The Anti-Crush by Harper West

11

Nathan

My lip throbbed.

I held an orange cup against it and could smell the fruity tang of the orange and pineapple slushie. It was sickeningly sweet. A wave of nausea rushed through me as the sun began to set.

I covered my bruised and bloodied face with a pair of dark sunglasses as it subsided for a moment. The drink in the cup was mostly melted, but the blue plastic had a layer of icy condensation on it that was doing the trick for the moment. Each time I twisted the cup to cover a different welt, I winced.

"Ah," I said as the ice sloshed into my open cut. I ran my tongue over the sensitive, bloodied edge on my lip.

“Hey.”

The deep voice sounded familiar, so I opened my eyes. Much to my relief, Tanner stood in front of me with his hands in his pockets. I couldn’t quite place his expression, but I felt guilty when’s eyes met mine. I shut my eyes again. I didn't want to deal with his disappointment. Tanner was like a brother to me and this gutted me.

"Hey." My voice was just above a whisper. I almost didn't recognize it. A strange pressure spread throughout my chest as I inhaled the cold air.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

I heard shuffling, but I managed to keep my eyes closed. It stopped the next second.

"I'm fine."

"I don't think you are, Nate." I sensed him sitting down on the ground next to me.

"He had it coming," I said quietly. I felt resigned. I let out a sigh.

He wasn’t buying it. And there was no reason to. If I couldn't make myself believe it, how could I expect Tanner, or anyone else, to believe that I’d done the right thing? It felt right in the moment, but all I could feel while I sat here with this gross drink against my split lip was shame. Shutting my eyes stopped helping me avoid Tanner's gaze, but the darkness quickly brought back the memories of the fight—the crackling of his bones underneath my knuckles, the way his skin rippled against the tops of my fingers, how blood spurted from his mouth before he even fell to the ground. I wanted to puke. I could see the blood on the floor, glistening in the soft candlelight around us.

"He was being an ass, yeah," Tanner conceded.

I tried not to gloat as he finally agreed with me, but I squashed it down. I probably shouldn't let myself feel good about crushing someone else's face. I thought of what would happen if my father got a phone call from someone at the college, like Coach, or maybe the Dean, and being disappointed in me. I pictured him sitting back in the brown leather chair, rubbing his forehead. Sometimes, he joked that I gave him wrinkles. This time, he’d be right.

"I don't care what people saw back there. It was justified. Kyler takes things too far and he was being a dick to Elizabeth.” It was the truth, but the icky feeling didn't subside. "I was just giving him a taste of his own medicine." I crossed my arms, shaking my head and sucking my lower lip.

Tanner scoffed. “Well, let's hope Coach sees it that way.”

"Coach won't care.” I tried to brush off Tanner's warning, but his hand clapped down on my shoulder with a vice grip.

His voice was deep and sobering. "He will, and you know it. You've got to be careful. There is a lot on the line."

He was referring to the NFL scouts who would be here in a month. It was all anyone had been talking about. Tanner took the seat next to me on the ground. "I just worry about you."

For the first time, I noticed deep worry lines on his forehead. Tanner's carefree attitude and I'll-just-wing-it approach usually fooled people into thinking that he didn't care. But as I surveyed his face, I realized it was all a farce. He cared more than anyone I knew. So much, in fact, that he had to hide it to save face.

"You don't have to do that, you know, ” I assured him. “Put on the cool guy act for me.”

“Seriously? You keep me going. What kind of friend would I be if I weren’t there to make sure you didn’t do anything stupid?"

We were both quiet for a moment. We watched as a flock of birds flew overhead across the fading sunset. The entire campus a golden glow. This place was really beautiful out here during the fall. I bet Elizabeth would appreciate it.

"You think Coach knows already?" I asked, the image of my disappointed father rubbing his temples resurfaced. Only, this time, I saw Coach. I shuddered at the image and turned to look at Tanner. His disappointment turned to sympathy. He was a good friend, especially during times like these and didn’t stay upset long.

"I have no idea," Tanner answered, truthfully. He spoke without judgment. He sat forward, brushing the loose blades of grass from his hands as he leaned over and fiddled with his shoelaces. "But if Kyler's the slimy worm you say he is, he's probably told someone by now. Maybe his rich daddy."

It felt like someone stuck a hot poker in my side, but I laughed through the pain. So did Tanner. It was a hollow laugh, though. We both knew I could be in big trouble. Tanner was right. I'd be surprised if someone hadn't heard about the punches I'd thrown by now. Somewhere, a nurse was resetting Kyler’s broken nose and he was reporting the whole incident to the police. I cringed at the thought anything like that happening with Elizabeth around. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, finally admitting the obvious. "I shouldn't have done that."

Tanner was quiet for a long time. "Yeah," he finally agreed. He gave me a sad smile. "But it'll be all right. Stuff like this happens."

I nodded. Once again, Tanner was right. "Since when are you the mother hen?"

Tanner laughed. "Since you decided to go around punching out assholes," he threw back. I laughed with him, genuinely, this time. “I mean... it looked badass."

"Did it?"

"Hell yeah," he said, shaking his head. "People are going to talk about it for a while."

We stared out over the courtyard, watching as groups of people made their way across the quad. Some of them held paper bags close to them, trying and failing to hide their alcohol. I smiled.

"Kyler didn't always wind you up like that, you know,” Tanner teased, shoving my shoulder. "You sure it was really just about him being an asshole?”

I stared at him blankly. “What else could it be?" I pressed the plastic cup to my face to again.

"Like, maybe…" His eyes shifted. "This is so fucking high school, it's hilarious." Tanner shook his head, smiled, and stared up at the sky for a second. He watched me, waiting for me to fill in the blanks with an expectant look.

"What are you talking about?" I demanded.

He chuckled, as if he knew something I didn't and I narrowed my eyes at him, which only made him laugh harder.

"You and Elizabeth, you idiot," he chortled.

"What about Elizabeth and me?"

"You can't be serious." He laid back on the grass with a deep sigh. "I can't believe I know before you do."

Had Elizabeth said something about me? Or was she transferring schools to get away from me? I doubted that Elizabeth would make such a rash decision like that, but panic was cancelling out logic.

"Know what?" I asked again, smacking at his side.

"Oh, I don't know..." he said, rolling his head back and forth on the grass like he was debating some wild, innovative idea. His eyes were still focused on the sky, but flickered to me as his voice drifted off. "Maybe that you're totally in love with her...?"

I snapped at Tanner. "What?"

He looked back at me but, kept quiet.

"No, I'm not." The idea of being in love with Elizabeth was ridiculous.

We'd grown closer while hanging out, sure, but we were just getting to know each other again. Mostly because our friends were dating.

"Elizabeth is great, but we're just friends."

Tanner nodded, but his expression told me that he didn't believe me. "Sure."

"We are!" I insisted, scratching at the back of my head. I thought about Elizabeth, with her dark hair falling over her shoulders as she read from a thick book. Every so often, she'd run her pointer finger under her nose to scratch an invisible itch. Her nose twitched like a bunny, making her glasses slip, and she promptly righted them. In my mind, she looked up from her book, saw me and smiled. It was a nice little fantasy.

Wait…

"Oh," I said finally, getting it.

"Yeah," Tanner chuckled.