Running For It by Allyson Lindt

Twenty-One

Ibypassed the kitchen the next morning, and headed straight to the shelter without stopping to see Hunter. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to talk to him—it was the opposite. If I stopped and chatted, I’d remember the fun. I’d regret what wouldn’t happen with Ramsey. I’d hate the reminder that this thing with Hunter wasn’t real.

The last thought hit like a fist to the gut. It should have been an aftershock—no real impact—but I felt the sadness there as much as everywhere else.

Fortunately, there was more than enough work at the shelter to keep me busy. Administrative needs hadn’t stopped for construction, and I had stacks of invoices, media requests, and messages for other various things to sift through.

My phone buzzed a little before lunch, and I grabbed it without looking up from my work. “This is Violet.”

“Hey.” Hunter’s voice soothed me just like that, despite me not wanting it to. “Are you free for lunch?”

I could be. I shouldn’t be. Did I almost miss the catch in his voice? “What’s up?”

He sighed. “I got a call a little bit ago. From my dad. He’s having a good health day, he heard the great news about his only son getting married, and he wants to meet my new wife.”

“Oh.” My insides twisted in on themselves. This was the last thing I wanted to do ever—look a dying man in the eye and lie to him about his son’s relationships. “I have to work at the cafe this afternoon, but I can spare a little time.” The words flowed out on their own. I’d stayed with Hunter because of this. It had to be done, no matter how much I dreaded it.

“When are you free?”

I wasn’t getting anything else done until this meeting was over. “Now is good.”

“I’ll pick you up in about fifteen minutes. And Violet? Thank you.” The genuine gratitude in Hunter’s voice didn’t erase my dread, but it did add a hint of sweet to the bitter taste in the back of my throat.

Since I was done working for now, I decided to wait outside for Hunter. The chill in the air sapped the heat from my cheeks, and I gulped in the fresh cold, trying to freeze my insides as well. When Hunter arrived, I hopped in the car almost before it stopped moving.

“Eager to get this over with?” he asked flatly.

Oh, there was more guilt. Wonderful. I couldn’t lie, but the truth didn’t seem right either, so I shrugged into my seatbelt.

“Me too.” Hunter’s voice was soft. He reached over and rested a hand on my knee, and the cold all rushed away.

We made the short trip in silence. The sign on the front door of the hospice facility said Out of respect for our guests, please silence your phones. I hated cutting myself off from the world, but it was polite, and we wouldn’t be here long.

Inside the building looked more a high-end apartment complex than a medical facility. Rich wood paneling and plush carpet led us down a softly lit hallway, past widely spaced doors.

Hunter stopped in front of one and knocked. A voice that sounded so much like his called, “Come in.”

We stepped into what would have been a large, nicely finished bedroom, if it weren’t for all the monitors and wires surrounding a bed near the window. The man lying there, dwarfed by pillows and a heavy blanket, looked remarkably like Hunter. Older, with gray hair, and a bit frailer. But the face was the same. The kindness in his dark eyes was the same. Even his smile was familiar.

It would be sweet if I didn’t know this was the man Hunter was hiding a part of his identity for.

They exchanged a couple words of greeting, and Hunter gestured to me. “Dad, this is my wife, Violet. Violet, this is Hunter Sr.”

“Call me Dad, hon.” He reached for my hand when I offered it in greeting, and pressed it between his palms. His skin was yellow and papery, but his grip and smile were warm and friendly. “I remember you. You were with Ramsey Miller for a while.”

At least things were going to get awkward right away. I had no idea how to response. “Yes.”

“I see.” Hunter Sr. shook his head. “You know, I always figured you and he split because he was in love with my son.”

Hunter coughed.

“But I can tell you and Hunter care about each other,” his dad said.

Hunter reached for my hand and squeezed gently. “We do.”

The simple statement rang with a clarity I hadn’t had much of lately. We really did. For so long I’d only thought of Hunter as Ramsey’s friend, but he’d been here for me. Still was. I was as terrified of him being gone from my life as I was Ramsey.

Hunter’s dad pushed himself into a sitting position in bed. “Violet, hon, you’ve always seemed like a lovely person, so please don’t take this the wrong way—”

Was there any other way to take a statement that started like that?

“—The last few years have taught me that putting off conversations means you may never get to have them, and this is one I need to have with my son.” He looked at Hunter. “What the fuck are you doing, Junior?”

Hunter’s wide-eyed expression reflected my shock. He worked his jaw. “I don’t—”

“Anyone with half a brain can see how you and Ramsey feel about each other. I hoped you’d tell me at some point.”

What was happening? My brain was glitching on reality versus expectation.

Hunter didn’t look to be doing any better. “I’m not—”

“Going to lie to me, are you? You’d never send your old man to meet his maker on a lie.”

“No, I wouldn’t.” Hunter’s shoulders drooped, but the corner of his mouth tugged up. “And you’re right. I do love Ramsey. He feels the same.” The confession slid out on a puff of tangible relief.

I wanted to cheer for Hunter for being able to say it, but I was still struggling to process the unexpected situation. Would there be fallout from the confession? Screaming and name calling and accusations?

“I’m so proud of you.” Hunter Sr opened his arms wide, and pulled Hunter into a warm hug.

Laughter and tears both bubbled up in my throat, spreading from the warm spot in my chest. The moment mingled with a flood of stories the shelter kids had told me. With memories of my sister. It was so beautiful in here, but so bittersweet.

“I’m sorry you found out this way, hon.” Dad’s voice was kind as he let Hunter go and focused on me. “It’s best you know now, before you’re with him too long.”

I laughed through threatening tears and scrubbed my hand across my cheeks. He was apologizing to me?

“Did we break you?” Hunter Sr sounded concerned.

Hunter pulled me closer, and tangled his fingers with mine. “Probably just the opposite. Violet already knows how I feel.”

His dad held up a finger, then snapped his mouth shut. “You know what? I don’t want too many details there, as long as you’re all on the same page. Why didn’t you ever tell me? I’ve been waiting for you to come out, and then I hear you’re married.”

“Mom asked me—begged me—not to tell you. She said I couldn’t send you to your grave knowing I was attracted to men. That it would hurt you so much.”

“I raised you better than to think lies were the solution.”

“You raised me to look good, and always have a woman on my arm. Look at how handsome he is. He’s going to break so many girls’ hearts. That’s all I heard growing up.”

There was an edge to Hunter’s voice that I’d heard so many times.

His dad frowned. “You’re right, and I’m sorry. Saying I didn’t know any better doesn’t change that, but it’s the truth. I think I saw it when you were young, but I was scared. For me. For you. But everything you’ve done, I couldn’t be more proud of you. As long as whomever you’re with is treating you right, I don’t care what’s between their legs.”

And now I wanted to cry again, and the acceptance in the room. “Thank you.” I did mean to say the words aloud, and now two sets of eyes were on me. “If more kids could hear things like this…”

“What can I say? I’m incredible.” Despite his frail appearance, he sounded as strong and confident as anyone I knew. “Whatever your reasons for doing this, Violet, thank you for being my son’s friend.”

“It goes both ways.” It felt good to smile. To speak my mind. It felt really good. “And he’s worth it.”

“Come here.” Hunter Sr gestured, and pulled me in for a tight hug. When he let me go, he did the same with Hunter, holding him for several seconds.

He pointed to a pair of chairs next to the bed. “Stay for a while. Catch me up. Introduce me to your wife. Tell me what’s going on with you. With Ramsey.”

This was the single most wholesome, warm moment I’d been a part of in a long time. As the three of us talked, the rest of the world slipped away. Dad had countless stories about Hunter. He was fantastic at bringing me into the conversation, too.

I loved every minute of it, not only for Hunter, but it was a reminder for me. Not every parent with a gay kid was an asshole. I wished my shelter kids, my sister, had this. It ached that they hadn’t. But at the same time, the warmth that flowed between Hunter and his dad meant there were other families out there like theirs. With acceptance and love.

That filled me with hope.

As Hunter and I walked out of the hospice a few hours later, we were both smiling.

“I like your dad. He’s—”

“Painfully direct and honest?” Hunter reached for his phone.

I did the same. “I wasn’t thinking in those terms, but yes.”

“He liked you too. He doesn’t chat like that with just anyone.” Hunter’s bright smile wilted as he looked at his phone.

My What’s wrong stuck in my throat as I saw a handful of missed calls and a texts, all from Lyn. “Shit.” I’d blown through my start time for inventory. The nausea was back full force as I called Lyn back.

“Are you all right?” she answered, breathless.

Damn it. “I’m fine. I’m so sorry. We were talking to Hunter’s father. I lost track of time. I’m so so sorry. I’m on my way now.”

“Violet.” Lyn’s tone cut through me. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not.” Fuck. I couldn’t believe I was late for work.

“It really is. It’s completely fine. It wasn’t even…” Lyn sighed. “We aren’t doing inventory. It was a surprise engagement party. Wedding party? It doesn’t matter, because it’s fine.”

It did matter. Acid clawed its way up my throat. Had I known subconsciously, and blown it off? “I’m sorry.”

“Stop,” Lyn said harshly. “I get it. There’s nothing to apologize for. You’ve been pushing yourself too hard. This isn’t an offer anymore. I’m giving you the next week off. If you come into work, I won’t let you.”

The time off sounded wonderful, but the circumstances filled me with a rancid mixture of anger and frustration. “But—”

“I’ll talk to you in a week, Violet. Please, don’t worry about it. I’m not mad. I’m just concerned. Get some rest.”

I dropped my arm limply by my side. How did I let this happen?

“Violet.” Hunter’s concern penetrated the shell wrapping around me. “Hey.” He placed a finger under my chin and lifted my head. “Owen told me what happened. Come on. We’re going for lunch.”

“I don’t…” have time? I’d cleared my afternoon for work. That I’d forgotten.

Hunter tugged me toward his car. “Come on.”

I sank into my seat and let him drive. He pulled into a drive through and ordered us sandwiches. Thankfully there was no greasy smell. I don’t think I could have handled it. We headed toward his place, and then drove past his street.

“Where are we going?” I managed to ask.

“Just a little farther.”

Not an answer. I sank lower in my seat, arms crossed.

A few minutes later, we reached a ridge that looked out over the valley. It was a turn-off tucked away from the rest of the world, where we could look down on them, but no one would see us.

Hunter put the car in park and turned to me. He forced my gaze to his. “You can’t keep doing this.”

“Doing what?” I didn’t like the harsh tone.

Lines creased his forehead and he searched my face. “Your friends, all of us, need you. Don’t doubt that for a second. But what you’re doing, stretching yourself thin like this, it’s not good for you.”

“I don’t have a choice. There are things that need to be done, and I promised to do them.”

“I get that. And you don’t have to do them alone. The people around you will help. I’ll help.”

But I’d promised to see them through. The idea of dropping anything, the way I had with this afternoon’s promise to Lyn, made me sicker. “People are counting on me. You don’t understand.”

“I do understand.” He traced gentle lines along my jaw as he held my chin. “I’ve been where you are.”

I clenched my mouth shut, and braced myself for a story that proved he didn’t get it at all.

“When I started college, I was working with my mom’s organization—volunteering. And then Ramsey got into student government. It didn’t matter that he was at a different school, I had so many ideas to help him. I was balancing all of that with being a freshman. With a course load I’d been told was too much. I was running on less than four hours of sleep a night.”

I winced at a story that could have been mine, but kept my mouth shut.

“Things started to slip,” Hunter said. “Little things. I was late to an appointment here or there. I overbooked a few obligations. And then I let my mom down. And I missed getting some critical information to Ramsey. And it all came crashing down around me. I pushed so hard, I landed in the hospital for a few days.”

“Ouch.” I was sympathetic. Maybe he did get it. A little. “But that’s not me. I’m not that kind of physically ill. I’ve got this.”

Hunter’s frown deepened. “You do. Right now you’re keeping almost every ball in the air by yourself. How can I help?”

“I can’t ask you to do that. These are my obligations.”

“I’m not offering to do anything for you,” Hunter said. “You tell me what needs to be done, and I’ll do it.”

“I… I can’t.”

He gripped my chin harder, and stared me down with a fierceness that stole my breath. “This is destroying you. I won’t make a plan to ease up your workload, but you have to.”

“The plan is, I’ll take the week Lyn gave me, make sure everything else is in order at the shelter, and then I won’t miss any more appointments.”

“That’s not what I mean.”

It didn’t matter. It was the best I had.