Vengeful Soul by Emma Creed
What’s a girl supposed to do when the man who took you captive, and stole your heart brings you home?
Well for a start, she puts all the drama classes she thought she’d never need to good use.
Maddy has instructed me what to say so the club will be clear of any suspicion, and my fingers tremble as I find the house phone and dial Julian's number.
He sounds surprised when he answers, then relieved and then joyful. And I feel like such a fraud. How could I have let things go so far with Brax. Why did I let myself fall in love with him? I watch my reflection as I reassure Julian that I'm okay and promise him a full explanation as soon as he gets here. I don’t recognize the girl staring back at me and worst of all, I feel like a stranger in this house now.
Julian arrives thirty minutes later, charging through the door and scooping me into a hug, the way you’d expect a guy who has been tragically parted from his fiancé to. I forget for a moment that for him that’s exactly what happened, nothing has changed for him in the small time we’ve been apart.
He doesn’t know about my mom or the agency. He doesn’t know about the Souls, and how Brax took me from my room and saved me from CIA agents who wanted me dead. I can’t see how anything can ever be normal for me now. Julian's arms feel foreign and limp in comparison to the way Brax would hold me, and I know I have to stop comparing them. If I don’t, I’ll never be able to move on.
“Grace, where have you been, baby? I’ve been worried sick.” He pulls back and checks me over. His eyes full of worry and concern. I feel dirty, I haven’t showered since Brax made love to me. And yes, that’s what it was this time. We didn’t fuck. Brax gave me a piece of his soul and it was beautiful, even if it was tainted with tragedy.
“I just had to get away, after the funeral everything hit me, it was all too much. I must have had some kind of melt down.” The lie comes off my tongue easily and the guilt inside me grows heavier.
“But you took nothing with you, no phone, no money. Where did you even go?” Julian questions me.
“I stayed with an old college friend, she has a cabin, it was remote and off the grid. It was just what I needed. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you and for all the worry I’ve caused. I wasn’t thinking straight.” I repeat what I rehearsed with Maddy and Ella yesterday. A lot is riding on me not fucking this up. The Souls took a risk taking down the agency, there were some well respected men on that list. And if the truth ever came out about how they met their justice, Brax and Jessie would be staring at bars for the rest of their lives.
“I’m just happy you’re home now.” Julian smiles at me warmly, pulling me close again. And the relief of him buying my story makes me want to sob.
“I’m gonna call my dad and tell him you’re safe. He’s been worried about you. Then I’m gonna pour us a drink, and I want you to tell me all about this friend and her cabin, okay?” He places a kiss on my cheek before disappearing into the kitchen with his cell phone already pressed to his ear.
I let out the breath I’m holding once he’s out of sight, wondering how I’m ever gonna keep this up. Julian deserves better than my lies and deceit. He just accepted my answer without hesitation, because he trusts me. He’s obviously been worried sick while I’ve been gone. He looks so tired and drained. The past few weeks must have been hell for him.
“So how did you get to your friend’s place?” he asks when he steps back into the living room and hands me a glass of wine.
“She picked me up.”
“I thought you said it was spontaneous?” He takes a seat on the couch beside me.
“It was, you left to get the food, and she showed up. She’d heard about Mom and Dad and was sorry she missed the funeral, she saw how upset I was and asked me to go with her and I just went. I don’t know what I was thinking, it was selfish of me.” I take a long sip of my wine, unnerved by how easily the lies are flowing, especially since I totally freestyled with that one.
“We all deal with grief in different ways, you being home now is all that matters to me,” he assures me, sliding his arm around my shoulder. My body tenses when it rests against his, he smells so clean and fresh. Nothing like Brax and the tobacco, leather and oil scent that surrounds him.
Why am I punishing myself by thinking about him? I really need a fucking shower. Even though I’m dreading it.
I want to hold on to the fantasy of what we had for as long as I can. What me and Brax had was raw passion, and an undeniable desire. An intensity like that could never last.
Julian is safe, he’s my future. I just have to forgive myself for what I’ve done to him.
I try not to think about Brax being back at the club. He was hurting when he left, and I hope that Jessie, Maddy, Nyx and Ella are taking care of him, despite the fact that he’ll try pushing them all away.
Julian’s fingers stroke the tops of my arm affectionately and it makes me squirm. Then when he turns my head to face his and starts moving his lips toward mine, I dash up on to my feet.
“I need to take a shower.” I smile, hoping he doesn’t notice the way I’m avoiding him.
“Sure, I’ll order us something in. Pizza?”
“Sounds great.” I leave him in the living room and race up the stairs. When I make it into the bathroom, I lock the door behind me and strip out of my clothes. Then standing under the warm stream of water, I put the body jets on full power and hope that the sound of gushing water drowns out my sobs.
Downstairs, is a good man, one who loves me. For three years he has given me everything I’d thought I wanted. And I don’t know how I’m gonna give myself to him now. Brax may have brought me back here, but when he left he took my heart with him, and now I can’t help but feel incomplete.
And for that, I hate him with such a passion that my empty chest fills with venom.
“I thought you’d run away again,” Julian says when I find him in the kitchen pouring more wine. He passes it over and strokes his smooth fingers along my cheek until I tilt my head into them and smile for him. “That’s better,” he smiles down at me. There's love in his eyes, and I wonder if he notices that mine is missing now.
“We should call the police,” I blurt out when a sudden thought comes to me.
“Why?” Julian laughs.
“Well, they will still be looking for me, I feel terrible for wasting their time.”
“Already taken care of, I did it on the way over. I spoke to the police sergeant they put on the case myself.”
“And they don’t want to speak to me?” I question, I hadn’t given Julian my explanation before he called, surely they’d be curious to what happened to me.
“Sweetie, they are busy, they’re probably just pleased to be able to close the case.” Taking hold of my hand he presses his lips to my knuckles. When he leans in, I start to panic. I’m not ready for Julian to kiss me. It seems all I have left of Brax now, and I’m saved when the doorbell chimes.
“That’ll be the pizza, I’ll get it,” I say brightly, heading toward the front door. I notice Julian's suspicion, he knows something isn’t right. But for now, he seems so relieved to have me back, he’s happy to play along.
He doesn’t try to kiss me again for the rest of the evening. We spend our time vegged out on the couch, eating pizza and watching movies. Though I don’t pay the film much attention, I’m too distracted thinking about Brax, and wondering how he’ll be spending his time. He'll be at the clubhouse now, and I wonder if one of the girls that hang around there are making him feel better. The thought turns my stomach.
“You okay, baby?” Julian asks me, clearly noticing how distant I’m being.
“I’m fine, just thinking.”
He picks up the remote and flicks off the TV.
“We should go to bed, it’s been a long day.” As he stands up, he reaches for my hand, and I have to swallow the lump in my throat before I take it. And when he pulls me up gently, and our bodies touch, I stiffen. Tears prickle my eyes when I realize things will never be the same between us again. I’ve deceived him, I should be riddled with guilt yet all I can think about is Brax. My heart feels as though it’s been torn, and I hate to think about him hurting too.
When I get into bed, I try to settle into my old routine but it feels so alien, and when Julian slides into the space beside me I have to stop myself from flinching.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper to him when I’m sure he’s fallen asleep. Tears soaking through the cotton on my pillowcase.
“You have been through a lot, you just need time. You’ll feel so much better when you move into my place and get some closure to all this grief,” he tells me sleepily. But he’s wrong. I don’t need closure.
I need Brax.