Immoral by Nicole Dykes
Oh. Fuck.
So much for being strong.
I know, without a doubt, I’m going to regret this, but I can’t seem to bring myself to care. For so goddamn long, I’ve followed all the rules. The only times I’ve given in, I made damn sure to do it quietly, use NDAs, and never see them again.
But with Grady . . . that’s not going to happen.
The stubborn fucker isn’t going anywhere, and I’m glad.
“We’re sticky,” I say dumbly as my fingers trace the lines of his abs. They’re hard and defined but not obsessively so. I love the feeling of his skin under my fingers.
His flesh against mine.
But I’m terrified to love it, to love this feeling and get lost in it.
I’m afraid to move. I don’t want this to end. I’m worried he’s going to look at me and say “That was fun and all, but I’m definitely into chicks.”
Thankfully, Grady, being Grady, doesn’t let me get too lost in my own toxic thoughts, and instead, his hands grip the sides of my face, and he forces me to look him in the eyes. “Then, we should shower.”
I nod numbly as he kicks off his swim trunks, and I do the same with my shorts before he takes my hand and leads me to the master bath. He whistles when he sees the large bathroom with marble tile, a jacuzzi tub, and a shower big enough for five. Not that I’ve ever had anyone in here.
Showering with someone always seems too intimate to me, for some reason.
“Together?” I look at him, and he just shakes his head at me before walking to the shower, climbing in, and turning the water on.
“Get your ass in here, Bailey.” he shouts, and I follow with a stupid fucking grin on my face. “He smiles,” Grady says as I walk into the shower and close the glass door.
“Shut the fuck up.”
He chuckles at that, letting the water run over his toned body. “Yeah, if I did that, I wouldn’t be me, now, would I?”
“No. You wouldn’t.” I walk under the other showerhead and let the water spray over my face, not caring that my naked ass is on display. I think we’re past that point.
I gasp, actually let a fucking gasp escape my mouth, when his strong arms wrap around me from behind. “I’m not going anywhere.”
I close my eyes, letting the water run over my face as I try to chase away every insecurity threatening to come in and destroy this feeling. “Grady . . .” My voice sounds strangled and vulnerable, but I can’t change it.
Not with him.
He turns me around, letting his hands rest on my shoulders. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“How is this so easy for you?”
“Easy?”
I nod, looking into those fucking evergreen eyes that haunt me day and night. “Yeah. You decide to start fucking around with a guy, and that’s just it? You flip a switch, and you’re fucking hard for a guy?”
I’m being an asshole. I know that’s not how this shit works, but he makes everything seem effortless. After my first time with a guy, I was paranoid as fuck for a year that he would tell his cousin about what happened. Or anyone. Hell, sometimes that fear creeps up out of nowhere even still.
Today at the coffee shop when he was shouting loudly, I was sweating, just knowing someone would pick up on the fact that we’d kissed the night before.
Rational?
Hell no.
Real?
Yeah.
I’m afraid all the fucking time. I say I don’t care if I’m outed, that if it happens, it happens. But could I really handle it? Would I be okay? Seeing that disappointed look on my dad’s face. Seeing my fans’ disappointment that the man they worship just so happens to fuck men.
It shouldn’t matter. I’m not ashamed of my sexuality, but bile sneaks up my throat thinking about facing it all.
It’s crippling.
“Talk to me.” Grady leans his forehead against mine in his signature move as water slides down my back.
I shake my head, but he doesn’t relent. His hand moves over my heart that’s thundering in my chest.
“I’m hard for one fucking guy. One.”
“Grady.” I look into his eyes, lifting my head. “I . . .”
“I know. You’re scared.”
“Why aren’t you?”
He smiles, his lips brushing over mine. “Because of this.” He kisses the corner of my mouth. “And this.” He moves down my neck. “Definitely this.” Then, his mouth presses a kiss over my heart where his hand was.
“How is this so easy for you? Really, Grady?”
“It’s not easy. It’s going to be a real pain in the ass. I know that. I’m not delusional.” He lifts back up and looks at me with so much candor. “But I go after what I want.”
He wants me.
I can see it.
But for how long?
I can’t bring myself to ask the question. I’m not ready for the answer. Not yet. I kiss his lips, grabbing the back of his neck and holding him there.
Right now—for once—I’m just going to live in the moment.
