Immoral by Nicole Dykes
“Now what?”I lift my head to look at Grady, who has one arm tucked behind his head in all his confident, cocky glory. My head is still resting on his chest, and I’m a sticky fucking mess, but I’m too satiated to move.
I can’t believe this is real, but there’s no denying that he wants this. At least his body does. And I’m a selfish, greedy bastard because I meant what I said—I’m going to enjoy every second of the next three weeks, even if what comes after will kill me.
“Now, we order food because I’m fucking starving.”
“You mean you haven’t become a domestic goddess in the past seven years?”
I shake my head at him but am unable to hold back my full smile. “Nope. You?”
An easy grin is plastered on his face, and I take a moment to bask in the glow of his happiness. “Fuck, no. Ordering sounds good to me.”
There are so many doubts running through my head, but I’m determined not to let them come out. We clean up, get dressed in sweats, and then order pizza. When it arrives, we go back to my bed and feast.
“So, your parents really pretend you aren’t gay?”
I lean back against my headboard, finishing a bigass bite of pizza. “Do we really have to talk about it?”
“Yeah.” He scoots closer to me. “Yeah, we do. I’ve missed a lot these past seven years, and I want to know it all, Ry.”
I turn to look him in the eyes, and I’m amazed at how he does that. No one can make me open up like Grady. No one. I’m so used to keeping this shit tucked away, but he’s here for a couple of days, and I’m willing to open up about everything. “Are you really that surprised? They were in the front pew of your father’s church every fucking Sunday since before you and I were born.”
He bristles, and I know his father is a sore subject, but so are my parents. “That’s still fucked up.”
“At least they don’t hate me. Or they don’t act like they do. They call once a week. They just avoid . . .”
“Part of you.”
“Goddamn it, Grady.” I sit up straighter, ready to bail, but manage to keep my ass on the bed. “I don’t want to think about this.”
“How long have you avoided thinking or talking about it? How much of yourself have you had to hide to keep other people happy?” His eyes bore into mine. “How much have you given up?”
“You’re one to talk.”
“Hey, I . . .” He must rethink what he was about to say because he pauses and then takes a deep breath. “I didn’t know I liked dick until recently. So it’s not something I had to hide.”
I smile inwardly, but then my smile actually makes it to my face. Because he could still deny what we did. Call it a fluke or say he wasn’t sure about what’s going on. But no, not Grady. He said he likes dick, and I can’t stop the goofy-ass grin from forming when I’ve had a perpetual straight face for so many years. “You’ve had to hide plenty. I mean hell, aren’t you currently in a fake relationship?”
He grabs his phone from the table next to my bed and checks it. “Yup. Still in a fake relationship as of now. I really need to call Vicky sometime.”
Even knowing it’s fake, I don’t know the circumstances, and it’s another punch to the heart. “See?”
His hand runs through his thick black hair that I now know is really fucking soft. “Okay, so I’ve had to hide some shit from the world, but not that. It’s bullshit that you can’t be who you are, Ry. Because who you are is really fucking great.”
I lean back against the headboard, settling in. “So are you. It’s the price we pay for fame. One I knew I’d have to deal with even before I accepted my scholarship.”
He finishes his pizza and then takes a drink of water before turning to me on the bed and cupping my face in his hands, but he doesn’t kiss me. He just gazes into my eyes and fractures my heart into more pieces. “It’s never been like this. Never.”
“What hasn’t?”
I don’t know if I can take the answer. “I’ve been with so many women. Probably too many. But it was never like this. Ever. I never got lost in just a fucking kiss. And the other stuff? It was never like that either.”
It’s too heavy. My heart actually fucking aches with hope threatening to etch it’s way inside, and I can’t take it. Instead, I take a play from Grady. “And I haven’t even fucked you yet.”
He cocks his head to the side, releasing me, and for a minute I think he’s going to call me on my shit, but he doesn’t. He’s Grady. “Hmm, have I said I’m going to let you fuck me?”
I laugh and lay my head against his chest, settling into the crook of his arm. “No. But you’re definitely going to fuck me.” I look up at him, seeing his throat is pulled tight with an emotion I’m betting is excitement. “If you want to.”
He nods his head comically fast. “I want that. I want to.” He swallows hard, his Adam’s Apple bobbing in his throat.
I grin. “Soon.”
“Soon,” he agrees, and I can see the nerves mixed with his excitement.
Holy shit, I managed to frazzle Grady fucking Bell.
