Immoral by Nicole Dykes
“Well holy shit,I was sure you were done with my ass.” Bennett’s smile is vibrant as he opens the door to his home and lets me inside. I decided Grady was right and I needed to talk to my friend and teammate.
So, after a couple of days of sulking, I gave him a call and asked if we could get together. He, of course, told me to come on over.
“Where’s the wife?” I ask, caring about his wife as much as him. She’s always been so fucking kind to me, and I do want her to be happy.
“She went baby stuff shopping with her mom. Come on in.” He directs me to his man cave downstairs where he has a pool table, several recliners, and a big screen television with baseball highlights already on.
I laugh as I take a seat. “I can’t believe she lets you have this place.”
He chuckles. “Hey, she gets to decorate the rest of the house however she wants. I get to have this one thing.”
I laugh again, and I realize I’ve missed Bennett. He’s easygoing and always reminded me of Grady in some ways. The 100 percent platonic type of ways. Never once did I pine after my teammate.
“So, what’s up?” He takes a seat in the chair next to mine, and I decide to just grow a pair and say what’s on my mind.
“You may not want to stay in KC, from what I hear.”
He looks slightly guilty now, and I feel like an asshole. He deserves happiness. Who am I to take that away from anyone else? Especially knowing the sting of never quite getting what I want. He rubs the back of his neck, a sheepish look on his face. “I’m sorry, Ryan. I should have told you.”
“So, it’s true? You’ve been trying to negotiate with other teams?”
“Quietly. They were supposed to do it quietly and not let KC know about it, but of course, some jackass let it slip.”
I try not to feel hurt. “But you didn’t tell me?”
“I’m sorry, Ry. I really am. I don’t even know what I want at this point.” He looks stressed, and I know that feeling, so I stop him before he can say anything else.
“You want your wife to be happy. You want her to be able to be around her family when your kid is born. I get that.”
He looks almost relieved. “I should have known you would. Still, I hate the idea of leaving behind the fans who have supported us this whole time. And you.”
“Aw, you’re going to miss me?” I kid, but he nods his head seriously.
“Yeah. We’re a good team.” His lanky shoulder shrugs. “Maybe we could still be a package deal somewhere on the West Coast?”
My heart flips, thinking about being on the same coast as Grady, but I also feel sick about leaving this town behind. “I don’t know. It might be too late for all that.”
“I’m not sure. Will you just think about it?”
I see the hope in his eyes, and fuck, I want to tell him everything. I want to tell him I’m gay and in love with my best friend. That might not be so bad for me, but I can’t. I can’t get my mouth to say the words.
“You never know.”
He smiles and then grabs us both a beer, settling into an easy afternoon, like old times.
When I get home that night, I video call Grady, and when he answers the phone and I see his face with that goddamn grin on it, everything feels right again. “Hey.”
“Hey, you okay?”
I force a smile and lean back into the couch I’m sitting on. “I went to Bennett’s today.”
I can’t see much behind him, but I think he’s on a hotel bed. He’s wearing a tight black t-shirt, and that’s all the detail I can see. “How did that go?”
“I couldn’t tell him about me.”
He doesn’t look disappointed. “Is that why you went there?”
I shrug, holding the phone up and focusing on him. “I don’t know. I wanted to talk to him about the contract, but I thought maybe I could finally tell him.”
“So, why didn’t you?”
I’m not ashamed of being gay, not in the slightest. I’m proud of who I am. And it may seem like I’m ashamed the way I’ve had to hide it, but if I didn’t play baseball for a living, I’d, without a doubt, definitely be out and proud. “I couldn’t make him keep that secret for me.”
He smiles and nods his head in understanding. “So, not because you think he would act differently?”
“No. I think he would be fine with it, but keeping this secret . . . it’s a lot to ask of anyone.”
“Yeah. Yeah, it is. Too fucking much. You shouldn’t have to keep it a secret.”
There he goes, getting all protective. “Tell me about your concert last night.”
“It was good. Full crowd. Receptive. But I fucking missed you.”
That should make me smile, but all I feel is melancholy because I fucking miss him too. “I hate this.”
“Hey, I was thinking. You have two more free weeks, right? You wanna come hang out with me on tour?”
“For two weeks?”
He runs a hand through his thick hair, looking adorably nervous. “Or a week. Or a couple of days. I don’t know. I’d kill for any time with you.”
Now, I’m smiling like an idiot. “Yeah. Where to next?”
“I fly into Philly tomorrow.”
“I’ll buy a ticket tonight.”
His smile, beaming and excited, full of lust and love. And yeah, that’s enough to make everything okay.
