Camden by Shey Stahl

 

 

I’m getting married today.

Can you believe it?

Well, I’m nineteen, so maybe you think I’m crazy. Most people do. But if you know me at all, you know when I’m sure, there’s no changing my mind.

I’m sure of Camden.

I’m sure of our son.

I’m sure of our life together. And when you know, you fucking know.

What I’m not sure of? The dragonfly sitting on my windowsill all morning. It’s been there so long I’m wondering if it’s real.

Do you know the meaning of a dragonfly?

It symbolizes wisdom, change, transformation, light and adaptability in life. Focus on the change and transformation. Some say it’s a symbol of Christianity because it’s born underwater and lives in darkness before it emerges into the light. It’s colorless. Transparent. And when sunlight hit its body, the colors come to life.

That’s what happened to me when I gave birth to Cullen. Or maybe when I met Camden. I don’t know, but I like to think that insistent little dragonfly on the windowsill is a reminder that sometimes we’re forced to endure hard times to become who we are. Someone once said, life is so beautiful, if you survive the bad. It’s true. How can you appreciate it if you’ve never suffered? That’s like saying sex is good, but you’ve never orgasmed. And when you do, it gets that much better.

 

Today I will be wearing a white dress and saying a vow.

Today, I marry my best friend and tie myself to him in every way.

“You’re a liar,” Dad says, nudging my shoulder with his as we stand outside.

I smile and breathe in the fresh spring air of Southern California as we stand on the back patio of the Sawyer mansion. To my left, a fire pit I used to sit around and dream of becoming Camden’s wife. I was eleven and didn’t know someday I’d get pregnant by him, or that I’d even marry him, but that’s where it started.

The dragonfly from this morning flies around our heads. I look over at my dad and smile. “How so?”

He too stares off at the yard that’s been transformed into a photographer’s dream wedding venue. Thanks to the Wives. But this place, I’m sure it holds very different memories for him and certainly not a place he ever thought he’d give his daughter away. “When you were three, you said you weren’t getting married. You said, and I quote, ‘I hate dis stupid wedding.’”

I roll my eyes, my hands sweating to the point I can’t grip the bouquet. “I was three.”

“So? You’re still a liar.”

“Dad.”

“Well, I’m just being honest.” Twisting to the side, Dad lights another cigarette, just before he walks me down the aisle. “I can’t take this shit. Why’d you have to get married when it’s like two hundred degrees out?”

“It’s not that hot.”

Dad takes my hand, a cigarette dangling from his lips. “Let’s get this over with.”

I laugh and step on the terrace with him.

I don’t remember much else about the ceremony itself, other than being blissfully happy the entire time. We do the standard vows because I can’t think of anything else to say, and when Camden kisses me as his wife, I think, maybe, this is the first time he’s kissed me without fear.

The reception, it’s like a fairy tale, for the ridiculous. And Tiller’s absolutely miserable. Probably because he’s sober again, and hopefully staying that way. After his drunken, probably drug induced month in Baja, he swore to Amberly he’d never touch that shit again.

Does she believe him?

I don’t know, but do you see the way she tugs him to the dance floor and whispers, “Dance with me, Papa?”

She loves his volatile ass for reasons even she doesn’t understand.

Oh, are you laughing that she called him Papa? It’s a joke now. We call him Papa because the second Cullen came into his life, he fell head over heels in love with that chubby cheeked cutie.

He loves being a grandpa.

I’m kidding.

Kinda.

He loves my son, but he’s still getting used to being a grandpa. Hell, I think he’s still getting used to being a dad.

I watch my parents dancing and the way my dad gazes down at her, it’s apparent that woman is the love of his life. He’s been in love with her since he was five years old. And she’s a saint for staying with him.

Come on, you were thinking it too. She deserves a gold medal for putting up with his shit, don’t you think?

As I stand next to the champagne fountain trying to keep Wyatt from putting red food coloring in it so she can drink blood, I catch sight of Camden holding our baby.

Pause here. Do you see my little dude there wearing the smallest tux I’ve ever seen? He’s six months old now, his shirt is constantly wet with drool and I like to think he says Mama, but it’s just a bunch of sounds. He’s perfect in every possible way.

I often think back to when I found out I was pregnant with him and how terrified I was to be a mom. Now, I can’t imagine my life without him.

Camden holds him close, my two boys staring at one another. And let me tell you. Cullen thinks his daddy is the best thing since milk. I know Camden feared becoming a dad because of his relationship with Jerad. By the way, do you see Jerad here?

Nope.

Couldn’t make it. What an asshole, right? I think so too, but Camden’s not disappointed. I think he’s relieved not to have to deal with him.

I’m in awe of Camden as a dad. Cullen came into our life unexpectedly, much like Camden did with Jerad. But do you see the way Camden regards his son with unconditional love?

That’s how a father should look at his son.

Camden’s the difference.

Now, here’s the details you’re wanting about the wedding. You want to know if anything crazy happens at the wedding, don’t you?

Well, my dad and uncles throw Camden into the pool, fully dressed in his tux. Roan gets teary eyed giving a speech and Tiller, he, well, doesn’t give a public speech to his new son in law. He whispers something in his ear and leaves it at that.

Shade and Scarlet dance to “Bust it Open” by Lil Will. Have you heard that song? Go look it up. I bet you blush. And yes, the little kids are asleep by this point.

Oh, and Roan and Ophelia inadvertently give half the wedding party a live porno.

Still soaking wet from his dunk in the pool, Camden laughs, turning away from them. They were on the damn balcony of Roan’s old room doing that shit. “Sadly, that’s not the first time I’ve seen Roan balls deep in Ophelia’s face.”

I stare at Camden, and then Roan who smiles. “Do I even want to know how that happened?”

“No. Probably not.” Camden tucks me under his arm. “But I want to be balls deep in my bride.”

God, I love this guy. “That can be arranged.”

 

I’ll give you one last peek at the night. Do you see me dancing with my husband that night on the balcony overlooking the Pacific Ocean in Baja? We’re so fucking happy it’s sickening.

Camden kisses me softly, his lips pressing to my forehead. “I love you, Riv.”

“I love you too.” I stare at the ring and he chuckles.

He smiles and glances down at my hand. “What? Second guessing being my wife?”

I laugh. “No.”

“Then what is it?”

“It’s just… I’ve never felt so… well, you know.”

“What?”

“Special. Like you cherish me above everything else.”

“I always have,” he whispers against my lips. “I’ve got you.”

Do you remember those words? They were the last thing my birth mom said to me before she died, and now he’s saying them, after promising me forever.

You can stop reading now. This is private husband and wife shit you can’t read about.