Camden by Shey Stahl
Did you know your entire life can change in the blink of an eye?
It can. It does. It will.
Don’t believe me? An hour ago, River had our son in her stomach. And now he’s here.
Do you see us there holding him?
I think we’re both in awe. I know I am.
I’m a dad.
How fucking bizarre, right?
“Hey, buddy.”
He blinks up at me, stares, and gives me a sense of hope. I won’t fail this boy.
Believe it or not, I never wanted kids. It wasn’t that I didn’t think I could handle being a parent, but it stems from my own father. He treated me as a possession rather than a son.
For that reason, I didn’t want to be a dad. And looking at this tiny human we made in River’s arms, it’s an incredible feeling to look at him and know he’s pure. No one has let him down yet. No one’s disappointed him. I want to savor it and make it last forever.
I know one thing is certain. I will stand in behind this boy when he needs a push, before him when he needs protector and beside him when he needs support.
He’s the next level. The difference from the last. Better. And I’m nothing like the dictator who pushed me further into my own mind, into the darkness, the fight-or-flight corners where my emotional stability outshined my happiness.
“He’s so beautiful,” River cries, another flood of emotions crashing over her as she stares at him.
“He looks like me,” I gasp, sweeping my fingertips over his cheek. He’s content in her arms, not a sound, but he’s staring up at River. I bet he’s thinking: Are these crazies really my parents?
“He has your nose and chin,” she whispers.
“And your eyes,” I add, my voice shaking. Goddamn emotions. Why is it a baby can be brought into the world and everything else fades away. Nothing matters but us, here. I wouldn’t even care if I ever got on a bike again, as long as I had these two in my life.
Okay, might be a stretch, but still, do you understand that feeling? Have you ever felt it before?
River sighs and lays her head against mine. “You’re gonna be a great dad.”
I kiss her temple. “And you’re gonna be a great mom. I’m sorry for shutting you out this last month.”
Placing my hand on River’s cheek, I make her look at me. “Do you really know how sorry I am? I left you alone in this the last few weeks and I’m sorry for that. It was a dick move.”
“Ugh. Don’t remind me about dick.”
“What?” I laugh, shaking my head. “Why?”
“I won’t be getting any for a long time.”
I kiss her cheek. “I’ll make it up to you.”
Her teary eyes search mine. “You’re forgiven.” Her lips press to mine, once, twice, and I sigh.
River’s cheeks rise with a smile. “You’re forgiven, for giving me him.”
Him. Our son. It’s still so crazy to think but this little guy, he’s a game changer.
