Saving Little Jenna by Ruth Kennedy

Chapter 4: Clark

It had only been a week since Jenna had come into my life, but I found myself increasingly attracted to her. It was futile trying to deny it or pretend I didn't want to fall for her. It felt as if I'd been waiting all my life for her to make my life better.

Every day I tried talking myself out of falling for her, but then I'd end up jerking off to the thoughts of her beautiful body pressed up against mine. Sometimes I'd wake up in the middle of the night from a wet dream about Jenna. It was a surprise considering I hadn't had a wet dream in decades.

The dinner she had arranged last night was a sweet gesture. After her slipup of sucking her thumb and hugging - in her words - her stuffie, there was no doubt in my mind that she was secretly a Little. It was also clear that she liked me. I caught her staring at me multiple times when she thought I wouldn’t notice. It was just another quality that I found amusing.

Now as I left my house and got into the car, I wondered why Jenna seemed preoccupied with something this morning. She looked like she was trying to hide immense pain. I brushed the thought aside since I didn't know anything about her past. Only when I did could I make sense of what went on in that pretty head of hers.

Jenna and I liked each other. The only question that now remained was if I was a Daddy. I knew just the person who knew all about being one, my friend John.

When I reached John's place, I rang the doorbell and within seconds, the door flew open and there was Michael on the floor, on all fours with a binky in his mouth. Michael was in his mid-twenties and John was both his Daddy and fiance.

Michael turned into a ball of energy, bouncing and clapping with excitement, turning around to look at his Daddy sitting on the couch in the living room.

Michael popped the pacifier out of his mouth to hold it in his hand and pointed at me. "Look, Daddy! Look! Uncle Clark is here."

I liked being Michael's uncle. It meant I got to give him presents and play with him sometimes. He preferred to be in his Little state most of the time, which now made me wonder if Jenna preferred the same. I had gotten into the habit of giving Michael presents every time I went over since he liked them so much. It didn't matter what I gifted him. Once I had gifted him a banana as an April fool's prank and he still loved it, showing it off to his Daddy before eating it. He just liked open presents and show them to his Daddy.

When John smiled and nodded at me, I led Michael in before handing him the neatly wrapped gift. "Look what I got for you, Michael. A present!"

"Whoa!" Michael gaped at me with big eyes and reached out for the present before shaking his head to resist temptation, looking away with a pout. "I can't accept your present, uncle Clark. I'm mad at you. I haven't seen you in months. You don't come over to play with me anymore."

I chuckled and shook my head at his dramatics. "But I come over every week, Michael. I just couldn't come last week as I had a lot of work. I've also been looking after someone who needed my help."

"Oh?" Michael put a finger on his lip and stared hard into my eyes to try and think. "So it hasn't been months since I last saw you? Well, then I haven't seen you in two weeks and that's still too long."

"I'll make it up to you by coming over twice next week." I led Michael over to the couch and took a seat as he climbed into John's lap.

Michael wiggled in his daddy's lap. "Did you hear that, Daddy? Uncle John's gonna come over twice next week, just to play with me."

"Yes, yes," John said to Michael. "We'll go over one of these weeks too. His home theater's bigger and you've always wanted to watch an animated film together."

"An animated film?" I shrugged. "I don't know, John. Do you think Michael's been good enough to earn movie time?"

"Yes, I sure have!" Michael said before breaking into a fit of giggles. "You know I'm the best-behaved boy there is, uncle Clark. You say that all the time."

"Lies!" John said, pinching Michael's diapered bottom and causing him to squeal in surprise. "You've been a bad boy and you know it."

Michael covered his bottom with both hands before his daddy could pinch it again. Michael liked to get into trouble and his Daddy liked him that way. Such was a Daddy and Little relationship. No matter how misbehaved or naughty Littles were, their daddies loved them just the same.

"You know how naughty my boy is," John said to me. "He decided to live in the nude yesterday after his bath, so I had to chase him around the house with a diaper. I had to dress him up six times since he kept taking his clothes off when I wasn't around. It's almost as if he writes down all these ways of being naughty and cycles through them each day. It's the third time in four years he decided to try the nudist lifestyle, and each time he made me chase around the house."

I gasped in pretend surprise. "Is this true, Michael? You're not a good boy anymore?"

"I don't know if I want to be good anymore, uncle Clark." Michael put the back of his hand on his forehead dramatically. "Why should I be good when being bad feels so much better? Do you want to play with me now, uncle Clark? Daddy bought me a new wolf figurine collection that I've been dying to show you."

"Soon, darling." John took Michael in his arms, kissing him on the head and putting him down on the floor next to the coloring book. "Why don't you crayon for a while? The grown-ups need to talk first and then uncle Clark can join you."

Popping the pacifier back into his mouth, within seconds Michael was immersed in coloring a picture of an Arctic wolf.

"So how have things been with Jenna?" John asked, sitting back and resting an arm on the armrest. "Do you still think she's running away from someone?"

I nodded. "More so. She wants to keep her past a secret but she has a habit of slipping up. From what she's told me, I've gathered she didn't have a pleasant childhood. She wasn't allowed to go outside and she wasn’t allowed to socialize."

John looked at me with his mouth half-open. "That sounds like a horrible way of raising someone. Was she neglected as a child?"

"Looks like it." I cringed at the thought of a terrified Jenna being forced to stay in her room all day as a child. "But I'm here to speak to you about a different matter."

"Sure, what's up?" John scooted closer and tried to suppress a knowing smile. He’d probably figured out that I liked Jenna very much.

I wasn't sure how to put it, so I paused to collect my thoughts. "I have this friend and he's been wondering lately if he's a Daddy. He has this immense need to protect and take care of someone in his life, but that alone doesn't make someone a Daddy, does it? I mean, how does one even know if one's a Daddy?"

John's smile widened before he burst out into laughter. "Sure, your friend wants to know. Come on, Clark. We've known each other for how long now? Pretty much all our lives. You know you can talk to me about anything. God, I've been waiting for you to realize this for years. Took you long enough."

I just sat there stunned. How could he have known all along when the thought hadn't even occurred to me until just a few days ago. There wasn't anything in particular that could’ve led him to believe I wanted to be a Daddy.

"Surely, you're joking." I shook my head in disbelief. "You couldn't have known. I hadn't even considered it until Jenna came into my life."

John shrugged and sat back proudly. "Sometimes you just know, but in your case, it was pretty obvious. You've spent decades dating women and they all ended it for the same reason. You were protective and dominating but they found it suffocating. They wanted to make their own decisions and they didn't need someone to make them feel safe. To me, it was a clear sign that you wanted to be a Daddy. But only when you came across Jenna - who needs a Daddy - did you consider the possibility that you might be one."

I couldn't believe my ears. "So you've known all along and you said nothing? You could've saved me years of heartbreak had you said something."

John shook his head defensively. "Sometimes it's best you come to the realization on your own. I should know since I'd been in denial all my life about being gay. I only realized I was a Daddy once I fell for Michael. It's just like you with Jenna. You can only accept the truth when you're ready."

I sighed as I realized that he was probably right. I would've laughed it off as ridiculous had John suggested I was a Daddy before Jenna came into my life. Wanting to take care of Jenna and keep her safe had awoken the sleeping Daddy in me. Now thanks to Jenna, there was no going back or living in denial.

"Well," I said as I rubbed my temples. "You might be right about Jenna needing a Daddy. It's surprising you guessed that right, considering you haven't even met her. I've had my doubts that she might be a Little like your boy here, but I'm concerned it might just be wishful thinking. Every once in a while, she shows her true self to me, and it's beginning to look like she's secretly a Little."

Michael turned around and bounced with joy before climbing onto his daddy's lap and popping his pacifier. I should've said 'L-word' instead of using the word Little. Michael absolutely loved playing with other Littles. It's all he ever talked about with his daddy, wanting to go on playdates and playing with Little friends. Any mention of another Little turned him into a ball of energy as it did right now.

"A Little girl, uncle Clark?" Michael looked up at me with big eyes as he joined his hands together and began wiggling in John's lap with excitement. "Are you going to be a Daddy soon? Can you please bring her over tomorrow to play with me? I haven't made a new Little friend in ages. I promise I'll be nice to her. I share all my toys, I play house and I let her nap in my bed."

John pinched Michael's bottom and he squealed again in surprise. "We've talked about this, haven't we, Michael? You can't ask a Daddy to hurry things along with his Little just so you can play with them. Daddies and Littles need time to get to know each other before the Daddy takes them on Little playdates. Your uncle Clark here has only known Jenna for a week, you know."

"I sorry, uncle Clark." Michael stuck his lower lip out in a pout and frowned, putting the binky back in his mouth and sucking it vigorously as he looked at me apologetically.

"It's alright, Michael." I patted him on the head. "I'll bring Jenna over the moment she's ready. She's never had a friend before, let alone a Little friend. So she'll be just as stoked to have you as her friend."

Michael's chest swelled with pride as he looked at his Daddy. He was thrilled to be someone's first friend. I was sure he'd made a great friend to Jenna.

When Michael buried his face in his daddy's chest and closed his eyes, John wrapped his arms around him and stroked his head.

"So where were we before my boy interrupted us?" John asked quietly.

I shrugged. "I don't know if going after Jenna is even the right thing to do. I've had so many failed relationships, at this point I'm almost sure it's gonna end the same way, with her finding me too overprotective and dominating before she breaks up."

"You're overthinking things, Clark." John gently rocked his boy back and forth, one hand still stroking his head. "Age play revolves around taking care of your Little and making them feel safe. You've always been good at both, so I think Jenna is who you've been searching for all your life."

"Assuming I decide to be Jenna's Daddy," I said. "I don't know the first thing about being one. What if I do things wrong? How does one even learn to be a Daddy? I wish there was a handbook on being one. You've always been such a good Daddy to your boy. I'll be happy if I'm half as good."

John smiled and kissed Michael on the head. "My boy is naughty but I love him just the same. But don't you see? Every Daddy and Little have a different dynamic. Age play is about making your Little feel safe and being the Daddy your Little needs you to be since every Little has different needs. So it's important that you communicate with each other at all times. Some days are gonna be good and some bad. The bad days are going to hurt a Daddy like hell. It's hard to see your Little overthink, suffer, or worry too much. We want them to be stress-free and happy all the time, but the world is cruel and we do our best to protect them from it. But as long as a Little has their Daddy with them, they know everything's going to be alright, that daddy's going to take care of their problems and keep them safe. They just need to be themselves and not worry about a thing. Also, trust me. With time, you'll be just as good a Daddy as me, if not better. I've known you all my life and I know you're a good man."

It was beautiful to see John care about his boy just as much even years after they first fell in love. Everyone in our friend's circle, gay or straight, looked up to them. Being a Daddy was a full-time job, so it was a lot harder than it looked. People in other relationships didn't usually spend all their free time with each other. On the other hand, a Daddy spent most of his free time taking care of his Little. That meant getting too attached to the point where they become one person. I knew that since I had never seen someone as close as John and Michael were. If one of them was hurt, the other would hurt just as much.

"I knew I could come to you with this," I said. "I do have another concern. It's about disciplining your Little. I never believed in inflicting pain. Littles are so sensitive and innocent. I just wouldn't be able to strike a Little when it came down to it."

"You don't have to." John shook his head. "Disciplining is to let your Little know there are consequences to not listening to their Daddy's rules. The rules are for their own good. Sometimes Littles have a hard time understanding what's good for them and what's not. As their Daddy, it's our duty to show them. You don't have to inflict pain. You could make your Little stand in a corner or go to her room when they don't listen. They usually understand their Daddies discipline them only because they care enough to correct their behavior. You know how naughty my boy is. I only use spankings to discipline my boy, but I never go hard on him. Besides, we've discussed our safe word and Michael knows he can use it when he wants me to stop in case things go too far. He's never used it before because he knows I never give him more than he can handle."

"A safe word, huh?" I nodded. "I need to have one with Jenna too. I can't wait for Jenna to meet Michael. I have a feeling they're gonna be good friends. They're both such gentle souls."

Michael suddenly turned around and popped the pacifier out of his mouth before rubbing his eyes and giggling. "Yes, yes. I'm a very gentle soul. Have her over for a playdate with me and I'm sure she'll turn into a good girl too."

John scoffed and rolled his eyes. "A naughty girl, more like."

"I thought you had fallen asleep, Michael," I said.

"I feel sleepy but I can't have a nap, uncle Clark." Michael continued rubbing his eyes and let out a loud yawn. "You haven't played with me in so long, I'm too excited to fall asleep. You know, nobody comes around to play with me anymore. Elijah is living in the woods with his daddies and it'll be months before he returns."

"Alright then." I got off the couch and sat on the floor cross-legged before tapping my lap. "I'll read you a book to help you fall asleep. How about I read you your favorite one? The wolf who couldn't swim."

"Yay!" Michael wiggled in John's lap before climbing down onto the floor. "I haven't read that in days. I'll be right back."

Michael crawled into his nursery and returned with the book in his hand before I knew it.

"Whoa, you're already back!" I said as he handed me the book and took a seat in my lap. "How did you crawl back so fast?"

"Magic!" Michael giggled and put the binky in his mouth as he rested his head against my chest and looked up at me expectantly with big eyes.

"Once upon a time, there was a wolf who couldn't swim...," I began reading. Halfway through the book, he began rubbing his eyes again. By the end, the binky had fallen out of his mouth and he was fast asleep against my chest.

It was a great feeling to know that someone felt comfortable enough around you to fall asleep in your lap. I couldn't wait for Jenna to do the same one day. Michael was obsessed with wolves and his friend Elijah loved bears, which were beginning to look like a pattern. I wondered if Jenna’s favorite animal was a dog. I made a mental note to find out so I could gift her a stuffed toy.

When I nodded at John on the couch, he scooped his boy up in his arms and carried him to the nursery. It would be hours before he'd wake up, and he'd be sad that he didn't get to play with me longer. But I knew I'd be back with Jenna for a playdate soon if things went as planned.

When John returned to the living room, we talked some more before I left. Sitting in my car, I decided then and there. Seeing Michael and John reminded me how beautiful an age relationship can be. I wanted Jenna and me to be as happy as them. There was no point in waiting any longer. I had to tell my baby girl I wanted to be her Daddy. Every minute I waited was a waste of time. As I started the car, I couldn't help but smile ear to ear. The idea of Jenna crawling around the house in a diaper and sucking on a binky was too adorable.

The moment I reached home, I called out for Jenna. "Jenna, could you come downstairs? There's something I need to tell you."

It seemed silly to tell her how much I liked her only after knowing her for a week, but sometimes you just know when you come across the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

I paced around the living room with hands on my hips. It had only been hours and yet I could hardly wait to see her beautiful face again. I waited for her to come downstairs with a bright smile, but when I didn't hear from her, I headed upstairs to find her bedroom door open. I walked in and noticed that the bag she brought with her was missing. The clothes I bought for her were still on the bed.

I rushed downstairs and this time I noticed a handwritten note on the table. I picked it up and my smile slowly faded as I began to read it. Blood froze in my veins at the possibility of never seeing my baby girl again. Just when I thought I had found my life partner, this had to happen. How could she have left me without even saying goodbye? Did she not feel for me what I felt for her? Had our relationship ended even before it started?

No, I couldn't give up so easily. All of my exes left me but this wasn't the same. She wouldn't have left had she known how much I cared about her. I knew Jenna was meant to be my baby girl.

I rushed out the front door and into my car, reminding myself not to cross the speed limit under any circumstances. I didn't know where to look, but I wouldn't stop searching until I found her. We had a connection and people spent a lifetime searching for anything close.