The Anti-Crush by Harper West

13

Elizabeth

"Hey,Elizabeth. Where are your measuring cups?" Nathan called from the kitchen.

"In the drawer on the left," I replied as I rounded the corner and joined him behind the island.

He was making something that smelled delicious, but wouldn't let me help. I had been busy setting up the table and tidying up some last-minute stuff around the house, so the goings-on in the kitchen were a complete surprise to me. "Can I see what the great Chef Nathan has in store for dinner tonight?"

"Well, I don't know about great chef' but I do make a mean spaghetti and meatballs," he said, slyly, as he measured out some tomato sauce and poured it into a pot on the stove.

My stomach instantly clenched. Spaghetti. Carbs. I was suddenly back in the halls of our high school in my too tight XXL sweater, trying to keep my head down as I walked past a bunch of the football players who always stared at the big girl.. I had sworn away carbs as soon as I had graduated, which helped with my weight loss. A weight loss I hoped I could maintain. I’d already had the bun on the burger today. Not to mention the onion ring and fries. That alone was going to cost me a couple extra miles on the treadmill tomorrow.

Nathan didn't seem to notice my discomfort and kept on adding different spices into the pot. "It's my mom's recipe from her days traveling abroad. She spent a semester in Italy when she was in college and picked up a few good recipes while she was there," he said with a wink. "I’m not sure I can replicate it perfectly, but it may be the closest thing to authentic Italian cooking around here." He was in his element in the kitchen. Nathan moved quickly and confidently as he minced garlic, chopped the onion, and added seasoning in without measuring.

"I'm sure it will be great," I said, only half listening. I was still panicked about the pasta. Maybe I could just take a small portion and tell Nathan I’m not hungry. Or maybe, I could eat normally and just double up on the cardio tomorrow. "Is there anything I can do to help? Prep some veggies or a salad or something?”

"Tonight, I’m doing all of the heavy cooking.”

“I know, but… I want to help. Plus, this meal could use something green,” I said.

“Hmm… I guess I could let you prepare the salad." He gestured to the counter, where a package of fresh spinach waited.

"Perfect." I grabbed the spinach and a few toppings and started setting it all up. I wasn't sure how Nathan liked it, so I decided to make it like a salad bar with each of the toppings in its own bowl. I grabbed as many bowls as I could and filled them with cheeses, croutons, chopped tomatoes, and bacon bits.

“Looks good over there,” he offered. “Very fancy.”

I decided to change the topic before I blushed too hard.

"So, your mom traveled in college? Would you ever want to do something like that? Study abroad?" I asked, bringing the bowls over to the table.

"I'm not sure, honestly," Nathan said, his back still turned to me. "I've traveled some before, but never anything long-term like that. I think it would be nice to see the world, but I don't know that I'd want to live in another country for months. I think I'd miss cheeseburgers and fries after a while, you know?"

"Oh yeah, totally," I said, my discomfort showing again. I hated that I felt so self-conscious about food, especially around Nathan. I thought I had moved on from feeling ashamed of my body and constantly apologizing for it, but being around Nathan and the carbs just made it so much harder to forget how big I was.

"Okay, ready to eat?" Nathan asked and walked to the table with the pot of spaghetti.

“Mmm. It smells great," I said. I grabbed the pot of meatballs and sauce. Nathan went back for a bottle of red wine and two glasses.

"Red wine is the only suitable accompaniment for this meal. My mother instilled that logic. Red sauce, red wine,” He laughed, reminiscing. “I wasn't even allowed to drink, but I knew all about which wine went with each dish. Apparently, they learn that pretty quick in Italy.” He smiles as he poured each of us a glass.

I didn't have a vast knowledge of wine, but I knew I liked darker reds, so I was fine with it. He sat, and we started passing around bowls and filling our plates.

I opted to cover half of my plate with salad to balance out moderate servings of pasta and meatballs. I read once that spinach was actually a negative calorie food because our bodies burned more calories digesting it than it actually contained. This was another tidbit of information I had retained from my weight loss journey. While I was steadily maintaining now, I still had to work to keep the weight off. Not always easy when you’re staring down a mountain of spaghetti and the cute guy who cooked it for you.

"Wow, that’s a lot of salad," Nathan chuckled when our plates were full, and he sat back to dig in.

"Oh, uh… yeah. You know what they say about greens,” I said, looking at the plate that was about two-thirds covered in salad with only a small serving of pasta and one lonely meatball resting beside it.

"Do you not like spaghetti?" he asked, concerned.

"No... I mean, yes... I mean… that's not it," I stammered. "It's just that… well… after junior prom, I wanted to... change the way I looked." My voice trailed off. I didn’t know how to explain this to someone like Nathan. He’d never experienced something like this before. I wasn't sure he’d understand. “Like… I wanted to lose some weight.”

“Oh, I get it. I’m sorry.”

I could tell he felt bad and I really didn't want him to. "It's nothing for you to be sorry about. It's my thing. I'm sure you remember me as being a little bit… larger in high school. And after prom, I decided to do something about it."

"Why? Did something happen at prom?" Nathan relaxed a bit and took a bite of his salad.

"Well, I went with my friends. You remember Kelli and Katie?”

"Oh yeah, they were the ones in the band, right?"

"Yes, we all were," I laughed at the memory. "Katie and I played flute, and Kelli played clarinet. We had decided to go to prom together, just as a group of friends. We planned our dresses to coordinate and we decided to all choose dresses that were different shades of-"

"Orange!" Nathan said, remembering.

"Orange," I confirmed, much less enthusiastically. "We all had great tans from the tanning beds, so we thought the orange would show that off. Well, when we were dancing together, we bumped into Andrea..."

“Andrea Quigley? My date?" Nathan stopped chewing looked dumbfounded.

"Yes, your date," I said, staring down. "She was holding some drink on the dance floor, and when we bumped into her, she got pissed. She started yelling at us about how we just looked like a bunch of traffic cones and needed to get off the dance floor because there wasn't enough space for anyone else."

I felt myself rambling, but I couldn't stop.

"I don't know if you remember, but Katie and Kelli were both very skinny, so the comment was obviously directed at me. I ran to the bathroom and cried for, like, an hour before I finally called my mom to come to get me. I didn't want to ruin the rest of the night for my friends, but I couldn't go back out there and face Andrea."

I rolled my eyes and looked at the ceiling. Anywhere but at Nathan’s face. I took a deep breath and kept talking.

"Anyway, after prom, I decided I never wanted to be called a traffic cone or fat again, so I decided to start watching what I ate and working out. There wasn't much of a difference before the end of the school year, obviously, but I kept up the new habits through the summer, so when we came back for senior year, I was like a whole new person. Everyone commented on how healthy and fit I looked. Well, everyone except Andrea. I vowed to never let myself get back to that size again. All that to say, I haven't eaten a carbs like this in a very long time. And when I do, I try to balance it out with a pretty strenuous workout. It's not for everyone, but it works for me."

Nathan had grown quiet. After a few minutes, he finally said, “I’m so sorry, Elizabeth. I had no idea."

"No, of course, you didn't," I said, reaching across the table to take his hand. "I remember that it was only Andrea and her friends on the dance floor when it happened. All the boys were in the back, trying to see if they could distract the chaperones long enough to pour liquor in the punch. Did they actually do it?" I asked jokingly, trying to lighten the mood a little.

Nathan chuckled at the thought and relaxed. "Well, no. We had it out and ready to go, but Mr. Hill walked up and caught us red-handed. It was quite the scandal. Elizabeth, I'm sorry that happened. I had no idea that any. To tell you the truth, Andrea was probably just jealous of you."

"What? Jealous of me?" I exclaimed. A bully who’d haunted my dreams was jealous of me? The thought didn't even make sense. “Why on earth would Andrea be jealous of me?"

"Your boobs," Nathan said with a straight-lined grin. "She was always going on and on about how she had no boobs and how she was so jealous of girls with curves. For what it's worth, you weren’t only victim. She was cruel to most people. Honestly, I'm not sure what I saw in her. We didn't last long after prom,” he said, without a hint of regret in his voice. “But look, I ended up with the prettiest girl at the school. I mean, eventually.” With that, he looked at me and smiled.

My cheeks grew hot, but I smiled back. "Thanks. And for what it's worth…” I started as I took a bite of the pasta with sauce, "this is, hands down, the best pasta sauce I have ever had. You will have to thank your mom for me."

"I'm glad you like it. It’s nice to cook for someone. Even though now I know to make something healthier,” he offered.

I definitely caught the fact that he said next time.

Nathan really was sweet. I was glad I had shared that part of my past with him. It was cathartic for me and it meant a lot that his really listened and tried to understand. I was typically closed off about that part of my life, but he was easy to talk to. I was glad he was so gentle and kind about it. My painful past seemed less harsh now that he was part of my present.

We both finished eating and sat while sipping the wine and talking. The hours wore on, but neither of us seemed to want to stop learning about the other. However, eventually, I became quite aware of how long we’d been sitting there.

"Goodness, what time is it?" I said, glancing at the large clock on the wall. "It's already eleven? We've been sitting here for almost four hours."

"Time flies when you're having fun," Nathan said, tipping his glass back to drink the last of his wine.

"Thank you, Grandpa," I teased and got up from the table. "I have to get to bed. I have a test to study for tomorrow, and I need to get some sleep."

"Oh, but I'm the grandpa?" he teased back. "You're the one going to bed so early." He got up and followed me to the door.

"I would hardly consider 11pm early," I said. I didn't want him to go, but I knew I needed to be fresh for studying the next day.

"Okay, I get it. I'll head out. Do you want me to help clean up first?" he asked.

"Absolutely not," I said. "You cooked. I can clean."

"Okay, but I would like to do something else if you don't mind," he said as we approached the door. "I've been wanting to do it for quite a while now, honestly."

My stomach knotted. If he was thinking about what I was thinking about, then I wasn’t sure how to react.

"Sure, what is it?" I asked,

The second our eyes connected, it was game over.

Without another word, he drew me in close and wrapped his arms around my back. He pulled me flush to his hard chest and fused his mouth to mine. His tongue ran along the seam of my closed lips. My heart soared. I wanted to hate it. Well, I wanted to want to hate it. I should have shoved him away and give him a piece of my mind. Instead, I surrendered completely.

I wanted more of him.

My heart pounded in my throat and the blood rushed to my ears. Nathan closed the gap between our bodies as his hands fell to my hips. He gripped me tightly. His tongue invaded my mouth, stroking along the roof, teasing me making me weak in the knees. I tried to keep myself upright. I tried to stay strong as his tongue slid against mine. The second his hands roamed up my sides and tangled into my long, dark hair, I melted against him.

I couldn’t get enough.