped.
“So, what do we do now?” she asked tiredly. “Do we just keep going around in circles? Because that’s what it feels like.” Last night, if they’d talked, she knew this would have been a much hotter argument, but her temper had some time to cool. Comforting Esther and wondering if she’d done the right thing by telling her, especially when Esther had decided to wait before deciding what she was going to do, had done even more to diminish her irritation. “When it comes to this relationship, it doesn’t feel like the odds are ever in our favor.”
“Never tell me the odds.”
Leah laughed, a short, sharp sound. Trust Gavin to meet her Hunger Games reference with Han Solo. It was one of the things she liked about him. She didn’t know if they could make this work, no matter how they felt about each other. Didn’t last night prove it?
Now she could see, neither of them had really changed. Even knowing their old habits and how badly they’d affected each other, their first argument, they’d slipped right back into them.
“I’d like to make an appointment with Dr. Silverwood for us tomorrow if that works for you. Otherwise, we can go as usual on Wednesday. If you want to.”
“What if I don’t want to?” she asked, more out of curiosity and to buy herself some time to think. That was not the answer she’d been expecting. She didn’t know what she’d been expecting, to be honest, but Gavin’s suggestion they make an appointment to see their couples’ counselor right away had not been it.
“Then I’ll go on my own. Whether or not we work out, I think she’s been good for me. But I hope you’ll come with me. I’m not ready to give up on us. If you are… well, I won’t blame you. I know you were reluctant to start with, and I’m grateful you gave me another chance.”
He sounded so tired. Resigned. Unhappy. Not as if he’d given up, exactly, only that he realized he couldn’t control her decision. He was leaving it entirely up to her.
For some reason, that made her want to run, but Leah squashed the emotion.
Yeah, last night, he’d reverted to some of his bossiest inclinations, and she’d felt dismissed, but he hadn’t been the only one to backslide. Yet, he still wanted to try. He wasn’t giving up.
Oliver butted his head against the bottom of her chin as if encouraging her to make the decision she knew, deep down in her heart of hearts, she really wanted.
“Yeah. Let’s see if we can see Dr. Silverwood tomorrow.”
The only way things would really be different would be if she and Gavin worked together. He was trying. He’d apologized, explained himself, and wanted to go to therapy, leaving her with very little to be angry about, really. Going to see Dr. Silverwood rather than cutting and running was definitely different for her.
