Saving Little Jenna by Ruth Kennedy

Chapter 10: Clark

Ever since our first official playdate a few days ago, Jenna had fallen into a routine of playing all day while I took care of her. My favorite part of the day was watching her fall asleep in my lap during storytime each evening. She looked so cute drinking warm milk out of a bottle and trying not to fall asleep. It was an indicator that she trusted me enough to fall asleep in my lap. We still had a long way to go, but baby steps were fine.

Now we sat at the table for breakfast. Pancakes with a side of strawberries and maple syrup were on her divided plate.

"Dig in, honey." I nudged the plate towards her as she stared at me. "Aren't pancakes your favorite? You'd be halfway through by now usually."

I liked feeding her, but she preferred doing it herself during breakfast.

She shifted in her seat as she swayed her legs back and forth in the highchair. "I saw you bought ice cream yesterday, Daddy. I've never had some before. Can I have some now with pancakes? I've been good enough to get ice cream for breakfast every day, haven't I?"

It was surprising to know that Jenna hadn't tasted ice cream before. I should've gotten used to her lack of life experiences by now, but I hadn't. Each time she tried something new, it made me happy that I could be there with her. Even if her parents wouldn't be making these important memories with her, I would always be by her side.

"Ice-cream every day?" I chuckled and fetched the chocolate ice cream from the fridge. "You don't want your teeth to rot and fall off, do you? Every word you speak will be followed by a whistle. Besides, it isn't a pretty look to sport, considering how the other girls have all their teeth intact."

Jenna burst into laughter. "You're so silly, Daddy. I won't eat a lot. Promise! Just a little bit."

"Well, you can have as much as you want." I opened the tub and pushed it towards her. "But you're only getting it when you're exceptionally good. Too much sugar is bad for little girls."

Her face lit up as she nodded eagerly. "If I can have as much as I want, I'll have the entire tub, thank you very much."

I laughed and took it away from her. "New rules. Two scoops is the limit. We don't want you running around the house and screaming all day, do we?"

She stuck her lower lip out in a pout. "Fine, but I'll be exceptionally good every day if it means I get ice cream."

The moment I put two scoops on top of her pancakes, she took a big spoonful and put it in her mouth. Shivering, she melted into the chair and closed her eyes.

"Ah, I wasn't prepared for the coolness." She nodded approvingly. "And it's so sweet too. It makes no sense that people eat anything other than ice cream for breakfast. If it were up to me, I'd eat it for lunch and dinner too."

"Yup, you're gonna develop a sugar addiction at this rate. First, you fell in love with chocolates and didn't want to eat anything else, and now it's this."

She opened her mouth to reply, but instead squealed and put a hand on her jaw. "Owie!"

Seeing her in pain was unbearable, so I instinctively rushed to her side and sat on the floor before stroking her head. "What's the matter, sweetheart? Is it a toothache? Tell Daddy where it hurts."

She winced as she shook her head. "Nothing hurts, Daddy. Don't take my ice cream away from me. I just couldn't contain how happy I was that it tastes so good."

"Are you sure, Little one?" I looked at her with concern.

She nodded frantically. "Yes, Daddy. Look, I can have another bite and have no reaction whatsoever. Would I be able to do this if it hurts?"

Carefully grabbing a spoonful and putting it on the other side of her mouth, she ate the ice cream with a forced smile.

I frowned and sat back in my chair. "Why don't you eat it from the other side of your mouth?"

"Yes, I can do that too."

She shivered nervously as she shifted it to the other side. Just as expected, she let out a loud scream and put both hands on her jaw.

"Aha, I knew it!" I wagged a finger at her and took the plate away from her. "You're in trouble, Little girl. No more ice cream for the next one month. I should wash your mouth with soap for lying to your Daddy."

"No, Daddy! I sorry. I no lie again. Please, I don't like the taste of soap."

When she stuck her lower lip out and tears formed in her eyes, I instantly regretted my words. I was so overly concerned about my promise of protecting her, it was traumatizing to see that I had failed. She must've been punished with soap in the mouth as a child, so I should've been careful with my words. It wasn't like I was really gonna do it.

I sighed and shook my head. "Daddy's very disappointed in you, sweetheart. I've waited patiently for you to trust me, and just when I thought we were getting somewhere, you lied straight to my face. You know how much I care about your well-being, so lying about such an important thing will get you in trouble next time."

A tear rolled down her cheek as she scrunched her face, her hands still on her jaw. "I'm sorry, Daddy! Please don't leave me! No one's ever been nice to me like you, and yet I repay your kindness with lies and ungratefulness. The truth is that I've got nothing to repay you for your kindness. I'll change, Daddy! Promise!"

"Hush now, my silly girl." I pulled her in for a hug as she began rubbing her eyes. "I can't even be mad at you without instantly regretting it. Nothing you do will change how I feel about you, honey. Little girls only need to be good and behave for their Daddy. You don't need to repay anything. Besides, I already have everything I need, you. I've never been happier in my life, but it's a double-edged sword. I care too much about your well-being to let you lie about it. No more lies, okay?"

She peeked up at me from my chest with red eyes and spoke quietly. "Okay."

As hard as it was to see tears in her eyes, it was important she knew how serious this was.

Breaking the hug, I sat back in the chair and smiled at her. "So how long has it been since you've been to the dentist?"

"Never been to one." She began swaying her legs back and forth. "In fact, I've never been to a doctor before. I never stepped outside my house all my life. I wasn't allowed to. There were times I was so sick that I was sure I would die. Apparently, it still wasn't a good enough reason to visit a doctor. There were so many of us, one less child wasn't a big deal to my parents."

I felt rage like I had never felt before. The picture in my head of Jenna as a child suffering for days from disease was far too painful. What kind of parenting had she gone through? It was becoming likelier that her parents were monsters who liked watching their children suffer. I occasionally saw such neglected and abused children on the news, but it was far more surprising to meet someone in real life.

I crossed the distance, scooped her out of the highchair, and took her back to my seat before sitting her down on my lap. I threw my arms around her.

"I'm sorry I got mad at you, sweetheart." I kissed her on the cheek as she looked up at me with big eyes. "You've had a horrible upbringing. I shouldn't have been so hard on you. If you're telling me this because I asked you to be honest, don't. I only need you to be honest about things that concern your current well-being. I can wait as long as you need when it comes to knowing your past."

She shook her head. "No, Daddy. I told you because I trust you. Yes, it was hard to constantly scream in pain and spend sleepless nights when diseases struck, but I don't think about it as much anymore. It's because your love for me has healed me, Daddy. Yes, it has. I spend more time thinking about how lucky I am and how happy you make me."

"I'm the lucky one, sweetheart." I gave her a quick peck on the lips and pulled her closer into my lap. "You've brought joy in my life when I thought it wasn't possible. I was sure I would have to remain single forever. I thought I could derive joy from my work, but the joy you give me is incomparably infinite. This is why we must talk about something important. I know you've been running away from someone dangerous. It doesn't matter how big of a threat it is. I'll move heaven and earth to protect you, and I won't let anyone lay a finger on my baby girl."

I hoped she'd tell me soon what the danger was so I could make arrangements accordingly.

When she just rubbed her face in my shirt, I continued. "Your uncle John has a good dentist friend who's also a Daddy. He'll let us in right away and we'll get your teeth checked up in no time."

I made a mental note to get her up to date on the vaccinations she was supposed to take as a baby and growing up.

Later that evening, I phoned John while Jenna was taking a nap. When it rang but went unanswered, I was about to hang up but then I heard Michael's voice on the other end.

"Hello, Uncle C- I mean, just Clark." Michael was speaking in a deliberately deep voice. "This is your friend, John, speaking."

Sometimes I couldn't believe the antics Michael came up with, but they were innocent so I played along.

"Oh, John!" I said, trying to contain my laughter. "You sure sound different. What's wrong with your voice? I hope I'm not distributing you."

"Oh, it's nothing." Michael giggled before going back to a deep voice. "Just a little cold. You know me. I'm just doing my boring work-related work, typing away at the computer and looking at charts all day."

"Sounds about right. How's Michael? Is he being a good boy? I've been considering giving him the biggest gift ever for being so nice and friendly to Jenna, but it wouldn't be appropriate if he was being a bad boy at home."

"Whoa, cool!" Michael said in a singsong voice before clearing his throat. "You know how my boy is. He's always been a good boy and always will be. He's too good of a boy if you ask me, and no number of gifts are enough to reward his good behavior. But feel free to drown him in gifts anyway. There's never one too many gifts a boy can have, or five. Also, one of them ought to be wolf-themed. Better yet, make them all wolf-themed."

"Wow, are you sure about that?" I asked, almost falling off my chair trying to contain my laughter. "You always say I spoil him too much by giving him gifts while all he does is be naughty all day every day."

"He said that?" Michael said loudly in disbelief before realizing he had blown his cover, bursting into a fit of giggles. "It was me, Michael, all along, uncle Clark! I've gotten so good at imitating him. I was just pretending to be Daddy and I knew you wouldn't be able to recognize me."

"Whoa!" I pretended to be shocked as I gasped and then let out a laugh. "That was a good impression, Michael. I couldn't tell the difference. How are you? Are you being good for your Daddy?"

"Yes, uncle Clark." He stifled a laugh. "You know me. I'm always on my best behavior. Daddy's taking a shower. Do you want to call back?"

"It's alright," I said. "I wanted to talk to you too. I want to thank you for being so nice to Jenna. I haven't told you this, but other people in her life haven't been nice to her. I think she's going to open up to you soon because you've become such good friends. I just wanted to give you a heads-up in case you find her life history a little too shocking."

There was silence on the other end before Michael continued. Serious topics tended to pull him out of his Little space as it did now.

"The world is a cruel place, uncle Clark. I've had Little friends who've gone through unspeakable horrors. I tell them the same thing I've told others. Surround yourself with good people and you won't have to suffer another day. Good people always tend to guide you in the right direction, towards the path of healing. Don't you worry about it, uncle Clark. I'm a big boy now and I'm only becoming a better friend as time passes."

He slipped back deep into his Little space when I asked him to guess what his big gift was going to be. We talked for a while about having future playdates with Jenna, and if they'd like to have a sleepover sometime soon. When John came out of the shower and got dressed, Michael handed the phone to his Daddy.

"What's up, Clark?" John asked. "How's Jenna? My boy hasn't been asking for more gifts, has he? You spoil him more than I do."

I chuckled and shook my head. "That's a lie and you know it. Jenna's taking a nap. I was worried about her so I thought I'd call you."

He instructed Michael to pick out his favorite book for storytime and then he could have a nap, saying he'll read it to him when he'll be back in a few minutes. I heard Michael singing a song in the background, his voice slowly fading as John left the room.

Once John was alone, I continued. "I think Jenna's in bigger trouble than I initially thought. She told me something about her past. It's beginning to look like her past is darker than I expected. How can I protect her when I don't even know what she needs protection from? I need to be fully prepared but it won't happen until she tells me more about the threat. She doesn't trust me enough to tell me such a big thing yet, but it's only going to hinder my ability to keep her safe. At the same time, I don't want to force her into telling me something she isn't ready or comfortable talking about."

John thought for a moment before replying. "She's scared to tell you about her past because once it's out there in the world, it's real. So far, she's suffered alone and in silence because speaking out used to get her punished. You need to show her that it's in the past. Whenever she trusts you with something small but personal, reward her. That way she'll know that you don't judge her as her previous oppressors did. She'll feel safer and more comfortable each time she trusts you with something and learns that she isn't being judged, but instead rewarded. You need to teach her to trust you with the biggest and smallest of problems. Eventually, it'll become a habit and she won't overthink before telling you things. It's a lifelong process so you need to be patient. Even after years together, there are still some worries Michael hides from me, the ones which he thinks are too big to be shared."

It was surprising how much I still had to learn about being a good Daddy, and I was glad John was there to teach me. I still had a long way to go, and hopefully, with years, I would be as good as John.